Bye Waaaabit.

Anyway before too long I was rounding the last buoy and could use the red helicoptor parked on the island to sight my way back for the finish, another wave and shout to the Pirates and it was T1.

Irealised when I checked my watch on reachiong my bike that I had done my best swim time ever 1:12 ish. Avalaf was already in Transition and not far away, already it was clear that like rats there was a statistical chance I would never be more than 7 feet away from a Pirate all day

I'm just loving these race reports. So much better than stuff I read in books by people whose experience/ability seems a million miles away from my own.

Personally I'm sticking with my 4 year plan moving through from sprint to olympic to half to full ironman.

Out on the bike I was straight onto the aero bars knowing the first part of the course was fast. It was then that I got my first wave of stomach cramps, and it was to prove difficult all day to know what my body needed to keep it upright and moving in a forward direction. Never mind I got eating the Quaker oat bars (from the 2 for one nutrition plan, patent pending) and I had a power bar for each lap just in case there is something in this sport specific food nonsense.
The bike course was proving to be fun, I can^t really remember the order I saw everyone in, but can specifically remember chatting to Andy Heydon and Avalaf and Lindi, plus Smithy as we drew alongside, eventually I saw everyone, though Count was on a mission and didn^t respond much to my shout across the road. Heartbreak Hill was fantastic all three times as the Pirate Support had moved en masse to the top, couldn^t do anything else but grin my head off as I passed it was such fun.

here is my report, hope its not too long..

Swim

The start of the race was fantastic.. We were all standing on the beach, surrounded by 1500 other nutters,
looking out over the lake, with a helicopter hovering 100f above the lake about 300 yards out, music
blaring (lots of energetic music) and spectators whooping and shaking football rattles.. It was awesome,
never had an experience like it, i really felt we were all going to do something very special..
Anyway, the gun went, and oxy led a last round of piratey "aaaaahhhhaaarrrrrr"s and we all went for a mad rush into the water.

I always like to find a personal nemesis as soon as possible in a race, helps me take out agression when I get pissed off, and
it didn't take long, I named him "red orca wetsuit man". First time I met him he was doing a really annoyingly wide
breatstroke kick that not only was impossible to get past, but also kept catching me with his feet.. I soon got past him
though, and moved on.. and then lo and behold he came back again, this time doing front crawl but blocking my every
stroke by zigzagging across my path.. Fortunately I lost him at the first turn buoy as that required swimmers to know
where they are going.. Reached the half way point, and it was mayhem as it seemed like all 1500 swimmers were trying to
fit under the same bridge at the same time.. Took a bit of a roundhouse kick to my jaw from red orca wetsuit man again.

Second half of the swim went well, and only met red suit man again, doing his amazingly annoying and difficult to pass
breast stroke, but this time he was trying to confuse me as he had swapped into a grey wetsuit..

Rest of swim went ok, got out checked my watch 1 hr 10 mins.. that was ok..

T1

Put shoes and sock on, drank some lucozade, put helmet and gloves on, took the bike off the hook and ran to the exit,
and in the process every bump I went over seemed to empty half the sticky contents of my aero bottle over my and the bike

Bike..

My strategy for the bike was to keep my heart rate below 135 for the 1st lap, 140 for 2nd and 145 for the 3rd, except on
the hills when I would let it go up to 160.. I was confident this would leave me "fresh" for the marathon..

Almost as soon as I started I was getting passed by loads and loads of bike ponces, and at an HR of 135 it felt like I
was doing bugger all work, it was so tempting to go faster but I held back thinking, "I'll get you back on the run
you bike ponces you". First climb of the course was known as the "beast", and it took ages. It also felt like cycling in
an uphill oven, as when we turned right onto it the wind died, so the temp went up !! I passed loads of the bike ponces
going up this, I kept things in check (HR below 160, so still aerobic), but I was aware I was sweating buckets.

After the beast there was a short descent and then another steady but easy climb, known as "egg". At the top of egg, came
the fast descent ! Hoorah, 50 mph for no effort (apart fom the previous mins spent sloggin up the beast and egg of course!)

From there it was all flat into zurich. Pebble passed me at this point, all I could here as he passed me was "come on
you pirates". Next came "heart break hill". Tish was waiting for me at the start of the last section it was great to see
her,its amazing how you come to almost crave seeing your loved ones. The top of this short bit steep climb was fantastic,
just like the tour-de-france climbs with the supporters leaving a path of about a meter wide for the cyclists to pass through
yelling and supporting you all the way.. It was brilliant..

