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How do you get going again after pregnancy?

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31/03/2013 at 20:21

Just read that as "I seem to be constantly looking for a new career/hubby/etc." JT 

I also find that the mummy friends I do know quite well seem to have such busy lives that our free time never seems to coincide, which is quite frustrating.  Also with working now I spend more time seeing the grandparents than friends, which is quite dull!  I think the main problem is that I haven't bothered to make new friends after Nicky was born, so people I see at playgroup on a Monday and singing on a Friday are not people I've even exchanged numbers with, while the friends I have from when Sophie was born have gone back to work/moved away etc, or we just don't meet up anymore because we don't have any free days the same.  I've kind of stopped bothering with one group too because they were so cliquey and just didn't invite me to any of their nights out etc so I got a bit fed up .  It's a bloomin' minefield this mummy social life!

CC - thanks for your thoughts.  It's hubby I feel most guilty about because he always seems so reluctant to take over while I'm out - makes comments like he has no idea what to do with them on a Sunday morning while I'm running so they just go to his parents' where Nicky has spent half the week!  Then I get annoyed because I work now too and can still manage to do things with Nicky on my days off

Gosh I've become a right waffler!  JT - how did you manage to keep playing with Archie pulling your hands off and screaming?!  Sounds quite amusing but I imagine it wasn't .

Hols to North Norfolk on Saturday - not looking as though it's going to warm up either!

31/03/2013 at 20:28
EF that is so sad, one of our group on mumsnet who was having a June baby lost her early due to surgery she needed after birth, they are now expecting another baby so I hope your friends can recover from their loss too.

Everyone is exhausted here so I am also going to bed!
31/03/2013 at 20:42

JG - I do know what you mean about the hubby thing, I have had that pretty much since most of mine were born, whenever I wanted to do a race etc or even, heaven forbid, have a work shift during the holidays when he has time off ... much sulking, huffing, demanding what to do with them ... BUT ... I've chosen to ignore it and do want I wanted to do anyway, and just get over whatever he chooses to do (or not do) with them when I'm not around. I think it changes as they get older, definitely less problems now as it's much easier to do more stuff with them, and he's been forced to get on with it. Tough though.

Planning and 'away day' up to North of Ullapool tomorrow as forecast is good, perhaps get a walk up Stac Pollaigh if not too much snow

I see woman of our resident super women (the ultra one) has done good on her race - check out fb

right, tea to be sorted and hot cross buns & flapjack to be created for hill food ...

JT - just a horrible place to be ((()))

31/03/2013 at 21:27

JT friends from Portland Or, USA.  My uni vet friend who went straight to the US after graduating and never came back.  Now has hubby and 2 kids so never will come back.  But we have planned a 5 yr reunion - villa in tuscany, for our 40th b days.   She is pregnant with child no 3, and her folks emigrated to NZ so she doesn't really have much reason to come here.  Her sister is here (she's over for her wedding) but they're not close.  We stayed with them last summer, and the kids just have so much fun together.  

Going to brave the nat hist museum tomorrow before they go.  Prob mad due to the bank hol but it's now or never for them so we'll go early and hope for the best.

31/03/2013 at 22:02
Busy on here

Quick post to say - yes JG she could. But if they don't have kids (?) and it is only 9 yr marriage is unlikely. N has to pay his wife maintenance but they were married 26 yrs and she didn't work while they had kids so she 'lost out' in that way. Hence he pays spousal maintenance.

EF - awful about your friends' baby. Hope wife is physically stable x
31/03/2013 at 22:23
Oh EF that is just heartbreaking. I just can't comprehend how you cope but I guess you just donsomehow. Hugs to you too.

RF - sounds like a tough time. It is hard making friends. I didn't know a soul when we moved here but have made 2 good friends (the type you could rely on in a crisis!) and a few more acquaintances. I joined a book group which has widened the circle of people I've met beyond mummy friends.

Looks like Lotte had a fab race -well done!!! MM when is yours?

