Mental illness and running

I wanted a place where we could get advice and support.

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13/05/2012 at 17:20
Aww Congrats runners

Sorry I've been neglecting you. Have been stuck in a nasty bout of self loathing. Could manage a silly one liner but anything deeper took me a bit too close to my detestable self.

Have decided I need to stop being a slob solb. I wouldn't feel so repellent if I didn't look so grotesque on the outside. Have finally got my hair cut (first time for 2 years!) and am considering buying some make up (all of mine was shoplifted when I was 13 and is never used!

I have sort of good news following the spirometry. I have asthma, not just exercise induced but ordinary asthma. Have got steroid and reliever inhalers and am waiting for my breathing to improve. The asthma diagnosis is rubbish but at least we finally have a treatment plan and I can stop feeling like a whingey hypochondriac at the docs! Should see an improvement this week with the full effects taking up to 6 to come in. Struggling a little with inhalers and peak flow fear of contamination and an unhelpful realisation that the peak flow and stuff is a bit phallic - in my weirdy head anyway.

I'm still exhausted all the time. Slept til 4 :O wondering whether its poor sleep generally or bloods will show a deficiency or something.

Big D loved the link to the killed it thread, made me laugh.

Ben-o how is life post thesis?

How's the little 'un getting on by 'eck and WOW to nearly better that's phenomenal!

I've been lurking and thinking of you all just didn't know what to say.
13/05/2012 at 21:00


Glad you liked the link

Try this one

13/05/2012 at 21:47
Oo thats incredible big D!!
14/05/2012 at 09:13

Morning guys, I am busy pulling faces at the rain . I want it to stop cos I have a new hair cut and for the first time in two years I have bothered to blow dry it....shallow? Me? 

Hope you all have a good Monday

Lots of love


14/05/2012 at 11:29

Hello all....just a quick pop in to say morning!

SOLB, bet your hair looks gorgeous...I know the hair feeling! Had all mine cut off about 8 weeks ago and now I have to blow dry and/or straighten it everyday...otherwise I look like a poodle.


14/05/2012 at 12:23

Aww thanks mima ... ditto I fear, I cut all the curls off - this is good cos it was stupidly long, I had forgotten about the mandatory preening required post haircut though!

 Not the most flattering photo in the world but it looks like this  

I've just been to see the therapist. She didn't have any advice about the inhalers/peak flow etc. She said I should try asking the doctor about helping with allergies to see if that reduced the need for the reliever inhaler but that doesn't help at all with the steroid inhaler or the peak flow. I'll have a chat with the doc and see if she has some ideas, though I suspect she'll just tell me to take the extra Quetiapine (it's prescribed to take as and when I'm too anxious/paranoid) and I don't want to add more zombietus. I think I'm just going to have to put up with it for a while then I'll stop thinking about it and the negative associations might drop off, after all my logical mind knows it's just plastic inhalers and not anything to do with past abuse. Stupid subconsicous stop being silly, I wanna be able to run again! 

I don't have anything I have to do now, it's raining and I don't know what to do with myself. The therapist told me to do something nice cos we'd had a tough session but I can't think of anything nice. 

Mima I thought water just ran off ducks backs; didn't realise it gave you guys frizz too 

I have a gym induction tomorrow (if my BP is high enough this time) am looking forward to it; I've gained one and a half stone and done no exercise in the last 11 months though so am going to really struggle with how hideously unfit I am. Oh well only one way to get better, so desperately hoping that it works this time (it's gotta stand more of a chance now we are treating the asthma even if it's just repeated use of the reliever inhaler until the preventer builds up in my system.)

Skive off work you lot, I wanna do something fun with you.  


14/05/2012 at 13:37

wit woo...VERY pretty SOLB! And you look pretty much how I imagined you too! All my curls are just a bit fluffy if I don't straighten it. Yup...ducks get frizzy too!

SOLB - would one of those chamber things help for your inhaler maybe? Not too sure but maybe give it a go and see how it pans out? x

14/05/2012 at 15:02

Luckily I just so happen to love frizzy ducks (((Mima)))

annoyingly OCD solb won't accept the spacer getting full of festering germs and stuffs (irrational?) and had a tough time solb doesn't like the inhaler as is. I suspect I will have to JFDI


14/05/2012 at 15:10

Oh bums...tell OCD SOLB to shoosh...but probably not irrational at all actually. I'm just very lucky to never have need an inhaler. My ex step daughter needed one as her tw*t of a a mother refused to take her to the GP when she had a cough for 3 weeks, ended up with the poor child throwing up in her sleep and wetting her bed she coughed so much. Grrr. She hated the inhaler too...and that was as a 4 year old so I don't think you're irrational at all xxx

14/05/2012 at 15:45
SOLB, I sterilise Moo's spacer in Milton. He is brilliant about taking it cos he knows it makes his chest better. You can also take the canister out of the plastic case to sterilise the mouthpiece of the Inhaler itself.
14/05/2012 at 17:12

