Mental illness and running

wish i had lots of love

i'm just a poor boy, no body cares

Hey GFB
Thanks for the love and hugs
Having your parents sectioned must have been awful darling, I know when I was on the ward for a while my mother found visiting me traumatic (she threw up when she left) can’t imagine how much worse the whole process must have been when it’s the other way around – especially as the level of difficulties they faced and therefore unintentionally foisted on you must have been so acute. (((GFB))) Not surprised you didn’t feel particularly keen to get medical help given your history, though for any worried lurkers GPs etc actually don’t tend to overreact to anxiety, depression etc and are extremely unlikely to section anyone even if they are suicidal or having full blown panic attacks etc.
Panic attacks sound horrendous GFB, I’ve heard that before about feeling you were going to die – is it literal? I’d always thought it was figurative but it’s just occurred to me it might actually be a literal fear of dying. Either way it must be horrendously frightening even without worrying about whether you're going mad on top of it.
The most supportive, sympathetic and wonderful people I’ve ever met are people that have also suffered on some level too.
Errr how poor is poor Mick? I’ll sell you some love …. Errrr …. No hang on I’d better re-phrase that …. Can’t even offer to share the love now!!
I’m feeling weird. Feeling a bit less inclined to jumping off bridges has made me feel a bit shocked about how many seconds were between me and not me. I’m starting to wonder if part of me is so cross about the shoddy treatment of the police cos I was so cross at them for being there at all. Not sure whether I should be pursuing a complaint now if it’s just me being angry about something I have no right to be angry about even if I can justify it with the genuinely bad treatment.
I need to stop thinking and get out for a bimble or something - have got the start of a cold so probably not the best time to try to get back to running but I think it would probably be very useful.
Lots of love micknphil! x

ATTTCHOOOOOO I have been for a little bimble, have resolved to do a little running and try to work with the crisis team etc for a week no matter how rubbish things get. If the situation really is hopeless then it'd still be hopeless in a week if it's not hopeless then maybe a week will change things - especially with the promise of new meds. Either way it's time for my game face <insert game face>

Yeah, SOLB! Game face! Whoop whoop!

I was going to say "level up" but thought this a little geeky. SOLB, when you say feeling weird, what do you mean? Are you hungry? Tired? Heartburn? (I never know with myself so I have to check to know if it's an actual feeling or physical sensation) Good job on the run by the way, I should probably make it out tonight but I'm still a little achey from Sunday.

Hello GFB. I often think to myself that anxiety is the most natural of all emotions so people shouldn't feel bad about it. And panic attacks to happen to almost everyone, you need the wrong conditions. Personally I'm more a fan of chronic stress, though apparently it's quite bad for you. C'est la vie!

SOLB - the worst thing about what happened to mum and dad (separate incidents years apart) is that we saw it happen to dad - and we were sent to our aunts for a couple of weeks...I mean I loved my aunt but we didn't really know what was happening at home and I was prone to a wild imagination at the best of times!!

The feeling of dying was literal - I really and truly thought I was having a heart attack or a stroke or something and was it was totally out of my control.

Thing is about my childhood is that my mum later on in life returned to school to get an education and ended up a psychologist...her life experience became a blessing to her as she has so much empathy, so much love for people and can understand what they are going through. (she's retired now...it broke her heart to retire - and she didn't retire until 66, she would have worked on but had to take sick leave due to a bad fall and broke her arm...she'd still be at it now if she could!!)

Hey everyone. Today was really hard for some reason, yet looking at it objectively over 50% should be classed as positive. Think hormones may be playing their part.
My mum spent most of my teenage years in and out of hospital. I think seeing her after she'd self harmed was the worst bit. I vowed never to put my children through that. Sadly, I ended up in hospital myself but I really would love to train as a psychologist when my son is bigger/better

I wouldn’t dream of accusing you of being a geek Ben-o 8)
GFB your Mums story is lovely, I think that my therapist has a similar story. She’s in her 70’s and has been doing the job for a really long time. She has a minor nervous twitch but more than that she’s the only person I’ve ever met working in mental health that has retained her empathy and still feels true compassion for her patients. She says she is constantly amazed at the bravery of her patients and she really does get cross when she hears how other people have hurt or abused them. She is also the most insightful and astute person I have ever met. I think your Mums story gives us all hope, life can become worthwhile and meaningful even though it looked so bleak and desolate at some point. I bet you're equally proud of each other
Hi by ‘eck, sorry you’ve had a tough one. Anything specific or just life being a bit sh*te? Hope you’re feeling a bit better.
Ahh sorry that your boy still has some getting better to do himself. I think you can still learn from the mistakes others made around you even if you can’t control things completely. History doesn’t have to repeat itself, your boy won't be affected in the same way you were because you will know what you need to protect him from.

