241 to 260 of 269 messages
Rafiki    pirate
21/05/2012 at 12:41

Slagiatt - it was still most amusing despite the formatting! Sounds like you guys had a great weekend!!

Slagiatt    pirate
21/05/2012 at 12:45

Silent Assassins DIY 70.3

Day one , 5 am start to drive up with Slags Mate Tony for supporting duty, I will let the race reports of BB Plodder , Horse , Moving Along , Mrs SA and Cake tell the story but will just say from my point of view it was a great day and myself and SMT were pleased to have been able to help out .
Must just say though, Cake.. what a legend covered in mud from the ride in, sporting  the biggest nicotine patch I’ve  ever seen , and wearing what can only be described as school socks.. just the most amazing character.... basically think  winnie the poohs "tigger" in a pirate shirt , an infectious happiness kind of a guy.
Sat night .. Hotel from hell ... Beware of posh sounding hotels with impossibly cheap rooms.. the Britannia in Stockport .. what a toilet ( the hotel not the town) . Filthy room- check, bed linen that stinks of cigarettes - check , fire alarm going off every few mins from 11-midnight - check , stag party in the rooms either side- check... yep all the ingredients for a perfect nights sleep.   
Breakfast served from 8 but "Ze Germans" start queuing from about 7 ,  glad we weren’t bothering and instead on the breakfast of champions , cereal bars and SIS supplements.

Race day


A short ride from SA HQ down to the leisure centre . Rack the bike against the wall and join the queue waiting for the pool to open. The tills opened at 10 on the dot, and we make our way through. left my bike shorts top and HRM in change room and head to  the water . Schoolboy errors 1 & 2 occur in quick succession.. 1, forgetting to press start button on stopwatch , 2, Joining the swim lane occupied by Marshallini , Doner Kebab , and SA. OK so lets be clear from the outset Marshilini is not "normal" i think he is actually the product of a Secret Swiss Genetics laboratory experiment whose aim was to create some kind of triathlon monster . Somewhere in that genetic mix there must be dolphin DNA cos the man goes through the water faster that Katie price goes through fellas. Can only apologise to the three of you for keep being in the way so often .. on the brightside i got more feet rubbing action in those 45 mins than i have done in 12 years of marriage .. so lapped by Marshallini about 30 times , and by the others about 5 or 6 times.  My laps finaly complete .. most of the others now long gone, just SMT on his final lap remains. Quick shower to de-chlorinate a bit into the change room and begin the dance of a fat wet man trying to put on a compression top thats probably  already a size too small. Out to the bike and on with shoes socks and pirate shirt... back in to the leisure centre for a quick wee .. then finally ready to go, now firmly in last spot after my less than rapid T1 



Edited: 21/05/2012 at 12:47
Slagiatt    pirate
21/05/2012 at 12:48

part 2


Pleased that i remembered the way back to the start of the bike loops. About a mile or so in to the loop and on the horizon i can  see a yellow shirt, managed to close in on that shirt and by the first left turn and am within a few metres of  SMT. Traded places a few  times on the hills and past the feed station for the first time. Jordy, Mrs SA and Grandpa SA doing a grand  job of supporting. Lap 2 and 3 fairly uneventful, myself and SMT trading places , one or other opening up a few hundred metres , then getting reigned back in again.  I nearly skittled super Marshallini when i looked over my shoulder at one point to see where SMT was , drifted out a bit in the process at the very moment Marshallini was about to pass at warp factor 5.. sorry fella .. well avoided. (the DNA mix now thought to contain some dolphin and some lance armstrong). Gear issues started on lap 4 .. i think the result of my temporary wheel bearing fix that had changed the rear mech to sprockets alignment just slightly.. attempts to resolve with adjustment on down tube tensioner just made matters worse but eventually got to a point where it didn’t jump about too much. Lap 4 , starting to hurt now, the hills aren’t hard , but are relentless and just nowhere to recover before the next one arrives.. it was a good reminder of the IMW course .. but fortunately minus a wisemans and saundersfoot. Lap 5 and Doner Kebab comes past me going strong, Lap 6 and settling in to things a bit better now, making better use of the aero bars and making a better job of the hills, feeling less inclined to admit defeat and instead turning up the effort. Lap 7 (may have been 6) , passed by Bobby Nobby but discover i am not being lapped this time but that instead he unfortunately had some navigation issues at the start and had had a bit of a scenic route. Marshallini flashed past again at some point.  Last few laps seemed to go past pretty quickly left knee starting to complain a bit by lap 10 but the super strength nurofen are waiting for me at t2 so just try to keep the effort biased to the right on the climbs and it'll be fine.   Pass bike feed for last time and on to T2 , small navigational issue getting back to SA HQ (T2) but only 30 seconds or so.
Enter T2 .. delighted to see SA DK , BN still there albeit just about to depart, so my bike time must have been at least vaguely respectable

