Mental illness and running

Haven't been able to come online for a while, so just been catching up. SuperCaz - that's amazing thank you! I need to get properly back into swim training and have a proper think, but I'll follow your progress! No idea how you can get in water that cold! Done a few open water races but in the summer and found that cold enough!!

Not having a fun time atm. Been spending the past week trying to find somewhere to live in London, and it turned out to be so stressful as everything got snapped up instantly. Had a few anxiety attacks and just found it horrific. Have fortunately found something now, but its been so up and down...and I had been doing so well recently, but this just took so much out of me....

Tried to go out running today. I'm out in the sticks and the roads are terrible. Managed 2 miles and then my back jarred. But now I'm panicking as mid way through a marathon training plan, and whilst the snow is still here I'm really unlikely to get any decent running in....and this is no doubt going to ruin all the work I've put in and set me straight back to square one.... For a 'normal' person not being able to stick to a plan and run is hard enough...I find it just impossible. It gets me so worked up and anxious and I feel now that I'm not going to be able to get back into training again... I know that I have enough time, but I just don't have that confidence to say 'it'll all be fine'...arghhh.

Sorry. Bit of a vent. Just trying to talk to anyone about this, the standard response is 'there's nothing you can do'...'just wait it out'...or 'it'll be fine'. And these really do not help!!

Would it help if I panicked with you?  I can't get to the pool today to do my long swim.  I'm already two days behind with training due to snow earlier in the week and I'm away for business next week so that takes two more evenings away from training.

I feel that everything is going wrong, but I know I'm making a mountian out of a molehill really.

. I hate snow. So so much

The snow is certainly frustrating and has certainly derailed my running attempts.  Despite me getting out yesterday, there's not much prospect for the week ahead when I'm back at work.    The 10 day forecast does show temperatures picking up gradually - let's hope so.

I certainly find the idea of a training plan impossible and I don't even bother so I admire you for trying knowing just how difficult that must be.

Stupid double post

I need routine and like to plan...helps keep my mood good. It's a control thing really - can't stand uncertainty. So the snow is making things so hard!

Just had a text from By 'eck.  She has asked me to let you all know that Moo has been taken into hospital because of his low fluid levels.  I'll let you know as I hear more

Yes, that's why I find it so difficult when things aren't going right.  I certainly feel the best I ever feel when I've run well.  To be not getting out at all and having little prospect can feel really hopeless.

I'm trying desparately not to say 'just wait it out' or 'it'll be fine'.  Hope these comments don't sound too negative without.

Thanks for the update Caz. Sorry you are having a difficult moment yourself.

I also need a schedule or I do nothing.  But it does also have the side effect of fretting and beating myself up when I miss a session. I'm behind this weekend cos I'm looking after Mr Soup and starting up again will be hard. But I've done races before on very little training so I know my anxiety about is over the top. 

Lets have a group long slow deep breaths.  And in for 3....................and out for 4............................ Breathe from you belly and again........................

By 'eck says that Moo is much better after getting some fluids inside him, but that help from doctors and nurses was required as he wouldn't drink by himself.  They are seeing the dietician tomorrow to work out a way forward.

I'm ok Soupy.  Just having one of those days when I feel I can't carry the weight of the world by myself, and wishing I had someone here to share it with.  My friends are fab and have done a lot to cheer me up today, but there is nothing like having limitless hugs on tap.  It's all part of learning to be independent.

It's a shame it's had to come to that but at least Moo is hopefully getting the care he needs.

I think I could do with some more effective relaxation.  Just seemed to have one of those nights where I slept well and slept late but felt worse when I woke up and it's taken me most of the day just to get moving.

Caz - some days it's the real hugs that are needed.  Can promise you one in about 6 weeks time if you can hang on that long.

Hi,

I've just stumbled upon this forum and it's very interesting for me as I've been suffering from anxiety in recent years which has effected just about everything I do, including sport.

I've been a runner since school and have taken part in track, cross-country, 5k, 10k, half marathons (many) and a full marathon (just one!) over the years and I've recently got into triathlon as I love my bike too.

I had a massive anxiety attack in the summer and decided to take action and get some help. Amongst other things, my counsellor told me to write things down to help me get my head around what was happening to me but I've taken this a step further and started a blog so I can have a rant every now and then about triathlon and life.

http://chasethepotato.wordpress.com/

One thing's for sure, focussing on exercise and forthcoming events really helps me, but it's not always easy.

Welcome ctpotato!  Always good to see a new face

Top up hugs for by 'eck  (((by 'eck))).

Welcome ctpotato.  Just been having a read of your blog.  Stay around and I'm sure you'll find plenty of support and encouragement. 

Hi ctpotatoe. Really like the blog . Yeah, focusing on events does help, i find structure helps me a lot..it gives me a purpose and those days where its just hard to get up and face the world, if I've planned a run then it gives me a bit more of a push....which makes this snow suck so much .

Still finding today tough. But deicded tomorrow I'm just going to go out and hit the fields. It won't be fast but I'll try and just enjoy it...hopefully...

by'eck...lots of hugs. I hope everything goes ok. 

Evening. Glad to hear about Moo getting the attention he needs. 

Hugs to Caz and by 'eck. Wish they could be real ones.

Big welcome to ctpotato. I'm into triathlon too so will read your blog with interest. I'm another one for writing it down to work things through. I started with a note book but then got worried about who else might see it so resorted to scraps of paper I could throw away.  (don't know why, there is only me and Mr Soup at home). I looked at some of my old stuff in the book recently and realised how far I've come. At times I still feel my arms tingling, especially at night but breathing through my abdomen seems to resolve it. Anxiety is still grossly misunderstood. Depression seems to be getting more publicity which is good, but at the expense of other mental health conditions  I fear. 

Speaking of blogs, anyone got any contact details for Bricki? Bricki if you are reading this please pop in just to say you are okay. 

It is concerning about Bricki.  I've been doing some digging around to see if he's been active on Twitter and a Man Utd site he contributes to - but seems to have been quiet on there as well. 

I thought that was supposed to be next month.  Could have changed I suppose.