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How do you get going again after pregnancy?

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30/01/2014 at 13:27
Lotte - that's nuts!!! Do you have a humongous calendar with everything on?! I'm exhausted just looking at all you have to fit in, but I can see that it gradually all adds up, and with 6 of them you end up with loads on.

What does it say about me that I would really like to be one of those organised people who has pegs and boxes for each child with everything in its place, but have no chance of ever achieving it?! Every now again I attempt to get us into some sort of order but it rarely lasts. My husband is a great tidier, but unfortunately it's often of the out-of-sight-out-of-mind brand of tidying, so he just puts things away in weird places and is happy as long as he doesn't have to see it. I regularly have the "hmm if I was him where would I have put this" conversation with myself!

I am shamelessly sitting, eating my lunch and wasting time on the computer having got both children to sleep at the same time! There are loads of things I could do but quite frankly I don't care. The dinner for this evening is made, and I have done a few admin type jobs, it can't face the rest. E has mostly dropped her nap, but said she was tired so I shoved her into bed and crossed my fingers, and we've just got an invitation to see some friends before school pick up so that's perfect timing - ill wake them out and then we can go out!
30/01/2014 at 13:29

Agree with everything over last few posts really!!! Minks, you certainly shouldn't feel inadequate - why do we do this to ourselves!!! Like you say, you work three days, your husband works, you have a happy balanced child, you make time for yourself (and we all know this is so important) and Kit will benefit from all of that ... so of course, you are FABBY MUMMY!

I dropped all my balls last night because of stupid bl**dy gas works in Nairn which have brought whole area to complete gridlock!!! Humungous traffic jams (even made radio 2 traffic) ... took me 55 minutes to complete a 25 minute journey, so coming back from guitar I had to go a back route which I know in daylight but not in the dark and some roads I'd never used before. Had J on the GPS/map on my phone shouting out directions. But we got back at 7.55pm and I teach at 8pm ... had two ladies waiting for me on the doorstep. You can imagine the stress I'm sure.  My evening classes are my most popular - people love them for the stretching and unwinding, but for me they are the most stressful and have biggest impact on the family so really not sure what is best way forward at the moment.

Activities, I think it's good to have different experiences and do things outside school as well, especially I find with J who has had all manner of issues with bullying and not fitting in, some of the things he does outside school hours are not linked to school so he can relax and enjoy without any of the other cr*p from school hanging over him.  I'm with you Lotte, and none of the things they do are things they are made to do.

I need an au-pair I think in the absence of a husband!!

10 miles on my mbk - found a great trigger point in my back last night with small rubber ball! (still waiting for next osteo apt) which has loosened off my neck but am trying to be sensible on the running front. Reckon I can get away with a few more weeks of taking it easy before I really DO need to get stuck into training schedule for Great Glen Way at beginning of July - grrrrr!

S still has a couple of manky old muslins she alternates taking to bed. They are falling apart but she really just *thinks* she needs them and I think it will naturally die off. I told her that when her top front teeth finally fall out and start to grow back then she will need to wave goodbye to the comforters (is what I did with J and it worked).

Lotte - we are VERY chaotic, and late, and probably noisy but generally happy ... apart from me last night having a mini-meltdown once everyone had left me in peace to take stock of all my dropped balls!

30/01/2014 at 13:32

Minks - I have a very good friend up here who makes me feel like that - she has 3 daughters aged 3, 6 and 9, two dogs, a large beautiful house, works 3 days a week in a fairly high-powered job, her children are beautifully turned out ALWAYS, the house is always immaculate, she's very talented at most things she turns her hand to, and you rarely see her having a meltdown about much. She is also very lovely so I can't actually dislike her

30/01/2014 at 14:31

Can't read more, need to go and wake Eric up, but Vixo Eric sucks his bunny big time!  It's gross.  Matilda never did.  Bunny has a label on it's bottom so he sucks that and the bottom and legs are always soggy.  There is no spare and I just dump it in the wash every now and then.  He also likes to hold it whilst I'm changing his nappy, and then he likes to place it on his balls and says "bunny willy' and giggles!  He also insists on Mummy, Daddy or matilda kissing bunny on a regular basis!  I only kiss the tips of its ears as they seem the most unsullied!

