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How do you get going again after pregnancy?

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28/01/2014 at 22:30

Eric can do ballet.  I am NOT standing on the side of a rugby pitch in the pissing rain and cold!

28/01/2014 at 23:18

Lol Caro. I'm with you 


minks that is a shame about kit's tooth. at least there may be sth for him when he's older. 

i really should return at least one bag....need to tax the car and it was serviced and mot'd on Friday. But instead I went to a different t k maxx and got a pair of Levi's. they were reduced to £12 and they fitted. It would be rude not to. I appear to have lost enough weight so that some of my clothes are now too big!! Mental. I think I'm just a different shape as I'm def still heavier than before. 

Camlo    pirate
29/01/2014 at 08:19

CM I would be drawing up a spreadsheet with all the clubs on - saying the child benefit is paid to parents for using not saving so it will be used on them in future not squirrelled away to the detriment of your well being. 

You do not need to save £250 a month and live on fresh air CM. They already have so much more than others, you need to look after yourself. Chase your extra £50 too (backdated of course). 

EF - rude indeed to leave jeans but 2 handbags is just greedy

Caro - Nice to be loved!! Mine cry if daddy leaves without saying goodbye but  I doubt they notice when i go out! 

TT - i would reward exam results too, esp when you see her work so hard. 

CC - i love the idea of a show rather than exams, sounds very expensive! 


29/01/2014 at 09:34

camlo - i know they are lucky kids. but i don't want me to be the reason they can't have / do things that they really want. i'm not talking about buying endless skylanders. i don't do that (that's what T and his mum are for). but i find it really hard to say no to them when they want to have a go at things (like this sodding drama thing which i hate taking them to, but they both love, and is fiendishly expensive).

i don't want them to feel like they can't go to uni or whatever when the time comes either because funds are a problem. granted, they may not want to / be able to for other reasons. but i don't want to feel like i could have helped them but haven't. which is why i prioritise saving over anything else. i know we have no idea what the situation will be by the time they leave school, but having funds available has to be a good thing really

i spent years regretting not staying on at uni and doing a phd. i left because i needed a job and because i had zero money. having spent my student years living on value porridge oats and value apples, i needed to get a job so i could live! i don't want my kids to be in the same situation, and i can do something about it by saving.

but then that's just me!

my ear infection or whatever it is is back with avengeance. it kept me awake half the night. i am off to birmingham after my counselling session today and am in warrington tomorrow so no chance of seeing GP again until fri at the earliest.

29/01/2014 at 09:43

and then i do stupid things like book tickets to go and see the Lion King in Cardiff in December @ 60 quid a ticket. that isn't going to make life any easier is it? credit card bill next month will be eye watering. ARGH!

29/01/2014 at 12:09

I just did my tax return and paid a 7K tax bill! So that's all my isa's cleared out. Kids will have to fund their own way through uni

And phds aren't all that great really cm. I don't regret doing mine but could've lived without it. Of course it was a paid one so had a salary each month. And weirdly because you don't get taxed on your phd grant I actually got paid less once I started my first post doc than when I was still a phd student...

My girls seem to love their ballet but it is only an easy going babyballet class up to 5yrs. No exams, no dress code, all very relaxed! Not sure Maggie will like 'real' ballet classes! Still no swimming lessons for my two and I really want them to start but just don't want a whole weekend of activities going on. And have already told hubby that if we have a boy next or if either of the girls fancy rugby/hockey etc he gets to stand on the edge of playing fields for hours  

29/01/2014 at 12:53

I hear what you're saying CM about not wanting to deprive your kids of the opportunity to try anything they fancy but really - there are limits.  Your health and wellbeing are also important otherwise there won't be anyone to take them to/from all the activities!  And much as you loathe having to do so (and I completely understand why) you MUST get equal and proper contribution from T.  He's getting away with contributing half of what you do which is totally ridiculous - they are 50% his kids too!  I get that you feel you need to somehow 'prove' you are better than him and don't need him but you're not getting what's rightfully and legally yours.

