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How do you get going again after pregnancy?

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28/01/2014 at 21:55

Oh Caro, I can picture that lovely evening so well!! Have had a few of those sessions ourselves!!

I loved ballet as a child/teenager. I was average I guess but I kept it up until I was 15 when I found better things to do with my time. We never did shows and I don't the exams were that often because I didn't do many of them!! Can remember still the box of ballet shoes we could hire - proper silk ones with ties, rather than the cheapo black ones we all had!!

Anyway, at S's ballet school they alternate between exams one year and show the next as it's too much to have it all every year. But yes, the bl**dy exams are expensive by the time you've paid for the exam, a couple of practise sessions, plus the official skirt & leotard, and then there is getting the hair just so - had a nightmare with Ss because it's so thick and unruly.  Anyway, think I was about £55 lighter after that lot. this year is a *show year* and S is predictably delighted about that!

Rugby is for mums who are clearly paying for something in a past life!!! If hubby is here then he will usually always go because he likes to see the kids doing something seeing as he misses everything else, which nicely gets me off the hook some weeks!!  Actually what is worse than training is the flipping tournaments which go on ALL day - they are purgatory!! Especially if the weather is minging

28/01/2014 at 22:06

Nat never did any clubs after she 7, she tried gymnastics but 

didn't like it, clubs weren't her thing. 

Camryn did ballet/tap for 2 yrs then decided she didn't like it (Thank God, they did a concert every yr and cost an arm and a leg). She goes to swimming lessons at £6 a lesson and a drama club called Shakespeare's kids at £4 a wk (they r having a red carpet premiere of midsummer's night dream in a few wks, the wedding was filmed at the wkend) and she has a sports/games club after school once a wk til Easter which is £1 a wk, so not too bad financially.

28/01/2014 at 22:16

I'm too scared to tot it up. Ballet, tap/modern comes in at over £100 a term. Swimming and tennis are edinburgh leisure so cheap really at about £4 a lesson I think. Rainbows is a bargain and gymnastics is about £2.50 a class. I'm going to refuse rugby for Fraser though. It terrifies me! Not the cost, it's the mauling the older ones seem to get! 

28/01/2014 at 22:17

Savings r a bit hit & miss here, if I can afford to I put £50 a month into the kids savings account but it gets used 

to pay for school trips abroad and stuff like that too, it isn't locked 

away for them to squander on God knows what when they're 18. 

I also reward exam results, Nat gets £30 for every A/1, £20 for every B/2 and £10 for every C/3, unfortunately for me she gets a lot 

of A's and 1's, has cost me a pretty penny

 

 

28/01/2014 at 22:30

Eric can do ballet.  I am NOT standing on the side of a rugby pitch in the pissing rain and cold!

28/01/2014 at 23:18

Lol Caro. I'm with you 

 

minks that is a shame about kit's tooth. at least there may be sth for him when he's older. 

i really should return at least one bag....need to tax the car and it was serviced and mot'd on Friday. But instead I went to a different t k maxx and got a pair of Levi's. they were reduced to £12 and they fitted. It would be rude not to. I appear to have lost enough weight so that some of my clothes are now too big!! Mental. I think I'm just a different shape as I'm def still heavier than before. 

29/01/2014 at 08:19

CM I would be drawing up a spreadsheet with all the clubs on - saying the child benefit is paid to parents for using not saving so it will be used on them in future not squirrelled away to the detriment of your well being. 

You do not need to save £250 a month and live on fresh air CM. They already have so much more than others, you need to look after yourself. Chase your extra £50 too (backdated of course). 

EF - rude indeed to leave jeans but 2 handbags is just greedy

Caro - Nice to be loved!! Mine cry if daddy leaves without saying goodbye but  I doubt they notice when i go out! 

TT - i would reward exam results too, esp when you see her work so hard. 

CC - i love the idea of a show rather than exams, sounds very expensive! 