Ended up completing first lap in 2 hours 1 minute. I was pleased with this, and started thinking that a 6hr bike split
was deffo on the cards, as I would let my HR go up on the next loop, and in training this has always ended up with me
going slightly faster.

Start of the 2nd lap I thought, great 140 HR here I come, I can start working a little bit. That was when I started noticing
things not going quite according to plan, things felt a little tougher and my speed was a little lower. Still, I soon met
up with wonderboy and we chatted for a bit (no drafting whatsoever of course). rest of the lap was ok. Got a bit emotional
at the top of the "beast" when somebody ran along side me shouting "Chris !!! You are an Ironman !!", and I thought
to myself, how unbelievably lucky I was to be here doing this fantastic race..

finished the 2nd lap in 2 hours 5 mins.. hhhmm I thought, thats not right, and its not happened in training.. Still I knew
it had got hotter and I was sure the wind on the outer flat section had got stronger.. Anyway, still positive, I let my
HR go up to 145 and set out on the 3rd.. Things now definitely were not right. It seemed no matter what I drank I was still
thirsty, and my stomach was getting very upset with drinking warm blackcurrent power gels mixed with blackberry lucozade
sport (nomrally its lovely, honest !!). Also, I was finding it hard to stomach my heavily salted pringles, so I stopped
eating those as well.. This concerned me as I knew I might not be getting enough salt as the powerade from the aid stations
was heavily watered down.. Anyway I continued on, and stuck to my HR plan, keeping it below 145 on the flats, and 160 on the
climbs.. the last 10 miles of the bike my stomach felt absolutely awful. I thought I need salt, so I forced more pringles
down my neck, and brought my HR down.. Finished this loop in 2 hours 11 mins.. oops... Legs absolutely fine, stomach
absolutely sh!te..

So finished the bike in 6 hrs 17 mins.. I passed Jj on the way into transition and she said "how are you feeling", all I
could say was "f*cking awful"..

keep it coming all, great stuff.

T2

I remember looking down at the food I had, more pringles and lucozade sport, and thinking "what can I eat to make my stomach
feel better !". Answer.. bugger all.. So out I went on the run..

Run

Tish was there at the run start, a great sight, I wanted to stop for some TLC, but thought, "come on, you are doing an IM,
not a knitting comp". So off I went. First thing I noticed was the contents of my stomach was sloshing around.. So not only
did it feel horrible, it didn't sound great either.. 10 mins later I realised that I had been far too casual about my fueling
strategy for the run, i.e. I didn't really have one other than drinking a bit of energy drink as necessary at the aid stations.

this just did not work.. I was aware I had not been taking on enough salt, and coupled with my still insatiable
thirst, meant that every time I took water I felt I should take on energy drink aswell to try and at least get some
electrolytes in. This resulted in me drinking about 3 different flavours of powerade (each station had a different flavour !!).
this made my stomach feel even worse.. I finished the first loop in about 1 hour 1 min.. I was going through some highs and
very low lows.. it was always my stomach that brought me down.. every time I felt ill I thought come on, its just temporary
you can run thought it, but it always came back..

Start of the second loop, I looked at my watch and I thought, 3 hrs 20 mins to get below 12 hours (my target, which I know
you you should not have for your first IM !!!).. I can do 3 loops in this time. Anyway, the 1st half of 2nd loop things went
from bad to worse, I was now walking between aid stations, not just through them, and my stomach was feeling even worse.
then all of sudden I stopped and the entire contents of my stomach came up.. I suddendly got a bit concerned. i thought
should I tell somebody ? I knew I had not taken on enough salt, maybe I was in the hypo-whats-its-name that Candy was
always going on about and was in real bother.. So i steadied myself and made sure was ok, and then thought "Fck it, I run
17 miles every saturday with no energy drink and water at a HR of 145 so just do that now, and pour lots of water on your
self to keep your temp down, and only take on a mouthful of water, if you hit the wall, fck it, walk". So after walking for
quite a bit cos i still felt crap, thats what I did. I finished the 2nd half of the 2nd lap a bit faster than the 1st half,
but my time at the half way point in the run was now 2hrs 17mins, and although I was feeling a bit better, I thought that
there was no way I get any faster :-(.... my sub 12 was gone, and I was really down...