At the moment K does karate Monday and Friday (I share lifts with another parent for that so only have to do one pick-up from school out of two and one pick-up from karate out of two), Mad Science on Tuesday (8 week course only), Beavers Wednesday (but that's hubby's department as I work Wednesday and it's long been one of my key running nights, plus he doesn't take Kit to anything else), piano Thursday but during school hours and swimming Saturday.  I feel it's a bit much to be honest - he got very tired by the end of last term - but the Mad Science at least is only for a few weeks.

We used to have regular savings but although we save on a monthly basis for 'big' annual outgoings (holiday, house and car insurance etc) we don't seem to be replenishing the 'big' savings we had when we moved which covered all our new furniture, work to the house etc.  We had a lot of unforeseen expense last year when it transpired we had a leak in our heating system which had probably been ongoing for at least a year and finally manifested itself last winter when the house got so damp that water was literally running down the insides of the kitchen cupboards and sitting on the surface of our floor tiles.  We claimed a lot on the house insurance but it didn't cover everything - including finding and repairing the leak which in itself cost over a grand.  So we are not replacing the savings which worries me.  We save the child benefit in a separate ISA account for Kit and I think there's more in there than in our own savings!  Pain having to now do a tax return for the child benefit but it's worth it in our case as I think we end up receiving about two-thirds of it.

Also hoping K doesn't take up rugby - if so I hope it's a weekend and Daddy can take him.  Standing around on cold and wet pitches is not my idea of fun!  He used to do football but it's on the same night as Beavers and he couldn't do both.  He wasn't that into football so chose Beavers instead.  Thankfully.  And it's cheaper!

I hated, loathed and detested ballet as a child.  I am incredibly badly coordinated - I can't even do an aerobics class without getting everything wrong - so I just found it humiliating.  I gave it up as soon as I could - after only a couple of months I think.  K knows he has to give something a good try before he's allowed to give it up, and swimming is non-negotiable!

29/01/2014 at 16:16

yup swimming non-negotiable here as well. can't really explain why. fortunately my 2 are good swimmers and do enjoy it. and we do go swimming together as well, so it's not all about pounding the lengths in the pool.

counselling was good. i have done similar before with looking at my reactions to situations i find difficult and what my underlying beliefs are which make me react the way i do. it's step 1. i now have to think a bit about the way i react to situations which are hard for me. so my 'catastrophising' response (it's all bound to fail anyway); and also my 'black and white' (i'm bad so there's no point me trying to help myself) response: i need to recognise when i'm having those automatic reactions and just pause. not going to be able to do much about it at the moment but just recognising i'm doing it. she reckons it will automatically start helping me.

anyway - pain in ear is now hideous. i have driven up to Birmingham and am trying to write reams of stuff about service continuity this afternoon when i can't concentrate because of the pain. paracetamol doesn't help. heat helped a bit in the night but i can't sit in the office clutching a hot water bottle sadly...

29/01/2014 at 16:49

My worry with savings for kids is that u have no idea 

what ur child is going to b like at 16-18 and they would have access to and complete control 

over any savings u had put away for them. Fortunately 

Nat doesn't touch her savings account she is happy for me to 

keep the passbook and has never asked for it. But technically 

she could go lift the lot and blow it on clothes and concert 

tickets. I am lucky Nat is the most easy going mature teenager 

I have ever known. Would break my Heart if I had saved 

thousands of pounds for my child and they just squandered it away 

on parties, holidays, clothes etc because they had gone off the 

rails and were being a nightmare. 

29/01/2014 at 20:11
Just don't tell them it's there! I certainly won't be giving my children access to their savings accounts until I think they're ready for them, and if they want to go to university then some of it will be paid for by whatever we've managed to save...or they won't go!

I thought I was being a bit stingy about all the extra clubs, but I'm glad there are others on here who feel the same as me. I just don't think they need to be doing multiple things, although I do think it's very easy to get sucked into feeling that they should or they'll somehow be missing out and you'll have failed them in some way. Isabelle does swimming, which I agree, I see as a necessary life skill for all sorts of reasons, and at the moment that's it. She was doing ballet but kept saying it was boring last term so we stopped, and she did a trial of gymnastics but it was ??100 for the term and the class they would have made her start in wasn't physically demanding enough for her and I know she'd have been bored with it in a few weeks too - the other children looked like they were about 4, and we're a good foot shorter than her! My friend has found a trampolining session which is pay as you go for ??5 a time which they're going to try tomorrow, so if she enjoys that we'll do it when it fits in. Basically I'm probably a bit selfish, but I don't want to spend my free time trekking around the place with lots of children and hanging around, so I'm limiting what she can do!

