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How do you get going again after pregnancy?

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29/01/2014 at 23:56

Momentarily forgotten all my stresses - just spoken to my wonderful friend (who lost her baby last year and whose wedding we were at in the weekend) and she is 8 weeks pregnant! I am so happy as they were scheduled for IVF in March and all the stresses that entails! It is literally the best news I have heard in the longest time!!


30/01/2014 at 01:32

Awww Hoggle, that's lovely news. Forgotten everything else now too. Woohoo. 

30/01/2014 at 07:38

Awesome news hoggle

30/01/2014 at 08:25

Fantastic news, made me well up 

30/01/2014 at 11:28

Wonderful, Hoggle, hope that's cheered you up a little.  For me financial worries are the absolute worst and I will lie awake at night worrying about money.  I know we're nowhere near as badly off as some, but I do feel like the 'poor relations' compared with my brother and sister-in-law.  They spend a fortune on entertaining friends and we just can't compete.  I made shepherd's pie when they came for dinner a while ago because it was cheap and got moaned at because their son doesn't like mince (not that I even knew that) - when Kit was going through his really bad fussy eating phase I got a lecture from SIL about not giving into him and making him eat what we wanted him to rather than what he actually would eat ... funny how it's different when it's your own child!  They always have top-of-the-range cars and she doesn't work so has lots of time to plan social events - they are having a fete at home in June (with stalls and everything) to celebrate their kids' birthdays and to raise money for Great Ormond Street.  Is it just me or does it all feel a bit Boden Mum if that makes sense? (No offence to anyone who shops from Boden!)  Just makes me feel screamingly inadequate, especially as she's a wonderful cook and bakes all the time blah blah blah ... all I'm good at is juggling ten million balls in the air at once, dropping most of them, and being a reasonably decent runner!  Then again, I work three days a week too so she has more time than I do.  And neither her nor my brother do sports or anything for themselves which both hubby and I do ... sometimes I think that's selfish but I do need my running to stay sane!

Sorry, gone totally off at a tangent there - needed to rant I think!  EF, totally with you on need for that rant, bloody mobile companies!  I lose the will to live on the phone the moment I'm presented with multiple options to choose from.

I know K does too many activities at the moment and I totally agree, TT, that they don't need it and get overtired.  Originally he jus had karate Fridays and swimming Saturdays.  But he had been on the waiting list for Beavers for over a year and was desperate to go, and I think Scouting is a great movement to be involved with.  I got many happy years from my time in Brownies, Guides and Venture Scouts.  What happened though was that he passed his yellow belt grading in karate and then it's compulsory for them to go twice per week, which is how he's ended up a bit overloaded.  Plus there was the chance for him to go to Mad Science after school on Tuesdays and he desperately wanted to as a) he loves science and b) half the class wanted to do it too.  Only a month of that to go though then it's back to just the three activities.  He is almost swimming now so maybe once he can I'll stop the formal lessons.

Had his wobbly tooth out last night.  Was very brave, bless him.  He has definitely got enamel hypoplasia on a couple of his teeth (one front one and two back molars) but a quick online search reassured me that there are some good treatments available these days which he can have when older.  Luckily it's not that noticeable on his front tooth and I'm just keeping everything crossed that none of his other front (visible) teeth are affected.


Edited: 30/01/2014 at 11:34
30/01/2014 at 11:35

While I'm on subject of rants this thread keeps dropping out of my 'followed threads' list.  No idea why.  I keep adding it back, then next time I go in it's gone again.  Is really frustrating!

30/01/2014 at 11:36

It happens every time I post something. Rah!!!

30/01/2014 at 11:49
Hoggle - that is lovely news!

Minks - well done to Kit for being brave at the dentist! Isabelle is an absolute nightmare at anything like that - she's been to the dentist once and I'd just about given up when she finally agreed to let him look in her mouth - quite embarrassing! Your sil sounds a bit of a nightmare!

I need some help! Does anyone have a child who sucks their soft toy comforter? Neither of the big two do this - one sucks her thumb and the other has a dummy - but O has developed the habit and it seems to be her comfort thing. We have 2 of the rabbits she sleeps with and she sucks/chews the knotted ends of them, which consequently are permanently wet and absolutely disgusting. I wash them when I'm doing the right colour washing, but they are still foul! I have tried soaking them in Milton before washing but it didn't really seem to help, so I may have to buy a couple more so I can rotate them more often (they're jelly kitten ones so hopefully John Lewis still has them in stock!) - does anyone else have any thoughts/suggestions?!

