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How do you get going again after pregnancy?

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26/07/2013 at 09:13

And how can I criticise anyone for creating extra washing when 

I create most of it running 5days a wk

26/07/2013 at 09:27

Aww CM that is so mean of your mum!! I can see why you do what you do and I sure as he'll know which option I'd prefer!!

I do mess for sure - drives hubby mad! I'm trying to find out whether I've got worse recently or if he's just become more intolerant because he's constantly complaining about mess at the moment - sigh!!!!

26/07/2013 at 09:30

Tt - I feel the same. E won't want to dress randomly forever, and I find it quite funny and very cute at the moment, so I let her do it. (Plus it's easier for me as I don't have to battle with her constantly over clothes!).As long as the kids are happy and confident, that's all that matters.

The other morning, J got up and asked to play the laptop but it was all packed up and I was trying to sort E's hair out, so I said 'no' as I didn't have time to plug it altogether for him so if he wanted it he had to do it himself. (He tried, but couldn't open the lid of the laptop so gave up). He then said he wanted to do some craft thing or other and again I said 'no' because I didn't have time to set it up. He stood in front of me, his eyes filled up and he said 'That's not fair. I have only asked you for two things this morning and you have said 'no' to both of them'. I got upset because I realised he was right and I felt really bad - neither of the requests had been unreasonable and I could have facilitated it - I just wanted to finish E's hair first. But then I thought - actually, it's really positive that he stood in front of me and told me very clearly that I had upset him and why I had upset him. There was NO way I would ever have been able to do that to either of my parents. I would have internalised it and been upset myself and not asked again in future. So I apologised and said that when I had finished E's hair, I would open the laptop so he could play it.

That is the kind of relationship I want with my kids - where they aren't afraid to ask me and challenge me (in a constructive way), and where I will listen to them and realise when I've screwed up. If I can keep that going, hopefully we will all be okay.

26/07/2013 at 09:50
CM - it sounds like you're doing a great job, and I'm sure your kids are not going to grow up feeling the way you did. I was lucky enough to have a pretty good childhood so I think I'm trying to replicate that to a certain degree. We also always seem to have a house full of children, and I like that air of slight chaos and busyness, although I do prefer it in the summer when they spend all their time in the garden rather than creating havoc in the house!

Our dressing up clothes are scarves, hats, old clothes, bags etc rather than themed bought outfits, but I'm sure they serve the same purpose! Isabelle has never been interested in television so we never have it on - she watches the odd episode of peppa or fireman Sam on the ipad - which means she's not interested in most of the branded stuff in shops on the rare occasions we go shopping because she doesn't know or care who the characters are. I'm not actually sure I've ever taken her to somewhere like toys r us, the best she gets is a stroll down the toy aisle in our local sainsburys, or a trip to hobbycraft!

All our children are very lucky - the fact that we spend so much time on here talking about them shows how much they are all loved, and how much thought we put in to how they're looked after and brought up. It's great to hear how other people are doing things - I think it's easy to get stuck in a parenting rut, so I try to be open to thinking about doing things differently.
26/07/2013 at 10:07

That is so unnecessarily mean of your parents CM.  I would be so sad if I had forgotten something like an own clothes day and M was the only one in uniform, but to just say no is plain mean.

26/07/2013 at 10:48

J is now at the age that i was when i have some of my particularly strong memories about abandonment and feeling isolated / different. that is hard for me to cope with actually. J seems so young and innocent. And yet at that age I already had very strong feelings that I was strange / wrong / bad / hateful and also remember my mum's behaviour very clearly. It makes me want to weep worrying that I am failing J in some way and that he is also brewing feelings / anxieties etc which I am unaware of and am contributing to by my behaviour or lack of understanding. I am sure it all sounds like total cr@p to you gals but I keep having flashbacks to the 7yr old me and feeling very anxious.