We have had a lovely Easter. Spent Thur night til Sat afternoon at the farm. Parents babysat thur night and we had a lovely much needed evening out. Realised hubby needs more of this I think so will try and get out together once a month - need to sort out some babysitting exchanges! Sis and her family came up Friday and my brother was also around so lovely times. M just adores being there and worships her grandparents! They are great with her too so I got some peace and quiet! Did have rather interesting experience when we watched the dog digging in a rabbit hole - she usually doesn't catch anything but pulled out 3 rabbits! M couldn't understand why we hurried her away!
Now we've just been a bought a load of veg plants and some things for painting for M - gave her a packetvof foam dabber things to play with in backseat on the way home and she's shredded them!! Grrrrr.
01/04/2013 at 15:32
EF, that is so sad Hugs xx

((JG)) I always think that sometimes you need to have that time for yourself to be a nicer mummy! I feel guilty still about going out and doing things in the evening, but I feel better afterwards once I have. If you're not there, then they are still spending time with their daddy, which is good for him!

RF - hope you have made up now but I did chuckle at the tattie

Hope everyone has had lovely BH weekends. I am currently sunning myself in Bulgaria We came yesterday and we're here for a week. It's been 26C today so my summer clothes are getting an airing! Still feeling OK, if a little tired. No sickness yet but my boobs look like they have been blown up with a pump
01/04/2013 at 15:34

CM - they've actually only been married for 5.5 years and no, no children (one of main reasons they're splitting up I think, though they haven't been "in love" for a couple of years now).  It would seem totally unfair if she demanded money from him - if anything he's supported her with her poorly paid career (acting) all these years so it would be a real kick in the teeth if she did.  They're still great friends but it's just on the point of turning nasty I fear .

01/04/2013 at 15:59

Ok I might be a wee bit excited. After my race yesterday I got a serious case of the wobbles and shakes. Because I was unsupported the stewards were a bit worried so held me hostage in a tent until they got hot food and warm clothes on me and thought I was ok! This was very good of them of course but I missed the prize giving so I just said thanks to a few of the organisers and toddled off to the car! Anyhoo today the organiser just phoned me to say I won the British 100k champs bronze medal and the Scottish gold medal. How mad is that!

The race went really well. But OMG it was tedious! 42, 1.5 mile laps of a park in Perth. My plan was to start off around 8mm pace and hold for as long as possible before dying! I pretty much managed to hold this until the 50k mark but then started to fade. I went through the marathon in 3.32 and 50k in 4.12. My garmin shows I was averaging 8.25 pace by 50 miles when it died. I finished in 8.54.50. My secret target had been sub 9 hours so I am delighted. I had a really tough patch around 35 miles and really wanted to give up. It was such a big mental battle. But I came through it and finished strongly. My legs are pretty sore today but think just general stiffness rather than injury (fingers crossed). My sore throat came went as quickly as it came but I did (do) still have a bit of a snurty cold. Feeling a bit out of it today. Couldn't sleep, remember looking at the clock at 12.30am still awake but must have fallen asleep soon after and woke at 2.45am for a shower and then drive the 2 hours up to Aberdeen to catch the 6.30 flight home! I'll maybe do a proper race report when I am a bit more with it!

Spent the morning at the beach with the kids, glorious day here. Starting to fade a bit now I must say!

So enough of me. Will post this and then have a proper read back to see what you have all been up to!

01/04/2013 at 16:21

Sounds like everyone has had busy easter weekends.

EF - I am so shocked and sad to hear about your friends baby.

Kinsey - hows the sleep thing going?

JG - (()) you really need to try to stop feeling guilty. I used (many years ago with my first babies) to feel like that but now I realised my me time makes me a better happier mum. My hubby is a parent link coordinator and he organises and leads parenting classes and he is always preaching that parents me time is so important. Mind you he has changed his tune as he didn't always feel this way but in his new job he has to practice what he preaches

CC - hope you had a fine day in Ullapool. Pity the ferry wasn't cheaper and you could pop on up here and visit us!

Argh can't remember what else I was going to say...

01/04/2013 at 16:24
Gosh Lotte, I had no idea you were doing one of those endurance mad go round in a circle type things. I thought RFs laps on her bike were mad enough. You are a machine woman. So we're the women that beat you for the British award actually there or was there's from a different race? Shame about the prize giving, what did you win?

