Thanks Ben-o I'll look forward to cheering you on next week
Hi Elli
I'd imagine they'll confirm what you already know, though it'll be nice if they can offer a plan to manage it that gives you a little hope as well.
There aren't really any inappropriate questions, though I might not know the answer. I won't be offended by a question, if it's a bit raw I just won't answer.
I don't know if it's the right answer but the honest one is that it didn't really make any difference to me. Mental Health diagnosis don't really mean very much.
It's a bit misleading, it sounds like you can split the problems into clean categories and then treat them individually. In my experience everyone has a mixture of loads of different things and the diagnosis depends on the one or two the clinician thinks are most important at the time.
The only time a diagnosis has affected me was the psychosis one because it meant I had to try to understand that my experience wasn't real even though they seemed to be.
You won't go on a rampage and blame it on the fact you're ill, although you may find that you are able to give yourself permission to stop pretending that everything's OK. I temporarily got a little worse after the very first depression diagnosis, not because I was blaming the diagnosis and misbehaving but because it gave me permission to stop tearing myself apart trying to cope (if you've sought help then presumably this strategy isn't sustainable long term any way)
You're allowed to be anxious about the wait. It's totally understandable to feel that way. One of the things that I hate the most about the current system is how much uncertainty and anxiety it adds to people's lives. It's not deliberate, the service is under resourced but it's so painful waiting about for waiting lists and assessments. You just want to know what's happening. I've always found that while they call it an assessment period it doesn't mean that you can 'fail' and not be offered any help at all. It's usually just working out the best (and most cost effective) way to help.
So sorry that things have been so hard for you over the last 15 years. It sounds like you've been really courageous to have fought for so long.
It's really hard to comprehend how much pain there is in just 15 minutes of mental illness. I'm so sorry you've had to fight through so many years.
The first stages of mental health services are the worst, if you can try to hold on to a little hope I promise it gets easier. People care, and even if the label means nothing to you it can help other people to grasp an idea of how hard things are even if they can't quite walk in your shoes.
The fact that your behaviour affects your boyfriend too is difficult, but you could also say that his pretty bad stuff is affecting you. You don't need to feel guilty about things you can't control. You can't will yourself happy, or uncomplicated ... if you could you would have already done it by now!
No one chooses to be sad or in pain. You're doing your best against an invisible and formidable enemy (hopefully the docs can help to show you the way to defeat it.)
I'm just rambling now. I really want to give you a huge hug, to reassure you it doesn't change who you are. The anxiety is awful, I wish I could take it away.
If you ever fancy a rant or just want to voice a fear you're always welcome to post (or PM) I don't always know what to say but I can promise I genuinely do always care.
x
