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How do you get going again after pregnancy?

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10/04/2013 at 11:15

hope run is good, MM. it's nice here at the moment but think it's supposed to rain later. want to get out for a trot but had breakfast when i got back from school run so need to wait for 3 hrs. gah! hope to go out when my next call finishes at 1230.

physio was fine. she says i'm good to go really, so i'm planning to do a 6 mile hilly route at lunchtime. she said i can ease in a bit of speedwork too now. nothing very significant; just a few bursts every now and then.

i can't really comment on the parent thing. not sure if i mentioned that J had started asking to see my parents again. he said that, because E doesn't wet her pants anymore, my mum won't get cross with her, so we should  be able to see them. he remembers my mum freaking out and smacking her etc in public when she wet herself. i told J that it wasn't just to do with that one incident. but he said it's unfair that it was because E behaved badly that he doesn't get to see his grandparents. it is so hard because i can't tell him the full story as he won't understand and it's not appropriate anyway. but i don't really know what to say other than that it wasn't E's fault; and although that incident triggered my decision to stop contact, there was a lot which went on before that incident. he then said 'well just stay with us when we are with them and then nothing will happen'. oh the poor child . i can't stand up to my mum, and any contact would stress me so much. but then he misses out because i can't deal with it. he's only 6 but he already feels the injustice of that - and articulates it.

10/04/2013 at 13:57
No CM, he misses out because ur parents r not the loving caring grandparents they should b. This is not ur fault just as it is not E's. Ur job as their Mother is to protect them from negative/harmful/abusive people in their lives. Maybe if someone had did the same for ur parents they would b nicer, less damaged people.
10/04/2013 at 14:16

We have the same issue with the boys and Grandpa (my step-dad), now my Mum's ex-husband. They do ask about him and ask to see him occasionally. I would now let them I think, under my supervision of course as still feel I couldn't trust him not to drive them off a cliff!! He has however wrecked any chance of that by moving to NZ. I have started to send him pictures of occasions, but can't do anymore that that now!!

7.5 mile plod at 8mm. Felt pretty good, hoping the worst is past. Ran in a t-shirt and shorts and sunglasses. Whoop! Whoop!

Off to go and look at our new allotment and pick everyone up from school...

10/04/2013 at 14:46

i didn't realise he had moved to NZ, MM. well, i guess that takes the decision out of your hands...

i suppose the thing is that i could facilitate contact, but that would be what it was - contact. not a relationship. i would be on edge the entire time, and i am pretty sure my mum would want none of it anyway, unless it were on her terms. they have made no effort to get in touch and they don't send cards for christmas / birthdays. so from that point of view, it's easy for me to say that they obviously don't care enough about seeing their grandchildren to make an effort.  on the other hand, J remembers them - and E talks about them too. and he blames his sister for him not seeing them any longer. i can't tell J that my parents are bad people. so it makes it hard for me to know what to say really.

my kids have relationships with other grandparent-age people, including my old work colleague in wiltshire. they also have T's parents. so they don't exactly miss out. but J knows that we no longer see my parents and he really thinks it's unfair on him.

10/04/2013 at 14:58

oh and fab on the run, MM. i don't call 8mm a plod however.. i did a 6 mile plod. a VERY hilly one (for me). and i didn't walk. yippeee!

10/04/2013 at 15:41

What is Westonbirt MM?  Thinking of Lacock on Fri - what do you reckon?  Not the Abbey, just the village and to go for a walk along the river.  I'm not sure I've ever been to the village which seems a bit odd as it really isnt far from my dad.

10/04/2013 at 15:43

Have googled it - looks nice but maybe a bit far as my dad is the other side of Devizes from Chippenham.  Think by the time we have driven down from London we don't want to do lots more driving.  Thanks anyway.

10/04/2013 at 16:29

Lacock is lovely. Lots of tea shops and pubs. NT part is good for running around if you are members and a good play park opposite the abbey too.

 

10/04/2013 at 18:01
Caro, I've not been personally but a friend recently took his family to the Steam railway museum and loved it and as MM says, it's right by the outlet centre if you fancy some bargain shopping.
10/04/2013 at 18:26
I had similar issues with my Mum's partner, he was Nat's Grandpa for 1st 7yrs of her life + she loved him dearly but then he was jailed for dwnloading stuff on internet (can't even bring myself to write what it was but sure u can work it out), him + my Mum split for a yr but got back together + r still together 10yrs later. But the kids + I have no contact with him. Camryn doesn't even know of his existence, Nat now knows that he still lives with her Grandma + that he went to jail + I told her I would tell her why when she was 16 if she wanted to know but would prefer her not to know. But she is 17 in July + doesn't want to know, I told her he hadn't hurt her Grandma but he had done something bad obviously, bcos I did overhear her telling a friend years ago that she thought he had hit her Grandma, which I didn't want her thinking + worrying about her Grandma.

