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How do you get going again after pregnancy?

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17/12/2013 at 01:20

Is it possible they're flea bites CM? Only thing I can think of in winter!

I'm trying some 'quiet time' today instead of a nap to see if it helps with bedtime. whoever said its just a phase - that's what I have been reminding myself constantly!!! We are out late this evening as we are going to see the Festival of the Lights in the park tonight so proof will be tomorrow night instead. We have just got rid of her dummy as she couldn't suck it when she had spots in her mouth so that is definitely part of it and she needs to find another way to sooth herself to sleep. Toilet training is also looming - keeps taking her nappy off ALL the time which is annoying but can't face that until after Christmas as its not fair to subject someone else's house to wees on the carpet every 5 minutes!

Had an email from a friend who is going through a tough custody battle and the final ruling is almost 50:50 - seems similar to your arrangement CM. He's 2 and his father lives an hours drive away so its lots of backwards and forwards for him. The hard thing for her is she is very much an attachment style parent and he is the opposite so she feels like shes losing the right to parent how she wants. Flip side is the wee lad really loves his Dad. Tough all round really.

 

 

17/12/2013 at 09:33

Hoggle - yes, that does sound similar to my arrangement. We have approx 60:40 in the term time (I get the 60) and 50:50 in holidays. And I agree that the hardest thing is letting go of the way you parent and all the things you want for your child and seeing things done that you wouldn't want and you can't do anything about it. I don't want my kids bought up in squalor, being bathed in a bath full of skank and black bits and yuck. but that's what happens. and i can't do a thing about it.

if your friend wants someone to talk to who will know how she feels, let me know. i'm happy to listen. another awful thing when i went through it was that i didn't know anyone else who had been through what i was going through. i do now. my running friend, M, is in the same situation. actually she has had to fight to get 50:50 as initially her ex got residence. and so i don't feel as isolated as i did. it's hideous feeling like you go from the kids being a part of you and your every day and every part of your life to not seeing them for great swathes of time and having no control over anything. especially when they are so little. i used to be incredibly anxious about things like nappy changing because T was so lax with it. E used to come back with horrendous thrush from a weekend at his.

Tt - it's not christmas day itself that bothers me actually. I have a plan for the day - I'm going to do parkrun (it's on on christmas day this year) and then pop over and see the kids. and then i'll come home and chill out with a huge tray of pigs in blankets and a bottle of wine. N will be down at some point but may be quite late as he wants to see his 3 kids and 2 of them work in bars / restaurants so he doesn't know what their shifts will be. one of them is also working boxing day so will need a lift back up to newcastle from home (darlington) as she doesn't drive and there is no public transport.

what bothers me is the fact that after tomorrow morning, i won't have them back until boxing day. i have sneakily arranged it so that we are doing joint things (mon 23rd a grotto visit with reindeer etc; and 24th panto), and i will also see them on xmas day. but it's the great expanse of time without them that i am dreading. especially because i love the build up to christmas more than the day itself. i really can take or leave christmas day. but christmas eve i love

 

17/12/2013 at 13:14

I'm glad that you are seeing them between tomorrow and xmas - I had visions of nothing at all between now and then.  But I know the hard time will be bed on xmas eve, so please please try and find something to do.  I always hate working xmas eve, so can understand sort of. 

We've got park run on xmas day and NY day near me.  Definitely wont be going xmas day, even I realise that would not be fair!  Esp as I am cooking xmas lunch for one and all.  NY day we're down nr my dad in Wilts, and I did once look up where the nearest park run was and it's miles away, like about 15 or something, and given that I probably have about 20 to choose from within 15 miles of here that seems a bit far!  But I might look and see if there is one on NY day as I know I wont be up till midnight.

My uncle is in hospital in Stockholm having slipped on ice and cracked his head and given himself bad concussion.  It looks pretty serious, he has been in intensive care and they are deciding if he needs surgery - he's already had stitches put in, so I'm not sure what sort of surgery.  Apparently he's really struggling to even sit up in bed at the moment, and the accident happened 2 days ago.  My aunt is swedish and he's probably getting better care than he would over here, but obviously they want to be home for xmas not stuck in a swedish hospital.  He's at least 77 so am crossing lots of fingers he makes a full recovery and fast.

