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How do you get going again after pregnancy?

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17/10/2013 at 10:15

Grr, lost a big post last night and have forgotten practically everything that was in it! 

((CM)) You are fab. An ace mummy, talented at your (stressful!) job, a great runner, you speak a gazillion languages...I could go on too  

Hoggle - LOL at the specialist's reaction! I guess they don't get too many people wanting to run, never mind more than 25K a week  

Sonya - hehe, yes, a nose job Only they couldn't straighten the wonkiness on the outside, only the inside! The consultant did actually remark on it . He is fine, but in quite a bit of pain now that the anaesthetic has truly worn off (since yesterday morning). I was very kind yesterday and got him some dihydrocodeine (sp!?!). Method to my madness though - they zonk him out so he can't keep checking work emails, mwhahaha 

17/10/2013 at 18:23

oh dear, poor Ben.

and you too, Hoggle. hope things pick up for you.

I am feeling very rubbish indeed. Have spent far too many hours crying and this time it is mostly about work. I have been royally shafted by my boss, and I am now at the point where I do actually wish they would make me redundant. But I fear they won't.  I went to the GP this morning, and I also spent an hour on the phone to UNUM (our advisory people) and ACAS. Unfortunately all they want me to do is take him to employment tribunal / raise a grievance / complain, and although I KNOW I have a case, I don't see the point of doing that. It won't change anything for me or for anyone else, and I will just make myself even more unpopular than I already am. The worst thing of all is that if I could find someone in the company in a senior position to have a reasonable conversation with, this could probably all be sorted out and I would feel a lot better. But there is no-one. If I talk to HR, they will go straight to the boss who caused the problem, and it will all back-fire on me. His boss wouldn't give a toss about me - probably doesn't even know who I am and certainly wouldn't care even if he did. I am so demoralised and demotivated (as well as depressed) that I just can't see where to go from here.

17/10/2013 at 21:48

Oh CM that is so tough. I don't have any useful suggestions just lots of big hugs to you. Be kind to yourself ((((()))))

Sorry guys I have one more me me me post before I pull my head out and get on with life! We've just had an email from hubbys aunt telling us that hubbys Dad has died. He has not been in contact with him since he was a teenager when he dropped out of hubby and his sisters lives. I've told you before about my poisonous MIL and after reading this email I am more confident than ever in our decision to stay well away from her. Hubbys dad suffered from severe depression and has been a virtual recluse for years and before he died he admitted that the reason that he stopped contact with his kids was because of several violent altercations with hubbys mum one of which resulted in him going to hospital after she attacked him with a  knife (dad not hubby). He then decided the safest thing was to withdraw completely. This obviously exacerbated his depression and resulted in a very very sad life. Obviously this is only his side of the story but it explains a huge amount about the lengths she went to to keep her kids away from their fathers side of the family (many lies about how awful his aunt was etc which we now know not to be true) and is so very sad. I have always been sure that MIL has mental health issues and am so very glad that we are a long long way away and also that the connection is already broken so we don't have to go through that. Im so sad for hubby though - so many hard things to get his head round. His sister refuses to hear anything about her dad or her lovely lovely aunt so I'm not sure how he'll share this news with her.

Sorry for the downer, I just needed to share as I need to be able to be calm and considered for hubby.


17/10/2013 at 22:18

Oh Hoggle how sad.  But definitely a good thing you are in NZ and away from M in L.  I know all families are quirky in their own way, mine included, but I really do feel blessed and lucky compared to come people.  So I take it hubby is on good terms with sister?  But that she believes her mother 's side of the story?

cm your position reminds me of when I e mailed HR about the way I was being treated at work when heavily pregnant and all they did was forward the e mail to the boss who was treating me badly who then bollocked me for talking to HR!  What a waste of time that was.  But I am lucky in that I could walk away and had other options.  I so wish you could find a job n without the travelling.  You are such an intelligent woman.  Are you signed up with any recruitment agencies?  But I know looking for a job is a full time job so to try and do it properly whilst holding down another job and looking after the kids would be very hard.  Hope you find some inner peace and solutions soon. 


18/10/2013 at 01:52

Caro, hubby is very close to his sister but and she is closeish to his mother but very emotionally shut down - doesn't have successful relationships and is very hard to get to know on anything other than quitea shallow level. She just refuses to talk about anything to do with her Dad etc. Even after a weeks road trip with hubby and her they managed to not talk about their mum once - very strange! Hubby has been forced to learn to talk about stuff by me - I come from a family of what hubby calls over-sharers!!

My day has become even more surreal with a distressed text from a friend who was supposed to be coming over tonight. Long story short she has a lot of problems at the moment including a difficult custody situation. Something happened that was the final straw and she text to say she couldn't come as she had been drinking and couldn't drive (10am). I was really worried and she wouldn't speak on the phone but have managed to ascertain that her neighbour knows and is looking after her little boy and keeping an eye on her. Really worried about her though.

