My heart Aches
How my heart aches, and i wish for some peace, my whole heart and soul aches, Running is just like medication , its a temporary drug, it's not a final solution or cure
very few people understand unfortunately-
I've tried so hard in life, given my all, have never ever left them, ( my wife and Phil ) There is always emergency information on the wheelchair - i so hope one day out on the racing curcuit that i finally lay myself to rest
like many other mum's and dad's in my position here near home, we selfishly wish and hope that we out live our siblings - that way we will be able to at least die in some dignity and peace
if i was a drunk, or what ever, and over night, said ok, lets do this or that - yes, it would be so very WRONG as some have pointed out
but my actions are NOT controlled by alcohol, my actions are not an over night thought from desperation of hate , anger and temper
this is a final ultimatum of not days, not weeks or months , but years of thinking out EVERY angle, the possible consequences of what to do - both with my local authority revenge, and with FLM saga
There are certain things in life i strongly believe that if NECCESSARY, if i'm pushed then 2 wrongs will or do make a right
FLM, well, it's just a case of me being a silly bugga, and if i fail on the day, i'll return home Happy and truimphant knowing i gave my all , regardless of whether or not people agree with me, i can then live in some peace on the FLM saga, course if i do get somewhere in London, then it will be delighful
My battle and REVENGE for the system locally, i'm very much afraid, few understand, when you set out your stall in life, you make your desicions and you stick to them, come HELL or high water
Will my wife pass on first, and leave me and Phil or will i pass on first , who know's- i fully expect to awake one day and find my wife gone from heart problems, i suprised it's not happened already
Many of you think i'm silly and all the etc, that go with it, i respect and understand that, simply because many have absolutely NO idea how they'd re-act if put in my situation
so, FLM is just around the corner - this is it you might say, - i'm ready for anything, lets face it, what more can be thrown at me than what i've already endured
All of you have given us much pleasure, and laughter, so much so, you'll never ever know - you've all been a delight to know- it's just so unfortunate that you've come across some like me,
i as most know, am an honest open chap, but pushed over the line, i become something very different, i was already a broken man when we met, i 've waited this long quite perposely for my Phillip to become 19 , an adult and off the SSD childrens team
What do you mean Mick , you ask " i live by the sword, I'll die by it if neccessary "
I've gone to far now to turn back !!!!!!!!!
I will NOT be trying again to explain further, if this post just isn't understood, then fair enough, but from an HONEST man and LAW abiding until now
My sincere love to you all - Bless you all and your families
Mick xxx