 

17/12/2013 at 14:35

oh gosh caro - sorry to hear about your uncle. hope his recovery is quick. sounds very nasty.

i have just been for a run. i have a loop from home which is VERY hilly. it's downhill for a mile, then flat for a mile, then uphill for a mile and then you loop back round - so down for 1 flat for 1, uphill for 1 mile. i ran the whole thing. i have probably only ever run the whole thing a handful of times - i usually walk at the same place on the final hill home at least. there's one point where it is VERY steep and there's a noticeboard next to the busstop and i nearly always stop and (pretend to) read the notices. but not today. i think sleeping has helped but it's also a lovely day.

it's a bit like the calm before the storm. i'm happy because i'm picking the kids up in an hour and taking them to the shops to buy a present for their dad and then taking them out for tea before J plays rugby. but i know in the morning i will be wailing when i wave goodbye to them.

17/12/2013 at 16:50

mmmm pigs in blankets, my favourite part of Xmas. Now that would b fab 

for Xmas dinner- a tray of pigs in blankets and a bottle of Baileys

17/12/2013 at 16:57

My Dad was in a car accident last wk, was working in Campbelltown 

last wk, which is 4hrs on country rds. Car overtook a lorry and 

hit him took the front end off his van, he was taken to hospital with spinal injuries, then 

had to endure a 4hr ambulance trip strapped to a back board 

as the helicopters had bn grounded. Thankfully there were 

no fractures, just very bad whiplash. He has spent last wk 

sleeping between painkillers. Being strapped to a backboard 

for an entire day would not have helped either, just caused him

to stiffen up.

 

17/12/2013 at 18:10

eek Tt, that sounds awful.  Glad there was no serious injury.

Haven't had Baileys for ages, I find it's always nicer when you have it at a bar or restaurant so you savour the glass rather than at home where you just pour a huge load of it and drink it until you feel sick (....or is that just me??  ).

Caro, that sounds terrible too, hope your uncle is back on his feet soon.

CM, great running!  I'm also glad you get to see the kids between now and Boxing Day.  Seems like an awful long time for T to have them in one stretch, you don't usually have whole weeks do you?  Miss your elf exploits.  I found a wooden tricycle ornament in our rental last night so obviously Charlie, our elf, was found riding that across the carpet this morning.  I put a picture of Max and Charlie on their bikes on FB this morning.

Mr TT flew up to New York this morning, arrived to snow.  Thankfully the roads seem OK and it looks as though he'll still make all of his meetings before he flies back (fingers crossed!) tomorrow evening.

Max has his 'Winter Event' (aka Christmas play) tomorrow night.  Unfortunately Mr TT won't be back in time.  I shall probably bawl my eyes out. 

I'm happy to say Mr TT seems really excited about the idea of a 3rd.  I was almost dreading telling him on Sunday morning as the boys were being noisy and Max has been a bit spoilt this last couple of weeks what with our holiday and the Christmas build up so has brattish moments and was being a bit of a pain.  I thought he'd freak but he's looking forward to it.  Just got to get through another 35ish weeks and stay healthy, sigh!

17/12/2013 at 20:43

Gosh hope the hospitalised patients are on the mend soon.

Hugs to CM, it must be so hard.   I guess this means that next year you will definitely have them for Christmas though?   I would feel exactly the same as you as I can barely cope with hubby not doing things the way I do as it is!  Especially Christmas Eve though - I hope he has a suitable plan in place. ((()))

Glad hubby took it well TT and fingers crossed all goes well.

I watched Nicky's Nursery/Reception nativity today then Sophie's Y1/2 one in the afternoon.  Nicky was so cute, looked on the verge of tears the whole way through in his little sheep costume which he absolutely didn't want to wear!  But he held it together.  Hilarious photos on FB which you may have seen.  Sophie did great with her 2 lines as a Narrator and joined in and signed along with all the songs.

My friends are going running on Christmas morning but I don't think I could get away with sneaking out even for an hour.  That's something you should definitely do CM, take yourself out for a nice Christmas morning run in a Santa hat or something.  There's a parkrun on New Year's Day at 10am which I might do if my friends decide not to do a walk this year.