Bunny never leaves the house, or even comes downstairs.  I refuse to be one of those parents that needs to post desperately on FB that my child has lost their favourite toy, and where oh where can I get a new one! If we are going to stay somewhere overnight then Bunny can come, otherwise no way.

30/01/2014 at 15:24

vixo - ahh yes, E has a blankie which she holds while she is sucking her thumb. she strokes herself with the end of it - and yes, she sometimes strokes inappropriate places too!! it gets washed. occassionally. i think you have to chill a bit about it (says she). yes, it's minging but it's her ming (if you see what i mean!)

oh and everyone will be pleased to know (vixo already does) that no offence taken. i've been away with work and unable to post! i can't do anything in respect of kids without T's agreement so he has to agree to all kids' activities. the reason he doesn't contribute (much) is two-fold: 1) i have to ask him and i hate asking him for anything because he never responds and i have a real issue with asking people for stuff anyway and 2) money is no object for him - he has loads of it so 'forgets' that other people don't. it works both ways - he never pays in cheques and loses them (so when nursery used to refund the money we had for J's 'free hours' he would lose the cheques); and similarly he doesn't think that he really has to pay people when they ask for money.

birthday parties - my two get what they ask for in that respect. last year J had 10 or so kids to an arty party which was what he wanted. the year before he and another boy from his class had a joint soft play party and we invited 20 kids. this year he wants a laser quest thing for about 5 or 6 kids. i'm hiring the village hall for E (60 quid) and a bouncy castle (70 quid). she also wants a disco, and as she's having a joint party with a friend, friend's dad is doing the disco as he has the kit. she wants nail painting and tatoos (which i will do - hahaha) and the food will be courtest of aldi. the cost will be split between the other parents and me / tony, so it won't be too bad.

yes - i do too much. when it comes to birthdays, i remember the one birthday party i had. aged 5. my mum had a massive fit at my dad, loads of screaming, she walked out and didn't come back for about 3 days. my dad had to entertain 7 or 8 x 5yr olds in our house because she had buggered off.  i was never allowed another party. the excuse was that my birthday was in august, so everyone was away on holiday, but i knew it was because my mum hated organising events and so refused to do it. so my kids have whatever celebration they want and i go out of my way to have a tea party at home for friends after school as well (if they want it - which they do), plus usually a day trip and a meal out. i know it's too much but hell - it's their birthday and i WILL celebrate it

30/01/2014 at 15:30

i am feeling crap, so i have driven back from warrington and am going to see GP about my ear. i'm praying it's not the GP who doesn't believe in treating ear infections with antibiotics. one of E's friends saw him with ear infection and he refused to give her any a/bs saying they didn't speed up recovery from it. 5 days later and puss was oozing out of her ear and she was screaming and they took her back and her eardrum had burst and she was in hell of a mess.  she ended up having 2 different lots of antibiotics and about a week off school. she also a throat infection, i think. i can feel yuck draining down the back of my throat and it tastes disgusting. so i really hope it's not him i see!

as for activities- yes, my kids do do too much. but like lotte's (and also like minks'), the only thing i insist they do is swimming, which is a sunday evening. everything else comes from them. i HATE this drama class that they do on a friday evening (E is 4 - 5; J is 5 - 6). it's 25 mins drive from home and i have to sit around with one or the other of them for 2 hours. i leave to pick them up from school at 3 and get home about 6.30. i HATE it. but drama is E's thing and she absolutely loves it. J less so and i'm waiting for him to say he wants to stop doing it. at the moment he still wants to carry on (unfortunately) but as soon as he says he wants to stop, i shall let him. we'll still have to go but at least it will just be for 1 hour (and half the current cost).

art club is also a PITA - saturday afternoon 2 -4pm. it's expensive (14 quid for the 2 of them for 2 hours). but in a way it's ok as i go for a run while they are doing it, but it does mean that we can't go out for the day (E has ballet until 1045 on a saturday but after that we would be free if not for art club), and it gets in the way of life!