 

29/01/2014 at 09:34

camlo - i know they are lucky kids. but i don't want me to be the reason they can't have / do things that they really want. i'm not talking about buying endless skylanders. i don't do that (that's what T and his mum are for). but i find it really hard to say no to them when they want to have a go at things (like this sodding drama thing which i hate taking them to, but they both love, and is fiendishly expensive).

i don't want them to feel like they can't go to uni or whatever when the time comes either because funds are a problem. granted, they may not want to / be able to for other reasons. but i don't want to feel like i could have helped them but haven't. which is why i prioritise saving over anything else. i know we have no idea what the situation will be by the time they leave school, but having funds available has to be a good thing really

i spent years regretting not staying on at uni and doing a phd. i left because i needed a job and because i had zero money. having spent my student years living on value porridge oats and value apples, i needed to get a job so i could live! i don't want my kids to be in the same situation, and i can do something about it by saving.

but then that's just me!

my ear infection or whatever it is is back with avengeance. it kept me awake half the night. i am off to birmingham after my counselling session today and am in warrington tomorrow so no chance of seeing GP again until fri at the earliest.

29/01/2014 at 09:43

and then i do stupid things like book tickets to go and see the Lion King in Cardiff in December @ 60 quid a ticket. that isn't going to make life any easier is it? credit card bill next month will be eye watering. ARGH!

29/01/2014 at 12:09

I just did my tax return and paid a 7K tax bill! So that's all my isa's cleared out. Kids will have to fund their own way through uni

And phds aren't all that great really cm. I don't regret doing mine but could've lived without it. Of course it was a paid one so had a salary each month. And weirdly because you don't get taxed on your phd grant I actually got paid less once I started my first post doc than when I was still a phd student...

My girls seem to love their ballet but it is only an easy going babyballet class up to 5yrs. No exams, no dress code, all very relaxed! Not sure Maggie will like 'real' ballet classes! Still no swimming lessons for my two and I really want them to start but just don't want a whole weekend of activities going on. And have already told hubby that if we have a boy next or if either of the girls fancy rugby/hockey etc he gets to stand on the edge of playing fields for hours  

29/01/2014 at 12:53

I hear what you're saying CM about not wanting to deprive your kids of the opportunity to try anything they fancy but really - there are limits.  Your health and wellbeing are also important otherwise there won't be anyone to take them to/from all the activities!  And much as you loathe having to do so (and I completely understand why) you MUST get equal and proper contribution from T.  He's getting away with contributing half of what you do which is totally ridiculous - they are 50% his kids too!  I get that you feel you need to somehow 'prove' you are better than him and don't need him but you're not getting what's rightfully and legally yours.

At the moment K does karate Monday and Friday (I share lifts with another parent for that so only have to do one pick-up from school out of two and one pick-up from karate out of two), Mad Science on Tuesday (8 week course only), Beavers Wednesday (but that's hubby's department as I work Wednesday and it's long been one of my key running nights, plus he doesn't take Kit to anything else), piano Thursday but during school hours and swimming Saturday.  I feel it's a bit much to be honest - he got very tired by the end of last term - but the Mad Science at least is only for a few weeks.

We used to have regular savings but although we save on a monthly basis for 'big' annual outgoings (holiday, house and car insurance etc) we don't seem to be replenishing the 'big' savings we had when we moved which covered all our new furniture, work to the house etc.  We had a lot of unforeseen expense last year when it transpired we had a leak in our heating system which had probably been ongoing for at least a year and finally manifested itself last winter when the house got so damp that water was literally running down the insides of the kitchen cupboards and sitting on the surface of our floor tiles.  We claimed a lot on the house insurance but it didn't cover everything - including finding and repairing the leak which in itself cost over a grand.  So we are not replacing the savings which worries me.  We save the child benefit in a separate ISA account for Kit and I think there's more in there than in our own savings!  Pain having to now do a tax return for the child benefit but it's worth it in our case as I think we end up receiving about two-thirds of it.

Also hoping K doesn't take up rugby - if so I hope it's a weekend and Daddy can take him.  Standing around on cold and wet pitches is not my idea of fun!  He used to do football but it's on the same night as Beavers and he couldn't do both.  He wasn't that into football so chose Beavers instead.  Thankfully.  And it's cheaper!

