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How do you get going again after pregnancy?

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09/06/2014 at 00:24

Hubby is working only 2 shifts this week and I've told him he has to take M out some of the afternoons as although I know he would rather be working than not, its not fair that I work a full week plus childcare and he gets to do what he likes! Pouring with rain and miserable so have told him to take M to the pet shop - its kind of like a mini petting zoo right?!!

Hugs to you ttid, its hard when you are feeling sore, you must be at that point where its hard work but the end feels like such a long way away still

09/06/2014 at 07:46

Big hugs to CC. I have never experienced more than a few days without hubby at a time and just cannot imagine whats it's like doing years on just weekends. All venting is definitely allowed. 

You all make me appreciate my hubby more. He works very hard but unlike nearly all the surrey mummy's around here whose partners come home at 10pm every night -working or at work 'functions'  - he nearly always leaves by 5 to be home by 6 to see the girls and help with bedtime. And he always wants to spend time with the kids at the weekend, bar the odd cycle morning, no sleeping on the sofa or golf luckily! best go, hubby is cajoling girls into clothes so we can saunter down to breakfast. Still loving hols, except for Rosie having tantrums constantly, lots of timeouts! Her skin is so sore and rashy from the sun/sun cream which doesn't help, it's been 35C so cant avoid it!

ttid, 28 + 1 day here . Know the feeling about aching but seems like so long still to go! Glad on holiday before I'm bigger as I'm achey from doing nothing  

09/06/2014 at 08:55

Sonya have you tried sun cream formulated for sun sensitive skin? I come out in a big rash in the sun in normal sun cream but if I use stuff which is specifically sun sensitive skin (as opposed to just sensitive skin) then I'm much better. 

Edited: 09/06/2014 at 08:56
09/06/2014 at 09:02

June is still with us bit when we were in on thurs night a nurse told Andy they thought she'd hang on for 7-10 days. Andy took Fraser in on Saturday and it was good because they were both on form. She was awake and quite bright and Fraser was at his smiliest. I took Lou in later and again it was good. Lou was chatty because she'd been at the rainbows beach trip and we had a laugh at the fact I was soaked to the skin having gone out in gorgeous sun in the morning and then getting caught in torrential rain.  I then parked at the hosp and was fair away with myself getting a space. When I got out I discovered why it was there - as the water went over the top of my shoes.  It was slightly surreal when I got in though as she was asking the nurse for nursing home recommendations and the nurse was looking very uncomfortable as she tried to answer.  last night though she was exhausted and asked Martin just to call the minister for her.  I'm off to work now but Andy is going to try to work mornings only and go in this afternoon. 

09/06/2014 at 09:55
I don't think i'm an inspiration to anyone Ttid! But nice of you to say so. Just dealing with this in my own way I guess. I already feel a complete fraud and feel like I should be at work. I am in a very nice church coffee shop with my book at free wifi whilst eric spends extra time at his nursery, then this afternoon our new cleaner comes again, to do a job I feel well enough to do! I just want to know next steps now so I can plan the next few wks. I really hope I don't need more surgery, because i'm now almost recovered from the first one, I don't want to go back to square one again.

Can't believe you and Sonya are 3/4 way through your pregnancies! How did that happen??

School have seen sense and we can pick up kids early on 7th July, day the tour de France comes to town. Logistically it would have been mad leaving kids in school till 3.30 as all the surrounding roads will be closed, plus of course lots of people want to try and take their kids to watch. Now knowing my luck i'll be in Barts having radiotherapy and miss the whole lot!
09/06/2014 at 09:57
EF I am glad you are getting to spend some quality time with you mother in law. It must be making her happy.