After all that I decided to stop and watch diggers with Matilda on the way home from daycare - just because we can!

18/10/2013 at 05:54

CM it all sounds totally crap, is this the boss who was making all those comments a while ago?  I can totally understand you not wanting to have a drawn out process with work and tribunals too.  

Hoggle hope your friend is ok. V sad about your hubby's dad too.  Hope that's the last of the bad news for you. Am glad my brother and I are good at sharing, i prefer our wonky family to one which doesn't talk to each other, although my Mum is pretty bonkers.

18/10/2013 at 08:14

hoggle - I can sympathise with that situation. my own mother (and we all know about her) had a poisonous mother in turn who fed me LOADS of stories about my mum and other family members. it is extremely destructive and certainly contributed to a lot of the issues I have - obviously alongside some of my mum's behaviour. so I can understand how toxic people can well tear a family apart and keep them apart through fear.  hubby's sister won't want to upset her mum either - she will be afraid of incurring the wrath of her too, and she needs her approval because otherwise she will feel worthless (probably).

yes Kinsey - this is the boss who was being very difficult with me back in the summer.  he gave me the team manager role and told me it was temporary, which I didn't like. but he said when he decided what he was going to do with the team, he would let me know and he would be advertising the new manager role, which (by inference) would have skills I wouldn't have, so even if I applied for it, I wouldn't get it. so although I wasn't happy, he did say it would be advertised and we could all see what the job was going to be.

fast forward to the end of sept, and I start hearing rumours that someone is joining to take on the management of the team. I ask him, and he fobs me off.  on 3 oct, I asked him directly because by this stage I had heard someone was starting on the Monday. and lo and behold, there was someone starting on 7th. eventually he admitted it but was very vague about what he was doing.

7th comes and goes; and on the 9th he emails me asking me to do a handover to this guy and give him 'my full support as he transitions into the organisation'. no explanation as to what this guy is going to do or what his role is - because obviously it's different to mine. and also 'because you have been doing such a brilliant job in the role since the summer, can you keep some of the activities but I haven't decided which ones yet?'. At which point I shouted NO I WILL NOT. you have brought someone in to replace me, without telling me, breaking company policy (all roles meant to be advertised), everyone else seemed to know about it but I didn't and now you tell me I was doing the role really well and you want me to carry on doing some bits of it because you haven't yet decided what this new guy is doing. F**K OFF!

I have found the whole thing really hard, not least because it has come at the time I have had another situation (which I won't go into here) which has floored me physically and emotionally. So I was already feeling really vulnerable.

Anyway - sorry for the rant. I had a positive day yesterday looking for accommodation for Bulgaria holiday and felt ok when I went to bed, and then immediately the anxiety started and I started sobbing. I need to let go and move on but I don't know how.

18/10/2013 at 09:02

Well my job certainly isn't after morning consults I am doing a home visit to put to sleep a cat.  Nothing new there - apart from it's on a house boat!

18/10/2013 at 16:51

Well he does sound like an utter tosser CM and I hope you can get something sorted out.  I bet he has been getting away with that kind of crap years because most people don't want to have the stress of a confrontation.  

Caro, interesting job!  Hope the cat had a happy life on its boat xx

18/10/2013 at 17:34

Oh dear, lots of bad news . Don't really know what to say apart from to offer lots of virtual hugs and to hope that things will ease soon x 

We've had a bit of a stress here too. Poor Ben has picked up a nasty gastro bug. He was in agony last night and I was almost going to call for an ambulance but it did ease. Went to docs this morning and turns out he has streptococcus. He has lost quite a lot of blood down there so he is waiting for the results of his blood test to see if he needs to have a transfusion . Hope not - I am sick of hospitals!!!!! I am trying not to go too near him and I am washing my hands every five minutes. Never been so clean!

 Ah well, looking on the bright side, it is the weekend and we have been paid for the company buyout. I feel some shopping coming on once all is well 

18/10/2013 at 18:38

Oh Jeez, thank goodness it is the weekend!

CM, it sounds as though you are doing all you can to remedy your work situation.  Let yourself cry, you have had to be so strong for your kids and you take on so much on your own, you need to let it out, just hope that someone can help support you when you do.  We haven't heard much about N recently, maybe that is your other situation at the moment, none of our business I know but I hope not, you guys sounded good.

Hoggle, families, ugh!  What a tough situation for you, hugs for you too.

TB, double ugh!  Hope Ben can start to improve now, I guess he is on antibiotics now.  Is this at all related to his operation/nose job () ?

