Has your training/racing ever caused tension or friction in your household?

Only ever had 100% support from my wife for racing and training.

My side of the deal is that I volunteer to avoid spending money on anything but essentials so that my wife can afford to visit her mum in NZ every couple of years.

Screamapillar wrote (see)

Grendel3 wrote (see)

I returned to running after 11/12 year break ( I did run when I met my wife) I started again two years ago to lose weight (I shed 3 stone) - my wife does resent it big time as following the birth of our son she did gain weight and although she did start running to do the race for life and felt better for it but gave up. I supported her every step of the way and took her an her friend to the event looked after our son. But nothing would induce her to come along to watch me. She put all sorts of obstacles in my my way when I first started back - so I started running at 5:30 am so long before she gets up so no longer an issue - but she still would love me to stop. She works two days a week in the winter, 3 in the summer so if she really wanted to do something she could easily go for a walk/ride/swim. I don't take the p*ss with it. Don't belong to a club ( although I am an honorary member of my old club) I only do 3/4 races a year, none of which compromise family life so I continue and will continue - would just like a bit of support sometimes.

I think that's a bit of a strange attitude. Fine if she doesn't want to do it, fine if she worked full time and really needed the extra support but since she has free time of her own and your running doesn't seem to impinge much on family life why shoud she want to you to stop?

 

 

Maybe his running is reminding her of her failure in that department, or something like that...

Maybe you're right. Just another reminder this week on RW of how my mind really doesn't work like other people's in some respects. My OH was a runner before I was, and it would never even have crossed my mind to object, or be jealous or be, ashamed of myself for not doing it or anything else.

Marathon training can get in the way a bit but we've both done them  - and worked round them. 

My son is 9, He was just short of 8 when I restarted - I think my wife is jealous (actually I know she is) that I have been able to shift the weight I had put on over the past few years and she hasn't been able to - she has a half hearted attempt to lose weight but doesn't stick at it - I would support her in whatever she wants to do - I do go swimming once a week with them but don't really enjoy it - but is is family time

I made an effort to change my diet etc, cut back on calories etc - and run - to be honest doctors orders (and that was the motivation) was the excuse I wanted to get back out - I will never return to the heights of the late 80s and 90s but I just enjoy it - taking part in the odd race etc - is motivation enough.

Still it would be a boring world if we were all the same, but would just like a little bit of support (even someone there to watch me finish would be nice!!!)

Did have some moans "you're always running" etc to start with but now generally accepted, they only come and watch if it is a big race and have had quite a few holidays out of it. The main problem is caused by me working away, OH + kids would do all the stuff they wanted while I was away then when I was home I was expected to be 100% family orientated. Now I think they finally realise that it's not that I don't want to spend time with them but I have to fit in all the things I want to do when I'm home. Although as the races are getting longer they seem to think I've lost the plot.....

Grendel3 wrote (see)

My son is 9, He was just short of 8 when I restarted - I think my wife is jealous (actually I know she is) that I have been able to shift the weight I had put on over the past few years and she hasn't been able to - she has a half hearted attempt to lose weight but doesn't stick at it -... 

I was going to suggest that this might be the case!  

When one partner stops smoking/drinking/loses weight, the other (who hasn't) often resents it and feels there is an implied criticism.

I have two young kids and work 4 days a week so life is fairly busy, but for me running is my only hobby, and I schedule it in a way that has minimal impact on family life.  My younger child is only 4 and she, more than the 12 year old, does really want to spend time with me on the weekends as the week goes by in a whirl of work / school / after school activities, and I want to spend time with the family too. So I now do my long run on a Friday when I'm off work and the kids are at school.  I do a shortish run on the weekend- under an hour.  So the kids don't really notice I'm not around. A park run has just started up down the road from us and that will fit with Saturday morning ballet / basketball for kids so I'm going to try that tomorrow.  Tuesday I skip lunchbreak at work and finish a bit early so I can fit in a run before I pick up the kids.  Wednesday night is running club and that's the only evening that my husband needs to put the kids to bed / sort out tea etc. So I get to fit in 4 runs a week with very minimal impact on family life.  My husband is a fairly keen cyclist and disappears every Sunday morning for 3-4 hours whilst he rides, and I'm happy with that. I suppose I get a bit pissed off when he's really knackered from a hard ride and then sleeps for the afternoon...  That said, it all seems equitable and I think that with careful scheduling, it's possible for everyone to fit in their hobbies and for us all to spend time together too.  

They're not hugely keen on supporting me at races, which I understand. But if it's a really big one / a very local one, they sometimes come to support me for part of the route.  Also the running club is very family friendly so the family come to some events there.  My son is too busy with his basketball to be interested in running with the juniors but daughter is already chomping at the bit to go along to juniors in a few years...

Its not really an issue for me now but it was a bigger problem when the kids were younger.  Mr Minni would often go in the huff because he was left to entertain 2 young children while I was out training - and the very reason I chose to marathon training was to get a break from them!   However, now they're older he doesn't huff so much and he's really quite supportive. He often chooses to come and watch races as does Master Minni (13) but Miss Minni (16) doesn't tend to come so much now.

Grendel3 wrote (see)

My son is 9, He was just short of 8 when I restarted - I think my wife is jealous (actually I know she is) that I have been able to shift the weight I had put on over the past few years and she hasn't been able to - she has a half hearted attempt to lose weight but doesn't stick at it - I would support her in whatever she wants to do - I do go swimming once a week with them but don't really enjoy it - but is is family time

I made an effort to change my diet etc, cut back on calories etc - and run - to be honest doctors orders (and that was the motivation) was the excuse I wanted to get back out - I will never return to the heights of the late 80s and 90s but I just enjoy it - taking part in the odd race etc - is motivation enough.

Still it would be a boring world if we were all the same, but would just like a little bit of support (even someone there to watch me finish would be nice!!!)

 

Well maybe when your son is a bit older he'll come along and support you - perhaps he'll even want to join in!

Take your son to a local parkrun if you've got one nearby!

We don't have a local parkrun sadly, but as he gets older it will get easier - my wife has never been an early riser so it will be easier to go off on a sunday and race somewhere local - also will perhaps be able to oin local club too (all though at heart I will always be a Barking Road Runner (club not mad!!) happy days and I am glad it is not just me as others do seem to have envountered problems too. Thanks for the words of encouragement and for listening!!!

Suzi Godson wrote yesterday;

"It is terribly dangerous to allow yourself to be so physically and emotionally invested in anyone that their ups and downs determine how good or bad you feel about yourself."

This could explain all sorts of things.

thanks Conny - thats the bottom line for me I love running.

As I run late in the evenings it sometimes results in 11pm showers, not good in a small family houe when everyone else has to get up at 6am

My wife is very supportive, she has seen the benefits first hand - I've lost about 3.5 stones due to running.  Although I do wish I could find a way of persuading her to run or go to the gym too.  I always end up annoying her whenever I mention excercise regardless of how tactufully I approach it.