I'm exhausted after 3 days work this week - have no idea how I used to work full time. Respect EF!!
30/01/2014 at 12:12

I feel a bit inadequate next to my best friend too Minks. 

She and her hubby r very well off compared to me, happily spend 

10k on holiday for whole family, always out at concerts etc, big fancy cars. Bought 

their 17yr old a car and plan to buy a flat for her to live in and rent 

other rooms when she goes to uni. But she is a head teacher 

who works 70-80hrs a wk, he works in IT and is never off duty, his parents 

do most of the childcare and the kids go to every club going. 

She often goes a wk without seeing her kids. The 17yr old wrote off the car less than 2hrs after bought it (thankfully no one hurt), she ended up in hospital with horrendous 

migraine cos of the stress she is under at work. And I suspect that 

none of her children will attain the same financial/job success that she and her husband have. Because they 

had to work hard and fight to get where they are, they're parents 

never gave them a leg up in fact my friends Dad had no belief in her 

even completing uni. It was her drive to prove him wrong that got 

her where she is. I don't think she would have completed teacher training

 ifshe had parents who took her on extravagant holidays, handed out cashfor 

everything, bought her a car etc. Don't understand how she can't 

see that. 

So actually I would rather b skint and spend time with my 

kids and not make myself ill over a job. And if my kids r going 

to b hi flyers they will do it whatever obstacles r put in their way.



30/01/2014 at 12:34

Vixo, don't get me started on the whole sucking comforter thing!  Kit has an old baby Grobag which he used to sleep in and which subsequently became his comforter.  It even has a name - Ba (his word for 'blanket' at the time) - and is part of the family.  But it is totally minging.  It's discoloured around the part where he sucks and in fact he has completely worn it through in several places, but the area around the holes is rotten through being constantly wet, so I've had to stitch across the whole thing below the holes to stop the stuffing coming out (of which there is admittedly very little and what there is is lumpy!)  It stinks to high heaven even though I wash it once a week (needs more really but takes ages to dry even on the radiator and he won't go to bed without it).  I will be SO happy (in some ways) when he decides he no longer needs it ... In your position I'd just buy several of them so she can always have a clean one.  When Kit became attached to Ba I tried every store and website I could think of in the hope of getting a second one, but it was an old design and no longer stocked.

TT, my brother and SIL aren't like that in the sense of never seeing the kids and sending them to every club going.  The kids don't go to anything (I think my nephew's just started football but that's it) but in my opinion my SIL is obsessively child-centred and everything revolves around the children - that's the part that makes me feel inadequate I think.  Every Christmas and birthday the grandparents get beautiful hand-crafted gifts made by the children - which I can neither think up nor compete with as I am just not creative and K hates that kind of thing - and their house is a shrine to the kids, with each having a name peg in the hall at a height they can reach for their coats (we don't even have space in our hall for that!) and a special named box for their shoes underneath the pegs.  The walls are all decorated with the the children's pictures (framed) and thank-you notes are always photos of the kids made into cards.  Last year the family Christmas card was one my nephew had made at school (lots of schools do this admittedly) but SIL had also had mini versions made to use as gift tags and even the wrapping paper was hand-made - brown paper potato-printed with festive designs (stars, trees etc) by the kids.

Really not sure why this winds me up so much but it does.  She's not smug about it (although that's how it comes over) but I think the whole Suzy Homemaker thing just does my head in. Maybe because I'm no good at that sort of thing. Doesn't mean I don't do stuff with K - I take him out and about, we go on walks together, read together, watch movies together etc but I feel really inadequate next to her perfect entertaining and homemaking skills. There is definitely an element of wanting to upstage us - when I was organising my mum's 70th a couple of summers ago she tried to take control a couple of times and then outdid us on the presents (OK, they can afford more than us). We're never allowed to choose presents for the kids - she decides who is buying what for each child and then tells you what you're getting.  In fact she usually even buys it for you too.  Apparently she does this with everyone, not just us.

Guess I'm just not a Supermummy and that's that!  

30/01/2014 at 12:55

See I look at people like that and feel sorry for them, 

do they have no sense of self, they must feel so inadequate about 

themselves that they have to constantly b so perfect, stepford wife. 

And what on earth r they going to do when their kids grow up? 


