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How do you get going again after pregnancy?

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19/01/2015 at 20:15

Yeah that was what I meant by CAB - they shld be able to help. 

19/01/2015 at 20:18

Re cords - I got some amazing comfy stretchy ones out of oasis a few years ago. Still love them

and ouch to extraction. Not nice 

19/01/2015 at 21:48

Eric had his last mummy and baby swimming lesson today- end of an era.  Next wk he's on his own . I am happy after 6 yrs of freezing to death with the kids in a pool, but a wee bit nostalgic in the same breath.

went for a buggy run after.  I had him wrapped up very warm and he was fine.

tips on telling kids (well maybe just Matilda) that their grandpa is not well and not going to get better.  She is 6.5. So far we have said nothing, but I feel we need to say something now.  Advice please.....

19/01/2015 at 22:45

Oh Caro not a nice conversation. Lou was devastated about grandma and I confess we hadn't really prepped her tho we only really got about 10 days tops to register what was going to happen ourselves. 

20/01/2015 at 09:26

thanks EF - the insurer is Trinity? never heard of them. i got my policy through a policy comparison site and it is policyexpert who is the supplier, but when i phoned through, it was Trinity who answered the phone. they were nice enough on the phone yesterday about the internal leak, even if my excess for water is 600 quid. my normal excess is 250 but water is 600 gah.

i am waiting for welsh water to turn up and my stomach is churning. i'm so stressed - had awful dreams last night and woke up soaked in sweat several times. feel like i've been run over by a bus. my head is banging.

i do have accidental damage on my policy but there are loads of exclusions relating to it.

i must admit, i've never claimed on insurance for anything as the excess is always so high that most things i've had can be sorted more cheaply than the excess, esp when you consider your premiums will go up if you claim. so i've never had an all singing all dancing policy because it seems little point paying £600 a year for something to cover all eventualities when chances are you won't end up claiming or your situation will be excluded or the excess will be too high. this policy cost £180 for the year and N was shocked as he was paying £90 a month for his policy when he was a homeowner. interestingly trace and access is included on the policy, which i think Minks said wasn't included on hers, so it can't be all that bad!

20/01/2015 at 09:30

caro - kids' grandad died in the summer. don't think they had been prepped even though he was in residential care with advanced parkinsons and had been for a couple of years. they didn't seem that bothered. E was a bit more upset but i'd hazard a guess that it was just bedtime delaying tactics in her case...

i told them that he had got really sick and couldn't really move around or eat and that when that happens sometimes the best thing for them is that they die because they can't be happy when they can't live normally.  i also said it wasn't nice for Banny (their grandma) to see him suffering so she feels better now that she knows he is at peace. obviously that's ok after the fact but if you tell her that now she may worry about all the suffering, so i'd keep it simple, and says he's got old and sick and the doctors can't fix him so he will die. you don't know when but you do know that the doctors are working hard to make sure that he isn't suffering too much.

i told the kids that even though grandad is gone, they can still think about him and remember him. they have decided that he is the brightest star they can see in the sky - which is often an aeroplane incidentally - but it keeps them happy and there has been no angst.

i guess it's different if it's someone they were very close to or saw often. kids only saw their grandad a couple of times a year and because he had always been ill, they had never really got very close to him as he could never really interact with them.

20/01/2015 at 10:49

ok - so water man has been and gone.  there is a leak. he can hear it at the external stop cock (he let me listen - i couldn't hear a thing). but he says he can barely hear it at the house end. so - the chances are that the leak is at or close to the external stop cock and meter.

they will now go out to an external company and get them to come and dig up my stopcock and replace that and see if the leak stops. they do that for free.

if it does stop - happy days. if it doesn't, they then do a gas test to see where the leak is. unfortunately because my supply pipe is more than 15m, they won't replace it for free. but if they can repair it, they will.  they will dig it up (across my drive, lawn etc) to the point where the leak is, patch the leak, and then fill it to within 5 inches of the surface.  i then have to repair and make good. so there is still a scenario where i have to replace my drive and the pathway round my house but i need to hold my breathe and not think about that.