This week has gone by way too fast, can't be Friday already?!  Am slowly ticking things off my to-do list this afternoon, not getting much done while I'm on here though!


18/10/2013 at 20:05

TGIF!! am knackered and on the red stuff.  Hubby away to the peaks, nice wifey let him go despite the fact its our wedding anniversary tomorrow.  Our gift to each other that I finally decided on, following the sweet theme - a cherry tree!  So hopefully we can harvest yummy cherries in yrs to come.  

House boat was nice, but tiny - you certainly wouldn't accumulate stuff that's for sure.  Cat had had a lovely life, but sadly had heart failure - he was only 9.  People nice too, but it's weird getting a snap shot of someone's life at such a private time for only 1/2 hr or so.  

Hope Ben gets better soon and everyone else manages nice wk ends!

18/10/2013 at 20:19

Oh no TB, hope Ben is better soon.

i am on the red stuff too Caro!

we have had my dad out looking at properties in Herefordshire and there is one I quite fancy.  Bizarrely I got in touch with a girl I was at school with and they are also looking in the same area so I am a bit worried we will end up competing - aaaarrrgghhh.  The best bit is that its about half the price of buying in the SE in some cases! Plus there will be family nearer for emergencies and babysitting.  Getting used to the idea now, we are going down to stay at half term so hopefully Alan won't go off the idea!

19/10/2013 at 07:37

Had a lovely lovely day today - sunshine, gardening and a friends son's birthday party. Nice to just enjoy things and not think about other stuff.

Big hugs CM, it sounds like you have far more on your plate than is fair for one person at one time. I hope the universe give you a break soon - you deserve it xx

TB - poor Ben, that sounds unpleasant for him, and also stink for you when really it should be you lying around being looked after! I hope all that hand washing keeps the germs away. Luckily neither hubby nor Matilda caught my stomach bug. No idea where it came from but this is the second time its happened - I think M must bring bugs home but just not get sick from them! I work on my on so its not like I'm exposed to that many people!!

Anyway, onwards and upwards next week!!!

I hope everyone is having a great weekend

CC I hope hubby got home eventually - so not fair when you get such a short time as it is!

19/10/2013 at 14:28

Blimey such a lot of bad stuff going on. Great big virtual hugs to all who need them, it can surely only get better.

First week of holidays past here already, boo. Took the caravan away for a couple of nights which we all really needed and enjoyed. Weather was really lovely and we did a brilliant long walk yesterday. But today the weather is dire, howling wind and rain and I did not enjoy my 20 miler one little bit... but its done and I can eat chocolate, drink tea and look forward to some of the red that you ladies were scoffing last night!

My mum us down your way CC, in Elgin hospital having her hip replacement. Gave us all a scare the night before last as her blood pressure plummeted and they had to call the crash team twice. She seems to be doing ok now and I spoke to her a wee while ago and she had just been up for the first time. My dad is away with her and sis has flown down today to see her and pick up my nephew who has been spending a few days with  his dad.

CC hope hubby made it home. Flybe are hopeless and they are our "life line service" to the mainland. Grrr.

Feeling shattered today but only to be expected as have been full of the cold all week. Yesterday I did two runs (4m and 7m) and our 4 hour walk and then the 20 miler this morning before breakfast cos hubby had to be out to coach athletics, so maybe I can be forgiven if I flop with a book for an hour while the kids are watching Atlantis on the iplayer! It is the weekend after all!


Camlo    pirate
19/10/2013 at 18:54

eek, not good for many of you, big hugs to you CM- did you get a sick note? 

Boo to losing a parent for Mr Hoggle, cant be easy even though contact was limited. 

Yuck to tummy bug Tatty, he can't pass it to you can he???? If so banish him to another room! 

Yippee to holidays, running and Kinsey looking at homes only an hour from me! 

Went on a easy 10 this morning which turned out to be a VERY hard 12 taking 2hr40 followed by bootcamp circuits which literally put me on my arse..... was feeling waves of dizziness and sure I am going to be stiff as a board tomorrow! Maybe giving blood this week when I have a mara next weekend wasn't a sensible idea?? 

Camlo    pirate
19/10/2013 at 18:56

sorry Lotte, forgot to say hope your Mum is ok now. Must have been scary. Well done on the 20! 

19/10/2013 at 20:30

Not unless you've got it stashed in a fridge somewhere to get re transfused into your veins next Fri night Camlo!

19/10/2013 at 22:11

CC, its odd isn't it, Aidan is in Ireland with Alan and it seems so much quieter without him!

Lotte, hope your mum is ok x

Camlo    pirate
20/10/2013 at 14:47

Gggrrrrrr i have rushed about doing washing, mopping the floor, putting a loaf on, making soup, getting roast ready for tea, taxing my car etc etc etc while hubby has slept off his hangover..... 

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