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How do you get going again after pregnancy?

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18/12/2013 at 10:12

Hugs CM. I just came on here specifically to say I'm thinking of you. E's teacher sounds lovely. 

18/12/2013 at 10:34

aw thanks TT. yes, she is lovely. she's very young - it's only her second year at the school. not she when she qualified. so she probably hasn't had too many parents in this situation yet (well, not crying on her about it anyway!)

18/12/2013 at 10:42

I was in a shop last week and the lady at the register asked where I was from. She said her daughter is going to live in Scotland for a year as her dad and his family are Scottish. I assumed her daughter was grown up but was horrified when she said she was 7. She seemed to hold it together but I nearly cried. Couldn't imagine that.

18/12/2013 at 10:52

oh gosh. that sounds terribly hard. one of the ladies in my running club 'sent' (not sure what that means) her sons to live with their dad in NZ when they were young - 7-8-9-ish i think. i just cannot imagine that. she saw them once a year or so. she thought it was the best thing for them. but i just cannot understand that at all.

18/12/2013 at 12:32

I was 'sent' to boarding school at 10 and only saw each parent a couple of times a yr as dad was in HK and mum in USA, so we'd alternate holidays (I accumulated lots of airmiles!) but couldn't imagine doing that to my kids in a million years.

18/12/2013 at 12:43

caro - i can't imagine that either. although my kids aren't 10 yet, so maybe by the time they are, i will be able to imagine it (not!). J is already very much more independent and private. he doesn't want to tell me things, doesn't want to be seen hugging me or holding my hand anywhere near school in case he's spotted. so who knows - maybe by the time he's 10, he'd be happy with a hands off approach from me! but from my point of view, i can't imagine that in a million years.

i did have a hilarious conversation with him last night. they had a christmas party at school yesterday and there was dancing. there is a big thing at the moment in the class with boys asking girls to 'slow dance'. J has always been horrified by the idea.

anyway, yesterday apparently one of his friends dared him to ask a girl to dance. he then asked the very next girl that walked past (M) to dance. she apparently said she wanted to 'slow dance' with him. J then said 'but before you get too excited, there was no slow dance'. i thought that was so funny...

and then later in the afternoon, we were in a card shop choosing christmas cards for their dad from them. J asked me if he could buy a 'Birthday at christmas' card for M as her birthday is on Christmas day. i said he could (it was hideous - 39p and gold and really totally grim). anyway, we got home and he wrote it out. "Dear M, I would like to slow dance with you". I literally had to bite my lip so that I didn't burst out laughing. he looked at me seriously and said 'the problem is, her mum will read this'. he hesitated and then shrugged his shoulders, and put it in the envelope anyway.

that was sooooo sweet.

and then I opened up E's schoolbag and she has a card addressed to "Allan" in adult's handwriting. When she opened it up, it's from one of the boys in her class. He obviously told his mum she was called Allan.

18/12/2013 at 16:34

My best friend from school was a full boarder actually, never thought about it much at the time, but her dad was a British ambassador so got posted all over the place.  She used to come to my house for "C" weekends as she didn't have anywhere else to go other than friends' houses.  From age 11 but still, I couldn't do that to my kids.  I suppose circumstance dictates a lot of these things and some things can't be changed e.g. job, but still...

CC hugs to you too, must be very hard and please put your relationship first - I hope he does as well.  Money IS important but your marriage is even more so I would say.  Hopefully something good is just round the corner.

CM - love J's lovelife !  Have to say, I thought I had a bit longer than age 7!  I don't think I fancied any boys till I was 9 or 10!  Slow dancing brings back hideous memories of dancing with boys about a foot shorter than you, who you either really fancied but didn't fancy you, or who you were just dancing with because there was no-one else/you felt sorry for them!

Horrible windy, rainy weather outside and we've got gymnastics in a minute then I've got circuits this evening - so want to curl up on the sofa with a blanket!  Last day at work today, yippee .

Sophie's teacher is finishing on Friday and everyone knows now.  I can't help feeling he's made a really bad decision and should have just stuck it out but I guess I don't know all the details.  Me and the MIL went in yesterday to help get them ready for the Nativity which was a weird experience, sort of working with my MIL!

