I wanted a place where we could get advice and support.
No problem, I was about to leave for work so it didn't wake me up. But I did think that some emergency must have happened as you wouldn't normally phone, especially that early
It's part of the same washing machine saga. My first lovely one broke, the repair man couldn't fix it but recommended a charity that refurbish dumped ones. I used them for Wilbur (who was named to stop me hating him cos he was so grubby looking) but it turned out Wilbur had a fault when he arrived so I arranged an exchange ...slowly cos they were incapable of understanding the I can't talk on the phone bit. That exchanged machine was faulty on arrival and so was the next one. I was grumpy and got a refund and now we are up to Wilbur III (Wilbur, Wilbur I and Wilbur II all being useless) but I got Wilbur III from somewhere else so hopefully that's it now. Oops poor worried SCaz
OK here's the explanation I've just written for SCaz - I don't know how much makes sense it's not very easy to explain.
I've not done anything bad for once! I still feel really well so didn't notice that in the last three weeks or so all of my warning signs bar two have been triggered. I have got really socially paranoid, sort of projecting self loathing onto my interpretations of other people's view of me. I thought that was it but yesterday I realised my eating has gone wrong, I have been too scared to go to bed and loads of other little ones and the major one I hadn't been out since I got back from the NYE party - I had convinced myself I was just being lazy but I wasn't I was really, really scared and clinically paranoid. I realised on the very last day that I'd have had any chance to change it. It's a bit difficult to explain it's like I cross a point of no return and from that point will power and bravery and stuff just aren't enough. I was very genuinely on the edge of another 3 or 4 months being stuck indoors and I didn't realise it. I didn't know if I could make myself go outside yesterday but I knew it was my last chance before I got so bad I needed intervention. So really all that happened yesterday was that I went for a run; but actually what happened yesterday is that I won the battle for my next three or four months. It would have been the worst episode I've had for about 18 months in some respects (possibly excluding the bridge) had the paranoia developed any more but I've bought myself a couple of weeks worth of reprieve (so long as I go out every day etc) which gives me enough time to talk to Sally and up the anti psychotics temporarily. I still think it's very weird I really, really don't think I'm ill. I don't feel ill at all but my warning signs, including those that usually only occur in very serious episodes are all here and I can feel that my perception isn't quite right but not how it's wrong. It really is OK now, I have to stay focussed and be careful but it's not an emergency but oh my god it so nearly was. It was only a chance remark someone made about going to the supermarket that suddenly made me see all the other warning signs in the first place. Hmm actually having explained it now I might copy this onto the thread. I wasn't trying to be cryptic but it's difficult to give enough background to make sense especially as part of it relies on the my knowledge of what has happened before both when I have and have not been successful at going out at that stage.
SOLB it's a real victory that you spotted the warning signs and managed to head them off
I've had an exciting idea! I've found an improvisation course. I just have a hunch it'll help me.
I thought I'd got beyond this but I've noticed lately I'm sometimes overthinking stuff that I say, so maybe it'll help to just go with stuff. I remember when I was teaching thinking that I was at my best when stuff just flowed.
I'm a bit wibbly about it too so the Virtual Cheerleading squad would be most welcome.
First night is Monday
SOLB - well done. That is amazing and thanks for sharing. I can really relate to warning signs even though you feel well and its so easy to ignore them so that is a very good lesson for me to take on. Thank you.
Pom poms on turbo charge for Bear
Ear plugs for Caz tonight
I have runned a mile
Well done to the VRC runners today. I was definitely right to take a break today. Last nights run was quite an effort. We need to get more poms poms in ready to support Bear on Monday.
SOLB - thanks for sharing that explanation and well done on getting out yesterday. Hope you can keep getting out each day and keep things on track.
Booked a day off on Monday to give me a bit more spare time. I really do need to get to work on my 'challenging negative thoughts' exercise. Only trouble is I've bought paperwork home for a meeting I've got first thing Tuesday. I'm going to need a productive and not depressed and inactive weekend.
*Gets his own pom poms out to cheer the others*
So what do peeps think of this class idea? Can anyone relate to the over-thinking thing?
It's certainly not something I'd ever thought of trying - but all I can say is go for it. If it's beneficial stick with it, if it turns out it's just not for you then don't. No harm in trying when you've got a virtual cheerleader squad behind you.
Over thinking? I'll have to give some more thought to that one. Sorry, couldn't resist. Hopefully someone slightly more sensible can help you there.
I can't relate to over thinking. I sometimes think a lot but that is generally because a problem isn't resolving itself quickly. Once I have a decision I stop thinking. I think that is different from the type of over thinking that you do Bear, which tends to be negative and destructive to your confidence.
I think the class will help with confidence as long as you stick at it. There is the possibility that you feel so out of your depth at the first one that you don't feel like going back, but if you stick at it then I think it will be really good for you
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