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How do you get going again after pregnancy?

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11/03/2011 at 09:29

sonya your "can smell something" made me laugh - Lou says that all the time "I smell something" and I'm like yeah your stinking bottom young lady!  She is the pump queen!

Got some rest - slept pretty well 11 - 4 then tossed and turned but that had almost as much to do with work as this!

Have got head screwed back on this morning.   Even a 1 in 2 chance still has 50% of being normal!  And worrying (a) won't change it and (b) will make me ill and (c) will wreck what is likely to be my only hol and Andy's 40th so just going to put it out of my mind.  At the end of the day only an amnio will tell me 100% and so I need to wait and see what my bloods say.

Plus....on the bloods note, my bro in law is something to do with that sort of thing (I have no idea about his job title, my understanding is that he goes round the wards with the docs and advises on precise levels of chemo and things like that) and he thinks he knows the girl who is in charge of the lab doing these tests for NHS Lothian so he is going to have a quiet word which would be fab, even just a few days will make a difference.   I feel pangs of guilt at queue jumping but then I just think well every man for himself and more likely than not the person I have bumped down the queue will be normal!  It may come to nothing but it would help. 

Hope you all have a good weekend.  I won't be on much next week as away and phone may be dodgy!

11/03/2011 at 10:58

EF - hope you manage to speed up your bloods results. (())

Nate has managed to shift something bu it is hard as rocks poor guy

11/03/2011 at 11:10

Glad you are feeling a bit more relaxed today EF, hope you can put it out of your head. I managed to for my entire pregnancy to be honest, not sure how but didn't even think about it til after she was born. Think i made a conscious decision to because my friend who had much higher results spent her entire pregnancy worrying about it (she was very ill too which didn't help) and her baby was fine, so turned out to be a huge amount of her energy wasted worrying for nothing.

TT ;0)

11/03/2011 at 11:12

Poor Nate, feel for him, spent many a time in tears myself while Cam tried to push out a poo. Felt like I was supporting her through childbirth on some occasions , funny now but not a the time, poor baby!

TT ;0)

11/03/2011 at 11:18
EF - hope you have good hols!

CM - think it sounds good that the point was made to T that 50/50 was not good for E at her age. (())

Did 3.7m this morning and did the first 3 at 9 min miles - I seem to have got a bit quicker, not sure how as I'm really not getting enough running done.

JG - I wouldn't tempt fate with the chickenpox - its not much fun!

Minks - I didn't read your article but when we were rowing we used to do a lot of 'steady state' rowing which was basically bloody miles at a lower heart rate and then before races we would do speed sessions basically, we also used to do a lot of weights and circuits though!
11/03/2011 at 11:30

EF, glad you seem to be in a better place this morning.  It is very difficult to keep things in perspective in these situations, but you have not been categorically told that you are high risk.  And it's not true that the bloods factored in will not make a difference.  I had my scans done privately at the Fetal Medicine Centre in Harley Street (like Caro) and everything was done and came back pretty much immediately so I got an overall result straight away.  Based on age alone, I think I had a risk of 1:100 but with the fold and blood results the risk was reduced to 1:3,000 - the same as a 16-year old.

Bear in mind that these are just tests and what you are given is a risk factor.  many women who are very high risk and choose to continue with the pregnancy go on to give birth to healthy babies.  Conversely, there are some whose test results give a very low-risk yet they turn out to be the unlucky 1:3,000 - Coxy Apple who used to post on here is a case in point.  If you want to know conclusively one way or the other then the only option is to have CVS or amniocentesis - everything else is just an indication of the level of risk.

CM, thinking of you.  I do agree with the others though that it sounded as though the CAFCASS man was on your side rather than T's.  How does the court make its final decision?  Does anyone write a report/give evidence as to what's been going on and the relative 'fitness' of each parent to have residency?  I do hope they find in your favour although clearly T will still have access.  If things don't work out in your favour then would you consider relocating, and how would that work/be worked out?  Tough times.

Sonya, I sympathise with how you felt leaving Maggie for the first time.  I got through my first day back at work OK, but then had a horrendous journey home and was so late I almost missed Kit's bedtime.  I was in tears all the way on the bus - the other passengers must have thought I was a nutter.  I was in tears for the whole of the rest of that evening, hysterically begging hubby to let me give up work (which he said I couldn't as we needed the money).  After a few days, though, it got easier and although I still miss Kit when I'm at work and get the odd twinge of guilt, I do like having another role other than wife and mummy and it's nice to have lunch breaks as a little extra "me time"!