Slagiatt    pirate
21/05/2012 at 12:50

finally- Run

Lap 1
Painful .. knee hurting , toes still dead from the ride.. ran a little bit then decided a better strategy might be to walk until pain killers started to work their magic and sensation returned to my feet.  This took a bit longer than i had hoped and resulted in most of lap 1 being a walk. Passed by coulorin going strong , and then by Marshallini going like  japanese train ( DNA mix now though to contain a bit of Dolphin, Lance Armstrong, James Kwambai and Usain Bolt). Getting a little concerned about another issue  that started on the ride.. that being blurred vision in left eye .. had assumed it was a fly or sweat or other muck, but after lap 1 of run no better.. Mrs SA confirmed no obvious foreign bodies and its not hurting , just like looking through a steamed up window if i cover my right eye (not that i look through a lot of steamed up windows , not since the court order anyway).
Lap 2
Probably spent a bit too long gabbing at feed station but off on to lap 2 with a run 4+ walk 1 stategy.. (The 4+ being four mins or to a geographic milestone that i'd set as a goal that may take a bit longer ) Pain killers doing their thing.. toes now functional again.. eye still fogged up

Lap 3
No issues .. the run walk strategy going well... running for longer before walk intervals.

Lap 4
Pass SA HQ for the last time with a promise of a sausage sarnie when i finish .. just me plodding round now pleased to be passing the landmarks for the last time, stopped at feed 2 to thank grandpa and grandma SA for their hospitality and willingness to sit in their front garden all day with a pasting table full of bottles whilst the curtains twitched at their neighbours houses thinking they had totally lost the plot. Ran all the way home to SA HQ where the Pirate massive were all still waiting  .
Dont know the exact time as i didnt start my watch , but i estimate swim start at 10:10 , and finish at 17:20 so 7:10 +/- 10 mins.. 
i probably should take this stuff more seriously

A fabulous weekend .. The Assassins & Jordy are just the nicest people and laid on a spectacular event matched with their spectacular hospitality.  Great to meet up with so many pirates and finally have faces to go with the forum names. Fantastic bunch of people and pleased to have been part of the experience.  See you all at outlaw/wales

MovingAlong    pirate
21/05/2012 at 12:50

Hopefully this works:


Having dropped off me bike the day before to Mr and Mrs SA I was fairly confident of finding my way to theirs again on Sat morning. Dropped Mrs MovingAlong at the train station, typed in the postcode to my satnav and merrily drove towards their house. At the 2nd set of lights was a little alarmed to find the Sat Nav thought I was in Holland! Having driven round Macc and being lost for 30 mins thought it best to phone ahead and let people know I was still coming. This would be a sign of things to come.

The pre-race briefing was mainly about a sharp left after a left hand bend, and then also an avoidance of standing water and gravel on another left turn. Then we headed off as a group to the swimming pool, at which point I felt knackered.