20/01/2015 at 10:50

he has no idea where all the water is going. he was very shocked by the amount!

20/01/2015 at 11:53
Well that sounds like excellent news. Hopefully you can put the last few days behind you now and feel like you're back on a more even keel.
20/01/2015 at 12:27

vixo - i'm calmer but there is still a lot of uncertainty about where the leak is and where the water is going and he can't give me any guarantees that it isn't causing damage. and i have no control over the timescales for the repair to take place. he shrugged his shoulders when i asked him and said it could be weeks... that is stressing me because if the water is going down under my drive, it will be several more weeks of water going underneath the house...

the likelihood is that it's close to the stopcock so the water is actually going down the hill into the wood rather than down the drive into my house but there is no guarantee.

i have to accept that i have no control over this and there is nothing i can do to influence it. it sounds mad but i don't want to be in the house while there is a problem. i know it's irrational but i hate being inside knowing that there is all this water going somewhere and i don't know where. while i'm in the house it's pretty much all i can think about. when i'm out, it's not so bad.

20/01/2015 at 14:00

You need to become a telephone pest cm. Harass welsh water til they get someone out as they said. Phone daily. Twice daily. Point out the possible damage and the environmental  impact of such a leak. They are meant to be reducing leaks big time. It's a sad fact but phone pests do get better service to get them to sod off!! 

20/01/2015 at 19:59

I agree with phoning repeatedly - and try and get one person to deal with it. If it is the stopcock then i would fully expect the wasted water not be charged for either.... 

we told the boys that my nan was very poorly and that she was not going to get better. i think it helps if you can relate it to something - like a pet or character on tv if they have not lost anyone before. 

Tri training is already pushing me - hour run early doors and an hour swim just now... 

PG3
20/01/2015 at 22:57

hello

CM - i have been reading and thinking about you. Its sounded like a few days of hell but the visit sounds better news than expected.  Big hug x

Things have been a little shitty here.  My bro was rushed in to hospital on sat.  He had been for MRIs and follow up appts on thurs and fri as he was having neck issues, but he was starting to struggle to walk and hold things. He was worried he had MS.  It turns out he had a disc issue pressing on his spine. Apparently one bad move and he could have done permanent damage, ie be paralysed.  He had surgery on sunday morning and i went to visit him tonight.  He also has a 2 week old baby and a 2 year old son so not great timing.  He has some spinal damage but hopefully it should all be ok now.

Work is shitty.  I am trying to work out my next move. I wont say too much on here as it may get legal but its utterly miserable there.  I have to log stuff, watch my back and i think they are going to try and get me for performance issues.  Working mothers are certainly dont feel welcome. I am gutted as I always enjoyed this job. I've only resorted to tears once today. To think I was looking forward to going back...

Moving a week on Thursday.  Ekk!

21/01/2015 at 08:00

Gosh Pip, so good that he got seen and hopefully sorted out quickly.  Still can't imagine its going to be easy to recover with very small children.  

Sounds like its been a tough few days for a lot of people.  

CM - I have found Welsh Water pretty helpful (for a utility company!!) - we are still waiting for them to sort out the clean water pipe which is through the middle of our sewer though.  Hope replacing the bits they suggested sorts it.  To be honest I also get the feeling the work they are doing is below par so fingers crossed its their fault as it is in our case!!

Crapsticks about your husband Hoggle (think I have right forum name!), hope he can find something else quickly, awful for you all and you are definitely due some good luck.xx

My brother got suspended from work and we have been waiting for it to get resolved, he has an excellent record but they lost a couple of tenders recently and the MD decided its his fault despite tenders being reviewed by others before they are sent out.  Very stressful but it sounds like he will be back at work as they can't find any fault with his work.  The MD and company sound like a complete basket case though.

 

21/01/2015 at 12:54

hoggle - so sorry to hear about your husband. you must be devastated and very anxious about the future. you've not had much luck with jobs really have you?

pip - so sorry about work too. do you have an employee assistance line? if i'm right, you're in HR aren't you, so can't really go to HR about this? I don't suppose you're in a union?

