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How do you get going again after pregnancy?

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10/08/2014 at 14:44
((())) to everyone with black clouds. CM obviously not good about hol and N but wouldn't worry too much about not being upset about kids being away. Whilst I understand how hard it is for parents who have to share their kids and go for days at a time without seeing them, I don't think it would bother me. I love my kids to bits but when they go away for a few days/wk or so I don't actually pine over them. Camryn was away on hol with her Papa last wk for 4 days and I spoke to her once on the phone. Occasionally for a fleeting moment I would remember she wasn't here and miss the chatter for a second or two, but barely thought about her most of the time. Does that make me awful? I don't know and actually don't care, maybe it's all the yrs of being a Stepmum and a childminder that means I can turn off that switch and accept they r with someone who loves them and will look after them and there is no point in wasting energy worrying and missing them. Maybe after yrs of having to hand the kids over regularly u r just getting used to it, time has shown that they r ok there is nothing to b gained from worrying while they're gone.

We don't holiday very much either, I don't like the pressure to enjoy urself at much expense tbh. Plus all the packing, unpacking, travelling, things going wrong etc etc. last time we went abroad was 2006 ( our honeymoon) and time b4 that was 2000.
10/08/2014 at 14:49

CM, hopefully just post holiday blues. What you need is a good crappy day back at work to remind you how much you love your kids. Going on past record, it won't be long until a really bad one comes along!  Hope you can see some friends this afternoon and lift out of your gloom. 

CC, glad you and Mr CC spoke. Hope you can move things forward. 

Some of you may have seen Oscar's drastic new haircut on fb. Do feel sad about his curls but can't get over how much happier he seems now he can see.  Mr TT walked into the hair salon before me with Os and asked for a number 2 and when I walked in one of the other hairdressers almost ran to the door to check I was ok with it. Obviously worried I was going to walk in and freak out. 

Mr TT playing golf this morning for first time in 2 weeks. Didn't really feel like going anywhere but can't anyway as have totally flat tyre on my car. Grrr. 

10/08/2014 at 15:15
No chance of seeing any friends. My friend whom some of you have friended on FB has a new bloke and since she has started seeing him she has changed. I haven't seen her in ages and she hasn't been in touch with me. Hardly recognise her from her posts on FB. But she seems happy so that is good.

No one else is around. All away with their families.

Work is a large part of the problem. The job is so massive and there is so much to do. And I have no one to help me with it. I am totally overwhelmed. Working ridiculous hours and exhausted by it.
10/08/2014 at 15:25

Sorry to hear that about your friend. Probably just the first flushes of a new romance and she'll be back to normal soon. She's certainly enjoying her running at the moment. 

You made a huge jump to your new job and I guess it's still early days if you need us to remind you how awful your old job was, just ask


10/08/2014 at 15:39
I have upset friend I think by pulling out of my role in her running enterprise. I was meant to be chair. She said 3-4 meetings a year then called 2 full day workshops for consecutive weekends. I made one but had the kids on the second one. She asked me to propose another date but I couldn't then do one until sept. She then called two meetings in the evenings and again it is hard for me. I ended up going straight from work for an 8pm start. So had left home at 6.30am for work and got back after her meeting at about 10.30. I had to say I just couldn't do it. Which has upset her. But it was more commitment than I could make. I understand it is a big thing for her but it was bad timing for me.
10/08/2014 at 15:46
As for work - I know how bad it was! N is working on strategy slides this weekend and I remember well how bad! New job is so draining tho. Is non stop. I have 26 direct reports none of whom have been used to being managed. It is mid year review time. So that is 26 individual reviews scheduled in. And then I'm supposed to be making changes and improvements. And all I have is hassle and stress from operational issues all day long. I get no time to think while I'm at work. I have been getting in for 7 in order to try to get an hour of thinking time before the chaos begins. But even that doesn't work some days.
10/08/2014 at 16:01

Wow that's a massive workload. That's one positive you can take from not having the kids for a while I guess, you can work longer days and get some of the reports behind you. Quite how you're supposed to write meaningful reports on people when you've been there such a short time though I can't imagine. 

Having such a lazy morning. Until now Max has been happy playing with/in some boxes in his bedroom while I am lying on his bed and Os nodging around between us. Looks like my time might be up though as they are starting to get a bit scratchy with each other.  

10/08/2014 at 16:07
You've been baking as well tho TT? Hardly lazy!!

The workload is massive and I'm the only person with so many direct reports. Don't have anyone working for me who is senior enough to have management responsibilities. But am getting one more senior person whom I met last week but who is refusing to do anything other than his technical role and won't take direct reports on. Argh.

Am about to put running kit on and go for a plod. Bought some new stuff in aldi today in size ginormous. Feeling fat and disgusting as well as no time to train in the week.

And as well as having way too much work to do, I had my first pay slip with proper tax code and my take home pay is even less than I thought it would be. Can't believe how little it is and am not sure how I am going to cope tbh. Thinking whole job move was a bad idea...
Camlo    pirate
10/08/2014 at 17:16

chin up CM, you are not fat nor disgusting so banish those thoughts for a start. Kids will be fine and being away will give you time to breath. Job will settle once you get it into shape - you are still new and you have just had time off so dont panic. Pay of course is another matter but everyone cuts their cloth accordingly and maybe kids will have to accept some of those restrictions too (or stop saving their  child benefit which most of us happily use for necessities). Dont be hasty about N, it could just be black clouds making you negative - but if you do split at least you will be free if a rich, single, millionnaire comes along! Good luck with your run x

TTid- wow that was a harsh tranformation, those curls were amazing and I would have been gutted to see them on the floor! No twinges then? 

Went for a swim with kids and now hubby making scones while i sulk (about him spending too much in tesco on treats)..... 

