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How do you get going again after pregnancy?

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19/03/2015 at 07:11
Pat feels he's a really happy man.... And that's my wake up call. Lots to reply to but gotta get up. CM - I want to print that out and frame it!! So brilliantly written and a massive warm hug for us all.
EF - how is leg?
19/03/2015 at 11:03

Shit CC, do you really not see a happy ending to this?  

Really should try some of that meditation myself. I seem unable to fall asleep in bed at night without some distraction so I tend to listen to something on the radio (usually The Archers podcast ????, I think Caro is a listener too?) on earphones. I never had problems falling asleep when I was younger, used to do it literally everywhere (restaurants, nightclubs, cinemas....!). 

bum, was going to say loads but am too of a page and daren't go back to read as I'll lose what I've written...

19/03/2015 at 12:55

You can tell I was so shocked I posted twice!

lol Brookie. Those theme tunes are brutal aren't they?

19/03/2015 at 13:03

Well said CM!!

Typical, my gardener who has been awol for months finally turned up today, irony being that I got someone else to do the grass yesterday and I was too pleasant to say there wasn't anything for her to do today.  Anyway she is tackling the pruning.  

Also petrol lawnmowers in Aldi for £179!

19/03/2015 at 13:20

hugs CC. and i've got the passports off T now so i have ID and can input into easyjet to print boarding cards - yipee!! i also got as far as checking how far from inverness to lochness tourist crap today (not far - phew); and also that stuff would be open and didn't need pre-booking. i haven't managed to get anyone to feed cat yet. whoops. or even thought about what we need to bring or anything. ho hum. another week left yet but at weekend i have someone prepping my hall for new floor which means i can't get into my house at all on saturday all day. i need to be out from 9am for 12 hours (hall runs length of downstairs so only room accessible via back door will be kitchen but none of rest of house and no toilet or anything so that won't be any good for being inside! ho hum.

i have counselling tonight with N. so far it's all looking like the relationship things are to do with my guilt and me wearing a hair shirt constantly and also taking it out on him. but tbh, i can't get past the guilt and don't feel like i should want to. i would rather close the door on the relationship and not think about it any longer. the counsellor (and N) don't favour this approach. it's not easy.

BUT if is nowhere as near as traumatic as what CC is going through. lots of hugs for you my lovely. i have been there. i know how awful it is. big hugs in person very soon xxxx

19/03/2015 at 13:26

Love CMs post.

Could it be a trapped nerve or something EF? Glad all ok TT.

CC, I don't really know what to say re your situation but I really feel for you. Sending big hugs. (())

Hi to Chynah. Argh can't remember what else.

Having an even madder than normal week here. Schools music festival has been on all week and finishes with gala concert tonight. Life is hectic enough without the extras. The bairns have played really well though and the school orchestra that Sophie and Dylan are in has been asked back to play tonight. Also have swimming club subs and athletics club spring meet entry forms and timetables to do as well as packing before we go on holiday next Sat. Its the club xc this weekend and there really are not enough hours in the day.  I will not panic... it will get done. (If I say it often enough will I believe it.)

Had a great session at the track last night. 3 x 2400m reps (1.5miles), nailed it with just over 6mm pace and each rep got faster. So long since i last smiled after a track session. Think the iron injections are working! Its only now I am feeling so much better I realise quite how crap I have been feeling and for how long.

Got a phone call from the school on Tuesday, my little goody two shoes daughter (sophie) had decided to go awol with 2 of her friends. Instead of returning to school after the morning music festival they persuaded the bus driver to let them stay on the bus and he dropped them off at her friends house. Cue one very distraught music teacher who thought she had lost 3 pupils. They were only located when the school called the bus company. Ach well, I think its the first time she has ever stepped out of line and she was very remorseful. Good lesson in peer pressure!

Edited: 19/03/2015 at 13:34
19/03/2015 at 14:39

Hadn't registered you and N were having counselling CM. (())

Yes I suspect it's a trapped nerve. Lower back twinging on r side and numbness down back of thigh round inside of right knee and down right shin. It's not horrendous but just feels a bit cotton woolly and slightly prickly if I press on it. it's come and gone a wee bit over last few weeks but was more noticeable last night after a gym sesh. The acute left knee pain which came on after two runs at the weekend has thankfully cleared. Honestly 40 years old and falling apart. V glad of the much nicer weather as it means my wrists don't ache so much. I was whinging that I thought I had rheumatism! 