I have a tingly I'm getting a cold feeling, why am I such a baby about having a cold when I'm such a tough cookie about the serious stuff?
ATTTCHOOOOOOOO <please attach sympathy here> SNIFF

SOLB

Well! you've had a flying visit from Mick (of micknphil fame) One of the signs of a good thread.

And if you don't believe it is a good thread, then just look at the interest and mutual support that this thread has stirred up.

And as requested:

Sympathy - - - - - -  - > (((((SOLB)))))

I'm a geek and I know it.

I know plenty of people who work in health professions who have a history or current difficulties (disclosed or not). It's no surprise really, some people deal with their own distress by caring for others. Other people do it because they want to give back and genuinely help people in distress. And then there are psychiatrists.

I'm not very good at sympathy SOLB, so...best of luck, worst things happen at sea, it's always darkest before the dawn. *firm handshake*

 

Big D, that made me smile. Thank you for the attached sympathy I have applied it now so the I've-got-a-cold moaning should stop for about 40 seconds until it's expired. (I may have to confess it's really not even a bad one, sore throat and sporadic sneezing I suspect man-flu is ahoy though!)

I suppose you're right Ben-o it must be a really hard job to do and something fairly powerful must motivate people to get into it. None the less in my experience (which is very limited in the grand scheme of things) it's a rare and remarkable thing to find someone working in mental health who is still compassionate - I know why, I don't think I could do it either, but it makes it worth noting and celebrating in those that somehow manage it.

I have a docs appointment at my new doctors surgery in an hour, cos they like to meet new patients as it takes a long time to get notes across - I think it's sweet but what a tangled little mess I'd present today. I don't know what meds I'm on, I don't know what meds I'll be on in the next few days, I don't know whether they need to be prescribed by the doc or the crisis team. I don't know when the next appointment is to ask. I.don't.know. I don't want to go cos I'll feel like such a pleb and it's such a waste of time...hey ho standing doctors up is even worse. Could someone please push me in the direction of the shower?

PS. <looks innocent> I don't know what you meant by and then there are psychiatrists, surely they'd be the most caring compassionate ones of the lot ....... no? (I did actually meet a nice one last week but I think he was just a rogue psychiatrist who will be recalled and subjected to reprogramming)

One of my Favorite quote that keeps me mentally focused - 'you got to want it more then breathing' that and Florence and The machines and Tiesto on the Ipod.

SOLB, my psych is lovely. He reminds me of john sergeant, both in appearance and personality. Sadly, he is private so not available to the NHS. I am lucky that my OH gets health insurance through work. I have a very good therapist. She doesn't swamp me with sympathy, gives me realistic targets and checks I'm ok if I have a hard session, my son is hospital or she thinks I might need it.
oh, and she's a mental health nurse in the NHS.
Sadly, my first psych made me much much worse (didn't realise how ill I was and then kept me in hospital for weeks even tho it was clear it was my meds making me very poorly) and I walked out of a session I had with my first therapist.
Wow, I can't believe I've actually told someone all this stuff. Sorry if it's a bit random or too much.
SOLB - I won't offer sympathy but i'll stick a cuppa and biscuit by you.

hello

Hi Mick!

How life with you these days?

David

hello friend -  i'm ok you know

not done much over last 12 months due to benign prostate sickness - but i'm on the re build, and as you know, i have a huge advantage over most because of expereince

yes David i echo your remarks about this thread

it is a Super brilliant thread and SOLB should be congratulated for it

I know it's the wrong thread but thinking about your cold SoLB and your out of phase this afternoon.

When I was comming down with my cold I went to a core session. i couldn't balance and kept falling over. Most unlike me. I couldn't fathom what was wrong but knew my head felt a little fuzzy.

Roll forward a couple of weeks, back in England and i'm cycling to work, have one steep hill and I struggled to cycle up it. i could feel my heart rate was far to high and far too weak. This hill is my indicator of my fitness, If I can sprint up it I know I'm well.

So today you felt ill, you have a cold. There are some nasty colds going around at the moment. I hope that all you experienced was the sympyoms of your cold.

