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How do you get going again after pregnancy?

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03/03/2014 at 13:58
I think that FB status is called for Pip!

Thanks for your support. Boss has also messed around with my annual appraisal. He has given me lower ratings than we discussed last week so I have rejected it and asked him to redo based on our discussions.

I have plodded tho. Am going to try and get a bit more running done while I am on notice period
03/03/2014 at 14:50

well done on the run cc! my back is killing me and my hamstring is tight - guess who needs to do some more core...

as for the policy protecting my boss: the leavers' policy says that employees are expected to take their accrued holiday allowance before they resign but at their line manager's discretion it can be agreed that they can be paid for it instead of taking it. so it is up to him to decide, and the policy allows him to make either choice and it is fine...

03/03/2014 at 17:28

Been reading but not posting as still feeling a bit black cloud ish and liable to moan about nothing!

But I just wanted to say CM, what possible benefit is there to forcing an employee to take holiday when they are about to leave??!  Surely you would want them to be doing handover work with a replacement, or tying up loose ends etc, not swanning off on holiday?  You can begin a countdown on your calendar, we can all count with you .  Absolute minimum effort from you though and NO last-minute travelling!

I feel very hormonal at the moment, it was TOTM but then nothing really happened - seems to be like that some months with a coil - but I feel as if the grumpy/spotty hormones are still lurking despite it being past that time technically .  Face like a pizza, extra pessimistic and snapping at kids .  I even contemplated applying for a teaching job this week coz I was getting so down about lack of money and general usefulness in life.  Hubby told me straight that there is absolutely no way I should apply for it!

Anyway I won't go on as I will descend into a pit of misery and self-pity!  Just took the kids to the park and a stupid woman with her child and dog let her dog keep pestering Nicky with his ball, shouting that it wasn't his, but then wasn't paying attention and the dog snatched the ball off Nicky, played with it for a few seconds then punctured it.  I had to walk over to her with it and say "your dog has just punctured our ball" .   She offered a feeble apology and said she had no money on her or anything so I just muttered it doesn't matter and walked off in a huff!

Right better get tea ready and go to the gym to cheer up I think   Back to work/school tomorrow and loads to do!

03/03/2014 at 21:05
Pip - you could try the "oh my gosh, did we forget to let you know?! So sorry, the baby was born days ago", followed by long silence and then cackling laughter. I bet they wouldn't phone again for an update!

CM - so sorry your boss s being such a pain. Hopefully the 3 months will go by reatively fast and you can then get started on the new job.
04/03/2014 at 07:05

Ggrrrrrr soooooo tired. Worked until 10pm and hubby then told me it was my fault I am   knackered as I stay up late... he 'chills' all bloody evening before he goes to bed and perhaps if he had done the washing, emptied the dishwasher and got kids stuff ready for school then i wouldnt be rushing about until midnight. THEN his bloody alarm wakes me at 6:20 as he likes to get up early to set his effing 'troops' off in fantasy land on some stupid game he plays..... I am on the brink ladies! 

Not asking about baby Pip........ 

CM - dont cry about it, dont waste your energy. He will always be a tosser but you will be free in just 3 months x

JG big hugs, i would have been less understanding with crap dog owner, perhaps she would have gound her purse if you had asked for her name and adress to report it as an incident (flaming dog could easily have bitten Nicky if he had tried to get the ball back? )

Hey ho, got to look on the bright side, up early means more chance to do more work before the kids wake..... 

PG3
04/03/2014 at 09:10

Still here

CM - your boss is a complete and utter tosser.  That's pretty low changing the appraisal score.  As Camlo says, he will always be a tosser and you'll be out of there in 3 months.

JG - did the gym cheer you up?  I hope so.  We all have days like that sometimes.  The grass is so often greener...

Camlo - I hear you about the husband.  I read a really good and interesting book recently about relationships and children.  I  know you dont have much time, but I found it truely enlightening.  It's called 'I Love you but you always put me last' by Andrew Marshall.  The title is a lot more dramatic than it really is.  One of the things it pointed out is that most 'modern' husbands think they help out loads with children, housework etc but their reference points are often their fathers who often did FA (I know my Dad did.  I dont think he knows how to work a washing machine) but as most of us know, it's far from 50/50.  It also says dont be afraid to ask, which really worked for me as I was getting all worked up expecting my husband to know what needs doing and feeling like I shouldnt have to ask.  

CC/Vixo - I was so tempted to use that reply to my MIL.  I went for just ignoring the message instead.

I think so many of us are really guilty of neglecting our core.  I know I only pay attention when I start to get niggles/injuries.

This weather is perfect running weather - sigh!!

04/03/2014 at 10:23

Still laughing at Vixo's idea! CM - hugs. Notice periods are awful limbo periods. But they may yet let you go early. I was told no way in my last job but after 6 wks they were like "ok you may as well go now'." So you never know. And yes, your boss sounds very unfair. Hugs. JG (()) too. As pip says - there are alwYs yukky days from time to time. Hope rest of week is better. 

04/03/2014 at 13:58

Hugs to all that need them (((((())))).

your boss is such an arse CM. Unbelievable.

