Mental illness and running

I wanted a place where we could get advice and support.

261 to 280 of 6,055 messages
15/04/2012 at 14:11
Hello SOLB, your welcome to join me on virtual plod anytime. I was weak willed today and stopped after 1.72miles, boredom set in I need someone to distract me. Hope to shove myself out this evening and do couple of miles, perhaps plod to gym and do weights, bus it back.

Treadmills are hell in my gym crap air conditioning so only use them for 12min HIT hill sessions no hills nearby.

Can you get your shrink to agree to you adjust your dose as needed?

At least you post stuff on FB all I do is play Farmville passes the time when unable to sleep doesn't take to much concentration great for jelly brain and can enlarge screen when meds have messed up vision. Im waiting for a Windows 7 compatible Scrabble to come out, had it on my old computer but that was Vista.

Hope you got some good sleep
15/04/2012 at 21:42

Ooh, can I get in on the FB drivel?

Curly, I can't believe you're calling youself weak-willed when you A) Go running B) Go running twice in one day C) And then possibly go the gym and do weights! That's hardcore! I struggle to even motivate myself to go for a run.

If anyone's interested, there's an inquiry into the diagnosis of schizophrenia and anyone can have their say: Schizophrenia Inquiry

I hope everyone's had a good weekend.

18/04/2012 at 21:35
Thanks curlyplodder, will have to be virtual plods for a little bit. I have managed to faint a few times in the last few days, it’s not particularly dramatic, I’m not out for long and I don’t feel too dreadful but it does make running a little irresponsible (I may do it anyway we know how stubborn I am!!)

The inquiry is interesting Ben-o, I had a little nosey but didn’t have anything useful to contribute!

How are you all getting on? I feel mean I’ve been neglecting you over the last few days. I have been pretty rubbish though I’m feeling better this evening.

My therapist and I are in a tricky position she doesn’t feel it is safe to carry on with therapy but I don’t feel it is safe not to. She is worried that the stuff we are talking about will make me feel unsafe and that because I feel unsafe at home there is too much risk in doing it. I feel like we are in checkmate, I can’t change the home situation, I can’t change the past and I can’t get back my coping mechanisms any faster (running mostly, awaiting more tests spirometry and heart trace) From my point of view I can’t bear for things not to change and the only thing I can change in all this is me, therefore the only thing that can possibly move is therapy. She sort of agrees but is genuinely concerned. I feel a bit guilty that’s a lot of responsibility for her, she is continuing cautiously against her better judgement.

Medwise we’ve doubled the anti-d’s I haven’t had chance to ask about reducing the antipsychotics but I am still taking my normal dose and haven’t fallen apart.

Hoping you’re all oK, you’ve been quiet while I’ve been sulking in the corner

xxx
18/04/2012 at 21:39
(((((SOLB))))))
I was wondering how things were going. I'm so sorry to hear things are so tough.
Have they changed your diagnosis recently?
18/04/2012 at 21:41
They are fighting about it
18/04/2012 at 22:01

Hmm SOLB, that's tough about therapy. But I think you're the one who has the make the call at the end of the day. You're the one who'll know when it's too much and when it's ok. After all, you keep yourself going between sessions. So you must be coping in some way, right? Even if it doesn't feel like it.

I suppose it's also about just talking about it and what you need. I have everything faith in you that you know what the right thing for you is.

As for diagnosis...ugh, just why?

18/04/2012 at 22:12
Thanks Ben-o, I appreciate that it's risky but I think if we do nothing then there's a 100% chance of suicide cos I know that I can't cope now and there's no hope of anything else changes it's completely outside of my control - if we try and move forwards then whatever the percentage risk it's less than right now cos at least I'm pushing through until next week to give it a try.

It's hope for change and if it's too much for me I don't see how we've lost anything. My therapist is brilliant, she is very, very experienced and knows what she is doing. I know why she is worried but I think it's the only chance I have. Luckily (after pulling some 'OMG I'm not sure about this' faces!) she has agreed to give it a go.

Diagnosis is very annoying, I moved to a different area so got a new team. The new team immediately thought the old diagnosis was rubbish (which it is) so we have been working with the new one which makes a lot more sense. However, after the homeless saga I was forced to move somewhere that is just over the border and technically back in the old team. That means that my day to day care; therapy, OT, Key Worker etc are all in the new place and the Crisis Team and emergency Psychiatrist belong in the old team. The Crisis Team and emergency psychiatrist are sticking to their original diagnosis and the new team are adamant that they are right with the new one. They are all getting together for a meeting about it on Monday and I have to go I don't want to but I'm not allowed to skive off it even though it sounds horrible.

18/04/2012 at 22:34

Oh no, I was on about the risk I was saying you can do it!

You're right about being hopeful, I suppose your therapist is just trying to keep you safe. But it's like in that well-known inspirational film, The Halls of Montezuma (WWII, the US Marines invade a Japanese isalnd), "Hope is the mother of mankind". Cheesey but true!

This is one of the many issues I have with diagnosis, where (and tell me if I'm wrong) the professionals seem more interested in it than you are. You just seem to want suffer less. As for skiving off...skiving is bad but if the meeting is going to cause you're stress you have to look after yourself. Also, they can't detain for not going to a meeting. I'm sure they can't.

18/04/2012 at 22:50
Thanks, I hope so, I feel better now we have a plan even if it is a difficult and slightly dangerous one.

I think so, she has a duty of care to keep me safe but I think hope that pain will pass is the only thing that drags any of us through the hard times. Once I explained how I felt my lovely therapist agreed to give it a go straight away. She is worried but because it's art therapy it's at my pace anyway. She doesn't ask questions so technically I will only have to discuss things my sub0conscious is ready to discuss. The therapist wants the crisis team to keep me open on their books (but not have to see me) so I can contact them if it becomes intolerable. I don't mind but I doubt I'd contact them.

