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How do you get going again after pregnancy?

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28/11/2012 at 20:56
Camlo - hope Archie is ok tonight.

The thing with tuition fees is that if you earn 'too much' your kid won't necessarily get a loan at all. But just because you earn 'too much' doesn't mean that you can afford to shell out for the fees. One of the daughters of a lady I know is in this situation. She can't get a loan because her mum earns 'too much'. So she can't cover her fees and after a few months has had to drop out because she can't afford to continue. And that is what I worry about. I will have a mortgage still. And who knows whether I will be able to remortgage etc. so that is why I am worrying...
28/11/2012 at 21:03

Camlo, that sounds scary, Aidan is having attacks when he gets a chest infection however we are on round 4 this year, I did control the last bout of wheezing with Ventolin though so I could get to the doc the next morning but it does feel like something hanging over us especially as his underlying cough never seems to go.

I thought tuition fee loans were for everyone?  What if your parents won't give you the money despite having it?  Hardly a fair system!

28/11/2012 at 21:38

My kids are all good asthma wise now we are on the clenil every day. Sophie was wheezing badly last week, but extra doses of clenil and some ventolin sorted that out.

Tuition fees, well we just don't have the money at the mo to worry. So we struggle now or we struggle then. I think then is the answer for now. We need the money now!! I understand your concerns CM, but surely T will have to pay half too. Is he saving? Would he really deny his kids an education if you couldn't pay half? He really is a shit if thats the case!!

Sick bugs I let them decide when they want to eat really. Hunger is usually as sign the bug has gone. Then they have toast or crackers or dry stuff and water only. Usually works ...Hard with babies so yes clear liquids only or BF??

Bit tiddley after half bottle of chardonnay. Oh well. Much needed!  Have been to pilates also! Hope you got your choc CM...!

Love your FB post sonya. Did make me chuckle lots!!

28/11/2012 at 21:57

Kinsey - you are right, any student is eligible to apply for a tuition fee loan up to the max value of £9K. No the most attractive of prospects to rack up £27K of debt - but does offer the buy now pay later option. CM - different rules for tuition fees apply to those who started uni in September 2012 or earlier which might be the problem for the woman you work beside.

Life is too short and the tuition fee system will be something entirely different by the time all our kids get there - and it is anybodys guess what it will be!  So would agree with the others CM to use the money now when you need it.

Just about keeping up with reading all on here. Hope Archie has a better night tonight Camio.  Hubby back from Japan but between jet lag and thinking he might be about to be ill, I'm beginning to wish he was still in Japan

28/11/2012 at 22:46

have done no pilates for me yet this week! that'll be tomorrows job after my run and while the mincemeat is doing it's thing!!

We'll definitely still be paying a mortgage off then too, totally agree with MMs philosophy.

I've been on clenil every day since I was given it back in May, tried a few days away from it and difference was noticable pretty promptly so I haven't bothered NOT taking it again since, currently finding that the cold really seems to hit the lungs when I head out to run so making sure I take the blue inhaler in the warmth before I set off ...  and it's going to get colder ...

Hee hee MR, can't remember if I said, but good news about him and new job

28/11/2012 at 22:48
I can't see it ever getting any easier for me to save. Unlike a lot of you it is only me who can influence my financial security. I don't have a safety net. I don't have my parents. I won't get any inheritance now as they will have cut me out. Not that I was counting on that but I am an only child and they are comfortably off etc. anyway - irrelevant. I have no idea what provisions T is making for the kids. And I can't assume anything. He could have more kids with someone else and not have the cash to fund uni with me for j and e. But it isn't just uni. If I am sick long term or lose my job, I have no back up. So I have to save everything I can really just because if I don't, there is no one else to help me!
28/11/2012 at 22:55

Tough situation CM. In NZ student loans have existed pretty much forever so I left uni with $33,000 in debt and that was fairly standard amongst my friends. I then paid off by saving hard once I was working. I have several friends who intend to live out of NZ permenently so they don't have to pay it back - but they are now chasing the money with the Auz govt so that plan has backfired whilst one friends loan in particular has mounted up massively. We have just set up a savings account for Matilda which currently gets $10 a week - I figure a tiny amount will still add up.

28/11/2012 at 22:58
Nice to have hubby back then MR!

Agree with everyone's comments on saving for uni fees. Live for now! The system will undoubtedly change in the years to come, I managed uni by grants and loans, hubby worked part time and did loans. I've only just paid it off but really wasn't bothered about it, I realises it's a lot more now but still.... Also, mortgage free?! No chance! Mortgaged to the hilt until we drop!