I could have allowed him to have supervised contact with Nat but I felt that made him a trusted person in her life + would put her at risk when she was out playing with friends etc, he would b able to approach her unsupervised which I didn't want. For a long time I hated the man for all the hurt he had caused but now I feel sorry for him, still don't want him around me or my children tho. I know that what he did was the result of horrendous childhood abuse he suffered + he is a very damaged person, but u can't trust people who r that damaged around ur kids.


Personally if I were u CM I would explain a bit more to J, esp as he was there at the last incident + he is blaming E. I would tell him about the police coming to the house bcos ur parents behaved very badly + that they have never said sorry for that behaviour + that they have behaved that way for a long time, when u were a child too + that u remember how sad it made u + still does + u don't want that for ur children.
10/04/2013 at 18:51

That's really well put TT, though obviously CM will know whether she is able to express it like that.  Tough for you CM, but so very mature of you not to badmouth them to him, even though every part of you must be screaming out to do so.  I do agree that he is going to need more information if he is blaming his sister, as that could lead to long-term resentment for poor E.

Tough for you too TT, although at least Nat is old enough now to begin to understand the situation.  I alternated between blaming my mum and my dad for not seeing my dad at all after the age of 6 while I was growing up, but now I see that he was into dealing cannabis and drinks a lot, smokes a lot etc, so obviously my mum wanted to keep us away.  I do have resentment, however, that she never explained anything to me or even talked about it, so I never understood why I didn't have a dad.  I think we may have had this discussion before so apologies if I'm repeating myself!

10/04/2013 at 19:52
JG- don't remember u mentioning that b4, that must have bn hard. I think a lot of the time we parents think our kids r doing fine + we don't want to bring up things in conversation in case we actually cause problems that weren't there to start with. But if we can explain things to our kids in a way that they know the choices we have made r intended to protect them + b as open as honest as we can for the age they are then that's the best we can do.

I know when everything happened with my ex-stepdad I found it hard to talk about as I just got so upset, I cried the whole journey to + from my Mum's house everytime we visited her + I am sure Nat noticed that, so she never really asked about him for yrs.
10/04/2013 at 21:11
Not NT members so prob will avoid the abbey, but have printed a 2 mile walk off the net all along the river and thru the village. Tea shops sound fab

My back/pelvis have been so sure again the past few days after saying I thought it was getting better. Just am in despair as basically a yr down the line I have no diagnosis or prognosis and no idea what to do next. A couple of running friends see a local osteopath who they swear by, but its all money money money........
10/04/2013 at 21:22

oh i know, caro. i am the same with my back. have seen everyone from physio, chiro, osteo, massage. had accupuncture and every treatment imaginable. it's still bad. pilates really is the ONLY thing that helps in any way. if i did it every day, i imagine i would  be better than i am.

Tt - you reminded me that i did explain to J that the police had been to my house and that my parents didn't say sorry when i told them. he then said 'did you ask them to say sorry?' and i said 'well not really'. he then said that i should ask. when i said i didn't think that was a good idea, he said 'or i could ask?'. the whole thing is just so upsetting really. he really doesn't fully understand what has happened and of course, he can't be expected to. i also explained that my parents did things to me when i was little that were mean and that my mum in particular finds children hard to deal with. when we were down in plymouth at easter, he asked my cousin if she knew his nanny and pops. (of course she does - my dad is her uncle). J then said that we don't see them because nanny doesn't like children. i guess in a way that is a bit better than him thinking it's all because of E. and that his feelings aren't worth enough for me to make a stand. that is what i worry about - that he feels resentment that he is missing out on something and no-one is interested enough in his feelings to do anything about it.

JT - snap. i have glutes that don't fire and hamstrings that overwork. sounds promising though. hopefully your physio is as keen to get you back out there again as Allison is. she keeps pushing me to do more and more!

talking of which - i managed my 6 mile run, my pilates class and my swim today and am now starving. i timed a few lengths of swimming and it makes very little difference whether i swim crawl or breaststroke in terms of timing. crawl is perhaps 2 - 3 seconds a length faster but i can only do 2 before i go into cardiac arrest. tried slowing the crawl down but i start sinking!!

10/04/2013 at 21:25

I am actually very lucky really, and given how unhelpful/absent many of your parents are it is ungrateful of me to moan. I think this time, it is just more apparent how they are ageing, consequently become set in their ways (and I am set in mine too of course) which means more opportunities for some clashes etc.  As the week has progressed things have improved dramatically and mum has been distracted from dwelling upon her own medical problems because she hasn't had a chance!! They are both fantastic with my kids and I know there will be tears tomorrow all round when they go.  I guess for me it was a bit of a shock how much they seem to have slowed down in some ways over the last six months and I just need to do a bit more of the 'looking after' of them than I have in the past.  Forewarned is forearmed though!

