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How do you get going again after pregnancy?

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29/01/2014 at 22:44
Wow, camlo! In the nicest possible way, I hope my girls won't me a grandmother when they're 17!!

I didn't know that about the tax thing TT! I presume that in order to take money out of an account they would need some proper ID - like a passport - which I may keep conveniently hidden - maybe that would work?! I suppose I've always assumed they'll turn out relatively responsible, but I guess that may not necessarily be the case. I do think that part of it comes from how you deal with and present any savings - I imagine them having a 'current' account from which they can spend a small amount, and then any savings, which are protected (even if only by the way you think of them), and not as easily accessible. We deal with all our accounts online, but I have a very different mental approach to my savings account, and think long and hard before moving money out of it, so I hope I'll be able to instil some of that in the children.

Camlo - you seem to manage to say what I'm thinking, but in a better way!

CM - I try to channel my inner you sometimes and say 'yes' more, but I agree with camlo that I think you need to practice saying no as well! I'm going to play devils advocate here, but if you've organised all the activities for the children maybe T doesn't see why he should pay half? It may well be that you've discussed it together, in which case ignore me, but I would certainly baulk at paying all that for activities, and would probably refuse if I hadn't been consulted. I agree that in terms of the savings, if that's what you've agreed then he should definitely be paying an equal amount.
29/01/2014 at 22:49
I also meant to say, CM, that I hope the counselling continues to be good. I have tendencies towards catastrophising too, and I'm a bit of a worrier. I quite often find myself awake at night stewing over decisions, issues at work, friends etc, and although they're almost always much minor in the morning than they felt in the middle of the night, it doesn't stop me doing it. I have a small light for my kindle so now I try and read for a while rather than letting my brain swirl in useless and ever increasingly panicked circles!
29/01/2014 at 23:03

This is just a rant though incidentally we have a savings account which we hold in trust for Louise - I don't understand it at all but the bank said it was fine for it to be in our names but we don't have to declare it for our tax purposes because it's specifically said to be in trust for her.  dunno how she'd either find out about it or access it though.

Anyway my rant is about frigging Orange or EE or whatever the blazes they are nowadays.  Ages ago I had to change to e billing  because my only option was a fully itemised paper bill - which ran to about 40 pages because it included every single sodding text - and cost me an extra £1.50 for the privilege or else e billing.  So I duly changed over.  Since then I have barely seen a bill because I forgot my ruddy password and whenever they texted me to say the bill was ready my 3G signal would disappear and I'd be unable to access the darned thing anyway.  So tonight I finally went online on the pc to try to sort it all out and find out exactly what I pay each month and what my usage is and it says that I have an online account with restricted access and need to upgrade.  Clicked to upgrade and apparently I need my account number which is NOT my mobile number and is conveniently available on my joining letter (er about 8 years ago so don't have it) or my last bill - about 5 years ago.  FFS.  It says please call us free on 150 if you don't know your account no.  Duly call 150 but of course I can't get through the 25 trillion possible options to speak to an actual flaming human being and eventually I got to the end of the line to be told "This office is currently closed."  Well they can jog on.  I'm off to join another mobile phone company.  GRRRRR. 

29/01/2014 at 23:08
See, now I'm worrying that you're going to take massive offence to what I said about paying for the kids activties, CM, and I can't get rid of it. Please don't take it the wrong way, I was thinking out loud and possibly pressed submit before fully thinking things through. Hey ho, hopefully it won't keep me awake too long tonight!
29/01/2014 at 23:12

And incidentally they don't have an email address on their website so cannot direct my rant at them. 

29/01/2014 at 23:32

Parties.  I've done soft play with food included for about £13 a head and also did gym tastic last year which was about £90 for up to 25 kids. I had to do food for that tho. I'm a lazy cow so I'd rather pay more next time and have someone else do the food for me. 

29/01/2014 at 23:56

Momentarily forgotten all my stresses - just spoken to my wonderful friend (who lost her baby last year and whose wedding we were at in the weekend) and she is 8 weeks pregnant! I am so happy as they were scheduled for IVF in March and all the stresses that entails! It is literally the best news I have heard in the longest time!!