R_B, I think I'm with you on there being no "one size fits all" way to train.  We are all different - and even our muscular composition varies from person to person.  Some people have a higher proportion of fast-twitch muscle fibres (making them better at speed) and others have more slow-twitch fibres and are built for distance more than speed.  You can train your body to get faster/become more aerobically efficient but you cannot change the proportion of fast to slow-twitch muscle fibres.  Given this (and of course a myriad other factors) it makes perfect sense that there is no one "right" way to train (or "wrong" way, for that matter).  The most important thing in my book is to enjoy it - otherwise what's the point?

I could go on but I've already   lost one over-long post this morning and am not retyping all this AGAIN!

11/03/2011 at 11:44

EF - sounds like very logical thinking from you. in no other normal life situation does the calculation of risk seem so important. when you look at the odds of other things going wrong in pregnancy / during childbirth, it seems that the calculation of risk factors associated with chromosomal disorders is overhyped really. i remember getting myself totally stressed out about it (and i was v low risk with both). the figures - 1 in however many tens / hundreds of thousands - really seem so meaningless. and there is NO way to know for sure unless you have amnio / CVS.  thinking of you nonetheless.

minks - i prepare a statement and T prepares a statement. my solicitor also got leave for the HV to be a witness for me, so she will prepare a statement too (if she agrees - she may not...).  but no - no one else will be making any statements about the fitness of either of us to have residence.

what is gutting me most is that this decision about which nights my children spend where is going to be made by a magistrate who will have only my statement and T's statement as evidence. how can they POSSIBLY know what is best for the children based on what i say and what he says?

i don't know about moving away though. if i am going to do it, i need to do it now, before the court orders a schedule of contact. once they have ordered n nights with me and n nights with him, i can't move because if i do i am breeching court contact order.

11/03/2011 at 12:40

(((CM))) Don't know what to say really other than it bloody SUCKS.  How can a magistrate who knows neither of you and does not even have independent evidence from witnesses on which to help base a decision possibly know what's best for the children?  Obviously you and T will both have prepared statements which show each of you in the best possible light and no doubt list reasons as to why the children should spend the majority of their week with you/T.  So it comes down to whose statement the magistrate is won over by most?  Totally ridiculous.

When do you hear? 

11/03/2011 at 13:03

minks - i know. it is truly brutal. but this is what happens when two adults cannot agree on what is best for the kids. someone else who knows nothing about them or their lives makes a decision for us. this is why i did NOT want to go to court. this is why i went along with shared care because how can it be better for a magistrate to determine who they spend which days with?

yes - basically, it does come down to whose case is best.  it is possible that T will also want residence. he did say yesterday that he might. so i don't even know what i am arguing against. i know what i am arguing FOR, however...

fortunately my solicitor is MUCH better at putting things in writing than T's is. and i am also much better at expressing myself than T is. but at the end of the day, HOW can this be right for the kids?

i am so depressed by it.

we will have another court date set for the end of april / beginning of may. the hearing is for half a day and we will have a decision at the end of that.

11/03/2011 at 13:14

EF - I would also recommend the Fetal Medicine Centre in Harley Street.  I had my Nuchal scans and CVS there and the professor is fantastic.  Maybe if you ring them they can recommend a clinic in your area or give you some advice on your risk levels?

Sonya - both mine have been going to nursery for a couple of afternoons a week since they were 3 months old however Iam still not looking forward to going back to work on Tuesday and being away from them for whole days - going to be tough.

JG - re chickenpox.  Currently N has it but L doesn't. I asked the doctor if Ishould try and keep them apart but he said not to bother as she was old enough (11 months) for her catching it to (hopefully) not be a problem. I suspect shes probably doomed to get it anyway by now poor girl.p0

CM - Agree it all sounds ridiculous the way they decide - fingers crossed for you.

11/03/2011 at 13:32

re: chickenpox. i had heard that catching the pox before the age of 2 doesn't confer immunity. ie if you get it before you are 2, you don't necessarily have the antibodies to prevent you from getting it again, or you may get shingles the next time. this is probably cr4p and vixo will come along and tell me so.

when J had it, E was 4 weeks old and we were told she would be hospitalised if she caught it then. but i think MM's sophie had it at not much older than that and was fine.

11/03/2011 at 15:12

Oh CM. That is just so pants ...I don't know what to say really, other than keep strong. I was really hoping something might have come from yesterday...

Yes my Sophie had the pox when she was 7 weeks old when we were on holiday in France. She was fine with it tbh, well compared to the boys especially Harry who was horrendous with it. She had about 30 spots, couldn't have calpol as she was too young, but lots of camomile lotion. HV told me she wouldn't get it as I was 100% feeding her plus my immunity, how wrong she was, so I reckon she's had a bad enough dose and HV tended to agree.