I hated, loathed and detested ballet as a child.  I am incredibly badly coordinated - I can't even do an aerobics class without getting everything wrong - so I just found it humiliating.  I gave it up as soon as I could - after only a couple of months I think.  K knows he has to give something a good try before he's allowed to give it up, and swimming is non-negotiable!

29/01/2014 at 12:59

My husband mainly does the rugby run unless I'm feeling weak-willed and the weather is disgusting, in which case I will take S across an hour later for her session to save her hanging around for an hour.

I'd rather get rid of the mortgage as quick as we can, then we'll have more fund available should we need them, for university fees, starting of businesses, whatever.  I was thinking yesterday about my uncle spouting on about saving for the future, not squandering money on more *luxury* items - because obviously we all live really ostentatious lives - NOT - but then that's all well and good if you live to 90 wotsit years; given we all have to live in the NOW as well it's good to keep some of that in perspective I reckon.

£12 jeans - absolute must!!  I'm definitely a different shape, aside from the fact that I'm lighter than I have been for years, so yes I think as we age we definitely change.

Second Pilates class of the week taught, and then a massage done for a friend as well, who seems to be similarly afflicted to me (this is the girl I'm doing the mountain marathon with so we'll be a right pair yomping round those hills).

My back/hip still nagging away, waiting for an apt from osteo as soon as she can fit me in ... sigh ...

Husband having a lovely time skiing, and cheerfully pointing out he'll be back next week ... ahem ... it's a while a way yet believe me ...

29/01/2014 at 13:00

Oh and CM - that ear thing sounds dreadful. I hope you manage to get something good out of the counselling session anyway though. (())

29/01/2014 at 16:16

yup swimming non-negotiable here as well. can't really explain why. fortunately my 2 are good swimmers and do enjoy it. and we do go swimming together as well, so it's not all about pounding the lengths in the pool.

counselling was good. i have done similar before with looking at my reactions to situations i find difficult and what my underlying beliefs are which make me react the way i do. it's step 1. i now have to think a bit about the way i react to situations which are hard for me. so my 'catastrophising' response (it's all bound to fail anyway); and also my 'black and white' (i'm bad so there's no point me trying to help myself) response: i need to recognise when i'm having those automatic reactions and just pause. not going to be able to do much about it at the moment but just recognising i'm doing it. she reckons it will automatically start helping me.

anyway - pain in ear is now hideous. i have driven up to Birmingham and am trying to write reams of stuff about service continuity this afternoon when i can't concentrate because of the pain. paracetamol doesn't help. heat helped a bit in the night but i can't sit in the office clutching a hot water bottle sadly...

29/01/2014 at 16:49

My worry with savings for kids is that u have no idea 

what ur child is going to b like at 16-18 and they would have access to and complete control 

over any savings u had put away for them. Fortunately 

Nat doesn't touch her savings account she is happy for me to 

keep the passbook and has never asked for it. But technically 

she could go lift the lot and blow it on clothes and concert 

tickets. I am lucky Nat is the most easy going mature teenager 

I have ever known. Would break my Heart if I had saved 

thousands of pounds for my child and they just squandered it away 

on parties, holidays, clothes etc because they had gone off the 

rails and were being a nightmare. 

29/01/2014 at 20:11
Just don't tell them it's there! I certainly won't be giving my children access to their savings accounts until I think they're ready for them, and if they want to go to university then some of it will be paid for by whatever we've managed to save...or they won't go!

I thought I was being a bit stingy about all the extra clubs, but I'm glad there are others on here who feel the same as me. I just don't think they need to be doing multiple things, although I do think it's very easy to get sucked into feeling that they should or they'll somehow be missing out and you'll have failed them in some way. Isabelle does swimming, which I agree, I see as a necessary life skill for all sorts of reasons, and at the moment that's it. She was doing ballet but kept saying it was boring last term so we stopped, and she did a trial of gymnastics but it was ??100 for the term and the class they would have made her start in wasn't physically demanding enough for her and I know she'd have been bored with it in a few weeks too - the other children looked like they were about 4, and we're a good foot shorter than her! My friend has found a trampolining session which is pay as you go for ??5 a time which they're going to try tomorrow, so if she enjoys that we'll do it when it fits in. Basically I'm probably a bit selfish, but I don't want to spend my free time trekking around the place with lots of children and hanging around, so I'm limiting what she can do!

