'Scientific' Laws of healthy eating

Thread for similar 'proven' information

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19/11/2002 at 14:28
'Scientific' Laws of healthy eating

1. Modern transportation methods cause the breakdown of all fat and calories in imported food (eg Belgian chocolate)

2. Fruit breaks down all fat and calories in any foodstuff it touches (eg banana splits & Terry's chocolate orange)

3. All food consumed for charity (eg Children in Need cakes etc) is good for you

4. Breaking biscuits releases their fat and calories (as there appears to be a slight time delay in this effect, it is better to eat broken biscuits & those bits that sit at the bottom of the tin)

5. The brain activates a fat creating chemical reaction when it receives a message from the eye that sweet/fat/calorie intensive food is on it's way - by eating with your eyes closed this reaction is avoided (especially effective for chocolate eclairs)

NB no responsibility is accepted for any actions taken as a result of the publication of this information, particularly not for any dry cleaning bills associated with Law 5.
19/11/2002 at 16:08
Any food consumed stood up has no calorific value.
19/11/2002 at 16:16

Rather better argued than the case for the Atkins diet. It's still a load of dingo's kidneys though!


I thought the standing up thing was something to do with pregnancy???
19/11/2002 at 16:24
fairly traded foods and organic foods are health foods and therefore should be eaten in large quantities

Dubble (comic relief) chocolate is a good deed and therefore not a sin

Food doesnt have a consciousness therefore cannot distinguish between right and wrong therefore no food is evil ;- }}

foods bought in healthfood shops eg flapjacks oat cookies crunchy bars organic chocolate and flapjacks are healthy and therefore should be eaten everyday preferably in large quanties

carbohydrate and chocolate increase serotonin and therefore are medication (and should be available on prescription eh VRap ; -}})

Chocolate oranges are aromatherapy treatments as are any other highly spiced foods

Foods eaten and shared whilst online are virtual foods and therefore virtually calorie free

foods eaten whilst supportind people in distress are virtuous and therefore 'good'
(supporting people in distress may include - going to the pub at lunchtime, going for a coffee, etc)
19/11/2002 at 16:36
The phrase "too much cheese" is as meaningful as the sound of one hand clapping.
19/11/2002 at 16:47
Colour co-ordinated foods negate each other out i.e chocolate with hot chocolate, foods eaten while drunk don't count and if no-one sees you eat it then it didn't happen!!!
19/11/2002 at 17:12
No food eaten by anyone on this forum will make you fatter. Ever.*

* - note: runners doing less than 200 miles a week may not experience this effect
19/11/2002 at 17:20
I loved the quote from David Bedford in a recent Running and Fitness: "when you run 120 miles a week you can drink as much as you like"
19/11/2002 at 17:26
om if you chant while eating after yoga then all the calories are reincarnated

om mane padme mmmmmm
19/11/2002 at 17:49
Chewing and digesting certain foods uses up more calories than those contained in the food itself.

Unfortunately, the only foods for which this property has been claimed in more than one publication are hard-boiled eggs, raw celery, and unsweetened grapefruit.

Maybe it applies to dingo's kidneys too. Anyone desperate enough to put it to the test?
19/11/2002 at 17:52
Vrap is that hardboiled eggs, raw celery and unsweetened grapefruit smoothie?
19/11/2002 at 17:53
19/11/2002 at 17:59
crisps are made of potato and are therefore a legitimate vegetable but aren't counted as one of the five portions (they're counted as carbs) so you can eat as much as you like especially in prep for big race :o)
19/11/2002 at 18:08
once you have eaten 5 portions of fruit* and vegetables you can eat as much of anything you like

*fruit - anything that smells or tastes fruity like chocolate oranges or black cherry gateaux or key lime pie etc
19/11/2002 at 18:09
5 carrot cakes
19/11/2002 at 18:11
4 chocolate oranges
19/11/2002 at 18:12
3 raspberry ripples
19/11/2002 at 18:13
2 cherry flapjacks
19/11/2002 at 18:13
and a partridge in a pear tree !
19/11/2002 at 18:16
Bune -- you can compose the fittie forum Xmas song :o)
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