Glad you liked fb post MM! I don't know why she thinks I drink so much wine, honest! I don't drink much in front of her, except for holiday and buying in the supermarket..... she also said daddy would turn into beer so I'm not the only boozy parent

Scary with the asthma Camlo, glad all ok now and hope he's back asleep! Lots of wheezing with the little ones on here, I can still remember my first asthma attack when I was about 6 I think, weird memory.

I do tend to offer my poorly kids all sorts of random food to make them eat too! But usually it's toast etc when they're vommy, and if they're feeling sick they refuse anyway!
Lots of illness at our house, bad coughs and colds. Poor Rosie hasn't eaten for a week, just a little milk and was coughing and making herself sick the last two days, so unhappy poor thing. Think Vixo had similar with her youngest? Did dr today just in case but is still viral so nothing much we can do. Maggie has got over it and I have the cold and cough too, but not too bad (no running since Sunday though, grrrr).
Work has been a struggle as we've had to be off with Rosie, so was off today and did half Monday and Tuesday with hubby trying to work from home for the other half days. I had to be at gosh on Monday for a patient sample which then ran late due to overrunning surgerys so I got home late, with hubby sending me photos of my sad baby! My first experience this week of us both really needing to be at work but someone having to stay home. Anyway, will worry about it all again next week and just focus on getting Rosie better now.

Loving all the stocking filler ideas, getting a toothbrush now! Maggie hasn't had a stocking before so won't know what to expect. I'm also buying one for Rosie just because Maggie will wonder where hers is. Yes, will just have plastic balls and raisins and breadsticks in it probably

On a running note(!), as you all know I am a bit of a wuss in rain/wind so instead of getting out there in the mud on Sunday I did 7miles on the treadmill with the iPad selotaped to it watching iplayer Must find a better way of taping iPad up though as I have to selotape it once the treadmill is already moving because the on button is under it, if I drop it....

Right, bedtime.
28/11/2012 at 23:05

My sister somehow racked up HUGE student debts despite living at home during uni - she only finally payed them off a couple of years ago ... she's now 36!!

CM - I do totally get how it must feel being that individually responsible for so much. I just think that sometimes things are just so darn scary and impossible that you almost can't think about it, especially if there is very little that you can currently do about it, as the worry just eats you up. Yes, I agree I have a husband who earns a decent wage and we are in it together but you just never do know whats round the corner... do you? ...

Speaking of which, one of my very good friends up here is having at time I can't even comprehend tbh, I may have mentioned before ... her eldest child (son, aged 15 has cancer, again,). I have no idea what the long-term prognosis is - can't bear to ask her, but I don't think good and he's really not well at the moment at all. Unbelievably focussed lad - in town panto, grade 5 cello plus studies. They are such a lovely upbeat family - how oh how do they manage that ... and the husband works away all week down in London ... made me think a lot this week for sure

28/11/2012 at 23:45

I'm slightly worse for wear too, two friends just left having come over to have some vino to keep me company whilst hubby is away - nice to catch up, but 2 bottles between 3 and I'm a bit tispy and tired so best be off to bed.

I remember my first job in America and meeting my colleague, an American vet, who owed some amazing amount of money from her studies (4 yrs under grad, then 4 yrs vet school), I'm sure it was over $100k.  And I could say to her that my tuition cost me nothing........and for some bizzarre reason us vet studnts got paid several hundred pounds per term from the vet school, because we had to spend basically all our spare time in the holidays doing 'extra mural studies' (basicall seeing practice at vets, unpaid) so couldn't get a job, so the vet school gave us money instead.  No more......

We save £20 per month per child and it goes into M's CTF and E has a similar thing as CTF's didn't exist anymore.  Plus we gave E £500 to start off with as M got £500 from the govt so it was only fair.


29/11/2012 at 07:51
Hope the hangover not too bad Caro!

I racked up 15k and paid it back by 30. I did have 5 years off due to low earnings when doing Phd. I do remember once being told how much an American medical student owed!!

Yes, we have the CTF which gov gave for Maggie but nothing for Rosie. I do have a couple of ISA's kind of for the kids but not actual savings particularly for them, I also decided not to put any more money in their name because I once read (money saver I think) that your child might be a cute baby now but at 18 when they are given these accounts they might not use if for uni as you planned but spend it all on booze/drugs/unsuitable boys! I obviously can't understand how it must feel to be solely responsible for your kids future but they're only young once, and I wouldn't not go on holiday/have experiences when they're young because of saving for future. Plastic tat important too I guess

Your poor friend CC. Does make me think how lucky I am. Seeing so many sick kids at gosh also made me feel more live for the moment, which many families must have to do because of such awful circumstances.

