Mental illness and running

Thanks CJ

Job app done - THUD!

Aw boo by 'eck, NG tubes can be a pain

Hope the dentist went OK, by 'eck.  That's my worst phobia too.

Good luck with the job application, Bear.

Made an appointment with my GP yesterday as I definitely need more help.  Really struggling to keep going at the moment.  Dealing with it at work is the thing that concerns me most as I don't want anyone else at work to know.

Thanks, by 'eck.  There's two areas of concern really.  One is the issue with work.  Colleagues would be mostly supportive but I don't want them to know because I can't trust them to keep quiet.  Management I don't want to know - but I do have to raise the issue of needing to disappear off for appointments without being willing to say why. 

Then the appointments themselves.  I find it very daunting the prospect of opening up to a totally stranger and feel concerned that it might not happen.

Oh well, see how it goes.

Injury is driving me crazy. Big black hole

Quite understand, rwtw.  Thankfully I've not had too much trouble with injuries but I'm often feeling too depressed and anxious to run - and that just makes me more depressed and anxious.

What is the injury and how long do you expect to be out?

Hey LR - hope you're hanging on. Bit quiet on here atm and that's a bit concerning :/

I went out on a LSR last Sunday and at about 5 miles got intense pain in my right leg and could barely walk. Think it's a trapped nerve and all week been in a lot of pain. Trying to find a physio asap but been away all week so it's been a pain. Hoping it'll get better in another week, but getting concenred for the marathon. There's one i can do in my home town thats 6 weeks later than the one i'm entered for, but its just at what point do i pull out

Realised how much running keeps me sane. As soon as i don't have the regular exericse tiny things set me off, and I start massively obsessing about weight and body image...

I was supposed to running a 10k race today but didn't make it.  I did recover from a bad start to last week and was doing better Wednesday and Thursday.  Thursday night  I got out for my first run in about 3 weeks with the running club.  Went well too so felt really good to be up and running again.  This weekend though the stress and strain of just keeping going has caught up with me and I've been totally out of action.  Just hope I can get going better again this week and get running again.  The worry is if I'm like this more of the time then I won't be able to keep getting to work.

It's difficult for you to know when to pull out of the marathon, but at least there's a back up plan there for you.  Just hope things get better for you as it is frustrating when there's nothing you can do and you don't know how long it will take to recover.

Been back to my GP today and am being referred to Mental Health for further support.  I'm OK with that in itself, but it's how it affects things with work that bothers me more.  I have always intended not to let on as to why I would be needing to go to appointments - but now it comes to it I feel it's an awkward one either way.  If I do tell I feel it's something on my record that can affect future opportunities and prospects.  If I don't tell then my lack of co-operation in not willing to be open about things doesn't give a positive message either.  Anyone else got any thoughts on this or the benefit of past experience?

I can't tell you what to do but here are a few things you might not have thought of, or a different perspective.

Your health is the most important thing ever.  If you don't look after it then everything else falls to pieces.  You can't give as much as you would like to your family, you can't do the things you enjoy, your happiness disappears.  How much is a job worth compared to that?

I have yet to come across someone who has regreted telling their boss about mental health issues.  It might cause problems in the short term, but as your health isn't affecting your ability to do your job then if you are good at what you do your helath issues will soon be forgotten.

With all due respect, you are not in the best position at the moment to assess how your boss will react.  We all know that mental illness is accompanied by negative thoughts, low self esteem, low confidence, impaired ability to make decisions and think coherently etc.  Your judgement is going to be biased because of this and your boss will almost certainly not react as badly as you think he will.

How important is the job?  Do you love it so much that you can't imagine working anywhere else or are you afraid of change and moving on to a different place?  What is the worst that happens in the unlikely event that you get passed over for promotion?  It's only a job.  You can find a better one if you feel that you need to, and get the promotion that way.

What exactly are you afraid of?  Is it that people will know and look at you funny or treat you differently?  Or are you afraid of the unknown?  Your mind is in a horrible place at the moment, but it is a familiar place.  Are you afraid of leaving the comfort of the known horrors for the fear of something that could be worse?  If you don't confront change then you are never going to leave the horrible place you are now.

And maybe there will be some positives that come out of telling your boss.  Maybe he will admit that actually he had similar issues a few years ago and admires you for telling him as he was too scared to tell his boss.  Maybe he will offer you extra support and flexibility in your post to help you get through the worst patches.  Maybe he will cover for you when you are receiving treatment by making up reasons why he needs you to run an errand for him that involves leaving site so that your colleagues don't suspect.  Maybe he knows that there is a promotion coming up and he decides to put it on hold until you are in a better place to be able to apply for it.

I don't expect you to respond to anything I've said but I hope you will give it some thought

Caz - great great post

LR -i'm not in the best position right now to really offer advice or help, but Caz has definitely written some good food for thought

*pops out of lurking*

I have never known anyone give so much consistent and constructive advice as Caz. That post was just brilliant.

LR - you saw how positive your running club have been with you opening up. Your boss might just be the same. Don't want to presurise you into something you are not ready for so yes, food for thought is an apt phrase

Caz, thanks for your excellent response.  You say you don't expect me to respond - but surely you know me better than that!

Not just because of your response - I feel I am coming round to telling my line manager.  He wouldn't be a problem at all.  It's just that I have seen somebody forced out of there before which makes me wary.  So it's not so much about promotion as being able to carry on working.  I still feel though that it just doesn't seem fair on my line manager that I wouldn't feel comfortable talking and - in some ways taking that approach could do more harm to my future. 

Another way in which being more open could help is that my health is undoubtedly affecting my performance at work.  At the moment I can't keep on top of my workload.  It is a busy time, but even so it's nothing that, a few years ago I could have managed comfortably.  So to at least if the nature of the problem is understood, that might help me not to feel under so much pressure.

There's a lot more to think of though.  I would still be wary of telling colleagues - though similarly there are some who I would feel it's not fair not to tell so that's another difficult one.  As for family, I definitely don't want them to know as that's where the problem lies.  The thing I am most wary of is how appointments might be notified as it could prove difficult getting something through the post or a phone call if my parents were visiting at the time.

Don't have to decide anything just yet though so will give it some more thought in the meantime.

You don't have to tell colleagues anything, or you could make something up.  I've often used my asthma as an excuse with nosy colleagues.  I get called in for regular check ups anyway, but I have sometimes pretended that the surgery has got it wrong and have called me in yet again to carry out the same old tests that I know won't show anything.

Bah - didn't even get an interview

Hard luck, Bear.  Must be really frustrating after the time and effort put in and getting your hopes up.

Hi, SD, hope work is still going OK for you. 

Bear thats tough news. 

Work is going well but its still only temporary until the end of March. I'm assuming it is going to be extended into April but its a bit unsettling. The tribual claim is going full steam ahead and there has been one hearing already for preliminaries and it will go to a 5 day trial in September. Right now I've had to ask for copies of my GP records and had to submit a statement of how my depression affects my day to day abilities in order to qualify for disabled status under the Equality Act.  That was hard and I had a real dip the following day after describing how I used to be before the medication kicked in.  I'm hoping to settle the claim before going to trial because I don't think I can manage the stress of re-living it all again.  Thankfully the judge at the first hearing was really switched on and he told my employers in no uncertain terms that threatening me with dismissal without taking steps to protect my health would be direct discrimination.  They were trying to get it knocked out as no case to answer and failed spectacularly. It now all boils down to whether I meet the test for the Equality Act and they have to pay for an independent medical expert to advise the tribunal on this but its 90% certain that I will qualify.