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How do you get going again after pregnancy?

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12/11/2014 at 22:21

I am very close to the edge I admit and all that keeps me same is remembering my friend who is senior registrar in anaesthetics. She started out in neo natal intensive care and switched to anaesthetics quite far down the line. She lives neat Stockton on tees. She's presently working in Newcastle. Commuting.  Contracted 40h, working 60 minimum. back to neo natal stuff but from anaesthetics perspective. Has 3 kids 5 and under. Married to a farmer so spends any spare time (ha!) working on farm. Working lots of evening and weekend shifts as senior enough to cover them alone. And then I think that my under 4h a day commute is reasonable! 

12/11/2014 at 22:22

Sane = same.

Going to bishopbriggs tomorrow. Got to work my afternoon off. Even better I need to pay for childcare. Goodness I do love my job. 

13/11/2014 at 18:25

Got my 2nd opinion appt on Monday morning at Guys hospital.  So now I get to see 2 consultant oncologists tomorrow and one on Monday.  So I really need to figure out what the hell I'm asking and try and sound intelligent rather than the blithering idiot chemo has reduced me to!

13/11/2014 at 20:07
Caro - I think a good question is something along the lines of 'if I was your daughter/sister/wife (delete as age appropriate!), what would you advise me to do'. Obviously after you've asked any questions you've got about what the treatment involves, what the statistics suggest is best etc. Because at the end of the day, there isn't a 'right' answer, and no one can give you the assurances I'm sure you would so desperately love to hear, so the best that you and they can do, is make the decision that's as right as possible for you, and that means making sure they're seeing you as a real person sitting in front of them and not as a statistic from a research trial.

I hope that makes sense, and I hope the consultations go well and give you the ability to make a good choice for you. My thoughts, as always, are with you.
13/11/2014 at 20:13

That's such good advice Vixo!

Tired tired tired here but finding it hard to even contemplate that I am going to have another baby in 4 weeksish! Please tell me someone else found this whole second child thing completely surreal?!! I feel like I'm going to get the shock of my life when I actually go into labour!

13/11/2014 at 21:38

Believe me I've done that vixo!  I was my second surgeon's 'daughter' whilst I was stressing about the axillary clearance and I did ask my clinical oncologist to put herself in my shoes - she said she would go for the radiotherapy.  I'm only really going for the second opinion because I was offered it by my husband's colleague, the breast cancer prof at kings.  He really is going out of his way to help a couple of people he's never even met (my husband fund raises for the law school not the medical school.) but the stats he gave of a 1% recurrence rate are widely different from to my oncologists rate of 10-15% so I want to get to the bottom of these figures,  plus I want to push for a heart scan before I agree to rads- it seems to be one of those lottery things as to whether you get one after the chemo drugs I've been on or not.  Part of me just wants to roll over and agree as I'm too tired to do this anymore, but at the same time I need to know its the right decision.

 

13/11/2014 at 22:39
How much clinical work does the prof do? Professor is a posh title but basically means you're an academic, so possibly not the best placed to make clinical decisions, depending on what he actually does day to day - some are very academic, research based, and some much more clinical. (I'm sure you know that, but it's worth bearing in mind if you're in a situation where he seems to be suggesting something different from the oncologist). The heart stuff sounds scary, and just another level of uncertainty in the whole thing. Is it an echo you want to have? I hope you get some clarity from your meetings and feel comfortable with the decision you make - is your husband able to go with you to help you remember everything that's been said?
14/11/2014 at 18:31

Eek so many decisions to make and lots going on. Baby will just fit in around everything hoggle! 

hope everyone is managing some running, of course we all know it is good for the soul but sooooo hard to motivate yourself when its cold, wet and black clouds are swirling. 

PG3
14/11/2014 at 20:23

Hello

I thought I had replied yesterday but apparently not!

EF - hope you are feeling ok, sounds like you are juggling so many balls.  Poor you.  I hope you can have a nice weekend.  I know when I feel stressed, I find it hard to relax even at times when it's possible.  Please take a deep breath and try and take some time for yourself.

Caro - hope you are ok.  I can imagine that sometimes you just want someone else to come in and take over all the decisions for you.  Sadly only you can do that and it seems like you have to do the questionning and research to be able to make the right call for you.  I loved that article on FB.  I can't believe anyone said to a lady with breast cancer that 'it's not just about you' or whatever it was.  Sounds like something Katy Hopkins would say.

Hoggle, you will manage.  I remember being really scared at the thought of having my two on my own as i was spending so much time feeding, I felt that I couldnt give my oldest any attention.  It was nowhere near as bad as i thought.  I didn't enjoy the 'fog' of the newborn phase but it only lasted a few weeks.  Not really sure what I am trying to say.  Both me and hubby were really scared at the thought of a) birth (me more so obviously) and b) going through the baby phase again but i found it much easier.  No it wasnt easy but it was WAY easier as i felt like i knew what i was doing and didnt worry as much.  Not sure if that is any help?  Just some ramblings!