Still got a poorly baby here I am also completely lurgified too now, bloomin sore throat will stop me running I suspect. I will also be eating crap as I always have to eat choc and cake when snotty(!) so expect more grumpy no running feeling fat posts!
29/11/2012 at 08:05

Well we have been having a financial moral dilemma here, my brother has managed to get himself into huge debt by just living beyond his means and approached us for help.  He did say he didn't expect us to cough up and that he needed advice but as he has basically been enjoying life rather than struggling to make ends meet I think its time he sorted out his own problem but I feel incredibly guilty at the same time that we aren't handing over our hard earned wedge to bail him out.  Does that make any sense??  Anyway I'm alternating between wanting to call him an idiot or send him a red cross parcel.  He also thinks sharing his problem has made it easier for him however its now making me worry a lot.  Grrr!  Anyway, got that off my chest.  I think the bit that really got my goat was that he leased a Harley Davidson a little while ago which he blatantly didn't need and now it turns out definitely couldn't afford!!!

Must look up Clenil, we have Modulite which Aidan is taking am and pm.  His cough is a lot better today.

Right, up way too early here but I need to get our act together before the school run!

29/11/2012 at 08:47

Grrrr to brother Kinsey - a problem shared is a problem halved for one and a problem gained for another huh! Don't feel guilty - a handout would not help him to learn value of money or how to manage with less etc.

Matilda is defiitely getting a toothbrush in her stocking - she will be thrilled!

Wow CC that is so tough - definitely puts a different perspective on things!

29/11/2012 at 10:09

i could have had an extra hour in bed this morning! got up at 6 for the drive to Hemel but forgot it doesn't take as long as Warrington. D'oh!

sorry to hear you are all poorly Sonya. fortunately, J's tummy thing hasn't come to anything. my stomach is awful tho - was putting it down to TOTM but it's still ongoing this morning so no idea what it is. see on FB that MM is poorly too. so much going around at the moment.

i am afraid i can't live 'in the moment' when it comes to money. i have to know that i am secure, and at the moment, i don't feel like i am. i guess the threat of redundancy recently has brought home to me how vulnerable i am. i don't have a support network at all either, so any help i need has to be paid for. anyway, i know a lot of you don't agree with my view on this, but i have to do what it takes to feel like i am safe, otherwise i am living in constant fear. i would rather have things a bit hard for a while and be sure that i have enough to cope for a while if i lose my job or get sick. or if one of the kids gets sick. most of you have someone who can help in some way - or can help you pay for additional help if you need it. i don't have that at all, so i can't just say 'sod it' and live for now.

anyway - enough of all that. in hemel today for 4 hours of auditing. hoping to make it back in time for club tonight but it will depend on the traffic. chilly brr here today, but it makes a lovely change from all the rain!

29/11/2012 at 10:52

Kinsey - that's definitely a tough one, but I'm guessing he needs some 'tough love'; easier said than done sometimes though I know.

Boo to all the sickiness ... various people in Js class have succumbed so you do feel like you are sitting on a timebomb, although I think I'd rather have it now than during the Christmas hols.

Hope you make it back for club CM. Brrrrr chilly here too but sunny so very pleasant.

Had major panic this morning, guy turned up at 8.30am to fill our oil tank, just as I am howling at kids to get shoes on etc the alarm on it goes off (the one that indicates your oil is leaking everywhere or being nicked!!!). Despite having the darn alarm there is no info who you call when it goes off!!! Lady at oil company panicked me even more with talk of burst oil tanks etc etc. Anyway after dropping kids off late and switching it off and on again a couple of times, it seems to have stopped and the tank is still full - phew!  That'll be a nice bill 1000 litres of oil at about 69p a litre, best get some more logs ordered for the stove then - two truck loads £150 lasts us all year virtually

29/11/2012 at 12:30

wow - scary thing this morning CC! i don't miss the LPG bills from when i lived with T... and my house now is so little in comparison that a little bit of heating goes much further!

kinsey - have you suggested your brother talks to an advice line about money help rather than (or possibly as well as - if he thinks it's helping) you? if he has had a sort of epiphany about it, there are people and services out there that can help. i have suggested this to N, who has major debt, but he won't do it because he wants to sort it out himself. hmmm... i have realised talking to you lot that i do probably have a bit of an issue with debt / money, and i think the situation with N and his debt / financial settlement is standing in the way of our relationship in a major way. perhaps i do need some perspective on it - but i feel so vulnerable. i have written my will recently and i haven't mentioned him in it at all. if T dies first and then i die, the kids go to my friend, S. if the kids and T and I all die together, all my money goes to my cousin. and the reason i have distanced myself from him is to do with his debt and ongoing refusal to sort his financial situation... hmmm...