Luckily we seemed to manage to get a lane to ourselves, and pretty much managed to get round without too much touching of feet. I found myself drafting behind Horse for quite a while (thanks for that Horse!) and thus managed to get out in just under 41 mins - much faster than expected. The highlight was inadvertedly holding hands with Cake at one end of the pool


This was a drawn out affair. Took a while sorting all my stuff out, and felt quite relaxed changing in the swimming pool changing rooms. It was a long change as I was using this as a full dry run for Outlaw, so on came the cycling jersey, jacket and bib shorts - and a quick toilet stop maybe explains the 8 minute time! Still, I was planning for 10 at Outlaw, so 2 minutes in the bag


Garmin didn't pick up immediately so I clocked the route as just over 54 miles (and looking at the map, think the Garmin picked up after about a mile - so perhaps a total 55.x which is close enough for me!). No idea how many laps I did, my brain was still realling from the lap counting in the pool. My thoughts of the bike course were effectively about 2.5 miles of gentle down, followed by 2.5 miles of gentle up. Mind you the bike leg was nearly cut very short by some old codger on a roundabout who decided not to use his indicators and aim for me!

On my 2nd lap I bumped into Cake. He'd apparently managed to get lost and was wondering if he could follow for a bit to work things out (I decided not to mention my journey to the race in the morning).

Throughly enjoyed the first 4 laps, the next 4 were more trying to take corners faster and faster (including on one lap misjudging the tough left mentioned in the safety brief!). Never really nailed the corner with standing water, always taking it much wider and slower than I should have. Only time I tried the racing line I hit the pothole!

The final laps become a bit of a grind and I was looking forward to jumping off the bike. Only other point worth mentioning is to the fantastic feed station crew. I didn't need to take a bottle by decided to on 1 lap in order to (a) practice for Outlaw, (b) give them something to do - every lap they jumped up waving bottles and I felt guilty giving the thumbs down!

A bike split of 3hrs 23mins was a bit faster than I was expecting, but I did get carried away on the first few laps before remembering I wasn't doing a sprint and backing things off a little. Need to be aware of this for Outlaw and be cautious at the start of the cycle.


Sitting in SA & Mrs SA garage legs felt a bit done in from the bike and so I was a bit worried about what was coming next. After SA offered me everything to eat and drink under the sun I declined it all and parted from the seat with a single gel in my hand and my trainers on my feet. A grand total of 3 minutes in T2.

The Run

To keep up with the proceeding

MovingAlong    pirate
21/05/2012 at 12:51

Nearly worked. Here comes the run bit:

The Run

To keep up with the proceedings of the day I missed the 2nd run sign and nearly went the wrong way. Normally I'd just plough on, but wisely today I thought it better to back track my steps to the last sign. Then at the end of the 1st lap I missed one of the signs after the feed station and was somewhat shocked when having a little walk break when Mrs SA asked if everything was ok. I said I'm fine, just having a walk break, and she said thats cool, but you're not on the run course! Ah well, turned out I did a tiny bit extra. At the end of the lap SA explained where I'd gone wrong and sure enough there was right turn I'd missed.

Lap 2 was good. Lap 3 started to feel hard, but after a quick gel managed to feel better. It was also on this lap (I think!) that I found a lost Cake!

At the end of the lap 3 I also passed 2 lads. As they saw me I overheard them saying 'Ah, it all makes sense now. I've been wondering what the f--- all these pirate signs have been for'. Can't remember whether it was Lap 3 or 4, but a bloke who'd been working on his car turned round and asked if I was mad. I replied probably, but then asked him if he knew the latest football score, which seemed to make me seem at least semi normal to him and saved him called the emergency services.

Lap 4 seemed to go on forever, and felt like someone had somehow expanded Macclesfield. Still felt fairly good though and even tried a sprint finish, but some evil sod had put the finish at the top of a steep hill.


All in all a cracking day. Really, really enjoyed myself, and its been the ideal big weekend ahead of Outlaw and given some extra motivation to crack on with the final weeks of training. Great to meet so many new great people and now can't wait until Outlaw!


All approximate because I didn't always remember to lap the watch immediately, but certainly not a million miles away:

Swim - 40m 42s
T1 - 8m 14s
Bike - 3hrs 22m 52s
T2 - 3m 01s
Run - 2hrs 7m 53s

Total - 6hrs 22m 43s

Lee the Pea    pirate
21/05/2012 at 13:15

Fabulous race reports folks, keep em coming

Razor51    pirate
21/05/2012 at 13:50

Slag,MA...brilliant race reports and again well done.

I won't be posting my race report... but I did get my hug and kiss off Cake..

MA... how did your 10k go?

