Comedy Effluent

Get rid of your unfunny comedy waste material here

1,221 to 1,239 of 1,239 messages
02/05/2010 at 00:54
what do you get hanging from apple trees?





sore arms.
03/05/2010 at 22:06
went for an interview at a blacksmiths and was asked 'have you ever shoed a horse?', to which i replied 'no, but i once told a donkey to fuck off'
03/05/2010 at 22:08
 
04/05/2010 at 07:57
Happy Birthday to Darth Vadar. May the 4th.
31/05/2010 at 14:03
boing
30/07/2010 at 14:50
I'm bored and feeling nostalgic - I might even read the warning threads after this....
30/07/2010 at 14:55
Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and left leg in a farming accident?  He's all right now.
29/09/2010 at 13:36

wondered where this thread had gone, so >>>

marriage is like a pack of cards: you start off with two hearts and a diamond, but after a year or two you wish you had a club and a spade...

18/11/2010 at 19:35
very appropriate, good boing
18/11/2010 at 20:57

Since someone went to the effort of spam-boinging...

I pledged a pound for charity earlier.

They said it was the shiniest quid they'd ever seen.

18/11/2010 at 21:44
What is orange and sounds like a parrot?
19/11/2010 at 04:24

A carrot?

Warning the following joke is not for all tastes.........

What do Kate Middleton and Dodi Fayed have in common...?

They've both had their finger in Diana's ring....

19/11/2010 at 08:10
A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher of 16 year olds.
She notices a boy in the field standing alone, while all the other
kids are running around having fun.
She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
'You Okay?' She says.
'Yes' he says.
'You can go play with the other kids you know' she says.
'It's best I stay here.' he says.
'why?' says the blonde.
He says ' because I'm the f***ing goal-keeper.'
19/11/2010 at 08:18

More!

I've just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I've not eaten for two days' I told him 'I wish I had your f......g will power'

Top tip; if you're camping in the summer and the attractive girl in the next tent tells you that because it's so hot she will be sleeping with her flaps open, it's not necessarily an invitation to casual sex........... Wish me luck, I appear in court next Monday.

A fat bird served me food in McDonalds at lunch time, she said ' sorry about the wait ' I said ' don't worry, you'll lose it eventually 'Snow hell! The weather girl said she was expecting 8 inches tonight, I thought to myself ' she'll be lucky with a face like that!'

I have a new chat up line that works everytime!! It doesn't matter how gorgeous or out of my league a woman might be, this line is a winner & I always end up in bed with them..............Here's how it goes 'Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion? Does this damp cloth smell like chloroform to you?'

Years ago it was suggested ' that an apple a day kept the doctor away ' But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works a treat!

19/11/2010 at 08:40

But

19/11/2010 at 08:42
My racing snail wasn't performing very well so I removed his shell to make him lighter and more streamlined.  Unfortunately it's not improved his speed.  Instead it's made him more sluggish.
19/11/2010 at 16:36

What's the connection between Kate Middleton and the Taleban?

They both want to blow down Prince William's chopper.

24/12/2010 at 19:52

I got the Christmas decorations out of the loft the other day and came across a present I forgot to give the kids last year.

It's a shame, because they would have loved that kitten.

Dustboy    pirate
25/12/2010 at 00:42

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