Slightly worried about Sophie's confidence at the moment!  I've never been confident so we've always praised her lots for her achievements.  The trouble is, there are so many (!) that now she constantly declares that she's the best at something and I am having to find reasons to tell her she's not, just to bring her down a bit!  I suppose you can be confident without being big-headed?!

18/12/2013 at 16:42

Eek JG, I'm the same as you, always suffered from huge lack of confidence so we always try to praise Max when appropriate and I wonder sometimes if we are creating a monster.

Loved CM's account of her kids, especially J and his slow dancing!

18/12/2013 at 19:46

Awww CM I loved your story about J's romance!!!! By the way please never feel like you can't talk about your miscarriage etc, its a totally separate thing to someone else wanting a baby and it certainly doesn't upset me other than because it is another tough thing for you to deal with ((()))

Dropped M at daycare this morning - huge sighs of relief al round!! Bit pointless as tomorrow is last day and its their Christmas party but man I just need some time on my own!! The last week has been tough going as we have hit some awesome new toddler behaviour to accompany the spots ie. deliberate naughtiness!

CC - I hope you get plenty of much needed family/husband time over Christmas.The combination of constant separation plus the unsettledness of not knowing what the future holds workwise is very tough and I think you do an incredible job!

Ohhhh not long now JT - I'm so glad you are on mat leave now!! My sister is due in a week or so so its anyones guess as to whether she will make Christmas day or not. She lives 1 hours drive from the hospital where she will deliver and mum and dad live an hour further north. She will be seriously (and I mean SERIOUSLY) gutted to miss Christmas day if she does!!!!

Matilda has plenty of Christmas excitement mainly because we are going to the farm and there will be another Christmas tree there - oh to stay so innocent!! She is also pretty obsessed with Christmas carols. Mum sent her a small choc santa and when she took the tinfoil off and ate the chocolate she said 'oh oh Father Christmas wont be happy'! Was pretty funny!

Looks like it is going to be a wet Christmas for us but after the last 2 scorching Christmas days we shouldn't be surprised! Christmas is not normally hot (Jan and Feb for that) so the house will be chaos if we are stuck in side. At least Dad is driving now (amazing recovery from his hi replacement and he is like a new man) so he can take M out in the truck.

I hope the various relatives who have been hurt are mending (TT and Caro). Not nice at all. And big hugs to CC as well - even when its expected its still always sad when its someone so cool.

Right, since I have a child free house for the first time in a week I really should at least pretend that I'm working!!!

18/12/2013 at 22:07

Nice to hear from you JT, and Hoggle too 

My best friends are my school friends - there is a group of 5 of us who still keep in touch and meet up maybe twice a year, and none of us have changed much since school!  I used to go home at weekends but I only lived 10 mins down the road so my mum was always dropping in with something I'd forgotten.  To be honest, I didn't get on very well with my mum when I was a teenager so I preferred boarding!  I do sometimes wonder what it would have been like if I hadn't though.  Holidays were always hard as my closest friends lived all over the country/world so I would get pretty lonely sometimes.

19/12/2013 at 09:17

nice to hear from you JT. 35 weeks already? blimey! hope it all goes ok.

i am in Leeds today with work. It's cooooooooold.

Had v bad day yesterday; culminating in lots of tears and me drinking Aldi fake baileys straight from the bottle. (yuk). Feel ok today. Trying to stay positive. Lots to do at work.Taking it a day at a time.

Going to Newcastle tonight to go to a gig with N. Distraction...

19/12/2013 at 10:14
Hope there are lots of distractions CM! Hope the gig is good!

Definitely hanging out for the end of term here, we are all knackered!!

Good luck JT, hope everything goes well.

We had our school mums night out yesterday, was fun. I drove and was glad to get away at 10.30pm though, just needed sleep!
19/12/2013 at 12:45

Yes JT still very close to school friends, have at least 10 I would call good friends and people who we could ring up and invite ourselves to go and see without having seem them from one yr to the next.  Now everyone's married and most with kids we see each other less often, but still always on the end of a phone or e mail.  I was the one who always had to go and stay with someone else's parents for wk ends away from school, or I stayed with aunts/uncles etc as well.

Just worn Eric out and a brand new soft play place - it was so shiny and clean!  And great because only pre schoolers there.  I realise I have a 2nd fearless child, he was all over the enormous play structure, straight down the big slide, and when I first went up to make sure he was ok he basically told me to get lost!  Sleeping soundly now......