MovingAlong    pirate
21/05/2012 at 14:24

10k was good. Paced Mrs MovingAlong to 58m 51s so shes happy to finally duck under the 1 hour barrier for 10k. Legs were feeling it yesterday afternoon / evening though!

Had bike fit this morning - quite a few adjustments so fingers crossed back pain finally goes!

21/05/2012 at 14:44

Brilliant race reports    Will post mine in a bit.

bburn plO.dder    pirate
21/05/2012 at 15:40

Arrived at SA's street at about 9.15am Saturday morning, and instantly knew I was in the right place when I spotted a gaggle of pirates waving enthusiastically from the pavement. Unpacked my stuff, and gave SA my T1 carrier bag to take up to the pool. Then realised that I actually needed cycling shoes and helmet to ride to the pool, so had to quickly retrieve them back again.

Nice gentle cycle to the pool, chatted to Horse, and found out that he's from the same neck of the woods as me.


As others have mentioned, we manage to grab a lane for ourselves, so off we set. I had my swim counter, otherwise there is no way on earth I could have counted 76 lengths. I don't possess that level of concentration. Anyway, after 47mins I was done. By then there was just me and Cake left in the pool. Cake was kind enough to remind me that I was done, so I left him just finishing off his last few, and got out the pool. I then realised it might of been a good idea to bring a towel with me.

Never mind, I plodded through the changing rooms, along the corridor and out of the main reception leaving a dripping wet trail behind me. H&S nightmare


Had a bit of a dither in T1 about what to wear, what a girl ! Finally decided I didn't need the waterproof coat I'd packed, as the sun was shining , well sort of!! So off I set, forgetting to eat the energy bar I'd packed in my T1 carrier bag.

11 laps of a nice scenic undulating course. Nothing too hilly, and a couple of nice downhills where I could go weeeeeeee!!! The first lap seemed short, and I happily approached the feed station all waves and smiles.

The next few laps seemed to get longer, but then I settled into a rhythm and completely forgot how many I'd done, and just kept going round and round. I amused myself spotting landmarks on the course - a weird black rubber thing quite early on, a empty box from a kids play set, and towards the end, on one of the hilly bits, a copy of The Sun stuck in the hedge (I assume it was The Sun - it looked like page 3, but I didn't want to look too closely. I'm sure there were boobs ). I also saw a rabbit and a pheasant.

I came across Mrs SA after a few laps and then a bit later Cake. It was great to see the familiar yellow and black in the distance, and then have a bit of chat.

The feed station was a real lift every lap, I found myself looking forward to seeing them each time I approached that section, a great encouragement! On one lap i enjoyed getting a waft of chips as I whizzed past. 

After the last lap I was heading to T2 feeling pleased that I hadn't had any disasters, when somebody opened a car door right in front of me. Major wobbly moment as I swerved to avoid it, but I managed to stay on the bike, thankfully.


Edited: 21/05/2012 at 15:41
bburn plO.dder    pirate
21/05/2012 at 15:58


Entered T2, got off at the dismount line on SA's drive. My legs instantly felt like jelly, and I was faffing about trying to take my running watch off my bike handlebars. SA was great, he helped me with my watch and took my bike and offered me just about everysort of food/drink/nutrition. I settled on a banana, scoffed that, and then I was off.

My legs were sluggish, and it felt like I was running through treacle, but after about 10minutes they settled down and as my mind started to wander, I realised I was desperate for the loo. Oh no!! I spent most of the first lap looking for a suitable bush to hide behind. I was struggling, as the run was mostly through residential areas. I was starting to wonder if I would make it back to the feedstation for a loo stop, when I spotted a clump of trees and bushes (just past the fire station). Phew, what a relief .

Each of the laps of the run got harder and harder.  On lap 3 I tried flat coke for the first time running, no ill affects, so that bodes well for Outlaw.

At about 11 miles, my poorly ankle started to really ache, but with just 2 miles to go, I had a word with myself, gritted my teeth and got on with it. As I approached the end of lap 4, I was delighted to see that my OH and my two girls had arrived just in time to see me finish. My girls held up the pirate flag for me to run through, and then thankfully I could stop .

