Mental illness and running

I wanted a place where we could get advice and support.

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20/04/2012 at 16:53
I want to collect money for me … the second hand grubby cooker saga is over and I have a partial refund (not fair that it's only partial but it would have been stupid to let the argument continue over £18) but after 4 months without a cooker I’ve just fallen in love with a very expensive one *knocks on ben-o’s door and grins hopefully*
DO you need those hugs returning by ‘eck? Here’s mine with interest ((((((((((((By ‘eck))))))))))))
I agree maybe the hiding is as much about hating me as hating the outside. I went to pick up the meds today. Felt better until the creepy neighbour appeared and spoke to me – now feeling carp again.
Wishing life would be easier but it's a silly wish and I know it.
I forgot to eat yesterday, am eating now and hoping to pop out for a bimble tomorrow - I don't feel faint anymore maybe was just all the meds coming and going
How are things with you guys?
20/04/2012 at 18:19

By Eck, you had a go at some seemingly sexist salesman and gave him a chocolate brownie? I'll be honest, for a brownie I'd take that. But I LOVE brownies.

You never know SOLB, if you can sell me on the your own welfare/health and that people need to eat and you'll bake me the occasional cake/brownie then I'd probably go for that. Especially if you said you couldn't cook pizza, that'd be upsetting.

Your creepy neighbour? Does he have a moustache? That's a sure sign of creepiness,

I am tired to be honest, need more caffeine.

20/04/2012 at 19:44
*hands Ben-o caffeine and an uncooked brownie and rests her case for a new cooker*
21/04/2012 at 00:53
I've just written a nice note to creepy neighbour saying that I didn't think I'd explained well enough when I said I don't want to speak. I said I am scared of being spoken to as well. I didn't ever say 'by you' cos to be honest I'd hate it if anyone talked at me as much as he does!!

I'm frightened it was the wrong thing to do but I've ended it by saying could we please just not speak at all. A nod, wave or a note through the door but no talking. The end. At least I've said it, am scared he'll take it badly or something but it can't be any worse than living my whole life imprisoned in the flat too scared to even go outside to put the rubbish out.

Eeeeeek please don't go wrong. Please don't go wrong. etc etc
21/04/2012 at 10:41

I'm sure it'll all be fine SOLB. You've said what you need and explained very nicely about that. What he does now is up to him. Some people don't get the "leave me alone" vibe (door salesmen take note).

So how much does this cooker cost?

21/04/2012 at 10:55

Too much it'll be fine, I'm not really overly materialistic and I'll be happy with whatever I get. Just need to keep an eye out for a good deal

No word from neighbour yet. I don't think I've said anything offensive and to be honest if he's sulking and ignoring me it'll be a good thing. I don't think he's likely to get aggressive.

I'm caught in a dilemma I want to go for a bimble but I don't want to eat.

I have the spirometry test on Monday am really hoping it is asthma cos that's so treatable.

I'm not suicidal anymore, though not yet pleased the security guard intervened, that's good news but weirdly I feel more sad and generally ouchy.

What does the weekend have in store for you guys?
21/04/2012 at 12:44

I care that little about money I probably would buy you something, may be a dispoable barbecue? A little gas burner? If you have a backgarden, you can make an oven out of soil and heating stones. I can't say I've ever baked brownies in one though.

I would think that your neighbour wouldn't say anything, because that's what you've asked him to do. It'll be fine.

You need to eat SOLB, whether you run as well is up to you. Even if it's just a salad or something awful like that.

Good luck for Monday!

More sad? I'm sorry. *ineffective pat on the shoulder* Why do you think that might be?

I'm working all weekend, boo. I'm so tired.

21/04/2012 at 14:05
*trails mud into the thread*

Well the brownies are in the oven.

Want me to bury work for you too?
21/04/2012 at 14:55

Whoop whoop!

I feel I deserve brownies after staring at a computer screen for at least 45 minutes, may be even 50.

The work cannot be buried sadly, it has to be done.

Did you go for a run? Or eat?

21/04/2012 at 15:06
Erm .... I've not done either yet. In fact I've completely wasted today so far (should have done some work for you!)

*traipses off to look in the fridge again*
21/04/2012 at 16:15

Wasted? That's a bit judgemental. Be kinder to yourself, it might mean you eat something.

I'm going to go buy some brownies or something sweet because my workload demands it (in an avoidant way).

21/04/2012 at 16:26
I'll tell you a secret *whispers* I don't like chocolate cake. You can have my share. *Looks around to see if anyone called the men in white coats*
Have eaten now, decided that was most likely to be the sensible option! Should probably go for a walk or a bimble but I don't want to, maybe will open the curtains as a compromise - wow my life is so rock and roll!

