Nick.M -
A lot of my ladies get all flustered and confused about reading Ron’s thread – you’re not a lady, are you Nick? Anyway, as I was saying, my ladies, bless their little cotton socks, often find it just too much to cope with and that’s when I tell them to remember PPPP.
PPPP – that's Preconceived Patination of Permutable Proprioperception. Sounds good, doesn’t it? I think so.
I always try to make my acronyms at least twice as long as everybody else’s. I think this is important. MMMM, ZZZZ – do you see the really clever thing about them? Spotted it? Yes, that’s right, they're all us the same letter repeated four times. You see, there's more to this training lark than meets the eye.
My ladies, of course, say to me “Achilles, Persistent Pattern of Patronising Peregrinations. That makes no bloody sense, I mean it’s not even English”. And there you have it in a nutshell. Ladies! I mean, they’re lovely creatures right, but let’s face it, you can’t expect too much of them. Being ladies, they're never going to understand much you say, which means you can feed them pretty much any old tosh and they'll lap it up.
You can't expect them to make much of this running lark either, for that matter. And yet they all want to be distance athletes - I mean, please. Let's face it, ladies just aren't cut out for this sort of thing. Some days I feel like telling them, "Look, love, the only thing you'll ever be any good at running up is a dressmaker's bill." Do they still have dressmakers? I don't know, perhaps I need to get out more.
Look, I’ve got to rush off for five minutes, got to use the toilet, actually. But meanwhile I’ve arranged for Briseis (that’s her indoors, bless her) to do a couple of postings for me while I’m gone. Lovely lady. Won’t ever make first base as a runner, between you and me, but as you can see I’ve got her well-trained.
Won’t be long, everybody. I know you can’t wait for me to get back.
Oh and before I go, did I mention that I’m writing a movie all about me and my fool-proof training methods? Did I mention that? Perhaps I ought to index this whole thread just to check. Anyway, that’s right, a movie and Tom Hanks has agreed to play me, which is obviously very nice for him. Tom loves the script, he just keeps telling me he doesn’t understand a word. And I say to him, “Tom, you big girl’s blouse, you’re just as bad as one of my ladies! Don’t you understand Simple English?” Makes me wonder if he’s right for the part.
Don’t anyone go away, I’ll be right back.