Speaking of expense, how much does everyone feel is a reasonable amount to spend on a party? Again, maybe I'm just really stingy but some of the options seem extremely expensive to me. She's been to a couple of laser quest parties recently which she really enjoyed, but one was ??16 a head which I think is way too much, and the other was ??13 a head, both with a minimum of 12 children. I'm just not prepared to pay that for a 2 hour party I don't think. The other thing she fancies is ringoes at the indoor dry ski slope which is a more reasonable ??70 for 10 children with free use of a room where they can have tea, so I'm trying to push that option if she doesn't want a party at home!

I have splashed out this week on lion king tickets for the summer when it's on here, but I dithered for ages about whether to buy them. I think I find it hard to spend lots on transient things and 'events', but I'm not sure why - I think it's the fear of feeling really disappointed if it's not any good and of having wasted my money! We're trying to get the house sorted at the moment before the interests rates inevitably rise and we have absolutely no spare money, but it's a bit of a bottomless pit, as 100 year old houses tend to be!

Right, dinner ready so had better go and sort it!
29/01/2014 at 20:15

All these after school activities sound exhausting to me!!! Luckily at the moment we get away with zero activities but then M is only 2.5. I will start doing swimming lessons at some stage but at the moment they are only learing water confidence etc and I can do that with her (used to teach swimming a VERY long time ago to disabled children). Of course I may fold when she is older but I think I would try and restrict to 2 activities/sports per week - we'll see!

Was awake half the night feeling seriously stressed. Hubbys job (or lack of) combined with the house moving is really taking its toll, as is having to be the strong positive one all the time! Our neighbour has a house available to rent and really we don't have much choice but to take it but its definitely not ideal! Not sure if I am just over-dramatizing but it has virtually no garden and all the living is upstairs which just reminds me so much of living in London. I'm worried we'll move there and will hate it! Haven't even been over to view it yet so really just need to pull my head in. I just feel so sad about moving from this lovely place before we are ready

My running has stalled so I need to get back out there doing that, will help me be more positive as well I think! Feeling a bit like hubby needs a kick up the bum. He certainly needs to be taking on more at home as he is only working 2 days a week at the moment. I'm so conscious of not making him feel low about not working that I think I am making life a little too easy if you know what I mean.

29/01/2014 at 22:16
Hoggle, that sounds really tough, I hope it all comes together for you soon. Is your husband feeling a bit lost with his time at home? Mine is a real do-er so is always busy with something, but I know if I find myself with stretches of unaccounted-for time (admittedly a rare occurrence at the moment!), I sometimes find it hard to work out where to start and struggle with motivation. Could you give him tasks to do if he's at home to focus him a bit? or would that infuriate him?!
29/01/2014 at 22:19

The bank writes to teenagers to inform them of tax 

changes on their account when they turn 16, so if going to hide it u have to steal their mail. And 

they lose tax free status if u remain trustee of the account.


I know quite a few people whose kids go to various clubs 

every night and they always look tired, are constantly getting 

ill and forever on antibiotics. I personally think it is too much. 

There has to b a balance between giving them good experiences 

and putting them under too much stress.

Camlo    pirate
29/01/2014 at 22:21

Agree with everything today, CM you could earn a squillian and you would still spend it all on the kids and go without yourself. You have to say NO sometimes and realise people (inc kids) love you for you, not because you give in to them. Plaster on the lippy, stand tall and tell the world you mean business from now on! 

Vixo - i think the same about parties, when you are talking teens it may be different but until then i dont think the kids 'need' the all singing all dancing stuff. Looking at something for Tom in march and hope he chooses something where all his mates can come (like hire the gym and have a footie / games party). He was gutted when his close friend only invited 4 boys to the cinema and he wasnt one of them.