Camryn's school did the Xmas cards thing but gift tags were 

included btw


I have child height pegs and a shoe box for Camryn's shoes, 

but the pegs r same as the grown up ones above and I am a 

childminder, the shoe box is a plastic flexi tub that was washing basket 

lol, so not quite the picture perfect boden/vertbaudet catalogue u describe, I can picture it exactly

30/01/2014 at 13:01

Super news Hoggle.

My lot do alot of activities but it seems worse because there are 6 of them! But I would far rather my kids were out mixing with different people, being healthy and active and gaining confidence and social skills rather than sitting in the house on the computer. They do too many activities from my point of view - from a financial and taxi sense - but they are all happy and healthy and we certainly don't try to persuade them to do any activities, it all come from them  We haven't had sick bugs since Christmas 2 years ago and none of them have had antibiotics in years. The twins and Reece have never had antibiotics. (hope I haven't just tempted fate).

Swimming is the only activity which is non-negotiable. They have to learn all four strokes competently before I will let them stop. Its easy to say that you will limit what they do but it tends to snowball a bit. Especially if they are good at something. Swimming lessons leads to being asked to join the club and swim competitively. At the moment Dylan only has time to swim 3 times a week and every second sunday and he is beginning to lose ground to his age group peers who chose swimming as their only sport and so swim 6 sessions a week. But I would rather he did a few different sports, a jack of all trades, but I think that is better for them. Up here there are county development squads which are selected from all the clubs so for example Dylan and Reece are in the county teams for their age groups for football as well as their club and so that is an extra training session a week. Sophie is in the U15s netball development group in addition to her local club session so that leads to an extra training session a week and weekend tournaments. Emily went to a weekly gymnastics class and after a year got asked to join the squad which involves 2 hour sessions on a mon and weds and an extra hour on the weekend at certain times of the year.

Our weekly out of school activities look like this, I won't even go into the transport logistics. Luckily we have friends in the same situation and share lifts! The thing that's bugs me most is the constant packing and emptying bags and trying to think of healthy snacks on the go! Sometimes I get fed up of all the running about and worry its too much but when I sit down and think about it they are happy and it is only for a short period of time. When they have all flown the nest I'm sure I will wonder what t o do with all my spare time and look back on these mad days with fondness! My biggest fear is that I accidently leave a child somewhere - even worse I leave someone elses child !!!

Mon - Gymnastics (E), athletics (DRS) accordion and fiddle club(SDE)

Tues - netball (S) young engineers club (D) swimming (RDE)

Weds - Gymnastics (E) athletics (S) swimming (D) Football (RCL)

Thurs - swimming (DE) Football (D) Gymnastics (R)

Fri - swimming (CL) badminton (R) athletics (ER) Youth club (all but not every week)

Sat - athletics (SD) Football (D) dance group (S)

Sun - football (R) Netball (S) swimming (D)

I did make Sophie give up her club swimming after Christmas,  mainly for financial reasons. I felt bad because she didn't really want to but she did see the sense in it. I also asked her and Dylan to stop their after school badminton on Weds, it was free but I just felt too much. Thankfully up here individual music instruments is run through the school, you do pay for it but the grandparents pay for the older three's lessons.

Anyway sure that has bored you to tears and I better get on with some work!

30/01/2014 at 13:13

Minks you are a super mummy. Agree with TT, I feel sorry for people like that. And she clearly has too much time on her hands! We might be broke, never have quite the best of anything and always late, chaotic and very noisy. But we usually get away with it and most importantly are happy.

30/01/2014 at 13:27
Lotte - that's nuts!!! Do you have a humongous calendar with everything on?! I'm exhausted just looking at all you have to fit in, but I can see that it gradually all adds up, and with 6 of them you end up with loads on.

What does it say about me that I would really like to be one of those organised people who has pegs and boxes for each child with everything in its place, but have no chance of ever achieving it?! Every now again I attempt to get us into some sort of order but it rarely lasts. My husband is a great tidier, but unfortunately it's often of the out-of-sight-out-of-mind brand of tidying, so he just puts things away in weird places and is happy as long as he doesn't have to see it. I regularly have the "hmm if I was him where would I have put this" conversation with myself!