Camlo - not managing as much running as I would like but i am managing to get out on my bike once a week when they are both in nursery on Thursdays.  I am only on my 4th long ride (70k) and admittedly i was getting out for about 40k each week previously, but i can really feel the difference  I havent had any bike fitness since I did IM Austria in 2009 so its nice to feel it coming back.  Not sure how I will manage with cycling when I go back to work though (less than a month away).  I'll deal with that when i get there.

House update - place still on the market but looks like we might actually be able to keep the place and rent it out, and still buy the house we want.  It means we owe the bank more money than i can probably ever earn in my lifetime, but i am trying not to freak out about that.  It's a gamble as its huge sums of money and we could end up with a vacant property, non payers or people that trash the place but it might also work.  It also means that if we can get the mortgages approved, we can proceed with the sale and get moved in before the schools application window closes.  We'll see if it works.  Does anyone have any experience of letting places out?  

Off to Bristol tomorrow to meet up with friends, go out and we are all staying in a hotel.  How exciting!!

14/11/2014 at 21:16

Off to Brighton tomorrow with sis and cousins, prob told u that already.  Looking forward to my girlie weekend.

vixo he does clinical work but is a surgeon, not an oncologist, which is why I won't be seeing him, but one of the clinical oncologists at Guys, who he has recommended.  So was seen quite efficiently this morning by both my consultants.  Basically discussed it with both of them and just said I was confused and unsure and that's why I wanted a second opinion, not because I didn't believe what they were telling me.  They certainly didn't seem put out. So today when I asked the clinical one whether she thought I should have radiotherapy she basically implied she thought I shouldn't because I was so unsure.  I really hope I get some clarity on Monday because I am just going round in circles on my own.  

Yes an echo or a MUGA scan would be nice.  If you have herceptin you automatically have either of those pre treatment and every three months during herceptin, which I believe lasts a yr.  my tumour was not herceptin receptive, which is actually a good thing because they tend to be more aggressive with a poorer prognosis. Herceptin can definitely cause heart probs which is why they monitor you more closely on it.  Because I have no history of heart probs, and am not an over weight smoker with hypertension, they assume my heart is fine.

i think I am getting a nutritionist to come and see me on Tuesday as well, as my wt is way too low.  Down to about 45 kg now.  Not good!!!

now I just want to enjoy my weekend away, maybe get a good nights sleep for the first time in ages and not think about bloody cancer!!

15/11/2014 at 08:49

Not sure if you will be going as far as Hove Caro but my cousin has just opened a bar/restaurant there called The Avenue - the food looks yummy!  Hope you can get some good answers next week and get the decision made.

My kids keep waking up so early and I have a rotten head cold.  Hubby has been in US since last weekend so am pretty tired.  He had also booked his flight for today but changed it and got on a flight yesterday so should be here sometime this afternoon.

Despite the cold I did manage to run all the way up the hill this week, I am pretty sure its the first time I have not resorted to walking at any point, it wasn't pretty, but was good to finally do it!

Also our roof is finished, the gutters are mostly on, just window frames to be sorted and then painting.  Will be so good to get rid of the scaffold!

Pip - hope you can get the finance sorted.  Can you research rentals in the area and see what is on the market etc?  If you price it competitively I'm sure it will be fine, the agents always asked us a million questions before accepting us as tenants so I would probably use an agent as they do all the credit checks, take the deposit etc.  If you know anyone who rents ask what they think of the agents as we had some agents that were a lot better than others and most came and did a property check every 6 months to make sure we hadn't trashed the place....

 

16/11/2014 at 07:38

Probably a quick post from me - hubby has all the kids in our bed watching telly but doubt they will last much longer without coming downstairs and bugging me

pip- I might have said but we were renting our flat (first floor maisonette with garden etc) in Earlsfield to just two months ago as now selling (or trying to!). And had moved out to surrey- only renting but similar to you. If you want to email me I can tell you any renting tips etc rather than bore everyone on here (and get interrupted by small people). But basically worked well for us for a time, but def use an agent to keep riffraff out, only have one contract even if individual tenants in each room and watch out for capital gains if renting it for over 18months, also we had a huge tax bill last year on "earnings" which we could have reduced if property hadn't been half in my hubby's name.