26/07/2013 at 11:26

I know what you mean CM, as I some times do or say things to M, yell at her etc and then think to myself that I shouldn't have done it as she will be remembering things now.........of course I shouldn't have done it regardless not just because she's going to remember.

I still think you're amazing to have obviously done well at school and gone to Cambridge which such minimal support from home.

26/07/2013 at 12:50

i had lots of 'support' in terms of academic opportunities, and extra-curricular activities (some of which I didn't want to do to be honest!). but i was constantly told i was a waste of space, didn't appreciate all the opportunities i had; mum 'rued the day i was born' etc. and i was scared of my mum - scared that everything i did or said would make her scream, shout, throw things, smack me or leave home (like she used to do every 3 months or so). i threw myself into studies that i was good at - hence excelled at languages and was good at music, so did excessive amounts of those because that was where i felt comfortable.

26/07/2013 at 13:38
They f**k you up, your mum and dad. They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the faults they had And add some extra, just for you. But they were f**ked up in their turn By fools in old-style hats and coats, Who half the time were soppy-stern And half at one another's throats. Man hands on misery to man. It deepens like a coastal shelf. Get out as early as you can, And don't have any kids yourself.
26/07/2013 at 13:55

Is that some famous quote RB or just you??

26/07/2013 at 14:00

Yup. Let us all slit our wrists now as we are only going to balls it all up. 

26/07/2013 at 14:47

Not my words - It's a famous poem "This be the verse" by Philip Larkin. Or, at least, the first line is famous. I'm not sure how seriously he intended it to be taken.

26/07/2013 at 15:44

I did think you were suddenly getting a bit philosophical on us!

26/07/2013 at 21:03

Love that RB! 

Yes CM I find Camryn very cute too in all her mad outfits, with 

her bags of confidence, chatting to anyone who'll listen. 

I was a very introverted child, very shy and self conscious, she is so 

not like that + I love it, just sit and watch her in aw sometimes

 

 

26/07/2013 at 21:41

I love Philip Larkin too! I bet he was a proper grumpy old genius. Agree with RB about seriousness or otherwise of poem - but then again, many a true word is spoken in jest! 

I think you are a great mum CM.  

26/07/2013 at 22:12

CM you need a little mantra to chant every day - 'I'm nothing like my mum and dad' and keep on saying it! The fact that j can express himself like that speaks volumes about your parenting. You're doing an awesome job!

Well hubby has officially finished working as a head chef! He starts his course on Monday (will be doing 2 days a week chefing though. Fingers crossed this is the right move for him (and us!). Well to be honest any move is a good move. Just need to tighten our belts for the next while!!! 

26/07/2013 at 22:24

CM - great advice from Hoggle, look yourself in the eye every day and say out loud - I am a good mum and I am a good person. 

Yippee to dressing up (or dressing down in the case of those who prefer no clothes), racing this weekend, anniversary games and new bikes.... or is that last one just me???? Yep went "shopping" and came home with a TREK complete with proper cycling shoes, Top, shorts, oil, bike computer and bum butter... I think that's for the chaffing but hubby wondered if the guy mistook us for honeymooners. 

Boo to worrying about whether we are good enough - cant change it so my attitude is stuff it! People only put others down because of their own insecurities and jealousy. Not a quality I like. 

26/07/2013 at 23:28

Bum Butter reminds me of Last Tango In Paris Camlo  Just back from seeing Usain Bolt at Anniversary Games. Jessica and Mo tomorrow!

26/07/2013 at 23:36

Was it good RB?  Met friends in Westfield for dinner tonight not really thinking about the fact it was on, and the logistics of getting everyone out seemed really bad compared to the Olympics.  Everywhere we went to try and get to the station there were barriers and people telling us we couldn't go that way.  So we just walked totally round the outside of the shopping centre, along a service rd and eventually ended up at the tube.  There was no way I was queuing to get a tube when I hadn't even been to the athletics!

26/07/2013 at 23:36

Which trek camlo?

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