30/01/2014 at 01:32

Awww Hoggle, that's lovely news. Forgotten everything else now too. Woohoo. 

30/01/2014 at 07:38

Awesome news hoggle

30/01/2014 at 08:25

Fantastic news, made me well up 

30/01/2014 at 08:46

that is so fantastic

30/01/2014 at 11:28

Wonderful, Hoggle, hope that's cheered you up a little.  For me financial worries are the absolute worst and I will lie awake at night worrying about money.  I know we're nowhere near as badly off as some, but I do feel like the 'poor relations' compared with my brother and sister-in-law.  They spend a fortune on entertaining friends and we just can't compete.  I made shepherd's pie when they came for dinner a while ago because it was cheap and got moaned at because their son doesn't like mince (not that I even knew that) - when Kit was going through his really bad fussy eating phase I got a lecture from SIL about not giving into him and making him eat what we wanted him to rather than what he actually would eat ... funny how it's different when it's your own child!  They always have top-of-the-range cars and she doesn't work so has lots of time to plan social events - they are having a fete at home in June (with stalls and everything) to celebrate their kids' birthdays and to raise money for Great Ormond Street.  Is it just me or does it all feel a bit Boden Mum if that makes sense? (No offence to anyone who shops from Boden!)  Just makes me feel screamingly inadequate, especially as she's a wonderful cook and bakes all the time blah blah blah ... all I'm good at is juggling ten million balls in the air at once, dropping most of them, and being a reasonably decent runner!  Then again, I work three days a week too so she has more time than I do.  And neither her nor my brother do sports or anything for themselves which both hubby and I do ... sometimes I think that's selfish but I do need my running to stay sane!

Sorry, gone totally off at a tangent there - needed to rant I think!  EF, totally with you on need for that rant, bloody mobile companies!  I lose the will to live on the phone the moment I'm presented with multiple options to choose from.

I know K does too many activities at the moment and I totally agree, TT, that they don't need it and get overtired.  Originally he jus had karate Fridays and swimming Saturdays.  But he had been on the waiting list for Beavers for over a year and was desperate to go, and I think Scouting is a great movement to be involved with.  I got many happy years from my time in Brownies, Guides and Venture Scouts.  What happened though was that he passed his yellow belt grading in karate and then it's compulsory for them to go twice per week, which is how he's ended up a bit overloaded.  Plus there was the chance for him to go to Mad Science after school on Tuesdays and he desperately wanted to as a) he loves science and b) half the class wanted to do it too.  Only a month of that to go though then it's back to just the three activities.  He is almost swimming now so maybe once he can I'll stop the formal lessons.

Had his wobbly tooth out last night.  Was very brave, bless him.  He has definitely got enamel hypoplasia on a couple of his teeth (one front one and two back molars) but a quick online search reassured me that there are some good treatments available these days which he can have when older.  Luckily it's not that noticeable on his front tooth and I'm just keeping everything crossed that none of his other front (visible) teeth are affected.


Edited: 30/01/2014 at 11:34
30/01/2014 at 11:35

While I'm on subject of rants this thread keeps dropping out of my 'followed threads' list.  No idea why.  I keep adding it back, then next time I go in it's gone again.  Is really frustrating!

30/01/2014 at 11:36

It happens every time I post something. Rah!!!

30/01/2014 at 11:49
Hoggle - that is lovely news!

Minks - well done to Kit for being brave at the dentist! Isabelle is an absolute nightmare at anything like that - she's been to the dentist once and I'd just about given up when she finally agreed to let him look in her mouth - quite embarrassing! Your sil sounds a bit of a nightmare!

I need some help! Does anyone have a child who sucks their soft toy comforter? Neither of the big two do this - one sucks her thumb and the other has a dummy - but O has developed the habit and it seems to be her comfort thing. We have 2 of the rabbits she sleeps with and she sucks/chews the knotted ends of them, which consequently are permanently wet and absolutely disgusting. I wash them when I'm doing the right colour washing, but they are still foul! I have tried soaking them in Milton before washing but it didn't really seem to help, so I may have to buy a couple more so I can rotate them more often (they're jelly kitten ones so hopefully John Lewis still has them in stock!) - does anyone else have any thoughts/suggestions?!