Speaking of expense, how much does everyone feel is a reasonable amount to spend on a party? Again, maybe I'm just really stingy but some of the options seem extremely expensive to me. She's been to a couple of laser quest parties recently which she really enjoyed, but one was ??16 a head which I think is way too much, and the other was ??13 a head, both with a minimum of 12 children. I'm just not prepared to pay that for a 2 hour party I don't think. The other thing she fancies is ringoes at the indoor dry ski slope which is a more reasonable ??70 for 10 children with free use of a room where they can have tea, so I'm trying to push that option if she doesn't want a party at home!

I have splashed out this week on lion king tickets for the summer when it's on here, but I dithered for ages about whether to buy them. I think I find it hard to spend lots on transient things and 'events', but I'm not sure why - I think it's the fear of feeling really disappointed if it's not any good and of having wasted my money! We're trying to get the house sorted at the moment before the interests rates inevitably rise and we have absolutely no spare money, but it's a bit of a bottomless pit, as 100 year old houses tend to be!

Right, dinner ready so had better go and sort it!
29/01/2014 at 20:15

All these after school activities sound exhausting to me!!! Luckily at the moment we get away with zero activities but then M is only 2.5. I will start doing swimming lessons at some stage but at the moment they are only learing water confidence etc and I can do that with her (used to teach swimming a VERY long time ago to disabled children). Of course I may fold when she is older but I think I would try and restrict to 2 activities/sports per week - we'll see!

Was awake half the night feeling seriously stressed. Hubbys job (or lack of) combined with the house moving is really taking its toll, as is having to be the strong positive one all the time! Our neighbour has a house available to rent and really we don't have much choice but to take it but its definitely not ideal! Not sure if I am just over-dramatizing but it has virtually no garden and all the living is upstairs which just reminds me so much of living in London. I'm worried we'll move there and will hate it! Haven't even been over to view it yet so really just need to pull my head in. I just feel so sad about moving from this lovely place before we are ready

My running has stalled so I need to get back out there doing that, will help me be more positive as well I think! Feeling a bit like hubby needs a kick up the bum. He certainly needs to be taking on more at home as he is only working 2 days a week at the moment. I'm so conscious of not making him feel low about not working that I think I am making life a little too easy if you know what I mean.

29/01/2014 at 22:16
Hoggle, that sounds really tough, I hope it all comes together for you soon. Is your husband feeling a bit lost with his time at home? Mine is a real do-er so is always busy with something, but I know if I find myself with stretches of unaccounted-for time (admittedly a rare occurrence at the moment!), I sometimes find it hard to work out where to start and struggle with motivation. Could you give him tasks to do if he's at home to focus him a bit? or would that infuriate him?!
29/01/2014 at 22:19

The bank writes to teenagers to inform them of tax 

changes on their account when they turn 16, so if going to hide it u have to steal their mail. And 

they lose tax free status if u remain trustee of the account.

 

I know quite a few people whose kids go to various clubs 

every night and they always look tired, are constantly getting 

ill and forever on antibiotics. I personally think it is too much. 

There has to b a balance between giving them good experiences 

and putting them under too much stress.

29/01/2014 at 22:21

Agree with everything today, CM you could earn a squillian and you would still spend it all on the kids and go without yourself. You have to say NO sometimes and realise people (inc kids) love you for you, not because you give in to them. Plaster on the lippy, stand tall and tell the world you mean business from now on! 

Vixo - i think the same about parties, when you are talking teens it may be different but until then i dont think the kids 'need' the all singing all dancing stuff. Looking at something for Tom in march and hope he chooses something where all his mates can come (like hire the gym and have a footie / games party). He was gutted when his close friend only invited 4 boys to the cinema and he wasnt one of them.

Boo to renting/ moving, expensive repairs and MAHOOSIVE tax bill (OMG). 

Yippee to responsible daughter TT, On my 16th birthday i was single and I had £1000 in my account but by 17 i had a few pounds left and a newborn.... 

 

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