My timings are a bit sketchy, but my swim counter recorded 47minutes for the 76 lengths. And my Garmin made it 3hrs 49mins on the bike and 2hrs 20mins run. I didn't measure my times in transition, but overall it was about 7hrs 10min . Well pleased with that!! I am delighted to have completed the distance. It's the furthest I've ever done.

I wore my HRM for the bike and swim, and I averaged 74% of max on both the bike and run, so that's pretty much where it should be.

Again, a million thankyou's to Mr & Mrs SA, Jordy, SA's parents and all the other pirates for all their support and encouragement. It was brilliant


Outlaw - Bring It On!!!



MovingAlong    pirate
21/05/2012 at 16:04

BBPloder - Fantastic race report. Strange how you spotted all the same things on the bike course as me! I also had a near encounter with 2 lambs that had spotted a hole in a gate, but as I went flying* past decided that their field was the nicer option. Oh, and it looked like a copy of the Sun

* Flying = artist licence

VTd    pirate
21/05/2012 at 18:10

Love these reports and love the camaraderie building up.  This childish excitement really floats my boat.

Razor51    pirate
21/05/2012 at 18:24

Nice one Cake, loved your report and nice to see you again.

Iron Muffin    pirate
21/05/2012 at 19:21

Awesome racing, reports and general pirating.

Reading back has made up some of the disappontment on missing out. Did a similar day myself today, although the run was cut short as a bloomin puncture took me over half an hour to sort.

See you at Outlaw


21/05/2012 at 20:26

FOUND   One Raleigh foot pump.  Any takers?

21/05/2012 at 20:49
Ah yes that would be mine.
Horse,    pirate
21/05/2012 at 21:45
Great race reports, here's my effort. I'll keep it as brief as possible.
Friday 18th May, "Razor what time do you want picking up in the morning?"
" I give you a bell later and let you know" okay nice one.
7pm..... No call .... 8pm .... No call, thinking to myself, oh maybe he's not going, bad leg and all.
Any excuse for me not to do it. 9pm phone rings. "Des pick me up at 8 and don't be late, wanna get there in plenty of time check out the course and sort yourself out.. Have you got everything? " yes coach"
"Good should be a nice little tester for you".
"Ya looking forward to it".

Truth is I wasn't looking forward to it, this ironman lark wasn't even my idea, I was only doing it to support razor. The lengths some people will go to, dislocated ankle and broken leg. If I didn't know better, I might start believing in conspiracy theory's.

Any how, slightly sleepless night. But up early Saturday morning, dropped my other half at Piccadilly train station. This was the only time I ever wished I was going to a cake exhibition.

Got to Razors bang on eight, he was sat in the window waiting for me, theres no getting out off this now. Off to sunny Macc.

Arrives at Mr and Mrs SA's around 8.45 greeted with much love and enthusiasm from total strangers. Immediately made to feel like family, fantastic couple. Short time later fellow pirates arrived, we all got sorted and then had a nice ride down to the leisure centre. Had a chat with bburn plodder as she reports. Loved the thoughts of the Ribble Valley and surrounding area, she will know what I mean. Met cake outside the pool, real nice chap.

Down at the leisure centre I was thinking I ain't gonna enjoy this public swimming, loads of kids and old folks queuing up to get it. I had visions of a scene from cocoon in my head.

Big up to the two guys who had driven up from Essex to be with us on Saturday. Two top geezers, manned T1 and gave us great support all day. Cheers geezers.

Swim, got in behind Mrs SA and bburn time on my watch 10.13 and a bit, set off at my usual pace. Felt good, all six of us stole a lane that I think was reserved for Saturday morning Swimming lessons. I managed to count up to or around 14 then lost it, I asked bburn plodder how many lengths we had done. After that I just relied on Mrs SA, I don't remember passing her or her passing me, so I figured I'll get out after her. Hoping that she had counted correctly, I got out an rushed towards the locker room. time 10.50. Happy with that.

I spent 20p on a locker and then couldn't remember my number, I was frantically trying every lock. Must have looked like a demented contestant on a Japanese game show. After the sixth attempt bingo, I was just about to whip my trunks down when by chance I looked behind me. There stood two young girls around 12 years old looking at some idiot trying to get a bloody folded towel out of a locker no bigger than a post box.