30/01/2014 at 15:33

as for perfect mums - gah, i'm not one of them. i love all the arty stuff but i'm not very good at it and i CBA with all the fancy pegs / boxes / wrapping paper stuff.  my house is very lived in. stuff is everywhere (i do tidy and clean when kids not here but it soon gets messed up again). and i work 30 hours a week plus lots of travelling so time is limited! i can understand why it makes you feel inadequate but it's so not me, i can't take it too personally!

i have received more details about my interview in cardiff.  i have to arrive for 9am next friday and there are things scheduled throughout the morning (discussions, tours etc) and then my panel interview is at 1pm. so that's going to last until at least 2pm then! which means i will have to take a day's holiday... for a job which pays me half what i earn now. and which i probably won't take anyway - seriously thinking about not going to the interview, given that i can't afford the pay cut and i don't want to use a precious day's holiday either. 

Edited: 30/01/2014 at 15:35
30/01/2014 at 15:42

sorry - me again: just re-read and had to laugh at camlo telling me to plaster on the lippy. the only lippy there is in this house is E's hello kitty lip gloss and i shall not be plastering that anywhere!

also - hoggle, sorry things are still so uncertain for you. it must be very hard indeed. hope you manage to get to see the place and it's not as bad as you fear. it will only be temporary; you will end up with somewhere nicer. but i do know what you mean. when you don't know WHEN it will all get better, it's so hard to remain positive.

30/01/2014 at 16:50

I really should have tried to put an end to Ba when Kit started cutting his adult teeth, as he only sucks his thumb when he has Ba and that will probably cause his teeth to stick out.  But I don't have the heart to force him to give Ba up.  He will do it when he's ready and at the end of the day he's only allowed Ba in bed and only sucks his thumb until he falls asleep (which is usually pretty much straight away) so I figure it can't be that bad.

You've all made me feel better about K's activities - Lotte I really don't know how you manage that lot logistically! - and apart from swimming, they are all things he wants to do and if he wanted to drop them that would be fine.  He's not particularly talented at karate but he really enjoys it and I think the discipline aspect is a bonus.  But if he wanted to stop and do something else that would be fine. The only downside about having so much on is that I wonder whether there's something out there that he would love even more than what he's doing now, but won't get an opportunity to try because there's no available time to take on anything else ...

CM, I feel the same about Saturdays!  Half the day is gone before we've got anything done as we're always up early (7am) to take hubby to rowing so I can have the car to take Kit swimming.  Swimming is 10:15 for 30 minutes then straight down to rowing club (about 30 minutes' drive) to collect hubby and we never get back home until lunchtime.  Then by the time we've all eaten and hubby has showered etc it's usually somewhere around 2pm and there isn't much of the day left!  On Sundays I try to run early so it doesn't cut into the day too much, or if there's something we really want to do I'll run Saturday lunchtime so both hubby and I have got our sporting activities out the way for the weekend!

Thanks for the reassurance that I am not inadequate! I consider myself pretty organised but both hubby and I are not very good at forward planning.  Hubby's 40th is in May and I've already had SIL asking me what date we'll be having a party or whatever so she can get it in the diary.  They literally have every weekend for the entire year booked up by about February so trying to arrange to see them is always a total nightmare.  We have already had a 'save the date' (beautifully printed and posted) for their family fete on 21 June ... which they hope will become an annual event (barf).  I have thought about hubby's birthday but really have no idea what he'd like to do.  I asked him last night about having a party but he is worried no-one would turn up!

SIL was trying to arrange for Kit to go there for a sleepover (without us) as he and his cousin are incredibly close despite not seeing each other very often.  I just happened to discover whilst we were there just after Christmas that my nephew has molluscum (he came in with just his pants on and it was all over one of his legs and lower back). Isn't it incredibly contagious? I know it sounds awful but we made an excuse that we were away on the proposed weekend because they are the sort that would bath the kids together and not give it a thought, or use the same towel on K as on my nephew.  I had to make an excuse because I couldn't just come out and voice my concerns to SIL because she's also the type who takes massive offence at things and I have to tread on eggshells when dealing with her generally.

CM, go to the interview.  It'll be good for your self-confidence and if you are offered the job you may actually want to consider it.  Don't close the door on the opportunity before you've given it a chance.

