I keep collapsing

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12/05/2008 at 16:41

Lol! Chest wig idea is brilliant.... would you be able to get them on the NHS?

Douglas and Lorra, it's great to hear you staying so positive. Am keeping my fingers and toes crossed that your white cells are feeling frisky and multiplying enthusiastically

Still sending the virtual-hugs to you both. J xx

12/05/2008 at 21:01











I want pictures  

13/05/2008 at 19:51

Tee hee - love the bit about the wig Lorra.  When my young pal lost her hair with chemo her mother promised her she could do anything she liked with her hair once it grew back.  It was a v. pretty rainbow coloured affair for a while...

Up the blood counts!! wishing you all well.. 

15/05/2008 at 07:24

Sorry Mrs Pig, but was unable to upload pictures onto Runner's World forum.......................................................................well that's my excuse for lack of pictures.

Hey-ho and off to chemo we go. It's double dose day and, as I only just failed white cell blood test last week, there shouldn't be too many issues today.

Oncologist has given me Valium to take post-chemo. Everyone says that it's wonderful. We'll see.

Lorra, for some reason that I've never quite understood, female wigs are totally undetectable to the average male even close up. On the other hand male wigs look like wigs even hundreds of yards away and, frankly, look......................well like wigs.

I admit that there are exeptions. For example Charles II got away with it, but that was a different era. I've seen triathletes with multi-coloured wigs, but they're for show rather than day-to-day use.

It's the same with hair dying.................females can get away with it (in fact it's expected) whilst slapping a bit of the old Grecian 2000 on a male pate looks .....................a bit like Grecian 2000.

19/05/2008 at 10:49

Hi folks,

Well, that's the double dose of cycle 6 done and dusted.

Minimal physical side effects, but loads of anxiety about minor routine matters. Mole hills became like Mount Everest. Saturday was a mental disaster zone and Friday and Sunday were OKish. 3x2mg Valium per day had a modest effect; I became anxious and sleepy rather than anxious and pacing up and down. It's strange, but whilst in anxious mode I become quite convinced that it will never, ever go away. Logic just flies out of the window. 

I had been told that Valium was quite wonderful and very, very moreish. I'm afraid I disagree. It was OK and turned a very bad mental situation into a medium bad mental situation.

Anyway anxious mode has gone away and I've just got single dose of cycle 6 to do before the BIG scan. 

All the best folks,


19/05/2008 at 13:17

good to hear you are one step nearer to being post chemo rather than mid chemo.

hope you continue to stay well, that post chemo mega anxiety thing sounds like no fun. Glad it only lasts a couple of days.

good wishes to you


19/05/2008 at 21:30
Keep reminding yourself of how your feelings can change. Is there any other anti anxiety med they could try ?
20/05/2008 at 07:28

Hello Walktallkate and Mrs Pig,

Thank you for your kind thoughts.

If I have to do cycle 7, I'll certainly ask about a better anti-anxiety drug. The anxiety seems to be getting worse on each cycle as I don't remember the anxiety bits on the earlier cycles. I certainly had the "inability to concentrate" and "can't sit still" modes in the ealier cycles, but I don't recall being quite so anxious. However I am very grateful that I don't have the nausea that many people have. My oncologist told me that he's had to discontinue treatment on other patients going through my chemo regime as early as cycle 3 due to the patient's inability to tolerate the chemo.

I am convinced that my overall fitness has played a huge part in my ability to deal with the disease and the chemo. In my humble opinion this proves that the effort one puts into running and exercise get repaid a thousand fold.


I hope that things are going OK for you. All my very best wishes.


20/05/2008 at 11:16
about the anxiety, there is only so much a drug can do without knocking you out completely (this may be what you want.....i dont know ). how about trying some meditation or yoga,? if you do some before the chemo and learn some techniques to help when the anxiety strikes, it may be helpful. "simple" breathing techniques can be very powerful in managing physically stressful times. or even one of those off the shelf "relaxation" cd's.( beware of irritating american accents though!)
20/05/2008 at 13:39
Well done, Doug!
20/05/2008 at 15:29

Doug, you have been amazing throughout all of your chemo.  You are always upbeat despite the anxiety attacks, you seem to be doing amazingly.   Physically you look well and you are still a joy to be around. Love Marge xxx

20/05/2008 at 21:16

I know nothing (opening caveat) but I reckon anxiety is triggered either extrinsically or intrinsically and how you deal with it varies a bit depending on the cause.   Talking and other 'relaxing events' help me with extrinsic causes......they can help with intrinsic but if my chemistry was causing me to feel inappropriately anxious over events that normally I'd breeze through, then I suspect I'd opt for drugs.  I get occasional mild over anxiety, usually triggered by over committing myself/stressful life/hormones - in my case it's transient so I just whinge a lot and then it passes. Yours also seems time limited but if it's distressing you enough I would consider asking for some other drugs as well as using all the other relaxation techniques.

Everything passes. The anxiety will pass  - hold onto that. 

21/05/2008 at 11:32

Thanks for your kind thoughts and I'm 100% OK right now.

"Everything passes. The anxiety will pass  - hold onto that." Logically this is correct and that the fact that today, Wednesday, I'm as happy as a lark confirms the temporary nature of this anxious phase,

However, whilst going through the anxious phase, I am quite convinced that it will last for the rest of my life. Logic is on the floor and emotion rules!

It's all quite interesting what the brain can get upto if fed the wrong things.

Once again thanks for eveyone's help.

23/05/2008 at 08:17
I know exactly what you're describing Douglas. It is odd how the brain plays tricks on you
23/05/2008 at 08:22
Yep - the times when we most need the rational brain is just the time when it's most likely to have gone AWOL.
23/05/2008 at 15:02

Came down with a nasty bug which made me sick - .  Never mind over it now. Have been waiting anxiously for side effects from single dose of white blood cell boosting injection - but pleased to say now day 11 and no major side effects. In fact less side effects than with course of 5  . Hopefully can now have a "good" week for half-term. Just got trip to see oncologist and bloods on Thursday when hopefully they will be Ok - You cann't help but be a bit anxious they will not be good enough. Got to start to take large doses of steroids before next chemo. 2mg make me feel wired so not sure what 8mg doses will do??????????????

Douglas - Going back a few postings re: wig. Although only women look reasonable in wigs men do have the advantage of potentially looking very good with a bald head or very short hair.. Also in order to overcome my needle phobia I had hypnotherapy. Very, very relaxing and learnt some good ways of overcoming my anxiety about having chemo. 

Oncologist also surprised about how "well" if thats the right word I am so far through chemo. It has been put down to my level of fitness before the big op and chemo. Running has definitely helped both physically and mentally . Lifes good when you run  

23/05/2008 at 15:24
Well done, Lorra!
24/05/2008 at 10:38

Well done Lorra.

I'm very pleased for you over the bone marrow jab.

Good luck with your wired feeling. Personally I found it horrid. Valium made a small difference. I was anxious and dopey rather than anxious and pacing up and down. If I have another cycle. I'm going to ask for more Valium.

I'm now in limbo until 2nd June, when I have the post-CT scan meeting with my oncologist.

24/05/2008 at 12:21

hey Lorra,

good to hear you are ok, and finding things that help, hypnotherapy sounds good.

running might sometimes feel like this... ......but the benefits as you have noticed are immense and then you feel like this..............

good luck all !

25/05/2008 at 20:37
Just wanted to say a quick word here, I've been reading this thread and even coming on to specifically see progress etc, and your attitudes are amazing.  Good on you for staying so positive.  Best of luck for your meeting on the 2nd Douglas.
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