Caro - you're doing so great as always and I'm so majorly impressed by your research. really hope you get the answers you need on Monday and are having a lovely weekend in brighton, involving lots of eating!!

ef- sounds like a great London weekend! I still only live 25mins from Central London but haven't done half what you did in a weekend! Missed the poppies too but couldn't bear the thought of taking all the children in. Sorry things are so stressed, my hubby is barely staying sane with work stress. I'm being as supportive as poss but obviously feeling the strain myself with my new life as a stay at home mummy of three, not sure I can do it for ever! Will need a job! hats off to you Kinsey especially with your hubby away a lot. Mine is off to Milan next week and I am already getting cold sweats at how I'll cope without him coming through the door every evening!

not to scare you though hoggle! I love my family really and going from one to two is not as hard as to three. And to give you more hope, even though we have suffered with whole family being ill and Luke and Rosie not sleeping well at all - when I asked hubby if we should get him booked in for the snip we decided maybe not quite yet just in case we want no. 4 Can't believe I might ever consider it as I am still broken!

right, talking of broken I have decided to ignore the gp and try a small run in a min! still waiting on physio for my split abs but other than that I feel fine and have been walking loads, so going to attempt a couch to 5k style run of one min run one min walk. Best to get changed now I've said I'm going. As Camlo says it is hard with black clouds, both in the mind and sky so I must get back out there. Will report back later

16/11/2014 at 17:17

hello folks. seems like people have been very busy. - sounding a bit better about the house situation. glad to read that.

sounds like quite a lot of seasonal lurgies doing the rounds amongst folk and their bairns. now fruit juice has been officially qualified as not as good for you as it was last week, I shall refrain from suggesting orange juice and vitamin c. and gently point at the broccoli... (how long til broccoli juice becomes commercially available, hailed as the new convenient WONDERFOOD and then subsequently put on the bad list) and I hope you all get a chance to rest.

hope the appointments with the hiheejuns of care go well. are you the kind of person who turns up with a written list of questions to make sure nothing is forgotten? I bet they would rather answer a million questions that help someone make the right decision for them, how ever difficult, insightful or mundane the questions may be, than have someone feel railroaded in to things about which they weren't sure.

did some lovely staff training on Thursday. Scotland has decided that by 2020 all primary children will be conversant in 2 languages (English + 1 other - but not Scots or Gaelic strangely) and have a bank of holiday phrases in a 3rd. by the time they are 12. laudable notions indeed. except it means that I now have to get myself workingly proficient at French and Spanish. just like that.

ran 5 miles yesterday having been off my feet for 2 weeks. and cycled to the staff training on Thursday. probably not the greatest idea for my foot/shoulder. but honestly? I was ready to murder my husband/colleagues/strangers. so for society's sake I went.

16/11/2014 at 17:37

Wow Ikkle, why are they aiming for a second language - that's a lot for teachers to take on, isn't it?

Sonya - how was the run?  We have a pretty good routine here so going solo isn't too bad most of the time.  I suppose when they are bigger and need to be picked up from 3 different places it might be more complicated - we are only a 5 min walk from school though, and that's definitely a blessing!

No running here, head cold really bunged me up, wondering if its a sinus infection, not so bad today but have a bit of a cough too so 'resting'!!

16/11/2014 at 20:52

Ikkle - if you need any French or Spanish help just shout 

I am  today as I got a PB at Leeds Abbey Dash this morning!  That's a pre- and post-baby PB, woo hoo!  56:46, around 25 seconds off my previous best set in around 2006/7.  I wasn't even feeling that great before today as I've been ill, not done much in the way of gym exercise recently etc.  It was hard but I was determined!  Another 10k race next Sunday but a bit more hilly.

Sonya - 4 !  I am one of 4 but I wasn't planned!  Hope your return to running is steady and injury-free!

 

16/11/2014 at 21:57

Wow well done JG!! 

not sure all kids can learn languages as easily as that! Fab idea and great for those who can but Some really struggle dont they?

black clouds swirling here, Archies bag split with a litre of wee so we have a knackered wooden floor and the electrics blew as it poured through the kitchen light fitting. Took 10 mile run to calm down then my sis called to say Mum is in a bad way and on the verge of being taken into the mental health hosp. Joy. 

16/11/2014 at 22:08

Hugs camlo. That's a pants day sure Enough. 

 

Caro - hope you get answers which help you make an informed decision which is right for you. 

16/11/2014 at 22:20

And well done JG!

16/11/2014 at 22:42

Goodness me yes I forgot pip's house mare. Aaaaargh!! 

 

I'm a bit more chipper today courtesy of a successful morning selling at the jack and jill market. It was MENTAL. I am exhausted. 

so Fraser if you fancy sleeping properly tonight I'd be very grateful. Another 3h on the floor last night. Poor scone isn't well though. Hadn't eaten properly since last tues. Lou also off her food.

16/11/2014 at 22:43

Those in service days are a bit ott aren't they CC?!

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