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How do you get going again after pregnancy?

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11/02/2014 at 10:53

Sonya, best of luck today xx

11/02/2014 at 11:21

good luck today to TTid and Sonya xx

and yes, i think the uni will be flexible. it's just how flexible... especially as this is a service desk which is available between 8 and 5. i kind of need to be there during those hours. obviously not all of those hours but i do need to show my face!

am hoping to ask for a late start every weds so i can drop kids at school.  should be there by 9.45. can then work until whatever time necessary to make hours up. and do a very long day on thursdays. start at 7.30 and finish at 6pm? i can also do a day like that every other friday.

i'm also hoping to ask to leave by 4 on mon and tues but not start until about 8.30 or 9. and every other friday to finish at 4 as well.

11/02/2014 at 11:30

Is it scans today? XX

11/02/2014 at 11:32

yes - Ttid and Sonya both have scans

11/02/2014 at 11:47

Thanks Ttid! Good luck to you too! Guessing I'm before you. Scan at 1.40. Getting nervous now.

CM, all you can do is ask! Universities are great for flexible working and long holidays, if I was still full time I would get 27 days plus college closures over Christmas and Easter. I work very flexibly because my job is so independent so I do understand you wouldn't have quite so much luxury on that front. 

Great to hear from you MM. Exciting about ultra.

And woohoo on selection lotte! 

Hoggle- you are being very patient with your hubby. Would definitely drive me crazy! My BIL took voluntary redundancy in the summer and still hasn't got another job! I don't know how he fills his days and how my sister hasn't killed him by now! He gets very stressed if she mentions jobs though.. sigh.

11/02/2014 at 12:53

CM - I work in a university full-time. They are flexible but where there is a business need then they have the right to be less flexible (and often are). Never any harm in asking though. I work in marketing so like Sonya can be pretty independent as long as what needs done gets done. And the xmas hols are real bonus!

Because Edinburgh schools have an asymetric week and finish at 12.15 on Fridays I compress my full-time hours into 4.5 days so can pick Megan up on Friday. My working week is Mon 8.30 - 6.30; Tues 8.30 - 5.00; Wed 8.30 - 2.30; Thurs 9.30 - 6.30; and Fri 9-12 from home.  I'm forced to take half-hour break if working longer than 6 hours and I usually go for a run (advantages to working on a parkland campus!). I take Megan to school 2/3 mornings a week and pick her up from school Wed aftn and Fri lunchtime, and from afterschool on Tuesdays. 

Waves to rest of girls on here.  Hope TT and Sonya's scans go well today .. exciting to have some 2014 babies to look forward to!

11/02/2014 at 12:56

Thanks guys, 2:45 scan here, 7:45 UK time. Also getting nervous. Hopefully good news all round. 

CM, what do N and your friend M think of the uni job?  Obviously we hear you letting off steam on here when you have a bad day, they know the day to day issues better. Sounds as though you are giving it some serious thought though. Hope the written offer comes in soon. 

How is everyone who was threatened with flooding?  Hope all still dry. Loved Caro's quote of the day on FB, Eric Pickles would make a better sandbag!  Lol. 

11/02/2014 at 12:57

Hi MR, long time no see. Waves. 

11/02/2014 at 13:13

thanks all - i will ask, and good point, MR, about peak times. hadn't thought about that so will make it clear that i will accommodate those times.

N and my friend M both think i should go for it. most of my other friends think i'm crazy. and the kids don't seem too keen either, but then they wouldn't. it doesn't make things any better for them on a day to day basis; in fact it makes it worse. but in the future, they won't be so dependent on me for getting to school. and then that won't matter. and also if at some point T moves over here and / or the children want a more flexible arrangement (or even want to do 50:50, one week on, one week off or something), this job would accommodate that. my current job wouldn't.

i'm thinking something like this (as we have a 2 week rolling pattern with the kids):

week 1: 8-4; 8.30-3.30; 9.45-late; 8-late; 8-late

week 2: 8-4, 8.30-3.30; 9.45-late; 7-.30-late; wfh or 9.45-2.15

it needs to add up to 35 hours. i think i have to take an hour's lunch but i'm not sure. i can actually provide escalation support between 8 and 5 every day on the phone, even if i'm starting late, finishing earlier. and i can support by email if they give me a blackberry. i'll ask anyway. nothing to lose.

11/02/2014 at 13:45
Will be thinking of you TT and Sonya, and keeping all fingers crossed for good news (and only one baby each!!).

CM - I think this is one time where you have to put what's best for you and your family as a whole above what the children want right at the moment. As you say, their needs will change, and your mental health and well-being is an extremely important part of their lives even if they don't realise it! Although this job may be less money and more time, if it gives you stability and predictability I would have thought that it might well be worth it. It's the constantly changing hours and requirements of our jobs which I find so hard to manage and plan for, and I have the help of my husband and my parents - without which we would quickly go under I think. I do occasionally long for a nice safe steady job (like shelf stacking for instance!) rather than our carefully planned but still sometimes fly by the seat of your pants existence!