I shall try having a little word with OCD solb before the doctors on Weds, may ask for a spacer to try. 
Grrr to nasty mother of ex stepdaughter, what an awful thing to do. Hate the thought of a little one suffering. Just makes my blood boil; neglect is as much abuse as anything else - I can't imagine how anyone can be devoid of the natural urge to protect children. (I can't imagine how people inflict pain on them either but they at least fit neatly into the 'monsters' catergory - just don't get how people are so indifferent to someone else's suffering, especially if they are powerless to stop it for themselves) 
I've just googled Milton by 'eck, will go get some to try with spacer, seems like a good idea. I have been sterilising the mouthpiece of the inhalers, it'll just take some getting used to. I suppose I'll probably get used to it in time or develop some convoluted ritual that makes it feels safe!
Having a rubbish time after therapy today feeling sad and shamed. Is a tough path but I know it will ultimately be worth it. Gonna pop out for a walk in between rain showers. 
Onwards and upwards I suppose  
Lots of love my little crazies and crazy supporters xxx 

14/05/2012 at 17:21

I'm a weirdo who LOVES the smell of Milton. Properly love it! I occasionally use it for the teapot (god knows why)!

Hope you have a good walk SOLB...I'm getting a lift home from work boy that I used to "see" because my foot is about to fall off. OW.


14/05/2012 at 18:47

Hi y'all! How's it going?

By Eck, it took me much longer to recover from my marathon than I thought it would, it surprising how much damage you inflict on yourself. My race went well, got a PB but it was tough!

That's a lovely photo of you SOLB, your hair looks lush! I hope you had an enjoyable walk.

Mima, loving the smell of Milton is weird. And surely it taints the taste of tea?

14/05/2012 at 18:58
I didn't use it on Moo's bottles but I've used it on other bits and pieces that I didn't trust to be germ free. It smells ok but I'm not convinced it doesn't leave a taste.
Trying a slightly different way, could you brush your teeth and use mouthwash before using the Inhaler. That would kill mouth germs. My bro has ocd (food) so I'm used to things I do being illogical or quite difficult for him to understand.
SOLB, hair looks lush
14/05/2012 at 20:11

I've never known it to taint but then I'm not bothered by it - when I used to sterilise my brothers bottles and they were always fine with it...bottles, teats, name it it got Milton'd. I used to sniff the water as the tablet dissolved.

14/05/2012 at 21:55

Thank you for the compliments guys (I'm working on just accepting nice things gracefully instead of shouting it down) 

I've just baked bread, the house smells yummy but the loaf feels a bit heavy (think I kneaded it for too long)  .. I can't test it and see cos it's for my Dad - tempted to make another one but I can't be bothered with the resulting washing up.  

I'm sleepy but I feel a little bit lonely tonight so don't wanna go to bed and be more lonely. 

I've never even heard of Milton (well I've heard of the poet of course) will have to investigate. Sorry to hear about your brother by 'eck it's a blimming pain in the bum. How's he doing now? Has he tried exposure therapy? - I'm wondering whether to request that the therapist and I do some cos I think the rituals are getting worse and I don't want to get lost in it all - it already wastes so much time and makes me so miserable. 

Gym induction tomorrow, gonna do some star jumps outside to raise my BP. Scared but looking forward to getting back to exercise and real life.

I missed the positive news out; my therapist agreed that I do seem much better so I can have my risk assessment thingie downgraded again  

I'm making hot chocolate, anyone else want some?  

14/05/2012 at 22:09
He is much better. He can now eat a meal with other people and doesn't have to do his own kitchen cleaning and cooking. There are times it gets a bit much and we can't go for a family meal with my toddler son because toddlers make far too much food mess. He spent a long time trying to work out what he could let go of and what he really did need as rituals. Part of it was looking at what he actually did and how it affected him.
I don't know what you are currently working on with your therapist but they might be reluctant to do too much, especially as it's not long since you had a wobbly patch. I know Mr by 'eck works on little bits at a time and makes sure that they really are embedded into his thinking before moving onto the next thing.
14/05/2012 at 22:22

That's comforting, I like hearing that people make progress with it cos it always seems like it's too concrete and it'll never go away. Can't imagine being able to let other people do the cleaning and cooking, am genuinely impressed. 

Mmm you are probably right about the therapist, we are doing trauma therapy - it's more traumatic than the blimming traumas!

How are you doing darling? Still doing well?  

14/05/2012 at 22:24

Yeah, I'd like some hot chocolate please SOLB.

I think it's just that I don't like the idea of milton. I associate with memories of working in a care home (you don't want to know what with).

That's great news about that other people have agreed you're doing better. Onwards and upwards!

14/05/2012 at 22:30

*hands round hot chocolate and flashes a cheeky grin at Ben-o* 

No I definitely don't wanna know what with *shudders melodramatically* I have no idea how anyone survives working in care homes - think it's a wonderful job though.

Yep I honestly think the big bad scary wobble is done, just need to work out how to rejoin normal life. Keep trying to jump in then realising I've missed the beat. Can't be too far off, am just gonna keep trying. 

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