we get our bags together and i make my first mistake of the day by dropping my special needs bag into one of the 10 or so boxes and immediately forgetting which food station it was for.

i'd been drinking a bottle of water and i was now bursting for a wee but the queue was long and the time was 6.15, so i decided to save it for the swim.

We headed out to T1 and started to meet up on the right hand side of the swim start beach. As we were getting suited up someone came past and was taking a video of the pirates, quite a few people commented on the kit...

The general consensus was for a "gentle" swim start head left of the beach so i wandered off expecting everyone to follow, but with five minutes to go i'm the only pirate in sight and bricking it. A minute later a bounding Collier taps me on the shoulder and says hello suggesting we move right a bit to get a better position, inconsiderate really since i was just having that wee i'd wanted, but i squelched after him.

With one minute to go, we are both wondering why 50m off shore there is a big pontoon right in front of us....

too late and we're off very british handshake with Candy then a walk into the water and frantic swim... i lose candy straight away and go left of the wooden pontoon, I then get into the aswing of things and strike out for the first bouy. no idea where it is but the sea is so rammed with people i just head in the same direction of everyone else and try and maintain a slow relaxed pace

In the madness that was the first km I could hear in my head Rudyard Kiplings "IF", and the line "If you can keep your head, whilst those around you are losing theirs...."

at which point i got kicked in the throat.

ok

and then smacked in brigde of the nose nearly losing my goggles

ok

and then an elbow that caught two teeth and gave me a fat lip...

not ok

i balled my fists and started swimming back. the strategy changed, if someone whacked me or tried to swim up me I made it a mission to draft off them as much as possible and if someone was swimming up me with nowhere for me to go i just muscled them out, inside my head after i'd been overtaken I just said "fine then - you're carrying me"...

I probably drafted for half the distance and was in the thick of it all the way round - i only went of course once

Slight calf pull in the last 500m, but i just kicked my legs a bit to ward off cramp, think i'd been fairly tense in the swim/fight.

I'm out of the swim in under 1h20 very chuffed. I have to sit down to get wettie off and am now deliberate in not going out naked or making any of my normal T1 mistakes i usually do. (the time i came out on the bike dressed as a mime etc) Lindi comes and goes, and I grab my gear and a couple of mouthfulls of water and soreen and i'm off

except i'm not

i saw my sis and mate Mike when leaving T1 and waved (also striking a pose for the photos)
i nearly dropped my bike when about to mount, i lost my glasses and someone picked it up for me (so that probably was me on the video - doh) "It's my first Ironman" clearly... i've gone from good swimmer to bike numpty in the space of 4 minutes.

First lap - not done the first 40k of the bike so just follow directions and start eating straight away. Sipping the energy drink i have with me. Get to the beast having averaged around 19 - 21 mph on flat feel good going out, but getting overtaken by a lot of people coming off the swim. Andy (Handyrunner) catches me early on and then I get to "the beast"

Its a bloody long relentless hill, it isn't all that steep but it goes on for about 4.5km. I get up in one go and en-route get taken by FB and MMmmm, and i think Garr.

down reasonable 30mph + stretch and onto egg another silly long not so orrible climb. its getting hot and the stomach is not really comfortable with the bars. At the drinks stations i'm picking up water and powerade alternately, but not really drinking enough.

[settles down with tube of Pringles and a large flask of tea]


Gripping stuff Zill.

I get off egg and stop for a wee (just couldn't do it on the bike), then got on to a wicked downhill section, bit of breaking on the first lap, but managed 52 & 54 mph (new max for me) on next two laps.

Back down to flat land and i'm ok - still strong 19mph to heartbreak.

Lots of people shouting for pirates (some not with us), So i get to hertbreak and the climb is good I overtake one or two people, nip under the shower and just before i huit the the top i see yellow shirts on the corner Jj and the crew are there,- my sister thought i was dying, mainly because she didn't see the shower and so thought i was sweating buckets more than i was.

Feeling ok and then collier nips through, I over take on the downhill and get a "Come on Ladies" as he completely leaves me on the flat.

Onto lap 2 - I force down another 2/3 of a powerbar, but I can feel it sitting on my gut and I can't get down on the bars, my back is getting sore and i'm switching from drops to hoods to bars quite a lot to try and get comfortable. I decide i need a crap (something that didn't go to plan in pre race prep) so manage to struggle/fart my way up the beast and see garr briefly who seems to also have gut problems at the top, I find a really thinck bit of bush to get scraped by and go into the woods, but the stomach isn't playing ball, so I get back in my yellow skintight contortionists suit and got back on the bike...

[sets Pringles to one side, briefly]

So back is stiff and aching and now the sodding left knee starts to go. Probably bike position i know but i'm stuffed between being sick or getting a time - i know i've got loads of time left my first lap still had me under 3 3/4 hours in total... so i got up egg ok and onto the downhill again up heartbreak an stopped to let Jj know i'm in a spot of bother.

Jj says quite rightly i'm still making good time, so i carry on but i'm dragging at about 15-17mph on the flat now.

This is gripping stuff.....do we find out who the half blood prince is at the end!!

This is driving me crackers - waiting for the next installment...

Nessie - :-) funny stuff :-)

It's getting hot and i'm really dragging now (I saw DD at the top of heartbreak so I knew he'd dropped out - nice to see him there supporting tho - good effort Dave)

Stop for the loo at one of the stations, wen't in the ladies , thought that in the tri kit and bike shoes that would be best) after what seemed like an eternity, well I did what I couldn't in the woods and off I went. By the way do all girls loo's have pot purri in them - they clearly don't bother with the mens?

got to the beast and this time i'm really in trouble, back buggered stomach bit better but leg about the same

had to stop about 15 times up the beast... In bike terms i had bonked from lack of food and a bit of dehydration.

Carl overtook me an gave me some words of encouragement and offered me some food, i got back on and kept going . Saw about 10 poeple just lying out in the shade at this point, now i'm just trying not to agravate the knee and to make the cut off, quick time check works out i'd have to be very slow to not make the bike and i can do it. Made egg ok then round to the fast bit

balls out downhill 54mph wohooo