I wanted a place where we could get advice and support.
I used to have a cupboard in my head where I crammed all the shite of my life. I was too scared to open the cupboard because I knew that everything would fall out in a big heap and I wouldn't be able to controll it.
I had a friend and we were talking she said to me that I was so lucky being able to deal with uncertainty and insecurity. I hadn't thought of it like that. I thought that I was struggling to survive. She opened my eyes, comming at it from a different angle. So I opened the cupboard and let everything out. Maybe I am lucky being able to deal with the chaos or maybe I need it?
I think that I can understand how you feel SOLB when you talk about the tangled mess.
I've just read back on the last two pages, as a friend of SOLB's in the mundane and kitchen threads on clubhouse, and have met the lovely woman in real life in a big clod of mud called Sodbury.
TBH I'm a bit lost for words, I had no idea of the scale of what you've been going through SOLB, and am (selfishly) more than a little scared by how much struck a chord. Can I just ask, having had a total change of life foisted on me by circumstances outside my control - dual redundancy for me and hubby - is it a fair-enough reaction to think "If I do this totally unrealted thing it will be okay vs. it's all gone wrong since I did this unrelated thing"?. Logically and having studied psychology at university in 1982 (far too long ago to remember anything useful) I think I'm just trying to make sense where none exists, and trying to control things that are outside my control but....
Superstition, first stage OCD or just an understandable reaction to someone who's used to being in control not being able to control big stuff that's happening in life?
SOLB, sounds like things went well for you. Awesome!
I just wrote quite a long post, then realised it was all rubbish so deleted it. I think it sounds like quite a few of us are very good at judging ourselves rather than just accepting. I've no idea how you accept stuff, I prefer just to swear at myself instead!
Hash, to ask questions, to want answers, to learn is normal. It only becomes an issue if it becomes morbid, consumes you, exists outside of usual boundaries.
Redundancy and more to the point dual redundancy is a fairly major issue. Some people welcome it, for others it's a shock. There is little that you can do. Companies are not allowed to cherry pick the best to keep. It is usually based on what job you are doing and how long have you been in that job. The bottom line is often - how expensive it is to get rid of you.
Cause and effect is primitive and deeply ingrained in us all. It's the rote of very many religious systems.
You will move on but it will be slow.
SOLB wrote (see)
Ben-o I often delete my rubbish posts. I was tempted to delete the OCD rambling above and just leave the link in but I’ve decided that it was full of love rambling so it should stay
I'm very glad you didn't delete it, it's given me a lot of food for thought. Frodo and Mouse too, thanks you lovely lot xx
There's so much I'd like to say but cant and lots of time i've written on here and had to delete it. I've been depressed and suicidal before. As Mouse said - and was correct for me - it's all about getting another perspective that made me realise some very basic things - i didnt want to die, i had something more to live for. I went into counselling for a while and they taught me some 'tricks' to see the beauty in every day but I still struggle.
This is nothing in comparison to all of you... I feel humbled to read all of your messages - you are truly an amazing bunch of strong people.
I like that you think of us as friends SOLB, that's lovely. Thank you.
EDI, you clearly love your mindfulness. When I've tried I have found it really hard to do, but I think reading (for me at least) about the 7 pillars and just focusing on stuff has helped. I suppose I've been lucky in that I've never taken many of my thoughts seriously (I mean, I think about killing someone at least everyday, it does mean I'm ever going to harm anyone though).
I really like the compassion stuff as well, though again I find that hard to do. I follow the Dalai Lama on twitter and tell myself this is much the same as being mindful and compassionate but I don't think it is!
Emmy_bug, I think it's interesting that you compare yourself to everyone else and say we're denigrate your experiences. I think all of us do that, comparisons are really unhelpful. None of us can truly know what anyone else has experienced and lived through, so the Dalai Lama would say something about accepting everyone and ourselves and bein compassionate towards others (though he'd say it a lot better than I would).
Have a good day guys!
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