Soooo looking forward to a glass of wine tonight and maybe a bath too!!!

Think we shall go for a walk round the woods now, although having said that it looks rather black outside!!

11/03/2011 at 15:34

Why oh why did I give up wine for lent?  MM have some for me too!

CC - can't believe you ran another 10 today!   I am going to do a very gentle 4 tonight, and another gentle 4 over the wk end.  Have texted a friend to see if he can give me a sports massage sometime soon, as hip/back/glute thing is a bit sore again.

CM, hang on in there.  Although the magistrate isn't going to know your exact circumstances, they will have done this sort of thing many times and be experiences.

boo to all the poorlies with pox.  I know it's controversial but I am glad I got M vaccinated.

11/03/2011 at 16:15

Sounds to me like I shouldn't deliberately expose them - we're all just getting over this horrible cold, I don't think I can face another illness!  I guess the thinking is that if they don't get it now it's worse when you're older?  At what point does it get worse...?

CM - that is tough but at least you know you have a good solicitor, and whatever you suggest IS going to be best for the kids and I am sure they will see that T's ideas are more in his interests than the kids' - particularly when he's not even at home half the time when he wants to see them.  I'm also sure it wouldn't be every weekend, surely they wouldn't rule that?  That would mean the kids never spent weekends with their mum which is ridiculous.  You have everything documented to support your case and it clearly does support your case.  Stay strong ((())).

EF - glad you're feeling more positive, I really hope you manage to enjoy your holiday.  You will know one way or another before you know it.

I'm so bunged up I couldn't smell a thing when I changed Sophie's nappy just now!  Bliss...  Had a couple of friends over this morning so hope we haven't spread the germs...  Both their toddlers are potty training/trained and did several wees each on the potty - Sophie was watching and interested but I still think she doesn't quite understand it all yet.  She's a girl who doesn't like to get things wrong so I reckon she'll give it a go when she knows she can do it!  I hope...

Nicholas slept for over 1.5hours this morning and is now up to 2 hours this afternoon!  Sleepy thing.

11/03/2011 at 17:24
JG - I don't know, I had it at primary school and I would say Aidan has had it worse than I did! I reckon that's nonsense by the way as Martha didn't get half as many spots as he did and she is 20 months older.
11/03/2011 at 17:34

I think the age thing is more if you get it as an adult rather than as a child.  I have never had clinical c pox, so had my antibodies tested at the same time as my toxoplasma antibodies before I became pregnant with M.  I had antibodies to both, which shows that I must have had subclinical c pox as a child.  If I hadn't had antibodies to c pox I would have been vaccinated before trying to conceive.

11/03/2011 at 18:34

The pox at 27 is no fun as my other half will testify.  At 40+ it is even worse, as his brother can tell you!

Just back in office after meeting today.  Hurray it settled.  Thank F...ully.

Bro in law spoke to girl and she said she doesn't do actual test but she analyses the results (which makes more sense I must say) and although they say 14 days they are covering themselves and the reality is the turnaround is 3 days and if they are bad results they phone your midwife.  So we have called midwives and said we want phoned on the moby next week. 

CM it is always the way with court cases that someone arbitrary with no prior knowledge of you decides the case.  Up here there used to be a certain judge that if you got allocated him and you were pursuing the case then you would instantly start conceding things because he NEVER found for pursuers.  I hope it works out for you.  I would have thought that T wouldn't want every weekend anyway because that would really hamper his social life so even if that is what the judge orders I am sure you could both agree to vary that order so long as it was written down and recorded somewhere.  Breaches generally only matter if the party on the other side wants to do something about it.  (she says all blase about ignoring court orders!)

Right home time!

11/03/2011 at 18:50

oh no, EF - if T got every weekend, every weekend he would have.  believe me. and the thing that bothers me also, is that, whatever is ruled, he will do his best to undermine me. he will be obstructive about everything. so if i do end up with the lion's share, he will not do his best to make that easy for the kids. instead he will take every opportunity to make every handover as difficult as possible, by giving presents just before i turn up to collect them etc...

i am about to start writing up my statement. the most important thing i have ever written in my life.

11/03/2011 at 19:33
CM If T uses the kids to get one over on you, I think he needs an involuntary vasectomy so that he never has any more children again. What a pathetic man he is.
11/03/2011 at 19:36

Silly idea Caro. I would never give up wine!!!  On second glass. All kids in bed. Lovely bath so legs feel better. Now madam is cruising I am cream crackered chasing after her!

Oh CM, take your time. Here's hoping for an early ruling. Why would they do every weekend? Not sure thats right?

Glad you feel more confident EF. Fingers crossed....

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