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How do you get going again after pregnancy?

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26/01/2011 at 13:08
Good luck EF. I have everything crossed for you...
26/01/2011 at 13:15
good luck EF x
26/01/2011 at 13:27

good luck EF. thinking of you. and vixo also.

just a quick update - saw solicitor this morning. this whole thing could cost me £15k... that is the bad news. the good news is that he is pretty sure i will get what i want, but i have to be prepared for it to go all the way (which i am). and i have a meeting with him next weds where i am to give him my grounds for divorcing T, along with my assessment of why this current arrangement isn't working. he will then send a letter to T's solicitor saying i am divorcing him and the shared care arrangement is ending and i am having residency of the children and he is having them every other weekend and one night in the week.  we then take it from there.  probably to court within a couple of weeks for initial hearing. and then we fight each stage as it comes. CAFCASS will be involved - interviewing me and him. and seeing the kids.

it will be fairly grim, i imagine.


26/01/2011 at 14:39
Vixo - I'm not a scan fan - always seemed to stress me out quite a bit even though I didn't really have anything to worry about. Hope yours tomorrow is fine!

EF - fingers crossed for you. Hopefully its just your body moving about a bit and getting used to the idea of being pregnant!

CM (()) to you - lots to take onboard, wouldn't it be lovely if T would just agree to be reasonable!

Anj - I still havn't been travelling - no doubt it will be when I'm in my 50's!!!
26/01/2011 at 15:01

Oh CM ((()))  At least your solicitor laid it on the line so you are going in with your eyes wide open.  And I think that, unless T backs down (not something he is known for) it may well go all the way so best to be prepared.  What/who are CAFCASS? Keeping everything crossed for you that it all goes your way.  And I agree that I think ultimately you will get what you want, so you will need to keep that firmly in the forefront of your mind when the going gets grim ...

EF, keeping everything crossed for you too.  Really hope all is OK.

CC, thanks for thinking I'm not weird!   I think I just really stopped enjoying running during December.  There was so much going on with the house and getting stuff organised for Christmas that it became just another ball to keep in the air (know how you feel, MM!) I felt stressed trying to fit in my usual runs and then even more stressed when something arose which meant I had to miss one.  I actually needed the year to end so I could draw a line under last year's running (which, apart from London, wasn't a good year for me) and start afresh - I think that's what has rekindled my motivation.  You've given me food for thought though, CC - I'm thinking I might do an event which is an unusual distance or off-road or something where I won't put myself under PB pressure.  I would love to be able to race without caring about PBs but I know I just can't!  I'm not too bad with having nothing to aim for - as long as I draw up a schedule I know I will stick to what I've planned.  If I don't do that I certainly lose focus - it's usually just a 3-week rolling schedule so when I get to the end I just start at the beginning again.  During those three weeks the long runs increase in length as does one of the midweek runs, which stops things getting too boring!  Works for me anyway!

It must be very stressful for you not knowing whether/when you'll have to uproot again.  Children are pretty adaptable; saying that, although on the face of it Kit took our move last year in his stride and seemed completely unperturbed by it, his subsequent behaviour over the next couple of months indicated that it did affect him.  Stupidly it took us a while to connect the two.  Kit is a real creature of routine (definitely his mother's son!) and it wasn't until we established new routines in our new home that he reverted to being the happy, sunny little boy that he always was.  CC, I really enjoyed some of those family gap year programmes although I thought some people were just a little too mad! 

26/01/2011 at 15:06
Chatter chatter chatter - not that I can talk! Haven't read it all yet, will save some for later

Our pre school is £10 for a 3 hr session, and after her 3rd b day we will get the 15 hrs free a wk which we can divide up between there and her nursery. And nursery is £54 a day but she is there from 7.30am till 6pm usually so over 10 hrs.

EF - hope all is ok and you manage to get a scan.

Just did 15.2 miles - Woo Hoo! furthest I've run in a yr probably. 13 of them were off rd and I did get a tad muddy to say the least. Pace was 9.06 average but some of them will have been alot slower. There is a 2 mile stretch nr the beginning that is just a bog, and it's really hard to try and stay upright. Had to hose my feet and legs off in the gdn (Brrrr) when I came home, and strip in the kitchen. Need to plug my garmin in and see where I actually went - saw the M25 at one point, and I live a long way from it! Also saw 2 deer which was nice.