I'm exhausted after 3 days work this week - have no idea how I used to work full time. Respect EF!!
30/01/2014 at 12:12

I feel a bit inadequate next to my best friend too Minks. 

She and her hubby r very well off compared to me, happily spend 

10k on holiday for whole family, always out at concerts etc, big fancy cars. Bought 

their 17yr old a car and plan to buy a flat for her to live in and rent 

other rooms when she goes to uni. But she is a head teacher 

who works 70-80hrs a wk, he works in IT and is never off duty, his parents 

do most of the childcare and the kids go to every club going. 

She often goes a wk without seeing her kids. The 17yr old wrote off the car less than 2hrs after bought it (thankfully no one hurt), she ended up in hospital with horrendous 

migraine cos of the stress she is under at work. And I suspect that 

none of her children will attain the same financial/job success that she and her husband have. Because they 

had to work hard and fight to get where they are, they're parents 

never gave them a leg up in fact my friends Dad had no belief in her 

even completing uni. It was her drive to prove him wrong that got 

her where she is. I don't think she would have completed teacher training

 ifshe had parents who took her on extravagant holidays, handed out cashfor 

everything, bought her a car etc. Don't understand how she can't 

see that. 

So actually I would rather b skint and spend time with my 

kids and not make myself ill over a job. And if my kids r going 

to b hi flyers they will do it whatever obstacles r put in their way.



30/01/2014 at 12:34

Vixo, don't get me started on the whole sucking comforter thing!  Kit has an old baby Grobag which he used to sleep in and which subsequently became his comforter.  It even has a name - Ba (his word for 'blanket' at the time) - and is part of the family.  But it is totally minging.  It's discoloured around the part where he sucks and in fact he has completely worn it through in several places, but the area around the holes is rotten through being constantly wet, so I've had to stitch across the whole thing below the holes to stop the stuffing coming out (of which there is admittedly very little and what there is is lumpy!)  It stinks to high heaven even though I wash it once a week (needs more really but takes ages to dry even on the radiator and he won't go to bed without it).  I will be SO happy (in some ways) when he decides he no longer needs it ... In your position I'd just buy several of them so she can always have a clean one.  When Kit became attached to Ba I tried every store and website I could think of in the hope of getting a second one, but it was an old design and no longer stocked.

TT, my brother and SIL aren't like that in the sense of never seeing the kids and sending them to every club going.  The kids don't go to anything (I think my nephew's just started football but that's it) but in my opinion my SIL is obsessively child-centred and everything revolves around the children - that's the part that makes me feel inadequate I think.  Every Christmas and birthday the grandparents get beautiful hand-crafted gifts made by the children - which I can neither think up nor compete with as I am just not creative and K hates that kind of thing - and their house is a shrine to the kids, with each having a name peg in the hall at a height they can reach for their coats (we don't even have space in our hall for that!) and a special named box for their shoes underneath the pegs.  The walls are all decorated with the the children's pictures (framed) and thank-you notes are always photos of the kids made into cards.  Last year the family Christmas card was one my nephew had made at school (lots of schools do this admittedly) but SIL had also had mini versions made to use as gift tags and even the wrapping paper was hand-made - brown paper potato-printed with festive designs (stars, trees etc) by the kids.

Really not sure why this winds me up so much but it does.  She's not smug about it (although that's how it comes over) but I think the whole Suzy Homemaker thing just does my head in. Maybe because I'm no good at that sort of thing. Doesn't mean I don't do stuff with K - I take him out and about, we go on walks together, read together, watch movies together etc but I feel really inadequate next to her perfect entertaining and homemaking skills. There is definitely an element of wanting to upstage us - when I was organising my mum's 70th a couple of summers ago she tried to take control a couple of times and then outdid us on the presents (OK, they can afford more than us). We're never allowed to choose presents for the kids - she decides who is buying what for each child and then tells you what you're getting.  In fact she usually even buys it for you too.  Apparently she does this with everyone, not just us.

