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How do you get going again after pregnancy?

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20/03/2015 at 17:10

Those dreams are nasty Caro, sounds as though they must be pretty realistic too.  When Max was a baby I had a dream that Mr TT and I were in a rocket going into space and the engines failed so we knew we were falling to our death and knew Max would be left all alone, it made me feel dreadful all day too.  Hope the dreams are not overflowing into your day.  Your meditation sounds ace, just squeezing in a quick session after the chaos of breakfast, sounds fab!

Yay to the tickets, who hosts that now?  Always used to enjoy it when we were in UK.

CM, I'm sure you have considered all sorts of ways to view your relationship with N but I sort of see it as though he helped ease you out of a relationship which was damaging you and not doing your kids any good.  Would you have stuck around longer if not for N?  If so, then meeting him was a really good thing as you know that leaving T was absolutely the right thing to do.

So sad hearing about your FIL's condition Caro, it really is the nastiest disease in all its forms.  Hope he gets his wish soon and doesn't have to suffer for much longer.

20/03/2015 at 20:04

Caro - yes, I have come across Kristin Neff, I think that was the first lot of reading I did. She is excellent. I'm going to order the book, I think. I definitely need to practise meditation. It is so hard - my brain is constantly working in overdrive! Mainly thoughts about him still being in touch with her I know they have exchanged a couple of emails over the last few weeks (he told me) but he insists they're not texting or calling now. I guess that's progress. Up until early Feb it was still escalating until I had the big apology and he promised he'd stop. Then we had a bit of a honeymoon period and I got too intense (I know I did!) and he went weird on me. he says he finds it uncomfortable how easily I could forgive. Well, I just did!  This is so very hard to admit, but I know I ahve been awful to him at times - I mean really awful. Manipulative and controlling. I know I do this. I really want to contact her and tell her to fuck off out of my life but I know it'll get back to him and make it worse. I'm trying to work on my own feelings instead of worrying about something I cannot control. It's all about control!! Church - it's very much been about private prayer. I've only been once since early December. I can't face it as it was always something we did as a family. Ben isn't going at all and seems to have completely turned his back in it. I know I would feel better if I went though. 

CM - sorry it's been so tough. You're really, definitely a very good person, you know

20/03/2015 at 21:39

Oh dear, i guess couple counselling is a lot different to just going for your own issues. CM- i am not sure i get your statement that what you did was vile and hurtful. It was not. What you did was react to a situation that was unhealthy for you and your children. That is not vile, that is normal. Why is it your fault that your marriage did not work? I dont see your relationship with N as being linked to your marriage - i see it as black and white. Do you love him or not? If so then you will find a way to make it work and if not then bollocks to counselling and move on? (Sorry thats a bit simplistic!)

Nuro - painful times indeed but hopefully you are both able to see enough good to work on. 

RF - hope you are ok and have managed to squeeze a bit of training in. I had details of a recce weekend in June so hope to get a swim in the actual lake and one lap of the bike route which will ease nerves?? 

Minks - fab to see sensible training having good results, less is definitely more then?! 

Eclipse??? Pah, i glanced up several times but wasnt even sure which way the moon was moving and it certainly didnt grab my attention enough to stop my ride! finially found my mojo and biked 56 miles (exactly half my IM distance) then swapped trainers and jogged for 30 mins which felt very tough! 

made the most of a leave day to hang washing on the line and get haircuts for me and the boys after school too

Anyone going to manchester tri show this weekend - there are swim, run and bike expos so not just for us iron fools. i am going Sunday. 

21/03/2015 at 08:20

Oo have fun Camlo!

nuro - it is amazing how you forgave him. I couldn't have. I can't forgive myself for having an affair with N. I hate myself for it. And even tho N is lovely, kind and caring I would rather ditch the relationship. I can't love him because of the fact we had an affair which was so wrong. And there is other stuff since then that I cant discuss on this forum (but doesn't involve more affairs - fear not!) which means I feel even more guilty and wretched about the relationship. I can't forgive myself. And I can't live with it in this relationship so It makes me want to finish it. N is gutted obvs. Which makes me feel bad too. 

21/03/2015 at 12:42

No Cm, i disagree with you. You either do love him or you dont. You do not get to choose so saying you 'cant' maybe means you dont? If i am wrong and he does light your fire then find a way of putting all the guilt crap away before it causes you more grief. 

