how to train with a partner that doesn't understand why

21 to 39 of 39 messages
18/01/2013 at 14:10

i think Ric has hit the nail on the head above.  As long as you are pulling your share with the kids and her you are on stable ground regards your long run.  as long as you do it a  reasonable time so it doesnt impact on family life she should learn to get used to it.   This isnt about long runs really though.

she has her things, you have yours, others you do together

18/01/2013 at 14:14

Bloody hell!

I can't believe my luck with my missus and running.

She always encourages me to go out at 7:00 pm every Tuesday and Friday and to be out at least 2 hours.

Ok, so it belongs in the category of 'send a joke to a rest home'.

Edited: 18/01/2013 at 14:16
18/01/2013 at 15:27
I think Mr Puffy is on the money here - this isn't about the running, it's something else. I spend my working hours counselling couples, so I've got some experience to fall back on.

Personally, I don't go with the suggestions to ignore her and get on with it. If Ed wants to stay in the relationship (he hasn't mentioned leaving) then they might as well work this out. Otherwise, looking into my crystal ball, I foresee more of the same for sometime to come and misery all round....
18/01/2013 at 17:08

Now that a professional in these matters in the form of WW has arrived, I shall take a respectful step backwards.

 

18/01/2013 at 19:03
Not so wise about my own relationship, mind
18/01/2013 at 19:41

I do wonder if people in relationships think the deal is about winning a contest or gaining control of the other person.

My own relationship is just co-operation. Also lucky my missus gets on with anyone.

Here's a pic of her chatting to one of her mates. (she's the one in the black jacket)

http://s4.runnersworld.co.uk/members/images/493151/gallery/mum_and_her_mate_di.tif4.png?width=350

 

19/01/2013 at 16:51
Edited: 19/01/2013 at 22:23
20/01/2013 at 07:18

Perfectly valid post NN. Second thoughts about it maybe?

20/01/2013 at 08:00
I find it hard to comprehend when partners are jealous of their OHs keeping fit and healthy (as long as they pull their weight elsewhere).

It's not as if they are down the pub or something!
20/01/2013 at 08:23
Running Kev wrote (see)
I find it hard to comprehend when partners are jealous of their OHs keeping fit and healthy (as long as they pull their weight elsewhere).

It's not as if they are down the pub or something!


+1

20/01/2013 at 08:27

Subconcious jealously? Either of the time you have to yourself, the fact you have something you are passionate about she doesn't, or that you are doing something that makes you more healthy/fit than she is? 

If you can keep to times that are not intrusive to the rest of your lives together that's great (especially with the kids). There are certainly worse habits to have. But I dont have kids so I dont think I could ever understand what your missus is feeling and whether she has any right to.

20/01/2013 at 08:32

and really like the biking when you are running idea - getting them involved in your training will be great for you as well! have a little fanbase alongside.  

 

20/01/2013 at 13:30
RicF wrote (see)

Perfectly valid post NN. Second thoughts about it maybe?

Something like that..

Edited: 20/01/2013 at 13:32
20/01/2013 at 18:06

A good book which covers this area in some depth (the area being family resentments against the running) is the Zen of Running.

I live with a runner though, so it doesn't apply to me, but when I wasn't a 'runner', yes of course I could get resentful about the time she spent running.  What I didn't realise was that although running isn't like work - it's not something that needs to be done to maintain the roof over our heads - but neither is sleep, but it's hugely important we sleep.  Running for many is just like sleep.  It mightn't earn us money, but it's just as vital.

Can you get up early and run so it doesn't infring on family life?

20/01/2013 at 18:38
My husband thinks I'm a bit crazy but then he knows how happy I am and dedicated to it and he doesn't mind so much.

I try to run early mornings it at the weekend - he does get a bit annoyed if I'm out for half the day but that's where it ends. He's a very chilled out guy when it comes to me being away but sees it as my 'me' time.

Talking about it is key. Work out why they're upset and understand it and come to a common agreement. If its because they don't they get their own alone time - sort it out. Give them that Saturday afternoon at the shops or Sunday morning and work around it.
24/01/2013 at 07:50
I am pretty new to running, but once I'd started to get into it I talked my husband into starting couch to 5k along with me. Sunday mornings one find us drives the car about 5k away and runs home along the I've path. The other one then runs out and picks the car up.

I'm trying to do 3 runs a week - which is hard to fit around the kids (age 8 and 5) and jobs, but the second run I'm doing when they're at school (and I'm off) on a friday morning and the third I'm going to start taking our 8 year old to his karate lesson and run whilst he's there. It's essentially 'dead time' anyway. So the Sunday morning run is the only one that cuts into 'family' time.
24/01/2013 at 08:50

Shona what a great idea with the car !

My last two partners have also been runners, which you would think was perfect, but both always seem to be getting injured (nothing to do with me honest) whereas I luckily stay injury free...problem I found was the jealousy towards me on these occasions !! I consider myself very easy going and have never minded what a partner does as a hobby...I just dont seem to have been able to find someone who is as accepting of mine,

Edited: 24/01/2013 at 08:51
24/01/2013 at 13:36
It works really well night nurse - mainly because it forces both of us to actually get out there and run! We're currently working on extending it (very gradually!) up to 10k.
24/01/2013 at 13:50

I used to resent the time my OH was out running as I saw it as a waste of time that we could be spending together - he sees his daughter on Sunday's so always did his long run on a Saturday which I considered to be 'my day'.  Anyway, I began running myself and now I'm not bothered - I do my long run on whichever day suits me and he's fine with it - I also now appreciate the time it takes to cover the mileage (I'm a slow runner!!) and the time I get to myself doing something for me when I can just think about any old thing that comes into my head. 

When he's in 'proper' training and out doing uber distances, I just make the most of the time by seeing friends, baking, taking the dog out, doing my own long run or just chilling at home.  Ultimately he's going to do it anyway, regardless of whether I like it or not, so rather than fight about it I just accepted it and turned it to my advantage. 

Fortunately for me, we don't have kids, so that makes it a bit easier for us. But even if we did I would never tell him he couldn't go out running - I would just expect a little common sense to be applied in that he fit it around family life.


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