I stopped at half way point (end of 2nd loop) to get some Tish hugs and kisses, and told her what had happened and that
I was ok, but would probably to a 4hr 30 min marathon, to which she said "thats still fantastic !"

ut once i set off again, it was like a had a fresh pair of legs.. I couldn't believe it.. I was able to run !
I caught up with TC (who was a lap ahead) and we ran together for a while. This was great .. Although seeing pirates
on the course a lot was also great they were usually going the other way and you didn't get to say much, and it was
7 hours since I last had a conversation with wonderboy on the bike.. An IM can be a lonely experience... So, running and
chatting with TC for 20 mins or so was fantastic, a real boost.. At the end of the 3rd loop I high fived TC as he ran
past for his bloody great finish which I knew was around 10:48. And all of a sudden I realised I had just clocked a
~57 min 3rd loop, and that I had 1 hr 12 mins for a 4th loop to get in in under 12 hours.. Come on !!!!!!!

On the last lap I was flagging and approaching the fast descent after the climb out of Egg and Smithy came past shouting "Get your arse out of the saddle this is the best bit" So I gave chase and caught him up eventually deciding that my stomach was hurting on the aeros bars with my body being doubled over the whole time so kept out of the saddle as much as possible pushing the pace a bit.

Right I thought, don't hit the wall now, slow down (I had let my HR get up to 150 ish), so i brought it down to 145. I also
started thinking that I could risk some coke for a sugar fix to help get through the last bit of the run, if I needed it.

20 mins into the 4th loop and I knew I would need coke, but was worried about my stomach playing up again..sod it, I thought
take the coke and some water, and get a move on. I cant remember much else about the 4th loop other than fantically trying
to work out how much time I had left to get below 12 hours, and not being able to see my watch properly in the sun.
Oh and if I had been spotted doing a "paula" and would be soon arrested or penalised 6 mins...

Finally the end of the 4th loop and the IM was in sight, and I thought I could get in ~1 hour for a 11hr 48 min finish (HUGE ~20min negative split),
just two short 50 meters stretches and then the finising chute. Crossing the line was amazing...never felt sooooo good..

Blimey Cartman you^re a fast typer

As it turned out I was hyponatrenic (?) and ended up in the first aid tent after the race.. They soon sorted me out with
a good electrolyte drink. It was amazing how quickly it worked. why did'nt i do that earlier !

what a brilliant day and race... the most important things I learnt were

a) nutrition is just as important discipline as swimming, biking and running ! Ignore it at you peril !
b) do it with friends and if possible your loved ones/family
c) Its worth all the money, sweat and sometimes tears....
d) Even though he appears to ignore his own advice all the time, Candy really knows his stuff, and if it wasn't for him pulling together this great trip I would'nt be an IM now.. thanks a million mate...

oops, sorry mon... did'nt realise I'd blatted your report :S

I'm only a slow typer when having online arguments with the Candy man ;-)

Got to Transition and found my run gels were scalding hot and my sudocrem/vaseline mix had liquified but on the plus side my bottle of earl grey tea was at optimum drinking temperature hurrah!
Out on the run I intended to run the whole thing this time, but this was not to be, my stomach was still bad and I felt a hot spot on the ball of my foot "Don^t want to feel that" I thought so swallowed a couple of loperamide and a couple of Ibuprofen (I had a total of 6 during the race).
Oh yes it turned out my bike time was also the best one ever 6 hours 20 something.
The injury that had curtailed London marathon and most of my training since wasn`t the problem but the heat and the extra intake required to balance things up never semed to be right. I kept stopping and eating drinking all the things on offer trying to decide if it was salt sugar or water I needed, the dizziness persisted and at halfway on the run I knew sub 12 was out of the window all I had to do was avoid collapse and I would be ok.
When I was running I was doing ok, but the walking to take on food and drink really slowed me down. Never mind there was plenty of pirate activity and support to focus on. Count was storming round and was going to be first pirate home, Carl was also having a great run and looked chipper. Cougie and Garr seemed to be treating it like a Sunday School picnic walking and chatting their way round. But at least everyone had made it through the swim.
Finally after forever I was able to ignore the last two drink stations and go for the sprint finish, and unlike last year I really did feel great crossing the line. (12 hours 12 minutes) I was also setermined to get myself recovered enough to cheer in the Pirates, but first a shower and a dip in the jacuzzi, jelly babe was over by the fence shouting us over, asking us to wait for her as she was on her last lap, as if anyone was going anywhere.