I am shamelessly sitting, eating my lunch and wasting time on the computer having got both children to sleep at the same time! There are loads of things I could do but quite frankly I don't care. The dinner for this evening is made, and I have done a few admin type jobs, it can't face the rest. E has mostly dropped her nap, but said she was tired so I shoved her into bed and crossed my fingers, and we've just got an invitation to see some friends before school pick up so that's perfect timing - ill wake them out and then we can go out!
30/01/2014 at 14:31

Can't read more, need to go and wake Eric up, but Vixo Eric sucks his bunny big time!  It's gross.  Matilda never did.  Bunny has a label on it's bottom so he sucks that and the bottom and legs are always soggy.  There is no spare and I just dump it in the wash every now and then.  He also likes to hold it whilst I'm changing his nappy, and then he likes to place it on his balls and says "bunny willy' and giggles!  He also insists on Mummy, Daddy or matilda kissing bunny on a regular basis!  I only kiss the tips of its ears as they seem the most unsullied!

Bunny never leaves the house, or even comes downstairs.  I refuse to be one of those parents that needs to post desperately on FB that my child has lost their favourite toy, and where oh where can I get a new one! If we are going to stay somewhere overnight then Bunny can come, otherwise no way.

30/01/2014 at 15:24

vixo - ahh yes, E has a blankie which she holds while she is sucking her thumb. she strokes herself with the end of it - and yes, she sometimes strokes inappropriate places too!! it gets washed. occassionally. i think you have to chill a bit about it (says she). yes, it's minging but it's her ming (if you see what i mean!)

oh and everyone will be pleased to know (vixo already does) that no offence taken. i've been away with work and unable to post! i can't do anything in respect of kids without T's agreement so he has to agree to all kids' activities. the reason he doesn't contribute (much) is two-fold: 1) i have to ask him and i hate asking him for anything because he never responds and i have a real issue with asking people for stuff anyway and 2) money is no object for him - he has loads of it so 'forgets' that other people don't. it works both ways - he never pays in cheques and loses them (so when nursery used to refund the money we had for J's 'free hours' he would lose the cheques); and similarly he doesn't think that he really has to pay people when they ask for money.

birthday parties - my two get what they ask for in that respect. last year J had 10 or so kids to an arty party which was what he wanted. the year before he and another boy from his class had a joint soft play party and we invited 20 kids. this year he wants a laser quest thing for about 5 or 6 kids. i'm hiring the village hall for E (60 quid) and a bouncy castle (70 quid). she also wants a disco, and as she's having a joint party with a friend, friend's dad is doing the disco as he has the kit. she wants nail painting and tatoos (which i will do - hahaha) and the food will be courtest of aldi. the cost will be split between the other parents and me / tony, so it won't be too bad.

yes - i do too much. when it comes to birthdays, i remember the one birthday party i had. aged 5. my mum had a massive fit at my dad, loads of screaming, she walked out and didn't come back for about 3 days. my dad had to entertain 7 or 8 x 5yr olds in our house because she had buggered off.  i was never allowed another party. the excuse was that my birthday was in august, so everyone was away on holiday, but i knew it was because my mum hated organising events and so refused to do it. so my kids have whatever celebration they want and i go out of my way to have a tea party at home for friends after school as well (if they want it - which they do), plus usually a day trip and a meal out. i know it's too much but hell - it's their birthday and i WILL celebrate it

30/01/2014 at 15:30

i am feeling crap, so i have driven back from warrington and am going to see GP about my ear. i'm praying it's not the GP who doesn't believe in treating ear infections with antibiotics. one of E's friends saw him with ear infection and he refused to give her any a/bs saying they didn't speed up recovery from it. 5 days later and puss was oozing out of her ear and she was screaming and they took her back and her eardrum had burst and she was in hell of a mess.  she ended up having 2 different lots of antibiotics and about a week off school. she also a throat infection, i think. i can feel yuck draining down the back of my throat and it tastes disgusting. so i really hope it's not him i see!

as for activities- yes, my kids do do too much. but like lotte's (and also like minks'), the only thing i insist they do is swimming, which is a sunday evening. everything else comes from them. i HATE this drama class that they do on a friday evening (E is 4 - 5; J is 5 - 6). it's 25 mins drive from home and i have to sit around with one or the other of them for 2 hours. i leave to pick them up from school at 3 and get home about 6.30. i HATE it. but drama is E's thing and she absolutely loves it. J less so and i'm waiting for him to say he wants to stop doing it. at the moment he still wants to carry on (unfortunately) but as soon as he says he wants to stop, i shall let him. we'll still have to go but at least it will just be for 1 hour (and half the current cost).

art club is also a PITA - saturday afternoon 2 -4pm. it's expensive (14 quid for the 2 of them for 2 hours). but in a way it's ok as i go for a run while they are doing it, but it does mean that we can't go out for the day (E has ballet until 1045 on a saturday but after that we would be free if not for art club), and it gets in the way of life!