Thank goodness I hadn't dropped my trollies, I then calmly got my bike clothes out off the locker and found the gents changing area. The only thing I wanted to do was dry my arse properly, I was determined not to end up with an arse like a chimpanzee on heat.
To many wet rides with Razor during the winter, couldn't face an other painful ride.
Got out to T1 just behind Mrs SA, was chuffed really cause I didn't know the way back to the start of the cycle course.

Bike. Set off in a comfortable mode looking out for the signs SA had posted the evening before. Found my way around no problems, after about four laps I too started to see the different landmarks on the way round. The empty toy box, the strange black rubber object. The page 3 girl in the bushes, un like bburn plodder I had a good look then looked forward to seeing her on every lap.
Horse,    pirate
21/05/2012 at 21:47
During about the 3rd or 4th lap I began to have bike malfunction, the gears were slipping. It was the noise that drove me mad more than anything, I stopped at the feed station expecting one of the pit crew to fix me in around 8.5 seconds. Just blank looks, it's never like that on the tele.
I cracked on and after a few mins got off to try and sort it myself, to be honest I may as well just have popped the hood on a racing car ( clueless ) I just tried to tighten the rear cable. I then rode the rest of the distance on the top cog. The laps did feel shorter the more you did. Great support from the feed station, Grandpa SA. Wounded I missed the chips Grandma SA served up have way round, I would have defo stopped half way round for those bad boys.

Lap 9 Razor shouts out three to go, I was chuffed looked down at my watch instantly knew I hadn't done 9. Just ignored it and gritted my teeth through that lap. 3 to go now, those last three seemed to last for ages.
I pushed on to see the boobs in the bush, I can be so childish sometimes, but hey boobs are boobs wherever they are.

T2 SA greeted me with that massive smile of his and instructed me where the dismount line was. He took my bike and I rushed to his garage for T2, I changed into long socks took off my bike top. I then calmly reached into my bag and out came the pirate tri top.
This was the first time I had pulled this garment over my head to wear it in combat. I had an overwhelming feeling of pride at that moment, SA kindly allowed me to use his loo. I had the biggest pee, I can remember thinking come on the clocks running.

Run, out of SA's turning right up the street, short baby strides, my back was hurting. I knew it would hurt but thought keep going, I thought I was running very slow to begin with. Right thigh started to hurt, no cramp but felt similar, again told myself, " come n it's gonna hurt, keep going" which I did. The right leg eased off then the left leg started exactly the same.
Ran through that and was just taking on water, on my first leg of the run I unfortunately took a wrong turn. SA came after me in his scooby do and put me straight.

As I was running I ran past a group of about 8 or 9 youths aged between 13 and 16 all camped outside the local precinct of about three or four shops. One being the local off licence. As I'm running towards the group I'm thinking have I grown an extra head or something? Every kid was looking at me, as I got about 6 feet from them the biggest one stepped forward onto the pavement in front off me.

I'm thinking, come on I'm not having a 16 year old nicking my iPod, I'm six foot tall weigh 15 stone. This boy has got some balls.
I'm just deciding in my head my next move, the kid steps right in my path, my heart beats even faster. " hear mate will you go the shop for us".

PMSL in my head, "no mate I'm sorry" I didn't bother to stop and introduce myself or give him a job description. Made me chuckle and lifted my spirits a bit.
Two feed stations on the run, SA's mum and dads and SA's, great support at both venues. Top, top people. I was running with stitch for long periods, not something I was used to. The flat coke and malt loaf wasn't mixing well inside, so this slowed me down a bit. Last turn into SA,s street was great, superb feeling thinking thank goodness I've finished.

Looking up the street I could see the group notice me, I could see the black flag being unravelled across the road. Applause by all lifted me again and I found a bit more to finish. 6hrs 55mins.

Well happy with that, razor greeted me with a big grin on his face and a well deserved man hug. It was tuff, it seemed to go much quicker than the seven hours I was out there.

I did have all the usual negative thoughts about having to do that distance again
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