Sonya on the whole i'm with you on the husband thing. We do do our own thing-he climbs, I run, we do let each other go away from time to time, but he gets home by 5.30 most nights, does bath and bed time, and at wk ends is always doing stuff with them. We both hate staying homke and find it far ea sier to entertain them out and about, even if it is raining.
09/06/2014 at 13:08

CC, rant away!  I am surprised you haven't offloaded all that sooner to be honest.  It is a difficult situation for both of you but I think I'd have been a lot less tolerant of the biking holiday with the boys than you've been.  And the constant lack of desire/effort to change the situation would  drive me insane too.  You have been more than patient over the years.  Not sure he understands sufficiently how difficult it is for you though - yes, he has to do all the travelling, live in a hotel all week etc, but he doesn't have to try to keep all the balls in the air at home nor is he the one that has to try and make sure the kids don't suffer as a result of his constant absence.  As RB said, I would not blame you at all if you were tempted by the attentions of someone else ... it's just a testament to the person you are that you haven't.

Get all of us 40-somethings with our toyboys!  Lol!  I managed to get a photo of me with mine yesterday with the sole intention of putting it on FB for all of you!  MM, yours is a bit of a looker!  Did Southend Half with him yesterday - fortunately my role was to run with him and I was glad - it was FAR too hot for any attempt at a PB.  I don't know whether the heat got to him or the nightmare situation he's been going through with his (now ex) girlfriend which meant he had about 3 hours' sleep Saturday night and a very stressful few days before, but I really had to pull him round.  Hubby is a bit better with the situation than he was - I keep reassuring him that there is nothing going on nor is there likely to be (hubby is a fit toyboy too after all) and he has been quite tolerant.  I had a 30-minute telephone conversation on Wednesday night with my 'toyboy' as he was going through a bad time, then he came round for the evening on Thursday while hubby was at rowing (had told hubby in advance) to chat about it more, and ended up staying for food.  Basically girlfriend has been a total bitch and I seem to be his best/only friend right now so am providing full-on agony aunt services.  Getting a bit much tbh, will be glad when she moves out and he can get himself sorted.

Caro, sad about being glad your mum has left but we can't choose our family!  She seemed to be more hindrance than help unfortunately.  Glad you are continuing to heal well and fingers crossed for you that no more surgery is needed and that you find out the treatment plan of action soon, so you know what's happening.  Not knowing is always very frustrating.

Toyboy is doing Ironman in Sweden in August.  Ex-girlfriend was meant to be going to watch and then they were planning to have a holiday after.  He has paid for the tickets (she never gave him any money, for the ticket or for anything else - one of the issues that has split them up)  Asked me yesterday if I'd consider going - just to watch the race and support for the weekend, not the holiday obviously!  Flight is already booked and he doesn't want to waste the ticket.  Haven't asked hubby yet - not sure I can.  Think it may be a step too far - although I would love to go as I have done much of his training with him.  He is also going with another couple, the guy in that couple is doing the Ironman.  I have met/raced with them a couple of times and they are lovely.  So wouldn't be just me and him.  I am probably mad to consider it, hubby would never agree - and not sure if the boot was on the other foot I would either!

Sonya, holiday sounds lovely!

TTid, boo to inconsiderate hubby.

MM, well done again on the ultra, can't wait to read the race report!  

Caro - yes, I heard (and then read) that a man had died

Edited: 09/06/2014 at 13:11
09/06/2014 at 13:13

We saw him at the finish line being treated by paramedics.  He was on the ground and looked completely out of it.  He must have been the one.  So sad, only 30 I think.

09/06/2014 at 13:45

Astigmatism here too jt but I put up with slightly off vision because I cannit stand the feel of the special lenses. Spend my whole time trying not to rub my eyes. 

09/06/2014 at 13:56

I love all these toyboy stories! I felt sure that the FB photo was for our benefit Minks!

Bad parenting rant.....We've just had Mrs B's brother, wife and two kids (3yrs and 18 months) to stay for a week (they live in Australia so we don't see them much). Gosh what a pair of brats the boys are, especially the older one who is allowed to get away with all sorts of behaviour that should have been stopped by now.