19/12/2013 at 14:01

Yikes I have missed so much. Can't even begin to do a proper catch up, just thought I would pop in and say hello.

Lovely to hear TTs news. Fingers crossed for you.

Sad to hear about CM and CCs losses, big hugs.

Wow JT where did those 35 weeks go, exciting!

Hoggle I agree with the others, there is never a right time and you never regret the things you do, only the things you don't. Hope you can persuade Mr Hoggle!

And CC your situation is so tough. I hope you and Mr CC spend some quality time over Christmas and can work out a better arrangement in the not too distant future.

Last day at work until after new year so will hopefully get to catch up more over the next couple of weeks.  Still not running. Bloody knee, I have done a grand total of 3 x 2 or 3mile runs in the last 3 weeks and they have all been sore. Haven't tried since Monday. Not too stressed yet as been so madly busy and the weather has been so vile. Have been on the turbo most days. But I will start to panic if I am not running in a week or so. Saw a fizz on Monday for an assessment and back again next Monday so will hopefully find out more. 

Kids are all crazy and it is a whirlwind of parties, concerts etc on top of the usual stuff. Last night was the secondary school dance and tonight is the primary. an extra 6 kids for tea last night, 6 x 13 year olds getting ready, my house is still stinking of hairspray, perfume and nail varnish! Emily has 2 friends over tonight to get ready for her party. School hols tomorrow woo hoo. Behind with all my Christmas presents but I do have the kids stuff sorted so that's the main thing. It'll all come and go whether I am organised or not, lol! Christmas dinner is at ours this year and my mum is so stressed, every day brings a new phone call and a new stress - today it was napkins. What is wrong with kitchen roll says I, can't help but wind her up! She never used to be so uptight!

Anyhoo better get some work done before home.

19/12/2013 at 17:13

Oh yes, I was supposed to buy napkins today.  Oops.  I have ordered a turkey and bought a pudding, that's about it.  Good thing shops are open 24/7 down here!

19/12/2013 at 17:24

i have a tray of pigs in blankets in my freezer. thats my christmas dinner

19/12/2013 at 20:40
Eek, we are buying a house (stc!), in Ross-on-wye which is where I grew up and lived until I went to Uni. Alan will still be long distance to work but it means we can buy a decent size house for basically half what we would spend in the SE, plus we have family to babysit!!
Think it is sort of sinking in, will be a massive upheaval but hopefully v worthwhile.
Camlo    pirate
19/12/2013 at 22:11

I was a full boarder at the age of 10 too and can absolutely say it can work ok. If you cant imagine it then it probably isnt for you!! 

Yippee to imminent babies and finishing work for the hols, slow dances and house buying. Boo to missing your kids (((CM))), baileys (puke), sore knees and crap weather.

We had a dumping of snow earlier and only just managed to get to school ok!! Mostly gone now but not before the kids lost a jumper, a glove and my mini spade in it. Hope they appear in the morning light! 

Still no running..... Mojo gone completely. 

19/12/2013 at 22:27

I could imagine it in 6th form, and to a school in the same country, but could not imagine sending Matilda 7000 miles away in 4 yrs time.  But then on the whole I had a great time, made great friends and got an excellent education, but possibly don't have the closest relationship with my parents because they basically weren't there as I grew up.  I was just saying to my sister today that I hope I don't emulate the mistakes of our parents and that I am able to have a close, open relationship with the kids, but it is so hard, because the only way you know how to parent is how you were parented if you get what I mean.  No one really knows how anyone else's parents did it, or how your friends do it, because you don't see what happens behind closed doors.

uncle still in Swedish hospital, as far as I can tell from various e mails from aunt, cousins, he has fractured his skull.  He fell backwards down stone steps.  But with head injuries you just have to wait for the brain to recover, and scans show he isn't getting any worse,,and he is quite lucid but has bad head aches and is sleeping more than usual.

also it sounds like my step grandmother is on her way out- grandpa's second wife, never particularly close to her and we all just thought she married him for his money.  She's 98 I think so has had a good life.



19/12/2013 at 22:59
As geriatric rock bands go, the quo were q good tonight. Thanks Newcastle area
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