I'm feeling particularly fragile at the moment, which is unusual for me, and a bit unexpected. Tiredness doesn't help, although the sleep has been much better this last week, but I think the reality of the back to work craziness has hit home. I enjoy being back, being mentally challenged and being part of my team again, but the logistics are just exhausting, and already we've had several rota clashes and difficult starts/ends to the day. As per usual virtually all of the planning falls to me, and I'm getting a bit weary of the rolled eyes and sighs if I ask more than once about the same date or time - if I got a straight answer or a solution I wouldn't have to ask again!!

Anyway, enough about me. Hope for some good news later, and CM, hope you're able to make a decision that you feel is right about the jobs.
11/02/2014 at 14:00

CM - I have a colleague who works a rolling pattern over 2 weeks so not unheard of. During school holidays I also compress my week into 4 long days (Mon-Thurs) as well. So would definitely say that for the flexibility it might be worth considering ... its essentially why I'm still here after more years than is probably good for my career!!

Waves back TTid

Hugs Vixo. Its not easy keeping all those balls in the air!

11/02/2014 at 14:12

I know what you mean about clashes Vixo, as my husband has to do the pickup on the days I work, as I dont get home till 8.  So as soon as anything happens and I need to swap days or something, I e mail him, double check he;s got the e mail, written it in his diary etc etc!  An example of how he sometimes doesn't think is he bought me and my friend the tickets to go and see taylor swift last night.  I kind of assumed given that he was the one who'd physically bought the tickets he's know the date, or have written it down or something.  But no.......and then he goes and books a trip to HK!  So I had to pay a babysitter £35 on top of the ticket price which did make it a rather pricey evening last night - but well worth it!  Tired now though.........

3 days till hubby gets home - yawn.

M's friend is coming after school and we are making pizza.

11/02/2014 at 14:12

MR - thanks. I think this is seen to be a fairly senior role - or could become one if the mergers went ahead - so typically you wouldn't have a working pattern and you'd need to work whatever it took to do the job. or that's certainly the case in my current experience of the industry. it may be different in the uni. i will wait for them to get back to me with the package before i ask about flexibility anyway... i want to see how much they want me first!  i also want to know that i will definitely be able to take my holiday during the school hols. i only need 50% of holidays but if they aren't going to let me take time off at half terms and easter, i think this will be a no go. christmas should be ok as they shut anyway, and the summer hols should also be ok.

vixo - i completely understand. i was in that situation with T, always asking him to confirm when he was going to be around and which days he could do pick up. caused no end of issues...

my worry with the job is mainly to do with the commute, tbh. it's only 15 miles but it is hideously congested. the m4 is very busy at that time and also the a48m into cardiff is awful. the uni is right in the centre. getting the train won't help as i will have to get into newport, park (and pay to park), then get the train and then walk from the station, so it won't save me any time.  the park and ride is great if you can time it to co-incide with a bus. if you can't, you're waiting 20 mins for a bus and that's not great either!

and with school drop off at 9, i'm going to hit all the school traffic out of the village and then it will be congested all the way into cardiff.  and then i'll have to get right into the centre and park... that is my main worry tbh. and also on the way back, if i have 45 mins to get home and i get caught in traffic, i'll be late. then what... i have friends who can help out if necessary in an emergency but they won't be able to take their kids to the activities they need to go to (which will be the reason i'm getting back to pick them up!)


11/02/2014 at 14:36

so much on here I'm not sure where to start to try and catch-up!!

CM - I wouldn't know where to start with advice, but I would agree that you potentially need to over-ride the kids immediate thoughts on the matter - they will only see the obvious black and white, and while they may 'seem' resistant to change, we all know how adaptable they really are. 

Vixo - (()), juggling the balls IS exhausting. I was on meltdown mode last week, because it seemed that over the last few weeks the balls were falling out of the sky big-time, the main stressors being my evening teaching vs the kids after school activities and managing it on my own.  Haven't come up with a solution to the problem yet, but am enjoying the fact that for this week and next a few things are not happening and I get some breathing space!!! As for the whole husband thing - like Caro I have to make double/double sure about everything and even then I can guarantee husband will throw spanner in works. I have not yet EVER since the kids came on the scene, managed to get away to something at the weekend without husband causing some drama meaning I have to put alternative arrangements in place.  he blithely assumes, like Caro has said, that I will have put plan b, c and d into place in case a doesn't happen. It's maddening for sure, and adds extra stress onto the day-to-day stuff. No matter how we try there always seem to be rules for him and rules for me ... sigh

Hope the scans are going well

Lotte - hope the ankle niggle goes away soon. Blinding training from you though and fantastic news about the Scottish selection, well deserved for sure. As for the shoes - your Asics sound like my Peregrines - they are essentially a road shoe with some trail grip on the bottom, they are like slippers, but sadly the minute there is any grease on a tree-root, or anything vaguely skiddy like wet grass, they are shocking!!! I only have an obsession with Inov8 because their performance fit shoes fit my stupid annoying feet (long, narrow, with a turned-up big toe!!!), other than that I don't really care providing it does the job.