Guess I'm just not a Supermummy and that's that!  

30/01/2014 at 12:55

See I look at people like that and feel sorry for them, 

do they have no sense of self, they must feel so inadequate about 

themselves that they have to constantly b so perfect, stepford wife. 

And what on earth r they going to do when their kids grow up? 


Camryn's school did the Xmas cards thing but gift tags were 

included btw


I have child height pegs and a shoe box for Camryn's shoes, 

but the pegs r same as the grown up ones above and I am a 

childminder, the shoe box is a plastic flexi tub that was washing basket 

lol, so not quite the picture perfect boden/vertbaudet catalogue u describe, I can picture it exactly

30/01/2014 at 13:01

Super news Hoggle.

My lot do alot of activities but it seems worse because there are 6 of them! But I would far rather my kids were out mixing with different people, being healthy and active and gaining confidence and social skills rather than sitting in the house on the computer. They do too many activities from my point of view - from a financial and taxi sense - but they are all happy and healthy and we certainly don't try to persuade them to do any activities, it all come from them  We haven't had sick bugs since Christmas 2 years ago and none of them have had antibiotics in years. The twins and Reece have never had antibiotics. (hope I haven't just tempted fate).

Swimming is the only activity which is non-negotiable. They have to learn all four strokes competently before I will let them stop. Its easy to say that you will limit what they do but it tends to snowball a bit. Especially if they are good at something. Swimming lessons leads to being asked to join the club and swim competitively. At the moment Dylan only has time to swim 3 times a week and every second sunday and he is beginning to lose ground to his age group peers who chose swimming as their only sport and so swim 6 sessions a week. But I would rather he did a few different sports, a jack of all trades, but I think that is better for them. Up here there are county development squads which are selected from all the clubs so for example Dylan and Reece are in the county teams for their age groups for football as well as their club and so that is an extra training session a week. Sophie is in the U15s netball development group in addition to her local club session so that leads to an extra training session a week and weekend tournaments. Emily went to a weekly gymnastics class and after a year got asked to join the squad which involves 2 hour sessions on a mon and weds and an extra hour on the weekend at certain times of the year.

Our weekly out of school activities look like this, I won't even go into the transport logistics. Luckily we have friends in the same situation and share lifts! The thing that's bugs me most is the constant packing and emptying bags and trying to think of healthy snacks on the go! Sometimes I get fed up of all the running about and worry its too much but when I sit down and think about it they are happy and it is only for a short period of time. When they have all flown the nest I'm sure I will wonder what t o do with all my spare time and look back on these mad days with fondness! My biggest fear is that I accidently leave a child somewhere - even worse I leave someone elses child !!!

Mon - Gymnastics (E), athletics (DRS) accordion and fiddle club(SDE)

Tues - netball (S) young engineers club (D) swimming (RDE)

Weds - Gymnastics (E) athletics (S) swimming (D) Football (RCL)

Thurs - swimming (DE) Football (D) Gymnastics (R)

Fri - swimming (CL) badminton (R) athletics (ER) Youth club (all but not every week)

Sat - athletics (SD) Football (D) dance group (S)

Sun - football (R) Netball (S) swimming (D)

I did make Sophie give up her club swimming after Christmas,  mainly for financial reasons. I felt bad because she didn't really want to but she did see the sense in it. I also asked her and Dylan to stop their after school badminton on Weds, it was free but I just felt too much. Thankfully up here individual music instruments is run through the school, you do pay for it but the grandparents pay for the older three's lessons.

Anyway sure that has bored you to tears and I better get on with some work!

30/01/2014 at 13:13

Minks you are a super mummy. Agree with TT, I feel sorry for people like that. And she clearly has too much time on her hands! We might be broke, never have quite the best of anything and always late, chaotic and very noisy. But we usually get away with it and most importantly are happy.

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