I feel like i'm in a fog at the moment. i'm not really coping well with day to day life. I just need to pull myself together and get on with it, but once the dark clouds set in (in my case, it's anxiety), I find I can't sleep, can't eat, can't function normally. even driving makes me cry because i'm so anxious.

PG3
21/01/2015 at 22:56

Cm its so hard to dig yourself out when you are in that deep.I hope you get through this OK. I would be the same in your situation.

Hoggle - its shitty sorry for your stress.

I actually work technology so I can go to hr. I am trying not to say too much on here as its a public forum but action needs to be taken. In the meantime I keep asking people internally if they have jobs. I need to get away from these tossers. My entire team feel the same.

22/01/2015 at 08:17

cc - one again: hubby can't take time off to be with kids while you do the Spine, but can take time off to go on skiing holiday. . i know you are not actually that aggrieved by the sounds of it, but that's only because you are now at the end of your tether with it all.

thanks for the hugs by the way. i suddenly realised last night, thinking about it, that i am actually pretty depressed.  i have been this way really since my work situation kicked off about 14 months ago. i had counselling at the Priory which was good but didn't really get far enough as i had too much other stuff going on at the time and had to be reactive to that rather than taking time out to deal with the underlying issues.

i've tried to keep going throughout a job move, relationship stuff with N which has never been right and now i feel like i'm back to where i was when i had my crisis in october / november 2013. i feel in the same anxious fog. i'm having physical pain symptoms which i am fairy sure are anxiety related (not that i'm anxious about the pain but that the pain is a manifestation of my anxiety); i feel so utterly exhausted all the time and quite frankly i just want to cry.  all the time.  i feel next to no joy. felt no joy during our 2 week holiday in bulgaria except for 2 or 3 brief periods when i was on my own with the kids in the pool and my head cleared and my spirits lifted. i do feel like i'm under a blanket of sadness and anxiety the whole time.

so - what to do about this? i tried all manner of medication in 2013 and it wrecked me. i ended up ill. so i don't think i can actually do antidepressants. there's no poin trying for any counselling. i had 12 sessions at the priory and that really hasn't helped much at all. i feel like i need to take another approach and just adopt some sort of different mentality. a bit like lotte and her mindfulness (i think it's lotte - also maybe cc?). and a lot of stuff caro has been posting has been making me think. i reckon that might be the way forward...

it's a case of doing it though - when you feel as wretched as i do. sitting here typing this with tears streaming down my face. have a pile of work up to the ceiling to get through and i just want to cry.

anyway - it's not just me feeling bad. i know many of us are struggling. PG - please go to HR and do get some support. you sound like you are feeling trapped and that is an awful thing to feel.

hope hoggle is ok - think your mum is / has been with you. hugs. x

22/01/2015 at 08:37
Maybe some yoga, meditation & breathing exercises could help CM. Definitely worth trying. Esp as anxiety seems to b ur main problem. I have bn using the 4-7-8 breathing technique to fall asleep at night and has bn working. I know that my Mum was helped a lot by reading the Dalai lama's book The art of happiness when she was very ill in hospital, helped her cope with what seemed like a hopeless situation that she was never going to get out of and a lot of pain.
22/01/2015 at 09:19

i think you're right Tt. part of my problem is that i don't really 'believe' in all this stuff.  i think i'm maybe a bit sceptical about it all. but i feel like i've got nothing to lose. if it doesn't work, i'm no worse off! but i need to give it enough of a shot to actually give it a chance of working. which is hard when really you just want to cry non-stop.

trying to be kind to myself when i hate myself, despise some of the things i've done, think i'm bad deep down and am ashamed of myself - how do you do that then?

22/01/2015 at 10:06

Just caught up and wanted to send my support to those of you needing it most at the moment.  (((CM, CC, PG, Hoggle))). Wishing I wasn't awake right now. Fay woke me up coughing at about 3 and I've not got back to sleep yet. 5:00am now and have another long day ahead at golf show. Staying in a house in Orlando while we are doing the show. Fabulous daycare have kids during the day and is in same ownership as one we use at home so all paperwork and costs taken care of. Show been good for us so far, really should try and get a little sleep.....

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