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How do you get going again after pregnancy?

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09/01/2013 at 11:48

Decluttering is fabulous for many reasons I think. I am not the tidiest of people but when my head is full of lots going on, I find life a whole lot better if the house is vaguely in order. Am trying desperately to keep on top of the house at the mo - between hubby and I we have got it vaguely presentable, but I find with the general chaos of life it slides all too quickly!! And with juggling the pilates, library shifts and all the school stuff I know I am going to be in chaos/stress-ville very quickly!  Could do with carbooting some stuff myself, trouble is that I need to hide it all from the kids so they don't start snaffling it all back again.

Hoggle - one of the tea stains in the lounge is really grim here and now I have people literally looking at my floor for pilates I really do need to get it sorted.

I LOATH carpets too CM, sadly there is much of it in this house - although thankfully NOT in the bathroom and toilets

Seven miles done for me this morning round the forest - sun had almost risen by the time we got to school so I think it is gradually getting lighter, and wasn't totally dark after swim lessons finished yesterday either.

Edited: 09/01/2013 at 11:49
09/01/2013 at 13:03

Need to do some here too. Most rooms OK except for the office which is the general dumping ground at the mo and is slowly turning into a pit. if we are going to use it as a spare room we need to sort it out. First things first though is getting my clothes into my wardrobe which is now finally back in our bedroom. That will involve some chucking too!!

Then get spare room painted and ready for S to move in, then buy some bunk beds etc for the small room. Too much to buy and not enough dosh just now ...

Fabulous session last night, must have been 40 or so of us out doing hills and flat 600m reps. Awesome. 8 miles easy this morning, niggles still niggling so going to ring the physio. Just had massage which should help a bit.

Hubbie's birthday tom, so lots to sort out and still sorting people to run/bike with hubbie on his challenge and FIL arriving friday. Arrhhh!

CM. I think its the right decision. He does have to understand that you can't take it anymore. So hard though, so very hard as you sure need some love and caring for just now too ...Try to make sure you're eating well love. I know you won't but thought I'd try and mention it again as you so need to get on top of your health too.

Right icing of foot and achilles done so bedroom sorting next!!

Edited: 09/01/2013 at 13:03
09/01/2013 at 13:21

wow - lots of sorting to do in people's houses by the sound of it. glad it's not just me! i am lucky to have eaves i can hide things in. thinking a big toy sort needed this weekend too

just got myself some good sounding consultancy work with Home Retail Group for next week. in Milton Keynes, unfortunately but beggars can't be choosers

struggling so badly financially that i am thinking about upping my hours at work. was going to hold off until E starts school in sept. if i do up them, in theory i can get all day nursery placement for E at school (more than 30 hours and single parent) but don't think T would want her to do that...

i have carpet in my en-suite. bleurgh!

09/01/2013 at 13:33

oh and MM - i have been trying to eat a bit better but it's not easy for me as you know. i am having poached eggs and a jkt potato for lunch. i didn't do a shop this week as was away at the weekend and am trying not to shop before this weekend to save some money. so there is very little in the way of fresh vegetables at the moment!

the irony with N is that he does care and love me a lot. and literally would do anything for me - except, it would seem, divorce his wife. he proactively does loads of stuff for me, without me even having to mention it. and he is far too loving towards me - i am not really a touchy feely person but he is, and he has to be careful not to annoy me. he doesn't understand why i have such a problem with this situation as he is literally always there for me if i need him. i don't even have to ask - he just comes or helps or whatever is needed. and he is brilliant with the kids. it's just that, 3 years after 'leaving' his wife, he is still married to her and his financial situation is still not sorted.

09/01/2013 at 13:54

Totally with you there CM, you are so very brave and strong for making a stand but it needs to be done.  As I said a while ago I think, 2 friends of mine who are together are in a similar situation where he is still married and she threatened to leave him several times but never went through with it...thankfully he is a decent sort of bloke and they now have a lovely little boy but it's so not fair on her and hardly makes her feel like No.1.  

Eek to carpet stains and massive clearout needed here too!