Boo to bad dreams too! 

21/03/2015 at 12:52
I know it doesn't make any sense. It is however how I feel. And how do you deal with guilt if it is locked deep inside you? I did love N at one point. But as stuff has unfolded and I have made other decisions which I now also feel guilty about, it's like it has been poisoned. anyway. I'm off to see the sound of music musical with the small one this afternoon. Yay!!
22/03/2015 at 07:59

so definitely not feeling 100% and trying to work out if I'm ill or just fatigued.  The one thing I thought is got away with was fatigue, apart from during chemo, poss because I didn't have radiotherapy.  However yesterday morning at parkrun my legs felt like planks of wood being dragged round.  I was then shattered all day, had to go to bed for a bit in the afternoon and was back in bed at 8.30 pm!  I slept on and off last night and still feel shattered.  Admitted.y I did go out three times last wk-work quiz, theatre and dinner with a friend, but none of them were late nights and no alcohol was involved.   

Going to see in laws again today.....

22/03/2015 at 11:00
You've just started back at work caro. That is probably contributing towards it!
22/03/2015 at 18:36

Feeling more awake now.  Will have an easy week exercise wise and see how I get on.  Got our neighbour coming for dinner in a bit and have made an aubergine tagine, with cous cous and broccoli, followed by apple crumble - made with home grown apples that have been in the freezer for months!  Hope it's ok......

F in L may ask to have his feeding tube removed.  He asked us all what we thought today, I said it was up to him but we would support him no matter what.  Personally I think it's the right thing to do - it's not as if he's has the sense of hunger any more, so it's not like he'd be starving to death.  Not sure what they'd do about fluid in that situation - presumebaly he'd go on iv fluids or something.  He burst into tears as hubby said goodbye today.  M in L is being as difficult as ever - obviously she's suffering hugely but there are ways of making it easier and getting people on your side and then there's my M in L's way........

22/03/2015 at 19:26

Ah that's so sad Caro, how awful for you all to have to see him go like this and for him to have to make these choices too, lots of hugs.  Hope you feel a bit less tired soon too.  

I took anti histamine yesterday and today and its really made me drowsy - was just trying to read to the kids but was nodding off at the same time!!  V weird.

 

PG3
22/03/2015 at 20:50

Caro that's so sad  Poor F in L  I hope you feel a bit better for an easy week.  Your body has been through a lot.  Early nights and be kind to your body this week.

CM - hope you are ok.  I wish you could forgive yourself

Nurofen - I totally get the control thing.  I am way, way too controlling.  I work on it quite a lot but my default position is to control.  Dont contact the woman.  You wont get anything positive out of it and probably just wish you hadnt.  Keep dignified.  Rant on here if you want to contact her and have a go.

A bit of a sh*tty weekend here.  Too much conflict.  Nothing new, same old, same old. Friends again now but one of those weekends where I am glad its almost Monday and its time to go to work, oh but then i remember it stinks there too.  Great....

22/03/2015 at 21:20

Ah no PG3, that's crap, sorry to hear you had rubbish weekend And also that work is s**t too. Sending hugs to you ((((((()))))).

Caro- that must be so hard to see but I can see a feeding tube just prolonging life. Difficult decision. Hope you feel less tired, lots of early nights and don't so too much. Look after yourself missus x

Kinsey- u will be wanting to get too bed early then!!!!

CM- hope u enjoyed the sound of musical with E. Oh flip what do I say but as the others say you should not feel guilty and defo need to like yourself more. Easier said than done I know but please try. You are such a great mum and person. T was a complete t****r and you needed to get out. What's your plans when you are up here??? Still planning Loch Ness next Sunday?

