Mental illness and running

I wanted a place where we could get advice and support.

1,801 to 1,820 of 6,055 messages
31/07/2012 at 22:16
Frodo, you will get there. Just remember work needs a reward....
Bos, how does swim kit manage to get dry? Do you hang it out the window so it dries as you drive along?
SOLB, good cycling! I didn't get my run tonight because Mr by 'eck works at London bridge and got caught up in that chaos. He wasn't a happy bunny so I sent him to his garage to play with his bikes. I have been promised a run tomorrow morning. Poor bloke thought he had to get daughter to school....

Well, my carefully planned, relaxing bed routine has been thrown out of the window because Hubby has just decided to sort out the games consoles ready for his time in bed. I have a feeling I will have little hair left by the weekend
31/07/2012 at 22:26

by'eck, wet kit is better than no kit. It seems to be dry enough for my purposes

31/07/2012 at 22:58

ooo i couldn't put chilly wet kit on *shudders* 

no need to tell you where to get off Frodo darling I don't mind answering at all I never do, I can usually get away with skipping them if I need to not be a zombie for something. Cos for all I've worked at not seeming too spaced out I'm still very very heavily medicated on them - if I'm with people or I need to drive early in the morning I skip them. I think I've just done it too many times in the last couple of weeks They work by sedating my brain so that everything is slower, not taking them feels amazing; it's like flying - just relying on sedation means I get symptomatic quite quickly if I've messed up. 

I think I'm adopting 'face ouchies,' makes them sound much less grim! I guess I should just be relieved that there wasn't really anything horrific under my skin  

Argh I don't feel like I'm explaining things very well tonight. Sorry. 

Rubbish about the missed run by eck but you are a sweetie  

A nice boy has fixed my poorly computer by remote access, so happy  

31/07/2012 at 23:12

I can understand that. Do you think it impacted on your 'lost' therapy session on Monday, too? 

 

31/07/2012 at 23:13

Hi all - hope you all well - been busy with kids last few days so never seem to have a moment to myself!

Just been swimming and feel exhausted but mentally better. Had a few home issues and found myself taking too much 'extra ' medication to calm down but have also noticed how I crave a run or excersise now when things get stressed (VERY STRESS) . Worked amazing yesterday and got me through a bad day. It;s just over 3 months since I started running again, (followed by cycling and swimming) but the positive mental effects are now apparent. It's quite a revelation - never expected such a dramatic improvement so quick.

31/07/2012 at 23:29

I'm not sure Frodo, I've messed up pretty badly if it is. I can't tell until I can find out from Vicky what happened, frustratingly the next appointment isn't next Monday but the one after - obviously I have no idea why, she's just been on leave but we quite often miss one. I just don't know, I wonder whether it was a personality split thingie. I just don't get it. I hate not knowing what I've done, especially now I don't feel like I know what's real either. It's all just so complicated. 

Aww Rio sounds exhausting, glad the swimming helped. I crave exercise too. So glad it got you through yesterday though it's pants that yesterday was a tough one. 

Woo hoo for the three month marker  

Do I make sense tonight? Are my words all mixed up? 

 

31/07/2012 at 23:50
You make perfect sense, lovely; must be so frustrating/disorientating to not know and not find out what's missing for so long. But is it part of the dissociated (sp?) diagnosis too?
Either way, know we're thinking of you and hope you find some order and balance soon x
01/08/2012 at 00:08

I'm not sure, I don't really understand this dissociative identity disorder - I don't feel like I'm ever not me but the theory is that I'm a seperate person in the blanks. So if that happens I guess Vicky had a session with an 'alter' distinct from me. Apparently the personality kind of splits off when you can't cope with trauma type stuff, especially as a child. I don't understand. I can see lots of the things I cleary have in the diagnostic criteria but surely if there were a couple of solbs living in me I'd know!

I suppose the only other thing that could have happened was that therapy was too scary and intense so I spaced out too much and was just a little zombie that can't remember anything cos I was an empty shell - but in those instances I can usually remember little bits even if it's just a visual. I know how I've got to places then too, and surely I'd remember the start. I don't know, it's all so weird. 

Thank you for your kind thoughts I'm OK really it's all just a bit disorientating with the bugs and stuff too. Maybe two seperate issues, split personality at therapy and missed medication causing all the weird things to happen. Or maybe the weird stuff actually is real and I'm worrying about meds for nothing. 

I have a meeting with a brand new CPN and my OT on Thursday. I won't trust the new CPN enough to discuss it but I might ask the OT afterwards what my notes say about Monday's session. 

01/08/2012 at 00:11

(CPN stands for Community Psychiatric Nurse) 

01/08/2012 at 00:51

OK am taking a sleeping tablet and getting to bed, time for today to end! 

Night all 

x

01/08/2012 at 10:40
Sorry that was all a bit confused and ill considered. Ignore it.
I'm much more positive today, slept last night (without the bugs) and am now contemplating a very low intensity but longer cycle ride. The plan is to try and gently increase my cardio work so that I don't put so much strain on my lungs when I run (am cross with asthma now)
I freewheeled down a big hill yesterday, had forgotten how much fun that was even if the bike and I did end it with a slightly panicky squeal of brakes! (must get them fixed)
Hope you are all having a good day
Xxx
01/08/2012 at 12:15

solb, think you are being a bit hard on yourself. It's fairly clear that this thread is, (among other things) a support thread. So I dont think you have said anything you shouldnt have. If things are confused, then that's the time we need support.

 

01/08/2012 at 12:27

btw, some brakes just squeal, doesnt necessarily mean there is anything wrong with them. Are they musical brakes by any chance?

And by the way, you mentioned a couple of pages back that you have no culture. I checked out the song 'Leonardo's Bicycle'. It comes from an album called 'A Terrible Beauty' which is a reference to a poem by WB Yeats. So I think Divine Sossidge might be smuggling some culture into your diet. 

01/08/2012 at 12:37

rio, good to hear exercise is working for you, and well done on the three months

01/08/2012 at 13:16
SOLB, this is the safe place we can write all the random stuff in our heads.
01/08/2012 at 16:29
Thanks you guys, I feel like I shouldn't write when I'm not in control. Especially as I'm prone to write nonsense off meds.
I have cycled over to see spotty one (8 miles) I needed a spotty hug
01/08/2012 at 16:59

Spotty hugs are excellent therapy
I had 60kg of slobber hugs this morning, followed by very fuzzy bear hugs and bouncy hugs from assorted hounds (I'm volunteering with the RSPCA over the summer). I big dogs and miss my own gentle giant. 

01/08/2012 at 17:25
Mr by 'eck is still in hospital I don't like not knowing what is happening.
SOLB, did you give the spotty one a hug from me?

Frodo, my cats seem to think I am mummy cat. They follow me down the street, wait outside houses calling for me if I visit neighbours, and get really upset if I'm ill. I end up with cats on the bed because they sit out the room abduction cry if I shut the door, or scratch it until I go potty.
01/08/2012 at 17:47
So sorry Mr by eck is still ill. Must be horrible.
Frodo I love thinking of you surrounded by giant furry cuddles but my heart hurts for you missing Flash.
I'm still with spotty, will give him an enormous hug from you by eck I need to leave soon as I don't have any lights on my bike
01/08/2012 at 18:35
SOLB, I bought a cycle helmet this morning. Mr by 'eck is building me a bike. He is clever like that. I am having a koneframe (i think!) And everything to suit me.
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