09/01/2013 at 15:27

JG - yes, i remember you mentioning your friend. it is an awful situation to be in. i know we all have baggage. you don't get to my age without suitcases full of the stuff (and i'm not talking car boot stuff here ). but there is some stuff i am not prepared to live with in a relationship. i am never going to be totally free of the stuff that happened to me in my childhood or of the stuff that has happened with my parents, and of course that affects my reaction to stuff. that's my baggage i guess. and some people wouldn't put up with that. but N doesn't seem to have a problem with that - he understands why i react to things in the way i do because of my experiences. he accepts that. i CAN'T accept the impact that the guilt he feels towards his wife has on me - and also would have on my kids if he were officially part of our family. i would lose my CB if he moved in as he is a higher earner. and yet he has no money - even less than i do - because it all goes to his wife or on paying off their joint debt. so we would be worse off financially if he moved in, AND my kids would lose the CB, which i currently invest on their behalf.

anyway it's all bla bla bla and irrelevant.

in spite of me telling him not to contact me, he has managed to email me twice today about work related things. the first one was asking me if i wanted the consultancy work (which i have now got), so i guess that is ok. the second one was an email to everyone in the practice asking if anyone wanted Lean or Six Sigma training this year. now that one was contrived i'm sure - he knew i would respond because i am running the Lean programme for the company for 2013. so i had to respond and say 'yes please' and now he has emailed saying he has put my name down for a course which is 5 days long and run in Cardiff. oh how convenient... so i am sure he is just trying to find ways of eliciting responses from me to emails. grrrr.

09/01/2013 at 15:34
Hi Melanie, welcome to a very friendly and welcoming thread. I sometimes read other threads but there appears to be a fair bit of rudeness on them. Must pop back onto the Scottish runners thread again. Anyway I have three diva girls aged 2,6 & 8, work P/T and fit running/ cycling in around that by either running with buggy, cycling with trailer, going on treadmill or at the mo doing turbo at night when monkies go to bed. My hubby is not the most supportive either. I laughed when CC said about hubby moaning that you had already been out for a run this week! Grrrrrrrrrr. Girls copy him now and say ' your always running/cycling', it soooooooo annoys me. I would go a lot more of I got the chance. Must get back to swimming again after work once a week although after a 12.5 hr shift its hard to motivate yourself!
So sorry Camlo to hear about your friend. Very difficult one re her brother but I think as others have said you need to respect her wishes (((((()))))
Must do a will.................
CM- Agree with the others -N needs to sort it all out. Don't take any nonsense, you deserve the best and you do blooming great. It must be so hard coping financially as a single parent. Look after yourself, some walking, Pilates/yoga and healthy food, ok
Carpets in your en suite CM, yech no need! We have carpets in the sitting room, bedrooms and upstairs landing. Bathrooms have Lino and kitchen and hall is oak flooring. Utility room has freezing cold tiles, brrrrrrrr! We need to vax the sitting room it's getting a bit grubby and want a new big rug for it but don't think there is much point until M is potty trained. We have loads of the girls clothes to sort out. Did go thro some of M's clothes yesterday and got a bag of 1-2 yrs to give to a neighbour. Have a few black bags in the cupboard of different aged clothes for the girls...........need to sort them all out and the two bigger girls wardrobe is a real mess, arghhhhhhh a job for this month.
MM- good lucks for hubbies challenge, hope all goes well and he enjoys the curry at the end!!!!
CC- well done for your Pilates class. Your life is sounding a bit hectic sorry for those that I missed but gotta dash and help the girls with their homework and then get dinner sorted etc etc.
3 mile run with trailer earlier and will do 'angels' sufferfest on the turbo tonight( have SPD pedals n shoes now))
09/01/2013 at 15:45

yes, do do a will. i did one this year, and i do feel better for having done it. still a bit worried about what happens if both t and i pop our clogs at the same time. rather unlikely i guess, but you never know as we do still go places together at times (eg laplandUK). my will says the kids go to my friend, S, who has the two boys the same age as my two and whom we holiday with. T doesn't have a will but says he would want the kids to go to his sister, who lives in newcastle, has no kids and whose husband doesn't like kids. tricky one... but the kids don't really know his sister very well. whereas the kids have grown up with S's boys and see loads of them and J and E love S and her husband. in fact, we went over there on NYD and E sat cuddled up next to S's husband on the floor while he stoked the fire, chatting away. it was so cute. S and i sat looking at the pair of them. it was lovely.

still - no point worrying about it. i will be dead if that happens, i guess. and i am sure the kids would be ok with T's sister, even if they don't really know her and her husband doesn't want them. as long as the kids don't end up anywhere near my parents... that's the main thing!