Friends left, nat hist museum was excellent not too crowded as we were there before it opened. Girls loved the dinosaurs, and other stuff we looked at. I think I'll try and get the in laws over one day to have some Eric time so I can do something like that again just with M.

In bed now, think lurg has finally caught up with me, given that I haven't been able to rest at all whilst they 've been here. Could do with a bath and cup of tea.
01/04/2013 at 18:23
Go Lotte!!
01/04/2013 at 19:14
Well done Lotte! How do they keep track of the laps!! Madness!

Had our best sleep last night, 7pm to 2.30am so fingers crossed we are getting there. Havn't taken him out of bed once just patted him and shushed him and he has got used to it I hope!

Did the Watercress Line Thomas event today, was fun, but so cold in the wind! Had lunch in Alresford, then back on the train to Alton and home again!
01/04/2013 at 19:56
So are you now known as Tatty Parton then TB or is Dolly Bogle?

Kinsey - yay to more sleep! Fingers crossed he's on the right track!

Lotte - I am in awe! We have a British medal winner in our midst, wow! Especially (I think I'm right in saying this) as you're fairly new to running?

JG - yeah hubby's included. Nah, not really. Think the idea of the dating scene would be nough to terrify me!

Fairly quiet day, went to cinema saw The Croods which was ok, my friend really enjoyed it as did the boys o maybe I'm just no in the right frame of mind. Off to mum and dads tomorrow for nephew's party so hopefully not too glum up there. So many jobs I should be oing but CBA!
01/04/2013 at 21:43
Go Lotte! Don't know what else to say - I'm like, beyond IMPRESSED, awestruck, amazed whatever! Millions of congratulations!

EF - I just didn't know what to say about your friends baby, and don't know now. I'm just so sorry. Have said prayers for the family and for you guys too.

Have fun in Bulgaria TB.
Glad to hear about all the Easter fun! Loving the FB pics and stories of museums, days out and throwing spuds at hubbies. Hilarious!
01/04/2013 at 21:51
So much Easter fun. Beats my clear out! V jealous. And back to work tomorrow boo.

Brookie it's impossible to know what to say. I just don't know what I'm going to say when I see them next. Probably just give them a hug and no doubt shed a tear with them. I simply can't comprehend getting up in the morning after that.

Can't stop sneezing as a result of so much dust from ancient clothes. Was utterly ruthless. Will no doubt regret it in time to come but needs must. Had to make room in our wardrobe for Andy to get his stuff out the wardrobe in the spare room - soon to be nursery!
01/04/2013 at 21:52
Oh hells teeth I forgot - woooo hoooo for lotte!
01/04/2013 at 22:27
EF - I obviously don't know your friends, but I often find personally a straight acknowledgement of the crap going on helps. I think you just need to then take the lead from them. If they want to talk they will, they also might want to have a normal conversation. Hugs and prayers for you all. Xxx
01/04/2013 at 22:49
Agree with jt re the direct acknowledgment, I spent months dodging round asking my friend how her son is doing, now I just ask outright and she appreciates the honesty of it out just tells me straight if she doesn't want to talk and a hug does the job instead! (())

Wow Lotte, bloody fantastic, that's what! Can remember reading DEBS Consani's race report of that, I admire anyone who can run tarmac laps of ANY time or distance! Wonder what they'll be talking you into racing now .... Glad home safely and lovely day with your bairns! Still have hopes of getting up to you at some point soonish!
Tatty, that heat sounds fabulous, happy holidays.
Fabulous day for us, sun shone all day and no clouds but wind was Baltic. Anyways, walked kids up Stac Pollaid and then drove almost to end of road for stunning little beach with lots of rocks to scrabble over before back down full Ullapool for top notch fish and chips, finally home about 8.30 and still just light still. Scenery was achingly beautiful - well to me .managed toll merest a lady from my running club on hill top with her family! Paddled on sea at beach OMG, how cold?
02/04/2013 at 01:24

Agree with the straight talking - I have an agreement with my friend that I call her often and if she wants to talk she answers (or text back if she misses me) and if not she doesn't. Means I am offering support and she is able to take it or leave it without feeling bad or obligated to talk when she doesn't want to.

Heading off to the beach this afternoon - National surf competition on so thought we'd have a nosey!

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