Baby too cosy Pip yet!

Oh Camlo, that's rubbish, hope things improve.

JG- hope you feel a bit brighter today. Stupid, inconsiderate dog owner, grrrrrrrrrr.

Oh dear EF, maybe not the best timing to rip out your kitchen but think how nice, new & sparkly it will be soon, lush. Hang in there with the microwaveable meals.

Cant stop eating, going to turn into a fat blob. When I start running more I really am constantly hungry and I'm not even running much compared some of you! For lunch I had soup, toast with peanut butter n banana and then 2 pancakes, pig. Yesterday as well as my 3 meals I ate a boost, choc bar & several biscuits. I'm worse in the evening.

only did 5 miles on the bike this morning as it was 1 degree and cold sleet hitting my face wasn't pleasant. But I have run or cycled for the past 7 days so felt an easier day was called for. This Sunday I am going out with my partner for the highlander for a day in the mountains, yikes! CC- still haven't decided on a backpack, do you think the OMM 32 would be fine? Also going to see maybe if I could borrow a sleeping bag as good, light ones are like £250 at least. I have borrowed a 30 liter rucksack to try for this Sunday to see how I get on.

04/03/2014 at 16:01

Pip, that's funny ignoring your MIL's message, she's probably half way to the hospital now convinced you must be in labour otherwise you would have obviously responded!

Hugs where needed, just about to start packing for couple of day trip down to Boca Raton. I think it's about a 4.5hr drive. We have a meeting there tomorrow and have booked boys into local daycare for the day. Better get on with it. 

04/03/2014 at 22:02

Thanks all   I didn't make the gym last night as I just had to get my Avon deliveries done as no other time to do them, but went to Body Attack tonight and, though I look a blob in the mirror, really enjoyed it.

Need shower and to finish planning for tomorrow's French lesson, but the cat's snuggling on me in a cute fashion - couldn't chuck him off...

What is anyone's view on Rottweilers by the way?  My stupid BIL has just ordered a puppy who is currently 4 weeks old.  We tried to talk them (him and his girlfriend) out of it but obviously they ignored us, citing such things as don't expect us to bring the kids to visit and don't bring it near our kids, in nicer words!  I really wouldn't be happy having a dog like that anywhere near the kids. Not having a good dog week am I?!

Right must get on.  Still a bit grumpy and work is annoying me - received a snotty email from the payroll woman saying I'd done my timesheet all wrong, then another one 4 mins later, apologising, saying she'd tried opening it again and it was all fine !  Also a bit fed up with not feeling included at work, I'm *just* a teacher and don't seem to be involved in any of the trips or other sort of youth work type things we run for the students.  Hey ho.  Doesn't help only working 1.5 days I guess.

Good luck with the packing TT.

04/03/2014 at 22:13

Thanks JG, now on the road, about an hour to go. Os has kindly slept most of the way but Max has refused. Currently watching spiderman.... Roll on our exit!

04/03/2014 at 22:22

I  think they're ok JG, but depends on whether B in L knows the first thing about dogs and has the time for it, to train it, exercise it, and the money to spend on everything such a big dog needs.  I wouldn't stop going to their house, but obviously the dog needs to be taught about kids when it's still small and the kids need to be taught about him too.

04/03/2014 at 23:21
Apparently the most aggressive breeds of dog are dachshund, chihuahua and jack russells JG. Rottweilers etc just get a bad name because they are big powerful dogs so can do a lot of damage, but they are not more likely to b aggressive. Like Caro says it is down to the owner and the training. If u are concerned then I would request that the dog is muzzled and or kept in another room when u visit.
05/03/2014 at 14:16

He does have another big dog, which his ex is currently hogging, I never remember the breed as it's quite unusual.  Anyway he trained her and bought all the "big" stuff she needed, so at least he is committed, and his new girlfriend already owns a dog so I think it will be well trained.  Trouble is they live down south so we don't see them very often, so there's no chance for the dog to get to know the kids.  I guess it's with it being such a powerful dog, and I was bitten on the bum by one when I was a child! 

05/03/2014 at 14:48

JG - i understand your wariness. I am the same with horses. Terrified of them! However, if your BIL does get and train the dog, then there is no  more reason that it should 'go for' the children than any other type of dog, given adequate supervision and rules around the dog and approaching it etc. and it might be an opportunity for him to teach the kids how to behave around the dog so be a valuable lesson for them too? sounds like he is a dog person and would give a dog a good home - unlike many people who get dogs! so in a way, it's his choice to get a dog (like it's our choice to have kids). and if you don't see them that much anyway, it's probably not going to work appealing to him on the grounds of you guys not visiting! i understand the fear though - i think i would probably also be nervous!