Last half day at work tomorrow then holidays 

17/12/2013 at 21:36

no we don't usually have whole weeks. it's normally 5 days me; 4 days him; 3 days me; 2 days him and then repeat. but for Christmas this year, because it was his turn to have Christmas day and because I needed to have boxing day, the only way to do it without completely queering everything else up and to keep it so that I still had a stretch of days so I could go away and we didn't end up with a handover just for a day to even it up was for him to have 8 days on the trot. which is actually only 5 days of holidays with 3 days of school. so I then get 5 days of holidays after. then we do 3 days and 3 days. (except there's an inset so I actually get another day of holiday too but he doesn't realise that - haha!)

I'm definitely doing parkrun this year. will also stop me drowning my sorrows on xmas eve

I have just done the kids' portable north pole messages from santa. I am going to paper up the kids' bedroom doors and write a big message for them from the elves saying 'get mum to check her email', where we will find santa's verdict on whether they have been naughty or nice. works quite well as PNP is very elf based so kind of ties in with the elf thing I've been doing.

can't believe it's my last night of elf antics. am very sad. I shall miss them (haha)

glad you guys are happy with your fab news TT!

what I didn't tell you all (although camlo knows) is that I had another miscarriage in September. it was, like TT's pregnancy, unplanned. but unlike the last time, I didn't have the huge turmoil about what to do. I felt that if it worked out, it worked out. but it didn't. I have begged N to have the snip but he won't. I guess we are too old now anyway, which is why i have had 2 miscarriages in 2 years. but that is undoubtedly part of the reason why I have crashed so badly. it was nowhere near as traumatic this time. i was only about 8 weeks and physically it was much easier than last time. but emotionally it hit me much harder. and i haven't told anyone about it (other than camlo and one close friend). it sucks.

Edited: 17/12/2013 at 21:37
17/12/2013 at 22:05

Oh CM, that sucks a fat one .  Hmm sad faces seem a little inappropriate with a Santa hat....  (((())))

Really sorry to hear you went through all that again.  You are definitely not too old, I think you are significantly younger than me.  I'm really not letting myself get emotionally attached to this one just in case.  I know the odds are stacked against me but what will be will be.

17/12/2013 at 22:13

Ttid - I'm 41, so I don't think I'm that much younger. And N is 52, so clearly he is ancient! there is a part of me that just wants a baby that is mine and that I don't ever have to hand over to anyone else. and N has made it abundantly clear that, although he would support me, he would never seek any form of residence. and I do believe him on that one! and I know it would be all kinds of hell trying to raise 3 kids on my own and I would be skint and stressed and it would be hard for my own kids and in fact probably bad for them in a way. but there is that selfish part of me that just wants a child that I never have to hand over. there. I've said it now. I'm selfish. but it won't happen because I'm too old, and it's not the right thing for the two I have. I have to give my entire self to them when they are with me and I couldn't do that if I had another one here all the time.

I do very much hope it works out for you TTid. the fact you have had a recent successful pregnancy is surely in your favour. but I know what you mean. you don't want to think too much about it because the odds are not great...

17/12/2013 at 22:26
Oh CM, I have to say I did wonder, but I didnt want to ask and put you on the spot. We all have thoughts that we're maybe not completely proud of, but it doesn't make them wrong...it just makes us human! I can't imagine how hard the next week will be, but I hope you find the strength to get through it. Again, I'm sorry we didn't get to meet last weekend, but please keep posting on here so we knw you're ok and can chat to you, x

Fingers crossed TT. I know that however sensible your head is trying to be, sometimes the emotional bit misses the sensible memo!
17/12/2013 at 22:29

Oh CM that is very hard and I completely understand the wanting to have a child you don't have to hand over - its not a reflection on the beautiful children you already have but a very understandable feeling.

Not surprising that you have been battling with how you feel at all.

I am desperate to get pregnant - I feel the age gap getting bigger and bigger. Frustrating as if hubbys job had been sorted before Christmas we could start trying but will have to wait until the new year (I would be happy to start now as they take 9 months + to cook and who knows how long it would take to conceive but hubby adament). All my friends with babies are having or have had second babies so am broody as hell!! I shall live vicariously through you T-tid - glad hubby is excited!!

Turns out we had chicken pox and hand foot and mouth at the same time by the way - noticed a couple of distinctive blisters a couple of days ago. Ah well, good to have 2 infectious ones at the same time!!