I was told that he would eat pasta pesto, but it seems that the pasta was the wrong shape. Another time, he was offered, and agreed, to eat some cheese, but I cut it into the wrong-shaped pieces apparently. Another time, having refused to eat the dinner (which I had prepared according to his mother's instructions), his mother then put a plate of chocolate Easter egg in front of him to eat. Brother in law asked if he could put a padlock on one of the doors in the loft-conversion bedroom in which the boys were staying. When I asked why, he said because Aidan kept trying to open it (it opens into the roof space - quite a dirty/dusty place). I said "Why don't you tell him not to?". He looked at me as though I was mad and said "This is Aidan you're talking about". Do these people not know what being a parent means? When they arrived I told them very clearly that they were welcome to play my (beloved Bechstein) piano but the rule was "only fingers are allowed on the piano". Then, in front of his parents, I caught him putting a wooden box onto the keyboard. I then told him to take it off and reminded him of the rule that I had previously explained. Guess what? - he refused to take it off. Let's just say I moved the box and him (screaming and wailing) away from the piano and he didn't do it again.

Little B was not amused by their behaviour (I can forgive the younger one but he was just as bad) and put up with it all stoically (like when Aidan tipped all LB's toys into a big pile on the carpet or when Aidan kept grabbing toys that LB was playing with, or smashing up his lego constructions).

If they come and visit again in a few years, it'll be too soon!

Forgot to say JT I do have a lot of metal fillings but didn't understand your post (I think autocorrect was to blame).

Edited: 09/06/2014 at 13:58
09/06/2014 at 16:18

RB - And breathe!!

And thank the good Lord that they live so far away and you see them so seldom!  I would have wanted to slap him! And bang the parents' heads together for permitting such appalling behaviour and shirking their parental responsibilities

09/06/2014 at 16:25
I vaguely remember reading something about metal fillings causing thyroid issues in some people and also lack of iodine in diet. Seaweed and European salt ( which has iodine added- lidl does it I think). But can't remember what thyroid issues, whether under or over active. My aunt had thyroid problems and my Mum been checked a few times but within normal range as u say, but doesn't mean it's ur normal range.
09/06/2014 at 18:44

JT you are of course right.  That is why I plan on frequenting the lovely cafe I have found, just me, my book and free wifi.  If I stay at home I wont rest, I am incapable.  Plus I guess I probably deserve a nice cup of coffee once in a while.

RB - ugh!  It is hard when they are staying with you though, and the parents aren't enforcing house rules!  Like Minks said.....we can't choose family........

Barely slept again last night, as didn't take the drugs, and am determined I don't want to take them any more.  I am not anxious like I was before surgery so there is no reason I shouldn't be sleeping.  I think I have just got used to going to sleep with the aid of drugs really quickly and now my body doesn't want to sleep without them - not good!  I took them for months/years about 10 yrs ago and don't remember coming off them being a problem, but I was on a variety of different things, not just zopiclone.  I also noticed that 1 tablet was no longer making me go to sleep really easily (you can take 2 but I haven't) meaning that my body/brain is becoming tolerant to them, so you end up needing more and more  - and I do not want to go there!

09/06/2014 at 20:15

go easy on yourself caro - you may think you aren't anxious but you still have a lot of uncertainty. if you need the drugs to get through the short term till you know a treatment plan, then so be it. I just don't want you suffering unnecessarily

cc - I have a huge amount of empathy for you. what you express is a similar frustration to that I had with T, although he wasn't physically absent during the week (or at least only at the gym every night). I would ask you really: what does hubby do to convince you that he is bothered about this? what is his view on all this? what is he doing to allay your fears? if he isn't, then he needs a good sharp shock. ask him how he would feel if he were to get hit by a bus tomorrow? would he regret that he hadn't sorted more time with his family? what would his 80yr old self with grown up kids say to him right now? work harder, earn more, don't risk anything: or sort it out and get back to your family before you lose them for good? I think you need to spell it out to him. doesn't sound like he is getting it at all?