MM - shorts and t-shirt run, lucky you, no chance of that quite yet but think we will get some double-figures by the weekend. Was 1 degree when I went out for a 4-miler this morning!

JT - lazy glutes is a fairly common problem I think, and then of course the hamstrings do all the work instead - is what caused much of my problems after I had J. Great to hear you've had some good feedback and useful advice. Fingers crossed then.

JG - holiday sounds lovely, despite N not liking the wind etc!  Would be no good up here then, constantly windy!!!

Worked this morning - was absolutely manic and was totally braindead by the time I returned.

Adding in a third pilates class next week  - have three for a Weds eve session. Back to total beginners again so that will be good challenge for me, two of the ladies are complete unknowns so will be double the challenge ... getting nervous already!!

Parents off home tomorrow morning but we will be down there at start of summer hols so kids will start their countdown tomorrow.

Right need to be off here - mum is requiring neck/shoulder massage before she leaves in the morning!!

10/04/2013 at 23:12

My dad is still quite a waste of space, but he does try now, just often in a misguided way which makes me not that bothered about having anything to do with him   Nicky never mentions him and Sophie recognises his name and would recognise him I think, but he stinks of fags and never interacts with them so I don't think they miss him!  Still waiting for Sophie's questioning of why we have Grandma and Grandad but only Granny...

I have overworked hamstrings but caused by weakness in my lower back (on one side) so I can sympathise to some extent!  And also over the cost, Caro - 3 sessions with the osteo so far, £35 first one and £30 subsequent ones - and another booked for next Friday .  Will be going for first run in a couple of weeks on Sunday (now it's finally stopped snowing and we're not socialising for once!) so shall see if there's been any improvement.

Yes rural Norfolk is lovely - bird/owl-watching, peace and quiet, without being too remote .  Nicky got blown over in the Peaks recently and I think he's lost his confidence in staying on his feet in the wind, poor thing!

11/04/2013 at 09:17

Lazy glutes was my issue last year. I now have gluts of steel but I do still need to stretch and do more exercises on my right gluts.

Off for another 7 mile plod. Not so nice out there, but shorts still a goer I think! But not the t-shirt or shades today.

Have accepted the job offer. Not got final terms yet. No extra money, so a bit miffed about that as its the same salary I started on in my old job in 2001!! But they will review in 6 months time on my performance. Kind of wavering now and wondering whether should have gone with BBSRC. But its a 6 month initial contract with these guys which works both ways I guess. If I don't like them I've still had 6 months back at work and some publishing and editing experience I can take elsewhere?

Caro if you want NT cards happy to lend you mine. It is quite nice in there as they filmed Harry Potter in the cloisters. My boys love this!! I am around friday?

11/04/2013 at 10:07

I think MM it's always hard to know if you've made the right choice. I guess at least this way (1) you are back out there working and getting into that mindset again, which will be a bit of a shock I expect (in a good way!) (2) you get to see how the juggling with childcare etc works and if it's more hassle than it's worth you know there is an easy get-out clause etc

My glutes are getting stronger although exercises sadly lacking this hols as has been so manic.

Parents now gone and the sun is shining but it's still baltic, so off for a walk with friends and their youngest who is a bit older than J, their other two are busy revising. Will need sunglasses but plenty of fleeces too

Have babysitter tonight so getting to running club tonight. Am consoling myself that although my mileage has halved during t hese holidays, all my runs have been a lot speedier so that must count for something??  Unlikely to be in shorts and t-shirt though.

11/04/2013 at 12:11

ooo, MM. like the sound of lacock. we are NT members now so perhaps will venture there sometime...

am in Hemel today. done 2 hour audit awareness session. lots of people sitting in front of me looking like startled bunnies and generally cr4pping themselves. haha

11/04/2013 at 14:08

Lacock is a lovely wee place CM. Maybe we can go there in the summer hols or half term?

Another wee trot of 7.5 miles done at 8mm. Legs are feeling better with each run, but still feel very nasaly!!

Osteo appt well needed as my shoulder and neck have been bothering me and pelvis all wonky. Hoping now all sorted!!

Grim day here, wet and not that warm again. Weather looks grim for Sat too and we had planned to go to Longleat. Will be fine for the safari bit but not good for the other bits ...

Time to get sorted as we all have dentist after school and then boys have swimming lesson. Ugg! Plus I might just clean bathrooms quick as friends coming tom, so need to get some cleaning done really...

Ooo, sun has just come out!

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