Thanks to everyone for helping me through what has been a very tough time.
I would never have been able to survive his tragic experience if Runner's world hadn't produced such an excellent source for diagnosis and prognosis of the vicious condition of the squit-ola's.
I can also confirm that SIS GO Gels appear to have had no impact on my "durschvalt" and that I had, instead, caught a bug. I hereby endorse the product as "squit-free"
