How do you cope without support from your partner ?

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20/09/2012 at 13:18

Hi

I was wondering how people out there coped if they didnt receive any support from their partners. 

A bit of background first. I am male, 45, 5ft 7, 13t 10lbs. I have been running on and off for about 3 years.I am obviously overweight and would like to lose a couple of stones. For as long as I care to remember I have always thought my weight was an issue to me and I have made many, unsuccessful attempts to lose it and keep it off.

Over the last few months I have come to really enjoy running. I now live on the edge of the Peak District and there are some brilliant runs. The problem I am having is getting the buy in from my partner. She doesnt really give me support for what I'm trying to do and, even though she says she doesnt mind me running, I can tell that she is not happy with it. I must only spend 5/6 hours a week running so I dont see what the problem is, as of course we need to have our own time.

I am wondering how other people deal with this situation ? Any advice would be appreciated

20/09/2012 at 13:30

What does she say or do that makes you think she's not happy with it?

 

20/09/2012 at 13:31

@Tom77 - read this.  Read it now, before it's too late for you.

20/09/2012 at 13:35

I can offer little constructive help but I do applaud your taste of music as per your user name!

 

20/09/2012 at 13:48
Dump her
20/09/2012 at 14:01

In what way isn't she happy with you running? That sort of detail is kind of crucial to working out if there's a problem or not! What sort of support are you expecting that you aren't getting?

Without knowing any specifics - what did you do in those 5-6 hours before you started running? If you used to spend that time lavishing attention on her then that might be the issue

20/09/2012 at 14:02

In a similar situation - I found it was increasingly difficult to run in the evening as there was always a reason given as to why I couldn't - I changed my routine, go out everyday at around 5:30 and am washed shaved and out of the bathroom long before she gets up - It does make racing regularly difficult and being an active member of a running club,  so am a bit restricted as far as racing goes but I manage to get a race in 4 or 5 times per year.

20/09/2012 at 14:14

Every single detail the same!  - Follow Grendels advice - Those morning runs were a godsend for me.

20/09/2012 at 14:24

How many hours a week does she spend watching the soaps/Strictly/X-factor etc?

20/09/2012 at 14:33

 bit of a stereotype there...

20/09/2012 at 14:39

Or doing other things that she likes to do then ... anything from watching soaps to kickboxing classes ... you know what I meant

20/09/2012 at 14:46

That's more like it

20/09/2012 at 14:58
Thanks 2 wheels. The missus doesn't think I'm unstoppable though

Early mornings aren't really an option for me as I'm already getting up at 5:00 to go to work.

Sarah - she makes sarcastic little comments about spending more time running than with her. She thinks that the more I run the more weight I will lose but she would prefer me to stay my 'cuddly' self. She has an issue with her own weight but can't find the motivation or inclination to do anything about it. Do you think that this could be the issue ?

Dave the ex spartan - what do I do if she won't let me dump her ??
20/09/2012 at 15:10
Divorce

Face it if she wants you to stay fat cos she can't be arsed to lose weight the sooner you're rid of her the better for your health



Nb other forms of marriage guidance are available
20/09/2012 at 15:12
carterusm wrote (see)
. She thinks that the more I run the more weight I will lose but she would prefer me to stay my 'cuddly' self. She has an issue with her own weight but can't find the motivation or inclination to do anything about it. Do you think that this could be the issue ?

Dave the ex spartan - what do I do if she won't let me dump her ??

I think you may have hit the nail right on the head there.

It's not at all unusual for partners of people trying to lose weight, stop smoking, drinking, etc., to not want them to succeed.  They feel threatened by the change in their partner - particularly when it's a shared thing (both overweight/smokers/drinkers). 

As you do lose weight, and your wife sees that you haven't run off with a skinny bird, she may come to feel less threatened by it.

Alternatively, run off with a skinny bird!

(I think DtES and I went to the same marriage guidance college!)

Edited: 20/09/2012 at 15:13
20/09/2012 at 15:13

I thought you might say something like that

I'm a dietitian, and it's not uncommon at all to hear from patients that their friends/family are being less than supportive. By making a change you're disrupting the equilibrium that everyone is probably quite comfortable with. Not that they'd want the person to be unhealthy/unfit, just that people don't like change. Mr. X is concerned that if his wife loses weight then she'll be more attractive to other people/she'll expect him to go on four hour hikes with her/she won't want to cuddle up on the sofa and watch tv anymore. People get comfortable with their lives and can be quite resistant to change!

It sounds like your OH is concerned that your move towards a more active, healthier lifestyle is going to change your life together. Especially as she has issues herself. She probably doesn't want you to stay 'cuddly', but she does want you to stay as you. And a physical change might leave to other changes... if you see what I mean!

Is there no way you can get her involved in running, or a more active lifestyle? Sign up for a 5K run together as a goal perhaps?

seren nos yn canu    pirate
20/09/2012 at 15:15

5/6 hours a week isn't a lot...........I would just carry on doing it until she gives up worrying about it.it will become the new norm

20/09/2012 at 15:16
I ran off with a skinny bird. Don't think the Witch Queen has ever forgiven me for the fact the current Mrs Spartan is half the size of the first one
20/09/2012 at 15:21

I'm the skinny (well, nearly) bird my OH ran off with

20/09/2012 at 15:33

Sarah - she cant run, she's too fat...haha, only joking. She does have problems with her knees, probably due in some way to her weight. Apart from that, I dont really want to go running with her. It's my time on my own. And, I would expect her to stay at my pace or do the mileage I want to etc. No, that's not really an option to be honest.

I guess I will just have to stick with it and reassure her that I wont run off with a skinny bird. Although there does seem to be a lot of that occurring according to comments on here !

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