E totally got over her fear of dogs when we moved to our current house and one of J's school friends (who lived opposite - now moved to cornwall) had a dalmation. the dog is utterly stupid but very lovely and patient and E soon got used to her size and bounciness and now loves ALL dogs as a result. J has always loved dogs and i think is actually part spaniel...

i had a hard session at the Priory today. i went in with the intention of talking about my parents as it hadn't really come up that much. within 5 mins i was sobbing uncontrollably. therapist is taking a different tact now. she was trying CBT with me but given i have tried it before and not really had the results, she is trying something different which is more complex and harder work. she thinks that, because i have a good understanding of my issues, i will cope with it. but boy it was hard going through it. we are looking at the parent, adult, child model - the premis being that people behave, think AND feel like a 'parent', 'adult' or 'child' depending on situations and the way they have been parented. in my case, i revert to 'compliant child' in the face of a critical parent - be that my mother / father; that guy at work who was an arse; or my ex-husband. i just want to please because i spent my whole childhood scared of rejection and feeling like a failure. so i revert to child mode in certain situations which increases my stress and leads to depression.

it's also affecting my relationship with N, where - perversely- I am sometimes the critical parent, and he is the rebellious child! i disapprove of his financial situation and the mess he is in, which leads him to rebel further... and because i disapprove of it it stops me from looking at it as an 'adult' and it makes me less likely to commit to him / accept his help etc.

it also influences my parenting - i occupy the 'child' space too much because i want approval from my kids too. so i risk being the hyper indulgent parent or even a child along with them, rather than being the adult / nurturing parent.

the one time i was an 'adult' apparently was when i stood up to my parents 2 years ago and walked away from them. i stopped going back to them (as a child does) trying to get approval and acceptance and decided that as an adult i needed to protect myself and my children.. i always assumed i did that because i was too weak to put up with any more or make a stronger stand and tell them what i wanted. therapist pointed out that, however hard i had tried with my parents, they were never going to act as adults with me, only ever as critical parents. which means that i would invariably end up as the compliant child. taking a stand against them and saying 'you either accept the way i parent and the parent i am, or we have no more contact' was me acting as an adult. their response is entirely predictable - they won't stand me expressing my own adult voice, so they have buggered off.

so the next step is to help me find my assertive, adult voice to stand up for myself. this bit is apparently v

Edited: 05/03/2014 at 14:49
05/03/2014 at 14:51

oops apparently very hard work. so hopefully we'll get it done in the next few sessions!

05/03/2014 at 15:22
Oh sounds fantastic CM I hope it helps.
05/03/2014 at 15:32

wow CM, that all sounds very complex but at least you seem to understand what its all about. Your therapist sounds good and on the ball at least and trying something different so at least thats something. For what its worth i think you do a grand job parenting your kids despite your shit parents. something you said a few pages back really made me think of how i feel sometimes but cant remember now what it was, i shall have to read back now and see!!! something about self esteem maybe?!

CC- thats a very kind offer but i would be worried something would happen to your gear!!! Such a shame you are not doing it, was looking forward to meeting you at the overnight camp and having a beer n blether!!!! i did a 4.5 mile hill pold this morning, took 1 hr 20 mins!!! But did go upto 1200 feet i guess and then had to clamber carefully over steep, rocky bits to get down as took the wrong line! Then came home, did 100 squats, 100 press ups & 100 sit ups, then ran back to the school half a mile each way to get M from nursery! On Sunday my freind has planned a 23k trek into the mountains taking in 4 munro's and practising navigation etc and carrying a pack. Yikes hopefully there wont be too much snow or we will have to stay a bit lower down. It should be a good practice for the mountain marathon.

Pip- hows things?!

05/03/2014 at 20:14

Wow CC that is so tough - although perhaps your class offers your friend a safe opportunity to let it all out with friends close by to support her (rather than alone at home etc).

CM sounds very gruelling but potentially very rewarding - I would suggest that you recent work decisions would be another very big example of taking the 'adult' role. It sounds like its struck a chord with you which is a big step in helping - hard to implement something you don't really believe in. big hugs though - hard to confront such tough things!

I'm determined to climb off the hamster wheel today - had then feeling where you are getting wound tighter and tighter this week and I know that I need to step back, work out my priorities and stuff the rest of it. I am feelinga  bit guilty as I have pulled out of attending a wedding this weekend. LOvely friend but its a really really long drive away (ie. drive to parents Fri night, then to wedding Sat night, drive back to parents SUn and back home Mon - as much as I would love to be there it is just too much right now. We are going camping hopefully instead (will need to not post any pics on FB otherwise friend will take offence (rightly!!)

 

05/03/2014 at 22:12

Hmmm rotties could be just as likely to bite as any other breed but if they do they could kill. I was all for rehoming one when eldest was about 4 but my nan gave me a right talking to and now i am grateful i didnt. Guess bro is capable and responsible so thats positive. 

Hoggle - its hard explaining to friends why you would miss their wedding but i totally get your reason and would struggle not to do the same. 

CM - well done on getting through another session. All sounds good to me and hopefully will pave the way forward positively for you so you can be a parent/ adult when you need to be from now on. 

CC -you are a good friend x

RF fab efforts as usual, you really can do 100 each of squats, sit ups and pressups?? 

Had a heart stopping moment when i went to collect kids from after school club and they weren't there.... No sign of them and staff said they hadnt come up at 3:30.   They told me the blood literally drained from my face until i remembered that we arranged for sil to pick them up today.....phew!!!! Another example of me dropping the balls.... 

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