I've never run before and by the end of August 2010 I couldn't even stand up let alone walk/run because I've been suffering from a form of psychosis.
People won't talk about their own experience with mental health problems and as you'll see if you do take a look at my page even I'm quite coy about it ... so as an experiment here's the public pitch and the real story;
[http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/AshleighPatten]
I'm running Edinburgh Marathon in support of the Mental Health Foundation. The MHF have invested significant amounts of time and money into researching the best ways to help people with mental illness manage their lives. One of the key strategies identified is exercise to promote mental well being.
I am running to make myself better and it's a real privilege to do something more than that too. Exercising just for my own benefit has been fantastic but doing it to help others who are suffering is just amazing. I feel less isolated and alone than I have for years because I feel all the other people who'll benefit from the MHF's work there with me as I train.
So that's the public pitch ... I'm not particularly ashamed of the more detailed version or so fragile I can't stand to talk about it so if you want to ask a question please feel free. It's sometimes nice to be able to talk about something that has been such a big part of my life for so long, even if it hasn't always been a pleasant presence. .
Psychosis is essentially a break with reality.
The psychosis very nearly killed me over the summer as I went for 30 days on a diet of just water because I believed everything was contaminated. At the end of August I couldn't manage to walk downstairs because the muscles in my legs had wasted making it difficult to support my own (dramatically reduced) body weight. A walk from the car into the hospital for routine blood tests proved too much and I collapsed as my BP fell to 63/38 and my heart continued to beat irregularly.
Fortunately I've come through it now, but the experience has had a profound affect on me. I almost feel that I need to justify being alive. I feel like I need to do more and to be more. Complaining that I hadn't achieved anything or was worthless just wasn't good enough, I realised that if I couldn't respect myself then the solution was obvious, do something to be proud of....so here I am.
My very first run was in October, I managed half a mile with about 4 stops, from there I worked really hard and ran my first half marathon at the end of November. (It was pitifully slow at 2.20 but completed without stopping, walking or passing out!)
All the altruism aside I just love running, I've discovered that I never hallucinate when I run so it's a little piece of each day which is peaceful and safe. On days where I'm really tortured by voices and people others can't see breaking out for a run is like breathing clean air again. I'd be running even without the marathon to complete but with the marathon comes a sense of purpose and achievement.
http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/AshleighPatten
Edited: 14/02/2011 at 23:38
