Has your training/racing ever caused tension or friction in your household?

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01/02/2013 at 13:59

Only ever had 100% support from my wife for racing and training.

My side of the deal is that I volunteer to avoid spending money on anything but essentials so that my wife can afford to visit her mum in NZ every couple of years.

kittenkat    pirate
01/02/2013 at 14:01
Screamapillar wrote (see)
Grendel3 wrote (see)

I returned to running after 11/12 year break ( I did run when I met my wife) I started again two years ago to lose weight (I shed 3 stone) - my wife does resent it big time as following the birth of our son she did gain weight and although she did start running to do the race for life and felt better for it but gave up. I supported her every step of the way and took her an her friend to the event looked after our son. But nothing would induce her to come along to watch me. She put all sorts of obstacles in my my way when I first started back - so I started running at 5:30 am so long before she gets up so no longer an issue - but she still would love me to stop. She works two days a week in the winter, 3 in the summer so if she really wanted to do something she could easily go for a walk/ride/swim. I don't take the p*ss with it. Don't belong to a club ( although I am an honorary member of my old club) I only do 3/4 races a year, none of which compromise family life so I continue and will continue - would just like a bit of support sometimes.

I think that's a bit of a strange attitude. Fine if she doesn't want to do it, fine if she worked full time and really needed the extra support but since she has free time of her own and your running doesn't seem to impinge much on family life why shoud she want to you to stop?

 

 

Maybe his running is reminding her of her failure in that department, or something like that...

01/02/2013 at 14:06
I agree, I think it's actually quite understandable. She perhaps feels she should be doing something about it, feels she's lost something she enjoyed etc but doesn't have the motivation to do anything about it. It would be easier for her not to have a constant reminder.

How old is your son grendel? As a mother of 2, it's taken me till the younger one is 5 (and the elder 8) to really get into regular exercise. It's not necessarily just about having the time. To be fair, I never really did regular exercise before the kids (although I did go through phases of going to the gym).
01/02/2013 at 15:00

Maybe you're right. Just another reminder this week on RW of how my mind really doesn't work like other people's in some respects. My OH was a runner before I was, and it would never even have crossed my mind to object, or be jealous or be, ashamed of myself for not doing it or anything else.

Marathon training can get in the way a bit but we've both done them  - and worked round them. 

01/02/2013 at 15:25

My son is 9, He was just short of 8 when I restarted - I think my wife is jealous (actually I know she is) that I have been able to shift the weight I had put on over the past few years and she hasn't been able to - she has a half hearted attempt to lose weight but doesn't stick at it - I would support her in whatever she wants to do - I do go swimming once a week with them but don't really enjoy it - but is is family time

I made an effort to change my diet etc, cut back on calories etc - and run - to be honest doctors orders (and that was the motivation) was the excuse I wanted to get back out - I will never return to the heights of the late 80s and 90s but I just enjoy it - taking part in the odd race etc - is motivation enough.

Still it would be a boring world if we were all the same, but would just like a little bit of support (even someone there to watch me finish would be nice!!!)

 

01/02/2013 at 16:06

Did have some moans "you're always running" etc to start with but now generally accepted, they only come and watch if it is a big race and have had quite a few holidays out of it. The main problem is caused by me working away, OH + kids would do all the stuff they wanted while I was away then when I was home I was expected to be 100% family orientated. Now I think they finally realise that it's not that I don't want to spend time with them but I have to fit in all the things I want to do when I'm home. Although as the races are getting longer they seem to think I've lost the plot.....

01/02/2013 at 16:07
Grendel3 wrote (see)

My son is 9, He was just short of 8 when I restarted - I think my wife is jealous (actually I know she is) that I have been able to shift the weight I had put on over the past few years and she hasn't been able to - she has a half hearted attempt to lose weight but doesn't stick at it -... 

I was going to suggest that this might be the case!  

When one partner stops smoking/drinking/loses weight, the other (who hasn't) often resents it and feels there is an implied criticism.

01/02/2013 at 20:46

I have two young kids and work 4 days a week so life is fairly busy, but for me running is my only hobby, and I schedule it in a way that has minimal impact on family life.  My younger child is only 4 and she, more than the 12 year old, does really want to spend time with me on the weekends as the week goes by in a whirl of work / school / after school activities, and I want to spend time with the family too. So I now do my long run on a Friday when I'm off work and the kids are at school.  I do a shortish run on the weekend- under an hour.  So the kids don't really notice I'm not around. A park run has just started up down the road from us and that will fit with Saturday morning ballet / basketball for kids so I'm going to try that tomorrow.  Tuesday I skip lunchbreak at work and finish a bit early so I can fit in a run before I pick up the kids.  Wednesday night is running club and that's the only evening that my husband needs to put the kids to bed / sort out tea etc. So I get to fit in 4 runs a week with very minimal impact on family life.  My husband is a fairly keen cyclist and disappears every Sunday morning for 3-4 hours whilst he rides, and I'm happy with that. I suppose I get a bit pissed off when he's really knackered from a hard ride and then sleeps for the afternoon...  That said, it all seems equitable and I think that with careful scheduling, it's possible for everyone to fit in their hobbies and for us all to spend time together too.  

