Your partner's running support

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23/06/2003 at 11:51
My husband doesn't run and can't understand why anyone would want to [but is a cyclist]. This extends into being unsupportive about my running and racing. Anyone else have this problem and what did they do about it?
23/06/2003 at 11:55
Yes. It ultimately led to us breaking up: but I wasn't married, so don't take my advice! *LOL*

It is a realy problem. Them not being sporty isn't an issue, as long as they support you and try to incorporate your activities into their world as well. It's when they refuse to even do that that it gets really difficult.

I'm surprised that he has this attitude if he's a cyclist himself....do you support his cycling?
23/06/2003 at 11:55
is he unsupportive about anything else you do? Is he grumpy because he knows you are doing something he can't be better at than you and so is trying to ruin it for you (albeit subconsciously perhaps). Obviously he can't relate it to his enjoyment of cycling, although that seems a bit narrow minded....

I don't know what to do about it except explain it in terms of his cycling.

How long have you been running?
23/06/2003 at 11:56
sorry to hear that vicky mine does run and is being really cool about helping me do it.
could you do run cycle together may be ?
23/06/2003 at 11:58
I asked my partner for her support once, but it didn't fit very well.

Boom boom!
23/06/2003 at 12:01
oh Muttley - tut tut!!!
23/06/2003 at 12:03
my wife didn't like my running so came to an ultimatum her or my running, easy choice, 1 divorce later i now live with my girlfriend who supports my running and actually enjoys the days out at the weekend on race day
23/06/2003 at 12:05
We tend to cycle at the weekend with the kids on trailer bikes, so bike/run would be a limited option.
My Dad was a very keen long distance runner and racer and since his death 18 months ago he seems to think I'm only running because of my Dad, but I was running before then and running when life is difficult helps keep a perspective on things.
I think its because he can't/won't run. He also tars all runners with the same brush of being overly competitive, an opinion I've tried to reason out. It's like
saying all cyclists are car-hating environmentalists!
23/06/2003 at 12:05
Vicky,

When you say he's unsupportive, how does this manifest itself?

My wife thinks I'm mad to want to do the amount of running I do. She can't stand it, but is an aerobics fiend!!! She is totally supportive of my running as:-

1. We work on a basis of mutual support (esp. important when you have kids) - so I do the chores/babysitting whilst she does her sport, and vice verca.

2. We make a day-out (or w/e away) out of races.... Going away and staying in a nice hotel is always a treat, and local races are always followed by a pub lunch, usually with other families we know where one or the other runs. Alot of runs are also quite family friendly, with entertainment for the kids.

3. We both want to encourage our children from an early age to be fit, active and healthy, as we strongly believe that the example you set them in their early years will manifest itself in the future.... anything to avoid raising a future generation of Playstation zombies!

Not sure that any of the above helps your cause... maybe you could point your hubby in the direction of another thread that appeared on this board a week or so back about running increasing your libido... perhaps he might see the benefits in that!
23/06/2003 at 12:11
Mrs Mercury supports me insofar as she is happy for me to go off on training runs every other day, she also puts things into perspective when I'm a bit to sore to run or too tired. Shes happy for me to do things like the gnr or flm but may spit the dummy if I was to race every weekend
23/06/2003 at 12:17
Bizarre man! As a blokey I've generally been disappointed that my exs weren't more sporty themselves though I never really minded as long as they weren't slobs or at least did something outside of their working life other than shopping/drinking. (that might sound sexist but in London at least there are plenty of girls who live fairly shallow lives)

Having said that I could understand why my rowing was virtually impossible without an also-rowing partner, after all it's not very nice to be losing your partner v.early every morning and never getting a morning lie-in and cuddle. Running is a different matter as it is so much easier to fit around the rest of your life.
23/06/2003 at 12:22
Hmmm... may be "shallow" is a bit harsh but it's nice to know people have a passion for something outside of work though whether it's music, sport, whatever.
23/06/2003 at 12:29
My husband is more supportive of my running that I am of his hobby of listening to classical music and opera. Which is still not very much.

I can see his point. Running for the sake of running is a completely crazy activity.
23/06/2003 at 12:36
Went out with a non-runner who didn't comprehend what I enjoyed about it. Used to wind here up by going for runs with her flatmate (who I knew before I met the g/f so nothing going on) while she sulked on a Sunday morning.

In terms of supportive behaviour, I tend to just ignore things that I don't understand (like listening to classical music as above or sci-fi stuff) rather than slagging it off. However, I know that running takes a lot of my spare time & it could cause resentment, especially if the other partner had to pick up the slack.

Sorry, rambling a bit now, think I need more coffee!
23/06/2003 at 12:37
V rap,

Yep, but think of the fringe benefits... You're hobby is pro-active - You are getting fit, losing weight, improving health (and therefore probably increasing longevity (note to self: don't lecture doctor's on health issues - you will lose).

Your hubby's hobby is passive... exactly how many calories does he burn whilst subjecting himself to the Meistersingers of Nuremberg?
Nicko. Hdau    pirate
23/06/2003 at 12:46
I now have this ideal system.....

I meet lots of lovely ladies at races, and chat them up.

Run, have a drink, meal, and sex.

And then go for another run.......

No problem !!!!!!
23/06/2003 at 12:47
nicko!
23/06/2003 at 13:11
I think my husband and I both resent anything that leaves one of us in sole charge of the kids. So he doesn't get to go to concerts every night (he would if he got the chance, and he'd like to drag me along too, but I don't do passive entertainment or being dragged), and I get moaned at for running (but do it anyway).
23/06/2003 at 13:12
Obviously not putting enough effort into one of the above Nicko....
Crash Hamster    pirate
23/06/2003 at 13:23
Hi VA,

This seems to be a recurring theme...

I suspect that an awful lot of people feel threatened when their partner takes up any new activity, especially one that makes them fitter, healthier and more attractive.

There have been several posts where the underlying issue has been the same. I don't know whether this applies in your case, but it certainly did in mine. I found that rational argument stands no chance where the other party is insecure. My options were
1 give up the gym and be unhappy ( I wasn't a runner at the time)
2 Give love and reassurance to my partner but carry on at the gym
3 Find a new partner

I worked down them in order, and am now in a much better relationship with a new partner, but I suspect that no. 2 would work for most people!!
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