22/03/2015 at 21:27

Nurofen- sorry to hear u are also going thro hard time, sounds very tense and difficult. No please don't contact her although I know I would want to punch her in the mouth. Sending hugs.

so many relationship troubles at the moment, it's very sad. CC- hope you survived another weekend x

Camlo- thanks for asking; my training continues. Only missed one swim session this week. Have burnt 4500 calories so no wonder I am eating all the food but sadly not all healthy, oooooops!!!!!! Longest ever bike ride, 58 miles, whoop whoop. Actually did enjoy it as rode with a friend who is a bit faster than me so it makes me push my self a wee bit. Well done on your long bike and a R n of it also, check u out, that's fab. I am still slow at swimming, sob. Cannot imagine swimming the IM distance in a lake with hundreds of people kicking me in the face, OMG.

ach canna mind anything else now so I have finished my wine and am tired so better get too bed. Up at 5.30 am for a long day at work. Stay strong lovely ladies x

22/03/2015 at 22:19

CM - i know i was being harsh and of course its easy for someone else looking in to give their tuppence worth. You make choices with the information and experience you have at that specific time. You make choices to suit your whole family not just you, to take account of finances, work, support, the weather, your favourite colour and a whole raft of other things. You do things in good faith therefore you should not feel guilty about those decisions. You can not control the past but you can change the future. Well done to J doing the mile swim!! Wow! 

RF - loads of info and tips at the tri show today! You can, you will do it (Say out loud, i can, i will and repeat).... Having wobbles is to be expected and embraced then, as you do a good session, it will give you confidence. 

Caro - tough call with feeding tube as it may give the impression you are or are not fighting but then you already know that. 

Kinsey - hay fever started early in your house?? I had to take one yesterday too but no idea what had set me off? 

Yay to fab runs today and boo to ongoing squabbles.

Brilliant time at the tri show today, wanted a new saddle, a wettie and some trainers. Got a saddle on a 60 day trial, found a wettie reduced from £500 to £95 which fitted like a glove (a tight glove mind) and then at the end hubby won a pair of ZOOT trainers and while choosing them we haggled another 2 pairs for moi. Got some swim tips and listened to a session about training for an ironman.... Result!!!!! 

23/03/2015 at 01:01

I'v been on the hayfever tablets for the last 4 days, only thing growing here is the gorse bushes and the odd crocus so God only knows where all the pollen in coming from

23/03/2015 at 06:12

Mine is tree pollen or hawthorn I think - trees have started flowering here so it's that presumably.  Felt so awful yesterday think I might just go with the runny nose today!!

Right, my boobs are misbehaving, I went to the doc at the beginning of the year as I still have milk and it will be two years in June since i stopped feeding B.  The doc tested to see if my hormone levels were normal and they apparently are.  I have left them alone since I saw the doc in Jan and then the other day I got that feeling you get when you are bf like my milk had come in.  Too weird.  Anyway have still got milk and when I expressed a bit I also had some blood coming out of one duct!!!  No lumps detected.  Does anyone have any idea what is going on before I go back to the doc as I'm not having much success with googling even!

23/03/2015 at 07:13

Kinsey - back to Dr. Having milk would not worry me at all but blood defo would.

Spent the night dreaming about schedules, too much planning, reading and poncing and not enough actual training..... 

23/03/2015 at 07:45

Blood is worrying but I can still get milk if I try too. 

23/03/2015 at 07:59

Camlo, my friend just did Melbourne IM in just over 11hours - slightly in awe of how she does it!!  No kids though or husband to plan around!!

Will go to the doc again, thanks for the early replies by the way, good to see I'm not the only one hanging around on here at breakfast time!

23/03/2015 at 08:02

GO BACK TO THE DR AND DEMAND A REFERRAL!!  Not worth waiting around for.  You know your own boobs, and not everyone finds a lump.  My friend didn't have a classic lump, Dr did a non urgent referral and guess what.......I don't need to fill in the blanks. 

Tri show sounds good!

CM this was in an interview with Jimmy McGovern in yesterdays Times mag and I thought of you.

(Catholic) guilt runs through everything I do.  As a child I was taught that guilt comes from the strict examination of consciousness, and I've never forgotten that.  You have to try to be totally aware of what you've done wrong and look at it from all angles.  So you end up feeling guilty about everything.  I'll be awake at night thinking about all the people I've hurt or slighted in some way.  And as the years go by, the more and more I seem to remember.

In your case it's not catholic guilt (which has a lot to answer for in my life that's for sure!) but somewhere along the line you've learnt that you need to 'pay' for things you've done, with lots of self blame thrown in for good measure.  Really hard to unlearn behaviour and mindsets that have been so ingrained from such an early age, but so sad to see you constantly beat yourself up.  

OK it's freezing again here.  Where did spring go?

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