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Muttley wrote (see)
Because they both get sucked off in bogs!
Scientists have discovered an early indication of Homosexuality in toddlers.
When given 'shape sorters' the gays were the ones pushing the cylindrical shaped object through the star shaped hole.
Bloke wakes up from a really heavy night on the booze.
He drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs to find his wife in the Kitchen with one of his socks in the frying pan. Puzzled, he asks "Darling, why on earth is my sock in the frying pan?", she replies, "Because when you got back last night that's all you kept asking me to do".
"That's odd", responds the bloke," i don't ever remember asking you to cook my sock"
What's the most unrealistic thing about 'The Snowman'?
The ginger kid having a friend.
I told her that two cute little kittens ran into my house and chased each other down to my sweety shop basement.As she ran into the empty cellar I bolted the door shut.So yes, I am fucking smarter than a ten-year-old.
.....i'll get my coat.
On my day off this week I went to do a bit of Christmas shopping with my friend, we were doing really well but after lunch she started to feel a bit odd and realised she was probably going to have one of her epileptic seizures, she's been having them since she was quite young so wasn't too concerned but she didn't want a lot of people standing round gawking. As we were in a clothes shop looking at party frocks she asked one of the assistants if they had somewhere private she could go because she could feel this seizure coming on.
They said it was no problem, she could use one of their fitting rooms.
A man was in a terrible road accident and woke up in hospital 3 weeks later. The doc told him that he had come through remarkably unscathed, apart from the coma and the irreperable damage to his willy. "But" said the doc "we have a new procedure that will replace your willy with a fully working prosthetic. The only thing is that it costs £1000 per inch. I can tell you that you have been awarded £9000 compensation from the driver who hit you so you could spend it on a new willy. The only question is how long you want it and I recommend discussing it with your wife. If she is used to 7 inches but you only choose 5 then she may be disappointed. If you used to have 5 inches but go for 9 then she may find it uncomfortable."
The chap agrees to discuss it with his wife and talks to the doc a couple of days later.
"So" says the doc "have you and your wife decided what you're going to have?"
"Yes" says the man "we're having a new kitchen".
I laughed, we're getting a new kitchen in the new year
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent. A set of jump leads walk into a bar. The bartender says, 'I'll serve you, but don't start anything.'
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: 'A beer please, and one for the road.' 'Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.' 'That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.' 'Is it common ?' 'Well, It's Not Unusual.' Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, 'I was artificially inseminated this morning.' 'I don't believe you,' says Dolly. 'It's true; no bull!' exclaims Daisy.An invisible man marries an invisible woman.The kids were nothing to look at either.I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.What do you call a fish with no eyes ? A fsh.
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, 'Dam !'Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were a bit cold, so they lit a fire in the craft. It sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse.'But why,' they asked, as they moved off.'Because,' he said, 'I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.'
A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption.One of them goes to a family in Egypt, and is named 'Ahmal.'The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him 'Juan.'Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, 'They're twins ! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.'
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