RB - some kids are tearaways. my J was. it wasn't for the want of me trying to reign him in. but his behaviour was pretty wild. he's a lovely boy now though - so all is not lost for your family members! I guess the difference is that I would have been mortified by their behaviour, and apologised profusely. I would also have warned you that, even if you cooked them pesto and pasta, there was a high degree of likelihood that it would have been rejected on the grounds of it being too pesto-y or wrong type of pasta-y. J went through a phase of having a meltdown if his toast was cut the wrong way. he was about 2 at that point. but I would have warned you and made it clear that I didn't expect you to go out of your way to make him stuff; and I wouldn't have given him anything else either!

09/06/2014 at 20:21

oh and he certainly wouldn't have been allowed to hit your piano with a block!!

my job is proving interesting. my feet aren't touching the ground at work. I'm making cups of tea and leaving them undrunk. it's a bit like being a new mum, I guess! however, things seem to be making a bit more sense and I think I've got more of a plan of attack now. I had a meeting today (which I had been dreading) with the Director for Security for the university. She is also head of Governance, so a really senior person. she wanted to talk to me about putting in place a process for managing security incidents (not just IT ones like viruses or malware, but also ones like 'I'm Head of the Business School and I've left this year's exam paper on the train'. I was a bit terrified because I wasn't sure I would know what to say. I'm not an IT security expert AT ALL! I have always left that to the geeky CLAS consultants (whose trousers don't meet their socks). anyway I went along worrying I was going to make a t1t of myself... and by the end of it, she was being effusive about how much sense I was talking. and the fact that we made more progress in an hour than they had made in 4 months. hahahaha!!! I guess that's the consultant in me - good at bluffing and making stuff up

09/06/2014 at 21:24
Superb CM
09/06/2014 at 21:25

Urgh RB - not a fan of houseguests who don't make a bit of effort!!  Although the food thing often seems to be a big issue for some kids, although I have only every heard of it second hand really!!  At the moment my Aidan likes his pasta plain and wouldn't eat cheese for ages but he has progressed - my friend cooked macaroni cheese for us a couple of times but luckily it never turned into a scene, he ate a bit and managed not to look too rude!  Roast dinner is the best one here because they all like at least some of it!!

Caro - tricky, if you feel generally fit in yourself post op then I'd probably be doing the same as you and trying to not take medication but you definitely need rest so don't push it too much xx

EF - thinking of you, hope your MIL isn't having too bad a time and she goes peacefully.

CC - I think you are a saint really to have stuck long distance out for so long, I am guessing your hubby really hasn't thought about it properly!!  Could you move down to nearer his work and would the threat of doing that get him to remove his head from the sand and sort out what he wants to do work wise?  Mine is hilarious - spends a lot of time saying how much he misses us but he doesn't miss the broken sleep thats for sure!!!  He is only 90 mins drive away though so not quite so far away!

CM - sounds like the new job is going well! 

Minks - pretty sure my hubby would raise his eyebrows if I mentioned going away with another man, not sure I can envisage any scenario where that might happen to me though!

Camlo    pirate
09/06/2014 at 21:27

Yippee to eye candy, fab runs, recuperating and getting a few more days with poorly rels, school shutting early for Bikes and bluffing CM!! 

Boo to single parenting and effectively single but attached relationships, boo to brattish behaviour, over charging for exhibitions and activities, feeling poorly and slugs eating plants...

see i read but not taking much in! My mother has come home from hols today and already laid into my sister about arrangements for flowers, i have told sis i will put the phone down if Mum tries that with me! 

09/06/2014 at 21:31

oh dear camlo - sounds like your mum and caro's are one of a kind... what is it with mums eh? please god none of us end up like that!

oh and yes, minks - do be careful with your bloke. although it is all innocent from your end, you can't be absolutely sure it is from his end. and as an absolute outsider to the situation, I think going 'away' with him to his ironman would probably not meet with approval from hubby... even if it is all entirely innocent.

Camlo    pirate
09/06/2014 at 21:31

Oh and meant to say trip to watch ironman is defo worth asking!! Its just accompanying your 'student' for support on a free ticket.... Why not?? 

And - suncream that irritates is a PITA but we use calipso (like p20) that you apply once a day and it binds with the skin somehow to protect but doesnt leave any residue or anything so may be worth a try? Only £5 in aldi. 


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