'Official' Guide to Cheating at Races - General running

Welsh Alex

13/03/2007 at 23:18

Right .... Never done it but have thought about this a lot. Temptation you see.

Ever run a race and thought 'this one has a nifty short cut, just pop in that field for a pee and ...' or 'why bother doing 2 loops when one will suffice' ? Ever spotted someone popping out from behind a bridge and thought 'you don't look too sweaty my son' ?

Well .... How about a compendium of how and where best to cheat. You know, you have bet your mates in the pub that you can do a 1:20 half marathon but the best you have ever achieved is 1:50. You need to get your 'result' recorded so you can win a free night on the lash but you don't want to get caught ...... so you consult a nifty little thread on Runners World Forums which handily contains all the best cheats.

A bit like typing 'idkfa' when playing Doom.

Rosie Ruiz need not apply. We are looking for real Kwality Cheats ;-)

Welsh Alex

13/03/2007 at 23:25

I'll kick things off

Llanelli Waterside 1/2

Method: Chip timing, but no mats at the two turns. Run slowly to mile 2, sit down, tie your laces or have a pee in a bush. In a few minutes the runners come back from the turn, which is at about 3.5 miles and you just nonchalantly join back in, going the other way of course. Can be repeated at mile 10.

Gain: 4.5 miles

Dishonesty factor: 7/10

Kruff Cardiff 10k

Method: At the start, just walk really slow. No need to run or anything. Just tag along with the walkers right at the back. When you come to the entrance to the park, which should be about mile 1 the marshals will have lost patience and will send you off as if you have re-entered the park at about mile 4. Time to start running, only 2.2 miles to go !

Gain: 3 Miles

Dishonesty Factor: 3/10

Welsh Alex

13/03/2007 at 23:32

Just to underline the point, this is all in the best possible taste.

Norbert Colon

14/03/2007 at 08:18

Lake Vyrnwy

Method - After about 2 miles, just walk through the trees, swim the width of the lake and hey presto you are instantly at mile 11.

Gain - 9 Miles

Dishonesty Factor - 7/10

Stupidity Margin - 92%

Plodding Hippo

14/03/2007 at 08:21

Morning

oh yes
some good ones avaialable
cardiff mara(now defunct)-but a good 2 loper with a bit around the barrage you can cut off-seen people do it

Wolvo mara, a 2 looper with 3 loops around west park, which you could leave out

Abingdon mara-old course-turn right instead of left at 18 miles and youve only a mile to go to the end

Ultracat

14/03/2007 at 08:52

I suppose it would have been easy enough to cheat with the Inverness Half Marathon at the roundabout as you go out of Inverness towards Foyers instead of going up the hill and doing a 6 mile loop you could just go into the bushes and wait for the leaders to come back and tag on behind them. You could also cut out about 2 miles by crossing the first bridge rather than going all the way to the end and crossing the other bridge.

Welsh Alex

14/03/2007 at 09:08

Monring Hipps, HC.

Ponty Reverse 10

Hide in an industrial estate at the start. When the runners re-pass the start at mile 4 just hop back in. Then at mile 5.5 duck under the railway bridge, wait a bit then hop back in again with under 2 miles to go. A bit of grandstanding with a sprint finish would be nice.

Plodding Hippo

14/03/2007 at 09:14

morning Alex

the thing is, no-one wwould believe me if i posted a superb marathon time;)

Try Taffia

14/03/2007 at 09:25

LOL Alex
I shall print this out before is gets kazzed.
ponty 10 on there.....is that not due? :)

Merthyr 10k
I can knock 4 miles off? Plus no hiding as such or marshalls to avoid!

Welsh Alex

14/03/2007 at 09:27

Lol ! Indeed.

I have noticed things when running some races, and I reckon I have spotted quite a few on the FLM who I reckon have not run the full Monty. You know, everyone on the last mile is sweating and sort of desperate looking and someone trots past at break neck speed looking like they have just popped out for a quick 800m.

Try Taffia

14/03/2007 at 09:29

Llanelli Waterside 1/2 also works for lanelli 10k

Me and boff have a suspect for that alex.
(not you BTW!)

Thinking about.....swansea tri, short cut the bike route in sketty?

Cupcake.

pirate

14/03/2007 at 09:31

FLM

Method: Not sure how the chip timing would work but that may be the least of your worries! Jump off Tower Bridge just before half way, next thing you know you've only 3 and a half miles to go

Gain: 9+ miles

Dishonesty factor: 8/10

Getaway with it likelihood: 0/10

Roobarb

14/03/2007 at 09:34

Roding Valley Half

There's one small loop and then two larger ones. Usually the leaders lap the main field while they are still on their first large lap so it would be quite easy to just follow them in and forget the second.

Plodding Hippo

14/03/2007 at 09:35

guess you couild brirbe a lap counter at some of the looped ultras too

Try Taffia

14/03/2007 at 09:38

I belive this is cheating hipps not corrupting our sport ;)

Plodding Hippo

14/03/2007 at 09:39

pure semantics taff!!!!!!!

anyway-its alll academic

Can you imagine me doing a sub 4 hour marathon?

falls on floor laffing

Welsh Alex

14/03/2007 at 09:40

I think to cheat convincingly at the FLM would take quite a bit of planning. You will need to know where all the mats are, work out routes that will save you time whist still taking you across the mats and a list of when you should cross each mat for a desired finish time. Possibly a mate on a scooter to ferry you between them would be handy.

Ultracat

14/03/2007 at 09:47

You could of course get some nice male speedy runner to run the race for you and they would get you a great time on the official results.

Try Taffia

14/03/2007 at 09:50

Scooter, FLM?

TOP TIP

Runners when feeling a bit tired hitch a lift from the bike filming on the route.

Welsh Alex

14/03/2007 at 09:53

You could use heelies (those trainers with the wheel in the heel) and just get towed along.