Anyway get better soon and look after yourself.

Thanks will, that made me smile

Awww by ‘eck that’s so sweet, I’m impressed that there are some nice psychiatrists living in the wild! I totally get the not being swamped with sympathy – in fact I was thrilled about the same thing with my GP today – she was concerned and patient but not sickly sweet or overly sympathetic. DO you feel listened to with your psychiatrist? I really struggle to make myself speak at all with mine - so much so that the therapist is coming in with me next time cos I didn't manage to answer any questions last time, just sat and shook.

Your first psych sounds horrific – I’ve had an unhelpful ride with my last psychiatrist but nothing like that scale. I just felt we were stuck in a rut, he’d disregard anything I said that didn’t fit with his preconceived idea of the diagnosis and cram anything that didn’t quite fit in like a toddler with a puzzle. Thankfully the new team immediately realised the diagnosis was completely wrong and we're sorting it. How did you realise your guy was wrong?

It’s nothing like too random or too much. It’s really nice that you shared it. I don’t think we’ve got anything to be ashamed of, it’s just so hard to talk about (and anyway if people don't wanna hear about mental health stuff then I suspect they'd be better off looking at a thread with a different title!)

I’m so glad you escaped the unhelpful psych, and got off the meds.

Prostate sickness sounds a bit carp Mick, glad things are looking up.
*basks in the warm glow of the congrats*

I have the crisis team coming tomorrow at 4 - I find them really confusing. They text me asking if I wanted to see them over the weekend, I replied telling them that I'd determined not to do anything drastic until we've challenged the hopelessness with the new meds so I'd be safe - which has made them decide to come and see me even sooner instead. I don't really like the crisis team I don't find them helpful.

*yawn* I am in dire need of some tea and bed, hope you all get some sleep xxx

Hi Mousey,
X-post, I think there's probably a link - I was possibly suffering some withdrawal from naughtily not taking the meds too. The anti-psychotics made me feel very, very ill getting on to them. Suddenly withdrawing them might have caused some issues - I'm being good and taking my night time meds now
I don't usually get particularly affected by colds but this one came via SOLBsis and the mini's and they've all been feeling really poorly for about 3 weeks so it probably is a bit nasty.
Will no doubt feel better after some zz's (which I'll definitely get on my new 'knockanelephantout' dose of meds)
x

How are you doing today SOLB? Your crisis team might want to see how you are doing so they can work out how much support you need over the weekend. It is a long time (5 days) until they are back into normal working patterns. I do know what you mean about "i won't do anything at the moment" and sometimes people think that means you have everything planned and they need to whisk you off someplace safe and drug you into submission.
I knew the drugs didn't work cos I managed to convince the staff to watch my son and walked to the nearest train station. Need I say more. I took the decision myself not to jump because there were children on the platform. It was actually the itching that drove me to distraction, oh and being knocked out with sleeping tablets but still having too many thoughts whizzing around.
i'm not normally this morose. i'm actually quite amusing.

Hey, Sorry By 'eck I was sulking. The crisis team was OK, as pointless as ever really.
They had completely forgotten the promise to review meds with the psychiatrist. I have to go and meet with him again on Tuesday - they've said he'll prescribe the Duloxetine - but if that's the case I can't really see why I have to waste his time by going to see him, surely he can just write the prescription.
So sorry for not replying to your post sooner by 'eck - ironically I didn't know what to say. Can't believe you managed to escape to the station while in a hospital - that's fairly shocking though I suppose mistakes do happen.
It wasn't too morose, just very real. I doubt there's anyone who hasn't thought about suicide at one point(to a greater or lesser degree) I think most people stop at idly wandering what would happen and how they'd do it but others get driven through that stage to the next and so on. It's weird how little we can talk about stuff like that. I spent a long time evaluating methods, I choose the specific bridge I did because it is over mud flats. I didn't want to endanger other people with roads/trainlines etc and water isn't sure enough.
A few years ago while I was idly fantasising about suicide(as opposed to actually being in danger) I discovered a website that listed all the different methods by how lethal they were - it was a very frightening resource with lists of the most effective medications and heights required for a fatal drop etc. I'm usually pretty liberal on the freedom of speech side of things but I can't believe the site hadn't been closed down for it's risk to vulnerable people.
I'm feeling quite spaced out zombie like so it's making it hard to think and my eyes don't like being made to focus on texts. If this is rambling rubbish please disregard it.