Preschool pickup, then 'quiet time' - time for us both to slob on the sofa I think. So glad I cleaned the bathrooms yesterday!
26/01/2011 at 15:16

EF- hope it all goes ok. I had red blood on a few occassions with K and heavy stomach cramps for the first 3 months for both pregnancies too so it does sound pretty common. Good that you can get the scan done today though.

Vixo - hope yours goes ok too.

Anjelicals - I am SO jealous. I think it's a fab idea and it's not something you'll get the chance to do when Leila starts school so now sounds like the perfect time - especially as she'll probably really enjoy it too. I am all for doing things like that too - we did camping with K when she was 7 weeks old and Thailand when she was 14 months. I would love to do a longer stint now but since we are mortgaged up to the eyeballs I think we're going to have to wait until the kids are grown up! The longest I have done was 3 months between my PhD and clinical training (another 3 year doctorate) and I remember being really gutted when I got back as all I wanted to do was carry on for a bit longer. 

CM - that's so expensive but I definitely think it's worth it. Fingers crossed that T surprises you and makes it much easier than anticipated (and pigs might fly, I know).

Lotte - LOL at you on the floor after your night out. Was also suprised you didn't go straight out for a run.

CC and TB - sounds like you had fun nights / weekends too. Belated happy birthday TB! Great present from E too.

We have well defined catchment areas around here and it was definitely one of the primary considerations when we moved. Being in the catchment area doesn't guarantee a place though - just means you are higher priority than those out of catchment. We are on the boarder of the catchment area of our preferred school but we're also close to another good school so hopefully we should get K into one of them. Secondary schools is another matter - think we may have to move again then!

We are paying £36 per day for nursery (including food) but it is an NHS nursery attached to  the hospital where I work so is subsidised. She only does 2 days a week at the moment but will start doing 3 when I go back to work in July, as will C. Luckily she'll get the 15 free hours from September so we should just have 2 months of high costs before it comes down again. 

C has been asleep for neally 3 hours now and that's following a nap that was over 2 hours this morning - am enjoying the peace now and have managed to get lots done but really hope I'm not going to pay for it later! Normally I have trouble trying to get him to nap for more than 45 mins.

26/01/2011 at 15:16

All good

Had a moment cos they couldn't see anything on the scan thru tummy so had internal but then they couldn't see anything there either, just an empty sac.  After much manouevring about they finally spotted something which could be it and then Andy made me laugh (I know - timing!) but that caused it to move and they could see a heartbeat!  Phew. 

Back at work.

26/01/2011 at 15:27
Great news EF
26/01/2011 at 15:30
26/01/2011 at 15:31
26/01/2011 at 15:38

Caro, well done on your run.  Where we live we are pretty close to the M25 and I actually run under it on a couple of my regular running routes.  As the crow flies it's probably 2.5 miles away but we're not near enough to hear it or even be aware of it - but can access it easily which can be handy (or not, if you know the M25 at all ...!)  The furthest I'm going at the moment is 12 miles - doing 10, 11, 12 on consecutive weekends then start again at 10 and so on.  I may change to 10, 12, 14 in a few weeks' time when the weather picks up a bit.

I have been smothered in mud when I got back from my last two long runs - mainly because the first 2.5 miles (the bit that goes under the M25) are down a 'ride'/farm access track and with all the rain we've had lately it's been a total quagmire.  Have had to hose running shoes in the garden as too muddy to go into the house and running tights have gone straight in the wash!  All good fun though!

26/01/2011 at 15:39

Excellent news EF- now you can relax and enjoy!

Nursery fees sound dreadful- I pay less than £30 a day (8.30-5.30) which includes breakfast, cooked lunch and a snack tea. Only have to take nappies & wipes.

Home as Archie threw up all over his fave worker so got a call to collect him....

26/01/2011 at 15:54

woohoo EF!!

just had heart to heart with the nanny. needed to ask her to be my trustee, and then warn her re the residency thing (as suggested by my solicitor). she said things have been getting to her so badly over at T's that she drove home last week in tears one night.  she would be understandably reluctant to give evidence to support my residency claim, because of her employment status (T and i employ her jointly). but if i were able to employ her myself (which is what i would want to do if i got residency), then she could. chicken and egg really. will talk to solicitor about it. her evidence would be v powerful. i knew things were bad over there but didn't realise how bad...

26/01/2011 at 16:02

Another London hater here! Glad I did it and can say I have experienced it but zero desire to go and do it again. I did PB but had an awful run and was 10 mins outside my target time which might cloud my judgement somewhat. But of the 4 I have done (Edinburgh, Lochaber and Abingdon and I PB'd at them all) it is the only one I wouldn't do again.