09/01/2013 at 17:46

Got this back today afetr sending e mail so fingers crossed:

Thank you for sending this. I will have a good read through. I also just want to let you know that we don't want to pay you less than you currently earn but at least the same if not more, we just need to establish your exact package at CC which I think your previous email will. I will get back to you as soon as I can as we also want this to work out. 

The 4 bags of 0-12m baby clothes went today, to a friend whose M in L is involved with a charity that helps mothers in Holloway prison.  Apparently they are allowed to have their babies with them for 9  months so need clothes, but then after that the kids go into care.  Could you imagine looking after your baby for 9 months then having to hand it over??


About to book summer holiday  Huttopia campsite in Rille, which is about 30lm from the Loire river, on a lake, looks nice and it has been recommended.  Found v reasonable ferry tickets the other day so hope I can find them again!

09/01/2013 at 20:17

Ohh that sounds very positive Caro - the obviously really want you!

Run done this morning - VERY ploddy! My quads were trashed! Luckily I decided to go down and do the coast path as at least it was flat. Wanted to stop and walk the whole way there and back - not helped by the fact that I hate out and back runs! Oh well, can tick that off now. Heading off for a girls weekend tomorrow with a couple of my best friends (one is over from the UK so haven't seen here since we moved home) - CAN'T WAIT!!! Taking M with me as 2 of the others have babies also although theirs are only 6 weeks so much more portable!

Forgot to say - Camlo very sorry to hear about your friend and tough call on the notifying family thing. (())

09/01/2013 at 20:49
Yippee to negotiating new jobs, training courses on your doorstep for a change (CM), seeing friends, booking holidays and running.
Boo to carpets, carpet stains, mess, poor diets, niggles and lack of cash (CM please use the CB now instead of living in poverty, that's what it's for!!!)
Took Tom with me to junior running club and he loved it. Pity he can't really join for another 2 yrs. We were doing throwing but luckily had a 'proper' coach so i didn't have to demonstrate how to do it, just had to demonstrate how not to do it!
apparently hospital are going to register death and put 'funeral services' out to tender so basically whoever can do it cheapest gets the job! Of course she wanted to be buried but cremation is cheaper so hope they respect that. With regards to contacting her brother -hosp were going to speak to her cousin but had no idea how far they had to balance her wishes against duty to notifiy closest relative.
09/01/2013 at 21:29

Ha - worked out why my legs were tired! I measured the route I just ran and I thought it was shorter than a route I did the other day but obviously got confused between 2 different runs and turns out instead of being about 4.5 it was 6.5km.

Ok so not massive distances I know but I'm starting from scratch again here so am pretty pleased! I did wonder why it took so much longer than the other day!!

10/01/2013 at 11:58

Thanks for bra recommendations CC and Sonya - will have to get to shops and try one on for size as its been so long since I bought any kind of bra I've really no idea what size I am!

Come on Brookie - spill the beans

CM - no harm in knowing what you want and sticking to your guns. But  does sound like you and N geuinely love each other and want to be in the relationship so hope you can work through all your respective 'baggages' and make it work.

10/01/2013 at 13:04
The cake looks fab MM, well done and I luv how your just popping out for an 18 miler!!! Supermum,. Good luck Mr MM & happy birthday
MR- I also a fan of those bras but mine is too big now and also have pancakes after loosing nearly a stone since last year. Think I need to get a 32a now, sob!!
Hoggle- well done you have to start from somewhere.
No exercise done today as yet, have spent all morning sorting through the girls clothes & wardrobes, clothes everywhere!!! Could spend another day going through more clothes, arghhhhhhhh.
Library bus soon and then school pick up so think it will either be the treadmill tonight or a night time cycle.
10/01/2013 at 16:26

hurrah to all the running and RF - fab job on the wardrobe sorting. i sorted E's half of the playroom last night and binned a bag of broken toys and also sorted out a huge black bag full to go to the car boot. i need to tackle J's side next and the art cupboard too. it's E's bday next month so there will be yet more toys flooding in. argh. actually - she is getting a nasty cheap (99p) pink barbie vanity table (from eBay) so it is more furniture. she doesn't really play with toys - she does shows all day every day at the moment. lots of dressing up, prancing round and singing.