30/01/2014 at 15:33

as for perfect mums - gah, i'm not one of them. i love all the arty stuff but i'm not very good at it and i CBA with all the fancy pegs / boxes / wrapping paper stuff.  my house is very lived in. stuff is everywhere (i do tidy and clean when kids not here but it soon gets messed up again). and i work 30 hours a week plus lots of travelling so time is limited! i can understand why it makes you feel inadequate but it's so not me, i can't take it too personally!

i have received more details about my interview in cardiff.  i have to arrive for 9am next friday and there are things scheduled throughout the morning (discussions, tours etc) and then my panel interview is at 1pm. so that's going to last until at least 2pm then! which means i will have to take a day's holiday... for a job which pays me half what i earn now. and which i probably won't take anyway - seriously thinking about not going to the interview, given that i can't afford the pay cut and i don't want to use a precious day's holiday either. 

Edited: 30/01/2014 at 15:35
30/01/2014 at 15:42

sorry - me again: just re-read and had to laugh at camlo telling me to plaster on the lippy. the only lippy there is in this house is E's hello kitty lip gloss and i shall not be plastering that anywhere!

also - hoggle, sorry things are still so uncertain for you. it must be very hard indeed. hope you manage to get to see the place and it's not as bad as you fear. it will only be temporary; you will end up with somewhere nicer. but i do know what you mean. when you don't know WHEN it will all get better, it's so hard to remain positive.

30/01/2014 at 16:50

I really should have tried to put an end to Ba when Kit started cutting his adult teeth, as he only sucks his thumb when he has Ba and that will probably cause his teeth to stick out.  But I don't have the heart to force him to give Ba up.  He will do it when he's ready and at the end of the day he's only allowed Ba in bed and only sucks his thumb until he falls asleep (which is usually pretty much straight away) so I figure it can't be that bad.

You've all made me feel better about K's activities - Lotte I really don't know how you manage that lot logistically! - and apart from swimming, they are all things he wants to do and if he wanted to drop them that would be fine.  He's not particularly talented at karate but he really enjoys it and I think the discipline aspect is a bonus.  But if he wanted to stop and do something else that would be fine. The only downside about having so much on is that I wonder whether there's something out there that he would love even more than what he's doing now, but won't get an opportunity to try because there's no available time to take on anything else ...

CM, I feel the same about Saturdays!  Half the day is gone before we've got anything done as we're always up early (7am) to take hubby to rowing so I can have the car to take Kit swimming.  Swimming is 10:15 for 30 minutes then straight down to rowing club (about 30 minutes' drive) to collect hubby and we never get back home until lunchtime.  Then by the time we've all eaten and hubby has showered etc it's usually somewhere around 2pm and there isn't much of the day left!  On Sundays I try to run early so it doesn't cut into the day too much, or if there's something we really want to do I'll run Saturday lunchtime so both hubby and I have got our sporting activities out the way for the weekend!

Thanks for the reassurance that I am not inadequate! I consider myself pretty organised but both hubby and I are not very good at forward planning.  Hubby's 40th is in May and I've already had SIL asking me what date we'll be having a party or whatever so she can get it in the diary.  They literally have every weekend for the entire year booked up by about February so trying to arrange to see them is always a total nightmare.  We have already had a 'save the date' (beautifully printed and posted) for their family fete on 21 June ... which they hope will become an annual event (barf).  I have thought about hubby's birthday but really have no idea what he'd like to do.  I asked him last night about having a party but he is worried no-one would turn up!

SIL was trying to arrange for Kit to go there for a sleepover (without us) as he and his cousin are incredibly close despite not seeing each other very often.  I just happened to discover whilst we were there just after Christmas that my nephew has molluscum (he came in with just his pants on and it was all over one of his legs and lower back). Isn't it incredibly contagious? I know it sounds awful but we made an excuse that we were away on the proposed weekend because they are the sort that would bath the kids together and not give it a thought, or use the same towel on K as on my nephew.  I had to make an excuse because I couldn't just come out and voice my concerns to SIL because she's also the type who takes massive offence at things and I have to tread on eggshells when dealing with her generally.

CM, go to the interview.  It'll be good for your self-confidence and if you are offered the job you may actually want to consider it.  Don't close the door on the opportunity before you've given it a chance.


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