They're not hugely keen on supporting me at races, which I understand. But if it's a really big one / a very local one, they sometimes come to support me for part of the route.  Also the running club is very family friendly so the family come to some events there.  My son is too busy with his basketball to be interested in running with the juniors but daughter is already chomping at the bit to go along to juniors in a few years...

02/02/2013 at 10:12

Its not really an issue for me now but it was a bigger problem when the kids were younger.  Mr Minni would often go in the huff because he was left to entertain 2 young children while I was out training - and the very reason I chose to marathon training was to get a break from them!   However, now they're older he doesn't huff so much and he's really quite supportive. He often chooses to come and watch races as does Master Minni (13) but Miss Minni (16) doesn't tend to come so much now.

 

 

 

02/02/2013 at 11:19
When I started running about 8 years ago my children were very young and my partner was quite a heavy drinker and worked in an industry where lunchtime and after works drinks were the norm. It was an enormous strain having him come home most nights unable to conduct a grown up conversation or make a responsible contribution to childcare.

8 years on he has changed career and we are both virtually teetotal,I am marathon training and he goes to the gym every week and even runs a little. I don't understand women (seems to be mostly women?) who resent their partner running - isn't it preferable to slowly eating/drinking/smoking themselves to death - and I'm at an age where I am actually seeing that happen. I want our running and exercise to be the norm in our family and above all hope that we are good role models for our daughters.
02/02/2013 at 13:18
Grendel3 wrote (see)

My son is 9, He was just short of 8 when I restarted - I think my wife is jealous (actually I know she is) that I have been able to shift the weight I had put on over the past few years and she hasn't been able to - she has a half hearted attempt to lose weight but doesn't stick at it - I would support her in whatever she wants to do - I do go swimming once a week with them but don't really enjoy it - but is is family time

I made an effort to change my diet etc, cut back on calories etc - and run - to be honest doctors orders (and that was the motivation) was the excuse I wanted to get back out - I will never return to the heights of the late 80s and 90s but I just enjoy it - taking part in the odd race etc - is motivation enough.

Still it would be a boring world if we were all the same, but would just like a little bit of support (even someone there to watch me finish would be nice!!!)

 

Well maybe when your son is a bit older he'll come along and support you - perhaps he'll even want to join in!

02/02/2013 at 21:00

Take your son to a local parkrun if you've got one nearby!

02/02/2013 at 21:14

We don't have a local parkrun sadly, but as he gets older it will get easier - my wife has never been an early riser so it will be easier to go off on a sunday and race somewhere local - also will perhaps be able to oin local club too (all though at heart I will always be a Barking Road Runner (club not mad!!) happy days and I am glad it is not just me as others do seem to have envountered problems too. Thanks for the words of encouragement and for listening!!!

03/02/2013 at 06:41

Suzi Godson wrote yesterday;

"It is terribly dangerous to allow yourself to be so physically and emotionally invested in anyone that their ups and downs determine how good or bad you feel about yourself."

This could explain all sorts of things.

03/02/2013 at 16:22
Hi Grendel ,I understand your feelings.Started to run three years ago to lose weight,I lost pounds I'm fit and I fill in general better than I was.tried to involve my husband with the running .he comes some time bu he is not motivated at allGot two kids 13 and 10 they sometimes come with me and seem to enjoy the experience.i work 30 h per week ,job quite demanding and I run three five times a week.Husband does not understand but this is not stopping me from enjoy my running time.take care Conny
03/02/2013 at 21:16

thanks Conny - thats the bottom line for me I love running.

04/02/2013 at 06:08

As I run late in the evenings it sometimes results in 11pm showers, not good in a small family houe when everyone else has to get up at 6am

05/02/2013 at 01:19
I got my fiance into running. We have been together 6 years, and always ran together until this year. The only downsides I found with it was that I was always holding back a bit to go at her pace, and she never wanted to do interval type stuff.... but that's a small price to pay to have a mutual past time you can share, and I did not miss out, as I have never been interested in racing.

Last year she had a bad accident skiing and after a week in hospital, she has titanium holding the tendons in her knee together. Now she goes to the gym and physio sessions instead. She does love running but the knee is not up to much, so she does a 45m jog in the park once a week, I go with her and do some intervals.
05/02/2013 at 12:10

My wife is very supportive, she has seen the benefits first hand - I've lost about 3.5 stones due to running.  Although I do wish I could find a way of persuading her to run or go to the gym too.  I always end up annoying her whenever I mention excercise regardless of how tactufully I approach it.

05/02/2013 at 19:34
My missus thinks I'm mad sometimes, like when she saw the hill profile of my first marathon in June. She doesn't have a problem with me running, but I foresee problems when I enter races in future. I don't drive, so she has to put all the miles in the car getting me there.

I've lost weight through the training, about 2 stone so far, which she's proud of.I know she's happy that I've taken on some serious exercise but keeping my eight year old entertained whilst I run a marathon might be entertaining for her.

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