Minks - I don't think you are weird either.  I sometimes wish I could run just for the enjoyment but I am quite a competitive person and running is pretty new to me so I want to see what I can achieve and then perhaps I will chill out about it all a bit more!  However I half suspect once I have done with "as fast as I can go" I will also start to look to the "how far can I go" and more obscure challenges. When the kids fly the nest I want to do things like cycle across South America and run ultra's in far flung places!

Would LOVE to take a family gap year but with 6 kids no way could we afford to! I think what you are doing is fantastic Anjelicals. Kids are so adaptable and there is plenty of time to get bogged down with routine when they are older. 

MM - hope that treadie of life slows a little for you.Things are manageable here at the mo but def go through phases like you describe with far too many balls in the air.

CC - really feel for you. The uncertainty must be so awful as must the thought of doing the single mum thing again.  It will be of no consolation but I think you are the kind of person who will fit in and make the most of life anywhere, and your kids will follow your example. What does your hubby actually do, Would he consider coming out of the RAF? could he find either offshore or airport based work? One of my good friends hubby's was an engineer in the Navy and now works for CHC scotia helicopters based up here.

CM - scary stuff, stay strong (())

Thinking of you EF. 

Hope all well for you tomorrow too Vixo.

26/01/2011 at 16:05

Ah a load of x posts. Took me an hour to write mine because I kept getting interrupted and having to wipe bums!!

Great news EF.

26/01/2011 at 16:21
CC - don't feel too bad. If you had known what was going to happen then you would have done everything differently. There is a big estate of services families near me here and they get moved every couple of years. One of my friends just did all the school applications for her twins here and now they are moving at Easter so will have to try and apply after they have moved. I really don't think I could cope with that lifestyle!

My London experience wasn't great either although I would do it again just to try and improve on my first time!
26/01/2011 at 16:23

Crikey, CM, things must be bad for the nanny to go home in tears.  That sounds dreadful.  I hope it isn't anything that's affecting the children.  Could you afford to employ her on your own before the residency thing kicks off?  It would be good to have some powerful evidence ...

Lotte, I have a secret desire to run the Comrades marathon in South Africa.  I don't suppose I ever will but I sometimes think a challenge like that would be incredible.  How long have you been running?  If it isn't long then what you have achieved so far is amazing - especially doing it at the same time as bringing up 6 children!

My life feels like being on a treadmill much of the time.  The weeks just blur into each other and there is no break in the routine.  Sometimes I can't believe how quickly Friday comes around again and I feel I've achieved nothing.  When I'm with Kit I want to spend my time with him, and when I'm at work I'm at work and it sometimes feels there isn't any time at all for me except when I'm running, and that's great except that I'd love some time just to browse for new accessories for the house, but I just never have any!  I suppose I shouldn't complain but I do envy Anjelicals the opportunity to break out of the monotony for a while!  We are now too entrenched in mortgage commitments to even contemplate something like that any time soon

26/01/2011 at 16:27
Help please- am trying to download the info from my garmin for the first time in months/over a yr to map where I went today, and I can't remember how to do it. I'm sure before I used to just plug it into the laptop and things happened and I could just work it out. However nothing is happening and I can't work it out! Any ideas?
26/01/2011 at 16:39

minks - yes i could afford to employ the nanny if i had to. my folks would help me (bank of mum and dad - has its benefits being an only child!). 

she was in tears because the house was in such a tip and she was stressed out because she had been trying to clear up all the squalour while looking after the kids. and then T was 45 mins late home (got home at 7.30 - she is supposed to finish at 6.45). he had phoned to say he was going to be late and said it was traffic... and she had just had enough. rotten food in the fridge and breadbin / rubbish everywhere, including food bits in the lounge, toys everywhere and grime and grot all over the place. she has to clean before she can start doing anything (like preparing dinner). and she has the 2 kids to care for as well. so i think she had just had enough of it all. he never empties bins / puts out recycling / sorts out paperwork etc. and it all piles up. i think she had just had enough of it all, and to top it, he was so late home that she missed her weigh-in at Slimming World. 

i am giving her the day off tomorrow anyway (paid - and she doesn't have to use her leave), so hopefully that will cheer her up. 

caro - i seem to remember it being obvious. has it detected the garmin? i seem to remember a 'get data' button or something?

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