10/08/2014 at 18:47

Would be lying if I said no twinges at all as I did love his curls but we had been saying for 4 months that he needed a cut and I genuinely can't get over the transformation to his personality. He is suddenly so much more engaging and happy now. 

10/08/2014 at 21:05

Lots going on here and lots of stress

Caro - the treatment sounds awful.  It's so easy to say 'take each day at a time' and others cliches but Nov must seem like a long way off.  Stay strong and keep posting on here when things get tough.

CC - sorry things arent good with hubby.  I hope the letter gets through to him.  Keep talking to him and try to listen as well as talk.

CM - things sound tough.  You have a stupid amount of direct reports.  I can't see how you could get anything done with that many reports. Surely just the day to day issues, gripes, sickness is more than anyone can deal with.  They really need to get some of those under you to become managers.

JT - I hope the lactose removal continues to help.

I cant remember when I last reported but we have an offer 'accepted' on the house we want but we need to sell our flat.  They have taken the house off the market for a week!  Not sure that will help.  I am not sure things are going to go my way but I will just do my best.

8.5 mile run today

10/08/2014 at 21:09

Thankfully no signs yet JT. Was not at all dilated at appointment in Thursday. Fingers crossed!  Hope Archie settles for you, especially for your holiday. 

CM I meant to say earlier, I thought you advertised a job and stated what the responsibilities would be?  Bit cheeky to say 'I'll take the job but not do A, B or C!!'. 

10/08/2014 at 21:20
Thanks for your support all. Feels bad whinging when others face far worse.

The new bloke i am getting is just being moved to report to me. Wasn't a vacancy. Is a reorg. I am getting the uni switchboard reporting to me. Cos obvs it is telephone answering, right, so it ties in with the IT service desk. FFS. Anyway. This bloke is the Cisco / ip phone specialist. He goes round configuring the telephone system. What use is he to me? I do the first line support for the IT service for the uni. He is super techy and configures systems so is bog all use to me. Anyway he is the grade below me and the most senior member of my team. But he is massively techy and won't have anyone reporting to him! It makes no sense. But I have no say in it
10/08/2014 at 22:19

To be honest he would probably be more trouble than he is worth if he had direct reports CM - you'd end up dealing with all the complaints that got escalated upwards from his bad management! Sending you some big hugs though - sounds like a whole lot of tough things to juggle in one go.

If you can I would just let the holiday go - I think we are all under such pressure for holidays to be magical times with amazing memories when in reality its all the same hassles as home but without your usual surroundings. The money stuff is tough but maybe cutting back on some of the activities etc will give E a chance to see how lucky she is and how much you do for and with her? (Might be clutching at straws here). As for the Nick stuff, a stressful holiday means that no one is at their best, only you know whether its right to continue or not but don't rush any decisions while there is so much other stuff stressing you out. I would say you made exactly the right call on the running group thing. You are already pulled in a million different directions and definitely don't need that extra stress especially as it is WAY over what you were led to believe. I hope the time with the kids away (don't feel bad about not missing them - I look forward to my work trips away as I have some time alone) gives you a chance to get on top of things and when you are feeling a bit more in control start kicking so ass at work - they sound like a bunch of babies!! By the way - your stresses and worries are just as valid and important as anyone elses!

Hubby is away for 3 nights this week, not looking forward to it, so tiring at the moment!! However I cant remember if I said we had transformed dinner in one easy step! Googled a bit and found a suggested routine - dinner at 5pm, read a story while she eats and then if she's still up when we eat then she can have her yoghurt with us. I can't believe the transformation, not only in how much she eats and the lack of fuss but what she'll actually try! I was a bit dubious about reading stories at dinner but for now it works amazingly, no grizzles at all, eating stuff she has been refusing to eat for ages and asking for more! We were eating together between 5.30 and 6 but that was to late for her really and now hubby finishes later we needed to change things anyway.

Oh dear just eaten WAYYY to many sweets this morning - now feel horrible! Did anyone run this weekend? Any exciting big races coming up? SPD is creeping in here so will need to cut down my walking.



10/08/2014 at 22:37

Ohh one other exciting thing! Mum and Dad have booked a holiday cottage near us to come up and have Christmas here this year!! So excited as it means that I won't need to travel anywhere for Christmas! My brother will come up too (sister will be at her inlaws). Mum is thrilled as shes always wanted a beach Christmas!!

11/08/2014 at 08:08

glad something has worked with M, hoggle. I got myself stressed about J's eating on holiday. his is more that he can't choose what to eat. so if we are in a restaurant, he can't make a decision, gets stressed, cries and then eats nothing. he did it every single bloody time over everything - even a drink!! he did it with ice creams as well. I got to absolutely dread mealtimes because I knew it would happen.  the other thing he did a lot was, when he did finally choose something (and we did have a number of meals where he didn't eat a single thing because he couldn't choose), he took two bites and said he didn't like it. he missed 3 evening meals in the first week entirely because of this inability to choose!!

feeling slightly less awful this morning - thanks for bearing with me yesterday. back in work, so best crack on... one of the guys hasn't turned up for his early shift this morning. sigh...

11/08/2014 at 09:17

Just a quick one to send some love and well wishes to the who are blue/glum/sad/frustrated/tired/poorly at then moment.


On iPadwhich, when +RW = gremlins. 


11/08/2014 at 14:01

Ikkleg, good to see you over here. Remind us what are your initials in the real world?  So can put a name to a face on fb. 

CM, glad you're feeling a little better today. 

Sonya, how's your new life 'of relaxation'??  ;-)

11/08/2014 at 19:43

I am kyra. And there aren't many folk who can say that!

11/08/2014 at 20:10

Aha!  Now I know, should have been able to guess.  Now I feel much less like a random stalker when I see (and like or comment on!) your posts on FB.

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