21/04/2012 at 17:36

You're not alone SOLB. I've met plenty (well, not plenty, at least 1) of people who don't like chocolate cake. As far as I'm aware, it's not a psychiatric disorder. I think wearing odd socks is a disorder of some kind, but I'm not sure what category it's in yet.

Sensible is sometimes good. Ok, so curtains open? How's outside looking? Not particularly inviting, I know, but if you put on coat you could go for a brief stroll? A bit of fresh air and just being outside may help a little...

21/04/2012 at 17:48
Curtains are open, looks pretty good actually - late afternoon sunshine weakly beating down. Can't escape without passing the neighbour who is hovering about the doorstep as usual, my compromise wait until it's dusky then pop out for a bit cos he'll be in a drunken heap and I'm not scared of the dark. Was supposed to go and see my parents and spotty dog today but I'm too anti-social. I'm not really sick now, all of this sounds worse than it is. I'm actually much better which is why I'm starting to feel guilty about the stuff I'm supposed to be doing.
I HAVE A PAIR OF SOCKS ON just call me little miss normality
How's work going? Done?
21/04/2012 at 18:15

You've got sunshine? Nice.

With the neighbour, you could always see if he's taken in the note and just see if he'll respect your wishes. And if he doesn't, you don't have to feel bad about blanking/ignoring/walking away from him. 

The best way to deal with guilt is by pushing it out of your head (using cake, alcohol or years aggressive defense mechanisms). No, that's not right. I mean, the guilt's only going to get worse the more you avoid something, so don't. (I'm glad you're feeling better though).

Wearing a pair of socks doesn't make you normal, it just makes you a worthwhile human being (I'm pretty hardline on this).

The work won't be done till next week when I've got the deadline. I've just got some feedback which has made things much, much worse. I should probably go deal with that.

21/04/2012 at 19:00
Wow you are hardline indeed, luckily I have a not so secret thing for cool socks so I'll stay in your good books for a while
Grr to problematic feedback; I've just drowned some guilt in my teapot ... want me to lob the feedback in too?

How are we celebrating next week? Virtual party?!
21/04/2012 at 20:12

Cool socks are where all the cool kids are at.

It's ok, I'm going to crush this feedback with my mind-vice.

The deadline is Friday, so still a few more days. The only plan I have is to sleep, so I can sleep through the virtual party and you could do the oh-so-mature thing to draw a moustache or rude words on me while I sleep (virtually).

21/04/2012 at 22:03


I love the idea of virtual graffiti


Your fears may be  irrational, but your posts on here have a whole lot of logic and sense!

I think that this thread of yours is a good friendly place, and on here, you are able to talk to all kinds of people. Would you talk to me in the street? [The little animated cartoon is of me, but I am 6'2"]

Tomorrow I am going to do something scary. I am going to sing a song I have written - but that is not the really scary bit, I have done that sort of thing before.

The scary bit is I am going to introduce it by playing it on the guitar. I have never played my guitar in public before. As an axman I am a real beginner. But you have to start somewhere (gulp!)

21/04/2012 at 22:35

Hi David,

I particularly like the virtual part of the graffiti.

I think that's brave performing in public like that, even more so considering you're not confident on the guitar. Good luck for tomorrow, I hope it goes well!

21/04/2012 at 23:07
Made me laugh too {)

I guess you're right, I probably wouldn't talk to you on the street. I don't speak very often in real life - though of those forumites I've met those that I trust on the forum I trust in real life too. I have never met such a genuine set of people before.

It isn't just me who finds the neighbour difficult, the crisis team have found him really difficult when they've been visiting me and even the OT has gone on record describing him as 'creepy.'

I'd be petrified to sing a song I'd written, well I'd be petrified to sing at all - though that might have more to do with being a tone deaf monkey than anything else. I'm full of admiration for you playing the guitar in public too Will you pop on tomorrow to let us know how it went?

I am really glad today is over, I'm going to make a real effort to have a more normal routine tomorrow; starting with breakfast and a bimble! I think the storm has passed and now I need to make sure I don't get stuck surveying the damage. I really need to get back on my feet as soon as possible and a routine of sorts will help - though next week is a bit tricky cos I have so many different medical appointments I need to be a bit flexible. I think I'm going to have to take a sleeping tablet tonight otherwise I'll be up all night rehearsing the way I want to do things tomorrow - visualisation is helpful unless it leaves you so exhausted you can't do anything!!

I really am impressed Big D, will send you virtual support (and a virtual tash or two for your audience to help reduce the nerves!)

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