I wanted a place where we could get advice and support.
Thanks for posting Grimfoot. That certainly must be difficult coping with teaching when things aren't good. I'm certainly grateful that my office job at least allows some flexibility for me to avoid too much contact with others when I'm having a bad day. Hope you can get up and running again soon. I've got a 10k race coming up on Friday evening and, once again, I feel totally unprepared for it. Just got to get myself in the best possible frame of mind for it - but it's not easy at the moment.
Hiya Lincoln, Caz. Oddly enough, once it gets going it isn't too bad because the kids give you such a lift with their openness and optimism - also, I've learnt to put on a mask when faced with them and to be ultra prepared when I go into the room. Its in the downtime that the doubts creep in, many's the night when I've stopped in a layby on the way home and cried my eyes out - even on the way in sometimes It does feel that no-one understands how it feels, I was SO glad when I found this thread. At times I just feel dead inside - nothing, no emotions, nothing. Whoever described this as a black dog got it right sometimes but for me its more like a black shroud/cloud, nothing outside it seems to matter.
I'm timing at my local Parkrun this Saturday and starting out again next Monday. Good luck with the 10K, I hope that you can get there OK. Jealous, me? Loads. I can't run 1K at present but I'm clinging to memories of the BUPA in London this year - and watching Mo Farah come past in the opposite direction as I was just past 1.5 K!!!!! All the best...
Hi Grimfoot, thanks for sharing your stuff. I've been struggling with strange symptoms which have been put down to anemia and have been unable to run for 2 months and it's driving me crazy!! The way you describe the black cloud resonates with me or sometimes I feel as though I'm on a journey and spend most of my time in a dark tunnel and every now and again come out into the light but only to plunge back into the darkness again, however I try and value every day out of the tunnel and generally running helps me through. Afraid I'm in my tunnel at the moment but have started some meds so hope to start to pick up soon. Good luck recovering from your op, I've had hernias on both sides over 10 years ago now and after being fixed I've had no problems with them so I'm sure you'll be back running soon.
Grimfoot - it is a pain when they set those elite runners off ahead of the rest at the BUPA events. That was giving you no chance of catching Mo up!
I managed to get up to an urban orienteering event in Brigg tonight and had a succesful run in the rain. It's made me feel a bit more positive about tackling tomorrow nights event. I hadn't felt well enough to get out earlier in the week so until this, it was not looking ideal to tackle an actual race as my first attempt to get back out there.
Do hope you guys can keep battling on and get back out there soon.
LR, how does urban orienteering differ from the normal sort? or does it take place in parks and open spaces in an urban environment?
Feeling fine apart from the awareness that the aspergers type problems seem to be popping up more. I struggle to say or write the right things or it comes out not how I meant it, very frustrating.
I've done the crying in laybys thing before now.
And the feeling of being dead inside is a reoccuring theme with me that doesn't seem to tie in with how well my life is going at all. It kills the highs as well as the lows, which I hate
Hi, Caz. Long time no speak!
Urban orienteering just is usually in the streets - although courses often do make use of school grounds or a university campus. The map is still an orienteering map so there are no street names to go by. So it's no so much about compass navigation as keeping track of where you are and trying to find the best routes and not going down dead ends!
Hugs needed all round methinks. ((((((Everyone)))))
Bless you all *hugs*
Another DNS at the Summer Solstice run tonight. Just couldn't face it straight after a week at work - so yet another race entry goes to waste. The timing just wasn't good - but when I have to enter a race in advance I have no idea whether I'll feel up to doing it at the time or not.
That is a shame LR, I know what you mean about having to enter so far in advance. Are there any that you can enter on the day so that would take the sting out of feeling bad if you DNS. Admittedly after my day at work I would not want to have run, but I did nip out first thing and did 2 miles jog/walk.
Sorry to hear of your troubles this evening LR. Not much I can say really apart from being here. Don't beat yourself up about it (easy for me to say, I do exactly the same) - can you get out over the weekend, even if only for a jog? Have a good weekend anyway.
That's one advantage with the orienteering in that, apart from the bigger events, I can just turn up when I feel like it and enter on the day - and I tend not to do many major events these days. My guess is that road running is much more geared towards advance entries in some cases where a race is likely to reach it's entry limit and also for the tendency to have a goody bag / race momento so needing to know how many they need on the day. I really think this is not really necessary for smaller events and it would be preferable if you could just roll up on the day to smaller races that are in no danger of being full.
My next possible one is on July 14th with a closing date of July 7th so I have to decide in that time whether to go for it or not.
Hopefully will get out for a run with the orienteering group in the morning to help get the frustration out of my system. In the meantime - a bottle of wine will have to do!
How'd the weekend go LR? I timed at my local Parkrun, it was good to see the front runners coming towards me instead of flying off into the distance!! Beginning to come to terms with the depression causing my problems rather than my problems causing the depression - although they probably don't help.
Going for a short (2 miles or so) run later, the first since my op, we'll see how that goes
I made it to the Saturday morning run OK. Went OK so I'm glad I did it. Only trouble is with it being first thing in the morning I didn't feel up to anything much for the rest of the day. Felt much the same on Sunday. I certainly needed a quiet weekend after a hectic time recently. It is just frustrating that I seem to need the spare time I get for recovering from other pressures.
Still haven't made it to a Parkrun. Will have to fit that in sometime.
Hope your run went OK, Grimfoot.
Oh and got a run in tonight with my work colleague. First time we've done that in a while. About 30 minutes running. Just right without tiring me out too much - and hopefully will help me get back to the running club tomorrow night.
Made it out with the running club tonight and I would say it went a bit better than my last couple of runs with the club. Quite a bit of off road again but it was only one particularly rough bit that had me walking for a minute or two.
Well done LR. I think it helps that the evenings are light so runs can be more off road. I went swimming for the first time in 2 weeks, ooh how I notice a lack of practice shows up in swimming but nowhere near as much if you skip a few runs.
Getting twitchy now, after the run I mentioned earlier I had some discomfort and haven't been out since. It really isn't helping not being able to run, I can feel myself sinking back into the abyss and I can't see any way out at present. I tried walking at speed - the legs and lungs were fine - but had some discomfort at the op site. I suppose I'm trying to say that running is something that I know will help but I can't physically do it. I'm a bit concerned that I'm going to lapse back into virtual agoraphobia again if I don't get out soon
I got out with the running club tonight but found it really hard going and had to pull out half way round - which fortunately wasn't too far away from the start point. A shame as last week's run went OK. I think the stress of last weekend plus today a large amount of time spent in a car with work colleagues left me in bad shape for it.
Sorry to hear you're struggling but be patient with the hernia repair, I remember mine aching for sometime after and I'd hate to think of you doing any damage. Do you go to a gym at all? as I'm struggling to run at the moment I've started doing Pilates and something called Body Balance, it still means I get out, meet people and exercise and it's good for the flexibility, I'm finding years of Football and Running have taken their toll on my core!!
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