i have just had a whole day of carrying out a Lean assessment. . Lean is the new thing here. It's to do with saving money through identifying waste, duplication and activities which add no value. I have no idea what I am doing really but I have had a whole day of asking people questions and not understanding what the hell they are talking about. my head is banging and i am still 100 miles from home. i need to find around £10k of savings from this client account by the middle of next week. errrrr....

and MR - yes, you are right. there is (or has been) a lot of love in the relationship with N. i don't want to be with anyone else. but i don't want to live in a relationship which is tainted by his guilt. he has had 2 lots of counselling and both times has declared that he has no guilt left. but his actions - or lack of them - don't seem to be in line with this

camlo - can't spend the CB as the financial settlement with T stipulates that the money has to be saved for the kids. he was very clear that it wasn't 'my' CB, but for the kids and had to be put into a savings account for them. he wanted to claim CB for one of the kids and me for the other one. in the end, i managed to keep the CB coming to me (and straight into an account for them), and just as well because he is a higher earner so he wouldn't be eligible for it now anyway...

i have asked if i can set up an ISA with the funds that are in the account which the CB has been going into and he won't let me, because the ISA would be in my name. he is THAT controlling still

Edited: 10/01/2013 at 16:28
10/01/2013 at 17:57
Popping in to say Hi!

Hoggle, such sad news for your friends, hope a transplant can happen when it is needed.

CM, hope N sorts himself out. Think most men need a kick up the bum to get things moving.

Having a trial trying to find a house to rent here, missed out on one last week which wasn't amazing but was a lot nicer than many others we had seen. Saw a nice one today, bit too far away, one to see near here tomorrow, fingers crossed!
10/01/2013 at 18:56

CM - that IS hard but I'm thinking he does still need to sort it out, otherwise will always be a big white elephant when things get tough.  T will never change ... at all ... will he?  Well done on the sorting out though.

MM - haven't been on facebook today so not seen fabulous cake, hope your run went well. Good to get that out before a weekend of chaos!!

Wow RF, you've done well with the weight loss, I always think you look glowingly healthy when I see pics of you on fbook.

Boo to looking for house rental Kinsey - assume your current rental is up? I am dreading when we have to sort ourselves out properly. Was having a major panic earlier when trying to work out the finances involved with trying to sell our house down South to release money if/when we buy something else. With my sister in it and paying us rent, can well see our finances going very t*ts up trying to get that all sorted!!!!

Says the girl who is trying to sort a ski holiday for us all!!! Hubby has had a load of share things come up with his work so we decided to do a 'stuff it' and go for it on the back of that - clearly with the child benefit we've accrued over the last eight years we should have been able to afford a number of these type of holidays (according to Boris Johnson!!), not that we get it any more anyway! So have booked flights for me and kids to Gatwick on a Fri eve in Feb and return flights Bham to Inverness on the following Sunday and now just need a cheap deal to come up for the week inbetween those dates!!!

Have sick boy home today so no running and think I'm fighting his cold too so am not going to do treadmill tonight and hope he's better and back to school and I can do my long run tomorrow. Nasty cough he's developed which seems to be doing the round. Got loads of clearing up and sorting out done though which needed.

Edited: 10/01/2013 at 19:04
10/01/2013 at 19:32
CC - yes our landlord is selling and has a buyer so we need to find somewhere asap, unless a miracle occurs it will mean having to drive for the school run which I am gutted about but I think we will look to buy closer to school in the next yr.
Holiday sounds good!
10/01/2013 at 20:10

I have no choice re the school run, I admit mine are not at the closest school, they are up in town which is five miles away and none of the buses fit in with the school times (how crazy is that), but even if we went to the closest one, it's 2.5 miles away so  though that IS bikeable it would still take us a good 25 mins I reckon and the faff factor to get out the house and bike would be incredible!!

Hope you find something soon though, all stressful stuff.

10/01/2013 at 20:28

One of my friends posted this on facebook, just had to share it as I think it is rather amusing ...


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