Would you sign a Prenup before marriage?

Just curious as to all your views on this.....

1 to 20 of 33 messages
02/05/2013 at 14:03

This has turned into a hotly debated subject with some friends and collegues recently and wondered what everyones view on this was?

I don't just mean for the insanely rich celebrities but for us 'normal' people.

02/05/2013 at 14:07

I didnt - the wife is a solicitor. 

Apparently as soon as kids arrive on the scene they arent worth much in this country; a judge will just work out the best arrangement for the welfare of the kids.

I also like to think i would be able to agree something amicably.

Pudge    pirate
02/05/2013 at 14:08

Probably not, but then I've never really understood why anyone would want to go into marriage whilst having any doubt whatsoever that it isn't going to last.  A pre-nup just seems to be a hedge against the marriage not working out, so if you had no doubt, then why would you need it?

02/05/2013 at 14:52

As my mate said when he got married 

 

' Whats mine is hers, and whats hers is hers as well'.

02/05/2013 at 15:09

Meh. I wouldn't ask for a prenup but I wouldn't have a problem signing one either.

I think agreements like that are of more use to unmarried couples buying a property together, especially if they have unusual/complicated financial arrangements and aren't making equal contributions to the deposit/mortgage payments but are making contributions to the household instead (e.g. paying school fees or paying all the household bills).

02/05/2013 at 15:09
Pudge wrote (see)

Probably not, but then I've never really understood why anyone would want to go into marriage whilst having any doubt whatsoever that it isn't going to last.  A pre-nup just seems to be a hedge against the marriage not working out, so if you had no doubt, then why would you need it?

My thoughts exactly. 

02/05/2013 at 15:42

We did sign one. It's standard here (belgium).

My reason for doing it was heaven forbid we ever divorce -I want it to be as painfree as possible and if we're bickering over allowances/money; we're just going to hate each other and I would never want that. No matter what we may become at one point in time - we loved each other so much to commit.

 

02/05/2013 at 15:45

Emmy, that's kind of my feeling about them. I don't see it as saying "I'm giving this 10 years and then I'm leaving with half your stuff", more like "I don't want to break up, but just in case, I do want to make sure that I never end up hating you over a house"

Pudge    pirate
02/05/2013 at 15:45
Emmy H wrote (see)

- we loved each other so much to commit.

 

You loved each other so much to commit.........but only on the proviso that a legal document was signed in case it all goes tits up down the line.

Now that's what I call commitment and faith! 

02/05/2013 at 15:47

I like the idea of it making things clear cut, you know exactly what is going to happen in case you do get a divorce, but it does seem a bit clinical.

If I had the money i'd be tempted to do one.  If I was the poor one in the relationship i'm not sure how i'd feel...

OK, umm err I was no help... maybe is the best i can offer... Sowwy.

02/05/2013 at 15:50
xine267 wrote (see)

Emmy, that's kind of my feeling about them. I don't see it as saying "I'm giving this 10 years and then I'm leaving with half your stuff", more like "I don't want to break up, but just in case, I do want to make sure that I never end up hating you over a house"

Exactly.

Pudge - as I said - it's how a marriage is done here. It's not just in case of Divorce; it's also for other stuff like inheritance, debt, legal status. We've got our commitment and faith in our relationship and we'd still have that if we werent married.

There's lots of things out there done on the 'IF' proviso. Insurance for example.

Pudge    pirate
02/05/2013 at 15:57

You MUST have a pre-nup in place when getting married in Belgium?

02/05/2013 at 15:57
booktrunk wrote (see)

If I had the money i'd be tempted to do one.  .

in my admittedly limited experience of these situations it has always been women who have more than their husband who wanted a prenup. more calculating.

02/05/2013 at 16:01
Pudge wrote (see)

You MUST have a pre-nup in place when getting married in Belgium?

Basically yes. If you don't have one - you're given one anyway (50/50). Also, if you don't have one - everytime that you have a death in the family/change in situation - you have A LOT more administration to deal with so it takes up a lot of time and money in the long run.

02/05/2013 at 16:02

I think it makes some sense, especially if there are unusual or un-eaqual financial circumstances.

Afterall, marriage is as much a legal commitment as a commitment of love and faith in the relationship.

And, I don't think it's all about making sure the wealthier partner going into the marriage comes out with everything in the end... it can be as much to protect the less-wealthy partner, especially if there are outside influences such as family inheritances.

 

Pudge    pirate
02/05/2013 at 16:03

Fair enough.

02/05/2013 at 16:57

Sounds like a deal breaker to me. You don't go into a marriage preparing for the divorce.

02/05/2013 at 17:16

No one enters marriage thinking it's going to end. Whilst I'm on my first (and hopefully only!)marriage (technically civilpartnership), I was in a relationship previously (couldn't marry as it was illegal then, but would have if we were able to). That previous relationship ended. I never ever thought it would. But it did. One of the most painful things was working out who got what (cd's and photos caused the most headaches).

Having been through that, this time we signed a letter stating what would happen if we separated. Such as everything we buy together will be spilt 50/50, but things we bought before we got together will remain the property of the person who bought it. 

I have no intention to leavemy partner, I just know how hard these things can be and want to save the heartache should the worst happen. Both my ex and I were very caring to each other (we remain very good friends) and it was still hard to sort those things out.

For me it's just emotional protection. One that is hopefully redundant. 

02/05/2013 at 17:27

I am sure over 90% of couples getting married think they will be together for rest of their lives.

The reality is though that 1 in 3 will end in divorce within 20 years so a pre nup just seems a sensible acceptance of reality to me (although I don't have one). Perhaps we should be like Belgium and that would make it a lesss sensitive thing.

I read something along these lines once:-

'A man gets married thinking the woman will never change.

A woman gets married thinking she will be able to change the man.

They both end up disappointed.'

Pudge    pirate
02/05/2013 at 17:31

Alternatively, just don't bother getting married in the first place.

Edited: 02/05/2013 at 17:32
1 to 20 of 33 messages
Previously bookmarked threads are now visible in "Followed Threads". You can also manage notifications on these threads from the "Forum Settings" section of your profile settings page to prevent being sent an email when a reply is made.
Forum Jump  

RW Forums