Off to have biomechanics assessment done on Thursday ... kind of dreading it but also interested to see what he says. Nightmare getting an appt anytime soon.

11/02/2014 at 14:39

so I have had to shift my osteo appt to Friday, so husband will have a hissy fit because his dad and sister are coming to stay, he has the day booked as holiday and how very dare I book to do something that might interfere ... lets not mention his usual absences when my parents come to stay!!!

Agree with JTs doctor re the asthma and the drugs definitely.

Boo to the gastro probs JT, but we definitely need some pictures

JG (()) to you too.

Brain now dead, niggles persist and I need to be off here and up the road in the next five minutes

Oh yes, and absolute bugger bugger to the car Lotte

11/02/2014 at 16:43

Ultra running jacket/vest thingie CC?? pretty please??!! 

I hate the juggling too, but do feel quite chuffed when it does all work and falls into place. I have an amazing hubbie who loves being with the kids but he has a very senior role working for a rather big company so its not easy for him to jump without planning, unless an emergency of course. My commute is 35-50 mins both ways. I don't have parents near by but do have amazing friends so when I went off to San Diego for 5 days it was my amazing friends that stepped in. FIL did help a bit but he finds all 3 a struggle now as he is 75 and on his own and he has to get here first of course. I work 9-2 Mon, Tues (home as no childcare other than friends), 9.30-2 Weds and 9.30-4 Thurs. The boys hate the after school club on thursday so am looking at other options. I juggle so they can do their sports on various evenings and so we have one evening a week we can have a friend round etc. I could do with working more so will probably go up to longer 4pm day on a Tuesday once S in school. I would happily jack it all in tomorrow though I must admit. I am here for the money, which is nowhere near what I used to get, but we need it. I HATE the travelling involved and HATE the work trips. But they are part of the job. Also HATE the filming and live interviewing!! I do enjoy the stimulation and the team are a good bunch. All 10-15 years younger than me though! My boss is never happy either!! I've always forgotten something . Anyway best get tea cooked...

11/02/2014 at 18:24

when you say vest thingy - do you mean a vest pack or layers I wear?  Ultra jacket - well I mainly use my mountain marathon jacket - only because I've done some races which have called for fully taped seam/fully waterproof (rather than water resistant), so that is a that I purchased about 6 years ago now specifically for mm. So it depends what you think the weather is likely to do (in the SW of England waders and snorkel might be more appropriate??) and what race rules say. Other than that I have a very light wind top I use over my various other layers.  Packwise I have a which I use for 'shorter' races with limited kit requirements, and for my races which have a substantial kit list to be carried!! There are cheaper options obviously, but these are things that generally work for me.  With the waterproofs, I have a cheap pair of peter storm £10 jobs that I use if I think in all seriousness I am unlikely to need to wear them at all or for long (because they are lighter than my other ones which I use for mountaineering but have been very glad of them on remote mountain ultras).

11/02/2014 at 18:30

I have amazing friends who get me out of all sorts of dramas when I have to try and juggle stuff or my husband gets delayed coming home and I am meant to be away or working an awkward shift. They are also my sanity when husband is away for extended periods. To be honest, up here many of my friends don't have immediate family on hand to help so it's not unusual for a parent to have a handful of children in tow on school pick-ups etc, and I have 2-3 friends that I would absolutely trust to help out in an emergency, however, my biggest dread is that one of the kids has some kind of middle-of-the night-drama and I am dragging kids off to hospital in middle of night on my own - daft the things we worry about that haven't happened yet!

11/02/2014 at 19:37

Juggling is such a major stress isn't it! We have a fairly good routine in place for when I go away now and hubby is much more relaxed about it now but I agree with needing to tell them over and over again and still not remembering (and he tells me I never listen!). I'm away overnight next Monday but am quite looking forward to it as its staff training so I get to catch up with my colleagues . I have some fab friends who have stepped in when I need cover and a fab babysitter who does our early mornings.

We are doing pizzas this afternoon to Caro - a friend of mines hubby is a SAHD at the moment and he has decided to have a pizza party. M is very excited!

Committee meeting for Toy Library last night - committee is getting too big (heavily discounted membership is the draw) but no one is putting their hand up to help with things which is frustrating!

Oh almost forgot - investor's offer has been accepted so house is under contract. Keeping fingers tightly crossed!!! Have to say the real estate agency have been awesome keeping us in the loop, phoning us regularly to let us know whats happening and both women who I have dealt with phoned yesterday as soon as they had heard to let me know as they knew we had been worrying - really lovely!



11/02/2014 at 20:24

Quick pop in to say scan went fine. Only one baby(!) and just over 11weeks so they did the nuchal fold -which I have googled and looks in normal range so as long as bloods ok I can stop worrying...! Due date 31st August! Had midwife too so been drained of blood (and my bp was very low 90/60 then I fainted during the third load of bloods, haven't done that in 15 yrs!). Hope all going well for Ttid.

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