29/11/2012 at 13:11
It's hard CM, and I really feel for your situation. I think that's partly why I wouldn't ever want to give up my career - you just don't know what's around the corner - because it would be very hard, if not impossible, to get back into if I took any length of time out. I think we've done what we can to future proof from our current situation, and my husband is very good at keeping an eye on mortgages, interest rates etc (although neither of us are willing to take any risks on our finances), and we both have life cover and critical illness policies which we feel comfortable. My brother works in finance (I don't understand any of it) and he has had money in risky investments that have made him money, and some that have lost - I'm not that kind of person and want to know exactly where it all is and how much we've got, but luckily my husband and I feel the same - my brother laughs at how risk averse we are, but we're happy! There clearly has to be a balance between living only in the moment (which I don't think anyone here is advocating), and letting money worries take over your life, once you've done all you can to make sure you're secure - which it sounds like you have. It must be incredibly hard though to feel alone in being financially responsible for your family.

Kinsey - I agree with CM that it sounds as though your brother needs proper help. Could you look into seeing someone from citizens advice, or one of the debt managing people, and going with him and working with him to help him sort the problems out? Probably better for him in the long term than giving him money.
29/11/2012 at 14:23

He talked to the debt helpline but as he is somehow making his monthly payments they cant do anything.  He also tried to consolidate his debt with one loan from the bank but had a 'computer says no' situation.

Its come to a head as he has met a girl and wants to settle down but if I was her I would not want to be taking on that kind of issue.  CM my Mum is crap with money and spectacularly managed to go from owning her own property to having it repossessed by remortgaging and splashing the cash when she wasn't earning money.  It really frustrates me that banks and credit card companies make it SO easy for people to spend so much more than they earn.  Might stop now before I go into full rant mode, anyway I know where you are coming from, being solvent is something I too think is very important!

29/11/2012 at 14:53

vixo - i too have critical illness cover and life insurance, plus death in service. and sick pay cover through work too. i have done what i can to cover those bases, and it has all been reviewed since my divorce, so it is all current etc. i know i have done what i can really, but it doesn't stop me stressing about the 'what ifs'. i think that was the major benefit for me of being married, tbh. there was someone else 'in it' with me. whatever the 'it' may be. a sort of security blanket. now i just feel totally alone and very vulnerable. and of course, one of my worries is that, if for whatever reason i end up not being able to cope financially, T will just sweep the kids away from me. if i got sick and couldn't afford to pay for someone to help me look after them when they were with me, he would just have them and i wouldn't get to see them at all. i even worry about things like - what would happen if i broke my ankle or needed an operation or something. like my friend, S, whose appendix ruptured and she was in hospital for a week and couldn't then drive for about 4 weeks after. in that situation, i would be absolutely stuffed as i would then have to pay for someone to come in and look after the kids for me / drive them around on the days they were with me etc. or else just not see them because T would have them.

the whole thing just makes me panic and want to cry.

argh. i think i need more chocolate.

29/11/2012 at 15:15
Keep calm and eat chocolate CM! I think we need to stop these discussions before we all panic, I am feeling distinctly more nervous about our lack of savings/giant mortgage/what if hubby leaves me/dies. So I would like to put my head back in the sand now!!
I was actually quite frugal because of the way my mum was when i was growing up (still is) so I do get scared with the huge amounts hubby spends on things! I am learning to relax more though (maybe not the best idea in today's climate!). And can completely understand where you're coming from CM.

Anyway, talking of saving money would anyone like an unused Cookie Monster toy!?
Maggie is scared stiff of it, hubby bought it for her last Christmas and I knew she'd hate it! It has been in our attic ever since, is like new! I'm sure not all toddlers would be scared of it, anyone can have it for free, can pay me just for postage.
Was just in attic sorting for incoming grandparents and Maggie saw it and said "can you take that back to the shop please!"
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