17/12/2013 at 22:35

thanks gals. I didn't want to post because I felt guilty about accidentally getting pregnancy (again) when there are people who want babies and can't (for medical or practical reasons).

hoggle - there is never a good time to have a baby though, is there? I think that's what I have realised. if I knew what I now know, I would have been happier to start much earlier. being a mum is the only thing that matters to me now. perhaps that is a sad reflection on the state of my life (lol) but actually it's true. it's the one thing that drives me and the only thing I really care about. so I'm sad for you that you aren't able to go ahead and have the baby you want.

I have written a ditty on my kitchen door to the kids from the elves. this time I've written it in ordinary felt tip which wipes off. unlike the marker pen I used to write on the loo lid, which doesn't come off. I have scrubbed it with bleach, nail varnish remover, cream cleanser - the works. my toilet lid proudly bears the message "we are not naughty elves. we are just trying to have fun". and I can't get rid of it. the message I wrote in the sink and on the toilet seat wiped off fine. but for some reason, the toilet lid is not shifting!!

17/12/2013 at 22:52

Oh CM that is funny about the loo seat!  A friend of mine actually wrapped her whole loo up in wrapping paper as a gift from the elves.........I really am such a boring parent-no elves, no dinosaurs.......and I was going to make Matilda go to her swimming lesson instead of the after school club Xmas party (it's on thurs, a day she's not normally at the after school club) but apparently that's mean (both she and hubby have said so!) so I guess I'm out numbered.  Oh well, it means I get 90 mins to myself on thurs evening as Eric gets to go too.

as for the miscarriage how sad for you both, especially as you had started thinking about how nice the end result would have been.  I guess I am a believer in everything happens for a reason but hard to rationalise that at the moment.

hoggle I am so with CM by the way.  There is never a good time, and babies are free for practically the first 6 months anyway......all you need is a bit of breast milk and the odd nappy. But seriously, you don't want to leave it too long and then find it takes ages.......the 3.5 yr age gap I have is great so don't fret about a big age gap just yet.

 

 

 

17/12/2013 at 23:54

Good to see you cc. I was thinking we might need to send out a search party to look for you. Not seen Lotte for a while either or JT as you noted. Also both TBs but I guess one is busy with baby and the other had foot surgery last week. Sorry to hear about your aunt. She was a good age though.   Still no light at the end of the tunnel for you and Mr CC?  Bah!

18/12/2013 at 00:09

Hoggle how old is your little one now?  She's still pretty young isn't she?  I actually found the 3 year age gap really good. Max was pretty much out of nappies and pretty independent.  I remember how you feel well though. No amount of logical thinking helps. 

18/12/2013 at 00:16

Oh dear we are a sorry lot.

Big hugs CM, you are doing really well to manage it all. It is harder for you as you actually give a shit, most parents who share care see the time apart as a rest! Any loss is a wrench, no matter how you rationalise it or justify it. Not easy when you soooo want things to be different. A run and good food are excellent ideas for christmas day - remember not too much wine though or you will be hung over picking the kids back up!! 

Sorry to hear of more poorly rels, never good. Had archie sick yesterday and then today he slammed his fingers in the car door (not quite the same scale as cracking heads or spinal injuries, but i bet he cried more). 

Still not been out for a run, work is crazy and i am having to put evenings in to clear stuff so i can relax over christmas. I will run xmas day! Not done any cards yet and realised last posting day was today for 2nd class. read on fb that people who dont send cards are depriving their kids of the experience and are basically lazy.... Yeah right. 

18/12/2013 at 00:17

Off to look on fb for JT.......

 

18/12/2013 at 09:34

camlo - hope you can manage to get out for a run. at least by the weekend if not before.

cc - i am so sorry ot hear about your situation still. it does sound incredibly stressful, and i know it must be worrying in terms of the strains it puts on your relationship. sometimes it gets to the point where something becomes unsustainable and you just have to make a rash decision to save it before it's too late. a colleague at work has done that. he has 5 kids and lives in the north. he is away with work all the time. he has just resigned with no job to go to because if he doesn't, his marriage is going to break down. he's decided his family is too important and he can't take the risk

well i've waved kids goodbye. as she walked in, E said to the teacher 'i'm not going to see my mummy for 7 days' (actually it's 8). the teacher looked at me in shock and said 'really?'. and i burst into tears. she was so lovely to me and told me to stay until i felt better as she couldn't stand the thought of me going home in tears. and then the other mums all chipped in and starting asking me back for coffee, but i just had to come home. i need to work anyway and i'm going away tonight and working away on thursday and friday.

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