I don't much care what the diagnosis is. It makes no difference to what is happening to me no matter whether they call it red or blue. The problem is the old diagnosis makes people dismissive and makes it hard to get help whereas the new diagnosis has its own set of difficulties.

I am as sure as I can be that the new diagnosis is right (though equally unflattering) but unsurprisingly no one actually cares what I think! Thankfully my therapist is very experienced and pretty senior (she is head of art therapy in a large area)so she has some clout ... I haven't met the psychiatrist from the new team yet and I've only met the emergency psych from the old team twice for 20 minutes a time so I suspect they won't be involved. The silly hierarchy is annoying but I'm sure they'll squabble it out. I don't want to go to the meeting but if the OT, my Key worker and therapist are fighting for me I don't want to let them down. Will have to see what Monday brings, it's not yet confirmed because it depends on availability so I may have a temporary reprieve if it gets re-scheduled.

I'm struggling with frighteningly rapid weight gain on the drugs (my diet is much better behaved than usual) any one got any tips?

18/04/2012 at 22:54
Evening all - had a rubbish couple of weeks here (no where near as tough as some of yours) but just thought I'd pop in and say hello

Can't help with the meds and weight, SOLB, sorry have you been able to get out again, even for a little potter?
18/04/2012 at 23:02
I'd say a rubbish couple of weeks is rubbish no matter how tough the comparison looks (((Frodo))) anything we can do? Are you still feeling really overwhelmed by all the responsibilities you have at the moment? Any news on North Dorset?

I'm grounded again already cos I keep fainting I'm supposed to be careful until my docs appointment but that's weeks away so I suspect I'll go for a little potter and just stop if I feel dizzy. Naughty but I need to find ways to cope and truthfully they aren't bad faints, I'm only out for a few seconds and I think it's just low blood pressure from the meds or anaemia from my rubbish diet over the last few months.
18/04/2012 at 23:19

Like SOLB says, tough is still tough Frodo.

They're not bad faints? *gives you a playful punch on the shoulder* They're still faints and you need to look after yourself! I get you need to exercise but fainting is not good for you. So take it easy but at the same time, keep doing what helps! I don't know what I mean anymore. I'm going to have to go to bed, night y'all.

18/04/2012 at 23:27
Night night Ben-o xxx
19/04/2012 at 11:34
Shhhhhh I'm hiding. Have just refused to open the door to the crisis team. Too scared. I've text them to say I'm OK but too scared to answer, wonder if they are busy getting a battering ram! I've never not answered before
I am a bad bad solb

How are you feeling today Frodo? Any brighter or still struggling? (((Frodo)))
19/04/2012 at 12:01

Hiding? Hmm. As long as you are actually ok SOLB.

The crisis team probably don't own a battering ram, they'd have to borrow one from the police!

19/04/2012 at 12:11
No grounds to borrow Mr policemans big stick, I told them I am ok and not at all suicidal. They've just messaged back to say I need to collect meds from loony bin ... strangely enough if too scared to open the door to let them in I'm also too scared to open it to hurl myself out.
19/04/2012 at 12:40

Whoa, whoa, whoa! You're telling me that being too scared to see people in your home has some impact on your desire to go outside, where there are lots of people, and go to a hospital? You have literally (not literally, metaphorically) blown my mind!

Sometimes I really despair at the thoughtlessness of some people. So have you get a plan to get your meds?

I have to open the door as people can see me working in the window, fortunately I'm so unfriendly though don't stop long.

19/04/2012 at 12:52
That made me smile, sorry about the exploding mind - hope you weren't using it.

Have you been growling at the postman again Ben-o?

Plan is to go and collect meds when feeling better, can go up to 9pm today or tomorrow (I've taken todays so only an issue if I don't get them tomorrow)
19/04/2012 at 13:07

As the people who talk to me or have to read what rubbish I write know, I rarely use my brain.

Not the postman, there was some guy yesterday collecting money for dogs and cats. The poor guy...why do the good die so young???

That sounds like a good plan.

19/04/2012 at 17:14

I'll do some hugs, but mainly to help me feel better (((((((SOLB)))))) (((((Ben-o)))))) ((((((Frodo))))))))))

(please note, number of brackets used does not indicate size of hug, merely the users inability to count the number of times she is pressing).

SOLB, I know it must be frustrating and scary, but your therapist's first responsibility is to keeping you safe from harm.  That is harm to yourself as well as from other people.  I had to be mentally strong enough before mine would go into certain parts of my brain (as I call it) and there are still lots of places we don't go if I am vulnerable for what ever reason.

I have days where I don't open the door.  My mum has a key tho, and isn't afraid to use it.  She makes me talk to her (often it is complete drivel, like the stuff I post on here). I think our fear to go outside or open the door often comes when we want to hide ourselves away.  It's not necessarily the outside that is the problem - it symbolises our willingness/need to communicate and link in with other people.

Is there any other way you can get your meds? Can someone else collect them for you if you explain the situation to the hospital?

Ben-o, we had a doorstep salesman who was trying to sell us something I was actually reasonably interested in.  Only problem - he wanted first of all to talk to my parents (despite me having my son sat on my hip), then wouldn't book an appointment for a consultation unless my husband/the homeowner was present.  The house is jointly in our names, and OH works away a lot.  That guy went home with more than a flea in his ear (I sneakily picked some of the neghbour stray for this kind of situation) and I made a follow-up call to his boss.  Oh, and gave him a freshly baked chocolate brownie just to make him feel REALLY bad.

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