Experimenting with no sleep for F as he's a nightmare on thurs as he won't go down til about 2.30 and gets half an hour before we have to pick up Lou and then he's super grumpy. I fear it may backfire as he's looking pretty tired.

and now face down on carpet Crying. Oh dear. 

19/03/2015 at 14:40

Lol at Sophie. Ah well if that's the extent of her rebellion you'll do pretty well! 

PG3
19/03/2015 at 20:34

Also love CM's post - really lovely.

CC - must be really tough. I cant imagine you are looking forward to this weekend.  I know we all keep asking if you really feel like you cant sort it out but I guess we all just like a happy ending (and not the massage parlour type) but happy endings can come in many different ways.  Good luck.

CM - didnt realise you were having therapy.  I know its not my business but i think you need to forgive yourself.  It seems like its easier/familiar to be in a mindset of self punishment.  Is there a little voice telling you that you dont deserve happiness?  Hey, it's much easier to give advice than take it.  I know there are plenty of things that i should do

Lotte - that is amusing about your daughter.  I am trying to work out if i could run at 6mm pace for even 200m!  My speed sessions are 8mm.

EF - hope you are ok.

Nurofen - love the mindful you

I was going to go on the turbo tonight but i just cant face it.  Legs are knackered. Had a tight calf treated at the physio today.  I am paranoid about a calf rip or some injury now.  3 weeks to go!

19/03/2015 at 21:32

Good point pg3, sorry cc I'm sure there is enough pressure on you from elsewhere, I didn't intend to add any more with my comment. You have to do what's best for you and the kids (())

19/03/2015 at 21:36

Counselling is so hard. Hugs CC and CM ((())) 

Ouch to the leg, EF. How was Fraser after no sleep? Or did he have one in the end? G isn't the best day sleeper and I fear she may drop her nap soon

Awesome track session Lotte Hope Sophie has recovered after her rebellion 

Hope the Physio has done some good PG. Not long now! Exciting.

Having an early night tonight as I am pooped! Ben is away until late on Sat now so I shall catch up on sleep. Don't know why but we always seem to stay up late talking. Not last night, but on Tues. feeling much more positive actually, since we got stuff out in the open. And being mindful of it. It honestly does help. One thing that sounds counterintuitive but does work is to do what I've heard being described as 'sitting with your pain' - not trying to deny its existence but allowing yourself to feel it and soothing yourself instead. Completely the opposite of what I have always done so it's hard, but it's working

19/03/2015 at 21:38

And I'm going for a run with a running club friend tomorrow - it's quite hilly so we are taking it in turns with the buggy 

Edited: 19/03/2015 at 21:38
20/03/2015 at 08:38

oh dear re: sophie. as you say - if that's the worst she does, that's quite tame. but it's quite funny nonetheless. fancy the  bus driver dropping them off anyway!! don't think you'd have much chance persuading our bus drivers here to do that.

still sitting in the data centre overspill next to the post room. no sign of that changing any time soon. coat on...

thinking of CC and wishing her strength and calm to get through this. hugs xx

hard session last night. yes, N and I have now had 3 sessions of counselling. i am getting really cross with it. i know she's probably right but she wants me to do more CBT stuff and she's trying to work on it in the session with N. he is being lovely and supportive and everything else but it feels like the pair of them ganging up against me, and i just am not in the place where i want to do this.

i had a bit of a strop after we came out last night, particularly when she had presented me with a sheet entitled the pie chart of guilt. 'i'm not doing a f****ing pie chart of guilt. what a load of sh1te' etc etc.

it's all too hard and i don't want to do it. i know that sounds ridiculous but really, it's too hard. i would actually rather just close the door on the relationship than try and deal with all this stuff. i'm sure that makes me a ridiculous and bad person but it's true.

20/03/2015 at 10:43

CM, love your 'group hug' post - fab.  I think I can understand where you are coming from on the relationship thing.  You attach guilt to your relationship with N because he was the catalyst for you to leave T.  In which case could it be looked on more positively - i.e. that you would ultimately have left T anyway to save your sanity, but having N just made that happen sooner?  So actually N has done you a favour by hastening that situation.