Boo to renting/ moving, expensive repairs and MAHOOSIVE tax bill (OMG). 

Yippee to responsible daughter TT, On my 16th birthday i was single and I had £1000 in my account but by 17 i had a few pounds left and a newborn.... 


29/01/2014 at 22:44
Wow, camlo! In the nicest possible way, I hope my girls won't me a grandmother when they're 17!!

I didn't know that about the tax thing TT! I presume that in order to take money out of an account they would need some proper ID - like a passport - which I may keep conveniently hidden - maybe that would work?! I suppose I've always assumed they'll turn out relatively responsible, but I guess that may not necessarily be the case. I do think that part of it comes from how you deal with and present any savings - I imagine them having a 'current' account from which they can spend a small amount, and then any savings, which are protected (even if only by the way you think of them), and not as easily accessible. We deal with all our accounts online, but I have a very different mental approach to my savings account, and think long and hard before moving money out of it, so I hope I'll be able to instil some of that in the children.

Camlo - you seem to manage to say what I'm thinking, but in a better way!

CM - I try to channel my inner you sometimes and say 'yes' more, but I agree with camlo that I think you need to practice saying no as well! I'm going to play devils advocate here, but if you've organised all the activities for the children maybe T doesn't see why he should pay half? It may well be that you've discussed it together, in which case ignore me, but I would certainly baulk at paying all that for activities, and would probably refuse if I hadn't been consulted. I agree that in terms of the savings, if that's what you've agreed then he should definitely be paying an equal amount.
29/01/2014 at 22:49
I also meant to say, CM, that I hope the counselling continues to be good. I have tendencies towards catastrophising too, and I'm a bit of a worrier. I quite often find myself awake at night stewing over decisions, issues at work, friends etc, and although they're almost always much minor in the morning than they felt in the middle of the night, it doesn't stop me doing it. I have a small light for my kindle so now I try and read for a while rather than letting my brain swirl in useless and ever increasingly panicked circles!
29/01/2014 at 23:03

This is just a rant though incidentally we have a savings account which we hold in trust for Louise - I don't understand it at all but the bank said it was fine for it to be in our names but we don't have to declare it for our tax purposes because it's specifically said to be in trust for her.  dunno how she'd either find out about it or access it though.

Anyway my rant is about frigging Orange or EE or whatever the blazes they are nowadays.  Ages ago I had to change to e billing  because my only option was a fully itemised paper bill - which ran to about 40 pages because it included every single sodding text - and cost me an extra £1.50 for the privilege or else e billing.  So I duly changed over.  Since then I have barely seen a bill because I forgot my ruddy password and whenever they texted me to say the bill was ready my 3G signal would disappear and I'd be unable to access the darned thing anyway.  So tonight I finally went online on the pc to try to sort it all out and find out exactly what I pay each month and what my usage is and it says that I have an online account with restricted access and need to upgrade.  Clicked to upgrade and apparently I need my account number which is NOT my mobile number and is conveniently available on my joining letter (er about 8 years ago so don't have it) or my last bill - about 5 years ago.  FFS.  It says please call us free on 150 if you don't know your account no.  Duly call 150 but of course I can't get through the 25 trillion possible options to speak to an actual flaming human being and eventually I got to the end of the line to be told "This office is currently closed."  Well they can jog on.  I'm off to join another mobile phone company.  GRRRRR. 

29/01/2014 at 23:08
See, now I'm worrying that you're going to take massive offence to what I said about paying for the kids activties, CM, and I can't get rid of it. Please don't take it the wrong way, I was thinking out loud and possibly pressed submit before fully thinking things through. Hey ho, hopefully it won't keep me awake too long tonight!
29/01/2014 at 23:12

And incidentally they don't have an email address on their website so cannot direct my rant at them. 

29/01/2014 at 23:32

Parties.  I've done soft play with food included for about £13 a head and also did gym tastic last year which was about £90 for up to 25 kids. I had to do food for that tho. I'm a lazy cow so I'd rather pay more next time and have someone else do the food for me. 

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