 

30/01/2014 at 17:04

minks - E has molluscum; J has never had it. i wouldn't let that put you off, if kit would like to go

just back from GP - a week's worth of antibiotics for ear infection. she can't see the ear drum and suspects it has burst. at least it was the nice GP

30/01/2014 at 17:16

oh and i know E would probably love and be good at gymnastics, but we can't fit it in. if i could split myself in two, then she could probably do it on a monday night but that's J's piano lesson night and i can't fit that in any other time. and i don't know anyone else who goes to gymnastics that she could get a lift with.

30/01/2014 at 18:05

To be fair most of you don't work fulltime away from 

home as well as doing lots of clubs. I know lots of folk who leave the house 

at 7ish dropping kids at childminder/gran/out of school care, then don't get home til 6pm then have 

kids at clubs every night.  They r exhausted and  their kids r exhausted.

30/01/2014 at 18:14

my kids are too young for that, i think. most of the clubs are in the early evening, or are over by 6 or 7 at the latest. on the days the my kids do after school club, they don't do any clubs because they can't get there in time because clubs start before they get picked up from after school club. J can't have a piano lesson on thurs because his dad doesn't pick him up from afterschool club till 6-ish and then it's too late for him (and his sister) to be traipsing off to piano lesson. in my opinion anyway.

30/01/2014 at 19:53

The days I work the kids can't do any activities and it will always be like that, as I don't get home till 8, so that already rules two nights out a wk.  Of the other 3 we have ballet, swimming and blissfully, nothing on a Tuesday, and I'd like to keep to our nothing on a Tuesday, or M can never have friends round after school, or go to the park - nice simple things that are free!

M started butterfly tonight in swimming!  Not very well needless to say.  They are also doing this weird frogleg kick thing on their backs, not really sure what that is all about.

M had one soft play party last yr and she knew that it was going to be her one and only soft play one.  This yr we may do a local ceramics cafe for a v small group or pizza express.  She says she's like a party at home but I just hate that idea.  I am no good at party games or anything like that, and if it's pouring with rain and we have to be inside....shudders!

I was actually wondering about the school xmas card thing  We get a lot from friends like that, and I assume it's a fundraiser for the school?  Being on the PTA now I was vaguely wondering how you go about organising it and whether M's school could do it next yr. In reception they did tea towels with pics of the whole yr on, drawn by the kids.

Eric has driven me to drink on a school night.  Well there was an open bottle of white in the fridge.......I really can't remember how to discipline an almost 2 yr old.  Funnily enough the 'if you do that I will get cross' approach doesnt really work......

30/01/2014 at 20:12

I started using naughty spot/mat with Camryn 

when she was under 2, actually made it really 

effective as she only attempted to get off naughty 

spot a few times and then she just did her time 

after that and 

30/01/2014 at 20:14

haven't used it since she was about 3.5-4, now I just have to count til 3 or threaten no tv. No 

idea what she thinks will happen when I get to 3 LOL

30/01/2014 at 20:43

Can I just say that self assessment tax is evil.

 

Especially when your work provides the figures for the last 6 months you spent in partnership at 8pm the night before the deadline and doesn't provide any basis for them.  How in the name of the wee man am I supposed to know if they are right and yet they want me to approve my flaming tax return. 

THEN I realised I hadn't included sodding child benefit on the form.

Edited: 30/01/2014 at 20:44
30/01/2014 at 21:25

Oh god EF I am suffering with you. I don't know and can't find my UTR. I can't find the full tax return form only the reminder and it isn't on that. Tried phoning and can't get a human. Argh. Why do I always leave it until the last minute. I did my assessment on line last year and know the ID and password but not this other number FFS!

30/01/2014 at 21:36

thankfully the company who do our tax returns for us have told me my UTR so I have that but helpfully they also told me that I actually owe HMRC over £500 - having thought all my tax was paid by the firm - and that because the capital accounts have been paid out there's nothing there for the firm to pay them with.  OMFG!  They also added that it needs paid by tomorrow!!!  Have basically just raided the child benefit account as I haven't touched it in over a year as I knew I wouldn't be entitled to all of it. 

 

Good luck lotte!

30/01/2014 at 21:37

I should say that my total tax bill isn't £500 - just that most of it has already been paid up front somehow.  I don't understand tax.  What is worse, I don't want to!

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