It may just be that having been the catalyst, you just feel that N has served his purpose and you no longer want a relationship with him.  Which is absolutely fine.  I think counselling will only work if both of you want the same outcome (as CC is discovering) and when you don't, it's just an uncomfortable place to be for the person who doesn't want 'happily ever after' for the relationship.  I'd feel the same about the pie chart FWIW!!

Nuro, good to hear you sounding positive.  I'm not sure I really get the whole mindfulness thing but it seems to be having a positive effect on quite a few people here so that's great.

PG3, so proud of you for standing up for yourself at work and saying what needed to be said.  And really great that you had such a positive response to that from someone senior.  Even if the sh*t still hits the fan at least you can feel that you had your say.

Lotte, great that you're feeling so much better and getting back to your previous form.  Pesky iron has a lot to answer for!  LOL at Sophie; bless.

TTid, glad the lump amounted to nothing more than a cyst - you don't need any more stress at the moment!

Caro, thinking of you re. FIL.  Hope he is comfortable and peaceful.  Was thinking of you yesterday with Whipps Cross being in the news (not for good reasons!) and remembering your experiences there!

Six weeks on Sunday until London.  Training has been going well - I have done all my scheduled runs so far and I have to say I'm feeling good at the moment and stronger than on previous occasions at this point in the training.  Last time I felt I overtrained and just felt constantly knackered; I've been doing a little less this time and it suits me better.  I refuse to get hung up on what other people do or think I should do and just focus on what I know has worked for me in the past and hopefully will again.  I also signed up for my first ultra - the Grand Union Challenge. It's 50K so not too big a step up.  I'm still a bit unsure about 50K of essentially towpath running as opposed to varied offraod terrain but the decision was ultimately made for me as the other event I was considering clashed with this summer's school reunion and I just have to go to that or I will die of curiosity wondering what people look like after all this time (I have seen a few photos and am secretly quite chuffed that some of the people I didn't like much are now quite overweight and look older than they are.  There are also one or two I don't even recognise because they've changed so much!)

 

Edited: 20/03/2015 at 10:45
20/03/2015 at 14:01

haha i'm going to a school reunion too minks. down in plymouth. will be v strange. my school has since folded and amalgamated with another school and the site has been sold for housing redevelopment. however the new site of the school is actually the royal naval hospital which is, bizarrely, where i used to live - in naval quarters accommodation - when i was little! so it'll be like a double whammy, going back in again to where i lived, and also meeting up with people, some of whom i haven't seen since 1988 (i didn't do my 6th form there)

the counsellor is telling me that i would have left T anyway - which i would have done ultimately. but i didn't have to do it the way i did and i hate myself for what i did. i am ashamed and disgusted and bla bla bla. and she tells me that there is no good that will come out of holding on to these feelings and what is the point of punishing myself. i may as well be understanding towards myself that i did this for a reason and it's in the past. bla bla bla. but i can't! why would i forgive myself for something which is so hideous and vile? it proves i'm a bad person etc etc, which is (i know) my inner demons talking. but it's also true.

anyway, i don't feel like i can live with that, or other decisions i've made, in this relationship, and i want to finish the relationship - even though much of it is really good. she wants me to fix myself. i don't want to do that because i don't believe i should.

bit of a stalemate there, and obviously it's not fair on N either...

 

Edited: 20/03/2015 at 14:02
20/03/2015 at 15:58

It's interesting hearing about your counselling CC and CM - it's very different to my art therapy where my therapist uses something called a phenomenological approach - she doesn't profess to be an expert, never gives advice, she just listens and it's a space for me to explore my feelings and emotions and come to my own conclusions.  She occasionally asks questions, and does guide me to go away and research things like meditation, mindfulness, self compassion etc without actually saying I think you should go and look this stuff up and start doing it.  

Your synopsis CM was actually very compassionate - acknowledging something called common humanity whereby we realise when we we're suffering that we are not alone, that everyone suffers, has problems etc and that we are all connected by that.  Nurofen the sitting with your pain bit is right too - not denying it or judging it or trying to change it, just accepting things as they are, in that moment.  I agree a lot of it doesn't make sense to me, but it is undoubtedly helping me right now, so I am happy with that even if I don't 'get' it.  

I drew a pic last wk in art therapy of me in various situations - my pictures are all stick men as I have the artistic skills of a gnat.  I drew me as 'mummy', 'patient', 'doctor', 'wife', 'sister'  and 'friend' and the point was to illustrate to myself how far I have come in the past 6 months, to allow myself to give credit to myself for my achievements, instead of constantly belittling myself.  I think putting it down on paper helped.  

Nurofen just out of interest (don't answer if you don't want to!) I was just wondering how your catholic faith was fitting in with everything that's been going on.  I get the impression you were always more of a believer than me but over the past yr I would say my faith has gone to pretty non existent.  I take Matilda to church most Sundays and feel very hypocritcal.  I do it mostly in the hopes that she will get into the catholic secondary school, which is a much better option than the alernative.  I do hate myself for doing it though, and partly wonder why I am indoctrinating my kids in a faith that I don't believe in.

Work beckons - more later but I will press submit so I don't lose it!

20/03/2015 at 16:26

I am envious of your ability to go to bed without doing the washing up!  One of my really unhelpful qualities is my tendency towards perfectionism, which is something I am trying to address.  In the book about raising happy children it discusses how to ensure your children are NOT perfectionists!  I would love to be a person who didn't get stressed if they were running late......being brought up by a militarian father means there is little hope of that!  

Have you looked up Krisitn Neff's website Nurofen?  She is the authority on self compassion research and I find it really useful because she comes at it from such a personal angle.  She took up meditating when going through a bad divorce and found self compassion at that time.  Then went on to have a profoundly autistic son and says that her ability to practice self compassion basically helped her survive such an awful time in her life.  

Somebody said something about meditating being non constructive - I guess now I am trying to do it regularly I would have to disagree.  I even managed 10 mins this morning after breakfast, teeth brushing and violin practice!  I guess I now see it as a priority so am making time for it.  I have no idea if I am doing it 'right' but I am certainly able to just be with myself for those minutes.  I try not to think of things, because I spend so much of the rest of my day and night thinking of things, it's nice to be able to give myself a rest!  I would like to learn more and go on a course, so maybe later on in the year.

Yes it is me who listens to the Archers TTid - addict!  I love it,. Now with the ipad I listen to it on catch up when cooking, or during post run stretching.  I went the the theatre last night and saw 'Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown' and Tamsin Grieg who plays Debbie in the Archers was the lead role.  She was excellent.

20/03/2015 at 16:34

The F in L situation is horrible.  He is basically not nr the end enough to take up a bed in the hospice, but M in L can't cope with him at home, even though he had a hospital bed, a Marie Curie nurse staying all night, and district nurses coming during the day.  So hubby went over yesterday to see him in the hospice where they basically said he  can't stay, and the suggestion of nursing homes was mentioned.  Hubby and M in L then did a whizz round Chelmsford and found a BUPA one with space - and apparently they wont have to pay a penny.  I guess the end of life car package makes provision for that sort of thing, but it must be costing someone a fortune.  So not sure when he's going to move.  He has explicitly said he's given up and wants to die, however he has this wretched feeding tube directly into his stomach.  My argument is surely if he wants to die then stop feeding him.....but I'm not sure if he's even thought of that as an option.  I have said to hubby if I am ever in that situation then no feeding tubes please!!  He looks like a living corpse......

20/03/2015 at 16:40

I got some good news today  There is a charity called Ellies Friends which often has nice things up for grabs, freebies etc, for adults with cancer, and I applied for 2 tickets to see Have I got News For You being filmed and I got them.  Not sure when yet, it's be a Thurs evening sometime over the next couple of months - we've got loads of dates to choose from.

20/03/2015 at 16:42

The tamoxifen is really messing with my sleep more than ever - the other night I had a nightmare.  I was being tortured, a friend was there too but the torturer was focusing on me because I was actively provoking him, by swearing, sticking 2 fingers up at him etc.  But then I woke up, sat up and started beating up my poor husband!  This was about 1am.......

Last night my sister was in a plane crash, but I didn't beat anyone up over that one.

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